"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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what do you do when you have to fart

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joekerr31

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so what do you guys do when you are with your gal, either cuddling or in bed, and you have to let rip a massive egg fart?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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white sox bill

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I bodybuild so I eat massive amounts of protein, so I'm always a bit gassy---be proactive, take Gas X beforehand. Otherwise go to bathroom...of your really comfy with her, let em rip!
 

Weak_Game

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white sox bill said:
I bodybuild so I eat massive amounts of protein, so I'm always a bit gassy---be proactive, take Gas X beforehand. Otherwise go to bathroom...of your really comfy with her, let em rip!
Me as well. Eating 6-8 meals a day, along with alot of oats... i get extremly gassy. They dont reek.. but they are LOUD just alot of built up gas due to the excessive carbs.

When i meet a new girl and were hanging out near the end of the day i get extremly gassy, i usually hold them in. Probably not the best idea, and whenever she leaves... i let them fly, and when you hold them in they just go back up the intestinal tract and build up even more. Also ive actually had to fart so bad and held them in so long, i got cramps and couldnt maintain an erection due to the excessive bloat and pain.

I never thought about taking gas x pills do they really work? I gotta do something. Nothing is more of a turn off then massive farting when hanging out with a new girl.
 

Good_ol_boy

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Dutch Oven!!
 

wrender

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Dutch Oven!!
Lol. Yes this works in conjunction to what DonJuanJovi (great name btw) said. Except don't go and pull the covers over both of your heads.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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white sox bill

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Weak_Game said:
Me as well. Eating 6-8 meals a day, along with alot of oats... i get extremly gassy. They dont reek.. but they are LOUD just alot of built up gas due to the excessive carbs.

When i meet a new girl and were hanging out near the end of the day i get extremly gassy, i usually hold them in. Probably not the best idea, and whenever she leaves... i let them fly, and when you hold them in they just go back up the intestinal tract and build up even more. Also ive actually had to fart so bad and held them in so long, i got cramps and couldnt maintain an erection due to the excessive bloat and pain.

I never thought about taking gas x pills do they really work? I gotta do something. Nothing is more of a turn off then massive farting when hanging out with a new girl.

They seem to help although they don't get rid of gas entirely.
 

amoka

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The best advice is to excuse yourself, depart from the scene, and let it go slow...
 

NINJA PIMP

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I find its a huge indicator of interest if she ignores my loud, smelly farts.

to each his own though
 

mrRuckus

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white sox bill said:
I bodybuild so I eat massive amounts of protein, so I'm always a bit gassy---be proactive, take Gas X beforehand. Otherwise go to bathroom...of your really comfy with her, let em rip!
I eat 400g a day and i'm not gassy. Why are you?
 

Weak_Game

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mrRuckus said:
I eat 400g a day and i'm not gassy. Why are you?
480g of carbs... just from oats alone... 5'11 210lbs 10% bf

this isnt including carbs from chicken meat brocolli or anything else i happen to eat throughout the day

i fart ALOT, throughout the day after i start getting passed my 4th 5th meal....

i also drink a dozen eggs a day on top of that, then protein farts from powder... sometimes they dont smell at all!... its like all air though when i fart almost no smell
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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Umm, ever consider excusing yourself to go to the bathroom? You'd be a bit more embarrassed if you let something slip other than just a fart.
 

DJDamage

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Umm, ever consider excusing yourself to go to the bathroom? You'd be a bit more embarrassed if you let something slip other than just a fart.
While in the bathroom make sure you turn on the fan and the water to muffle the sound. Don't forget to have matches with you, the smell of lighting a match will naturalize the smell of fart. Just don't be a dumbass and do what Jim Carrey did in "Dumb and Dumber" cause you will burn yourself.

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html
 

Weak_Game

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
Umm, ever consider excusing yourself to go to the bathroom? You'd be a bit more embarrassed if you let something slip other than just a fart.
problem with this is the gas is so freequent id be excussing myself numerous times... i might as well stay in the bathroom, like i said it dosent smell for me its just LOUD gas... and lots of it... due to eating 8 small meals. I ll try the gas x though, and or continue to hold them.
 

Latinoman

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Weak_Game said:
problem with this is the gas is so freequent id be excussing myself numerous times... i might as well stay in the bathroom, like i said it dosent smell for me its just LOUD gas... and lots of it... due to eating 8 small meals. I ll try the gas x though, and or continue to hold them.

Then change your diet.

You know...you are going to have to compromise something.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Weak_Game said:
problem with this is the gas is so freequent id be excussing myself numerous times... i might as well stay in the bathroom, like i said it dosent smell for me its just LOUD gas... and lots of it... due to eating 8 small meals. I ll try the gas x though, and or continue to hold them.
Dude, take a dump! :p You should be taking at least 1 or 2 good ones a day. If you can't you may have an enzym problem causing gastric distress.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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tuxen said:
haha, isnt it funny how all day long theres hardly any farts, the second you go on a date you've got 20 in the bank. :)
Accruing compound interest at that.... And of course there's a penalty for early withdrawal. :p
 

lettuce head

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Haven't you guys ever heard the rule "once you make a woman cvm, you can fart in front of her?"

That's what I go by. Previous to intimacy, nogo. After you've made her squeal, let em RIP CONFIDENTLY! Farting is great.
 

joekerr31

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i gotta say, i never though my farting post would get so many responses.

great feedback guy.
:cheer:
 

DJDamage

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joekerr31 said:
i gotta say, i never though my farting post would get so many responses.

great feedback guy.
:cheer:
You know what this thread is missing don't you??

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/fartboard.html

I had a bad one yesterday it sounded alot like the commodetion one. :crackup:
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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