What are the stigmas for single men over 35?

[member160292]

It's certainly true many single women over 35 are broken in many ways. I'm curious what everyone's thoughts and experience have been.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I thought men our age were in their prime and most women recognized that. At least I feel that way...

But I could be wrong?


Modern Man Advice

 

[SW15]

I am a single male 35+. I'll tell you some things that happen when you are a 35+ single male.

Somewhere between ages 26-34, there are a flurry of weddings in your social circle. The male friends you made in your 20s or even earlier in life will become more distant. You'll be on the fringes of social circles because most social circles of people 30+ are dominated by couples. General social gatherings are established couples hanging out with each other. The established couples don't want you around and you don't want to be around them either. You will see your married man/cohabiting LTR male friends less frequently and only if you have some activity hobby in common (tennis, fishing, hunting, golf, etc).

Family gatherings are a bit uncomfortable as your similarly aged siblings and cousins will often be around with their kids and/or significant others.

 

[member160292]

I come from a traditional family that is all about marriage and kids ASAP. Being recently single at 34, it's going to be fun breaking the news - but heck it's my life. They know I'm financially stable and have no issues with dating, however they see being single as such a bad thing. Some men fear being alone and that is my family in a nutshell

I thought men our age were in their prime and most women recognized that. At least I feel that way...

I absolutely agree. There's an old adage that women want someone that is taken and if you're still single by 35 there might be something wrong

 

[Barrister]

You will be seen in a negative light by married women and to a lesser extent married men (if they are blue pilled). I do think there is a lot of truth to what @SW15 states, although I think part of that is just by function that married couples become busy with their families and grow apart from other friends regardless of the friends being single or married themselves.

Outside of that, there really is not much stigma to being an older bachelor. In fact, I have found that when I am completely single I tend to have more positive interactions with all females, married or single, than when I am in a LTR.

 

[SW15]

I do think there is a lot of truth to what @SW15 states, although I think part of that is just by function that married couples become busy with their families and grow apart from other friends regardless of the friends being single or married themselves.

Most of the married men in my social realm are childless married men. They don't have the nuclear family excuse yet, though some do. However, a lot of these married men know each other and are carbon copies of each other with the single family house in the suburbs and the dog(s).

You will be seen in a negative light by married women and to a lesser extent married men (if they are blue pilled).

In fact, I have found that when I am completely single I tend to have more positive interactions with all females, married or single, than when I am in a LTR.

How are you having more positive interactions with married women despite being seen in a negatively light by married women?

I've never been close to my male friends' wives/long term girlfriends. I don't think they think too highly of me but I don't think most of them feel too negatively about me.

Why do you think your female interactions are better when single vs. when you are in an LTR?

I have picked up on the same vibe you mention from blue pilled married men.

 

[member160292]

In fact, I have found that when I am completely single I tend to have more positive interactions with all females, married or single, than when I am in a LTR.

You're a hunter when single, being in an LTR tends to makes you complacent. It was in my case, the GF didn't help motivate so I started to be unhappy and eventually had to end it.

 

[Barrister]

Most of the married men in my social realm are childless married men. They don't have the nuclear family excuse yet, though some do. However, a lot of these married men know each other and are carbon copies of each other with the single family house in the suburbs and the dog(s).



How are you having more positive interactions with married women despite being seen in a negatively light by married women?

I've never been close to my male friends' wives/long term girlfriends. I don't think they think too highly of me but I don't think most of them feel too negatively about me.

Why do you think your female interactions are better when single vs. when you are in an LTR?

I have picked up on the same vibe you mention from blue pilled married men.

Seems contradictory I know, but I do think married women will see you negatively. At the same time, when I see them outside of a setting where their husbands are present will be much more open towards me and flirtatious than when I have also been in an LTR. As for why they are better, I think on some subconscious level they are responding to the fact that I am attractive and single.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

It’s a stigma if the man over 35 appears unfvckable. There is no stigma if the man appears desirable to women. And. People can tell, by how one looks and acts, which category the man fits into.

 

[RickTheToad]

It's certainly true many single women over 35 are broken in many ways. I'm curious what everyone's thoughts and experience have been.

Why do you care?

 

[RBK]

I am a single male 35+. I'll tell you some things that happen when you are a 35+ single male.

Somewhere between ages 26-34, there are a flurry of weddings in your social circle. The male friends you made in your 20s or even earlier in life will become more distant. You'll be on the fringes of social circles because most social circles of people 30+ are dominated by couples. General social gatherings are established couples hanging out with each other. The established couples don't want you around and you don't want to be around them either. You will see your married man/cohabiting LTR male friends less frequently and only if you have some activity hobby in common (tennis, fishing, hunting, golf, etc).

Family gatherings are a bit uncomfortable as your similarly aged siblings and cousins will often be around with their kids and/or significant others.

Correct, can confirm all true. People distance themselves from single males 33+. Get used to being alone and at a certain age you look too old for clubs.

 

[SW15]

Correct, can confirm all true. People distance themselves from single males 33+. Get used to being alone and at a certain age you look too old for clubs.

This was part of the motivation for why I became a more daygame oriented guy around age 30. Daygame is more sustainable as you age.

Do you think there is any difference on people distancing themselves from never married guys 33+ vs. divorced guys 33+? What impact do you think the presence of children has on distancing? My personal opinion is that the never married/no children older guys are the people who feel the distancing effect the most.

 

[Machine10033]

2 years ago two girls were talking to me in a bar... the one said where is your ring ? I said not married.. she said divorced ? I said nope.... she then said a guy like you is a red flag... I said where is your ring ? She responded “ I’m a widow”. I said sorry to hear.... she said yes unfortunately my husband killed himself Christmas morning 4 years ago..... I couldn’t help it and sort of chuckled and said “ I’m the red flag”.

 

[Mike32ct]

It depends where you live. In the northeast, nobody cares for the most part.

 

[Borknagar]

I am a single male 35+. I'll tell you some things that happen when you are a 35+ single male.

Somewhere between ages 26-34, there are a flurry of weddings in your social circle. The male friends you made in your 20s or even earlier in life will become more distant. You'll be on the fringes of social circles because most social circles of people 30+ are dominated by couples. General social gatherings are established couples hanging out with each other. The established couples don't want you around and you don't want to be around them either. You will see your married man/cohabiting LTR male friends less frequently and only if you have some activity hobby in common (tennis, fishing, hunting, golf, etc).

Family gatherings are a bit uncomfortable as your similarly aged siblings and cousins will often be around with their kids and/or significant others.

Probably a good thing I look 10 years younger and live in a college town. There's always people to bull**** around with at the bar. I'm probably a bad influence though.

 

[Slowhandluke]

I thought men our age were in their prime and most women recognized that. At least I feel that way...

But I could be wrong?


Modern Man Advice

Men arround 35 are similar to women arround 18 to 23... not all women arround 18 to 23 are hot, not all men arround 35 are hot. There will be variations... but in general these are the ages we a lot of people of the opposite sex find attractive.

In other words, there are over weight , blue haired, crooked tooth female 20 year olds that I wouldnt even use another man's shlong to have sex with, not to even think about using mine.

There are some 35 year old men who a lot of females would not find attractive.

 

[2Rocky]

I think a lot depends on what got you to 35 without becoming attached.
Did you live at home with your parents? -or-Did you have a demanding career and relocate often? The two are opposite in terms of palatability.

I really think that women want to see a guy who can show some signs of pair bonding ABILITY at that point, because at that age you are going to be more "set in your ways" and less able to adapt to another person and their needs in your life.

I grew up with a bachelor uncle who never married or had children. When I married and had kids I saw him as Self Centered and Inflexible. But as a kid growing up he was a bunch of fun to hang around with. He suffers still from analysis paralysis so he will do nothing versus making a decision. Not the best way to create and nurture relationships...

I really think he did not do well with adversity or disappointment, and just a couple "failed relationships" made him a little MGTOW. Until his mother died. Then at 70 he met a girlfriend and quit thinking for himself.

 

[Slowhandluke]

....... Then at 70 he met a girlfriend and quit thinking for himself.

So 70 is when men become attractive

 

[member160292]

So 70 is when men become attractive

Interesting to think about, right?

 

[Epicwinguy]

It’s funny because I know a ton of people in their 30s and 40s who are single and plenty childless. Then again I hang out at bars.