What are really the requirements for dating younger women in your forties?

[Papa Joe's BBQ]

I'm in my 40s and I would like to date younger women. And so far, the advice that I've seen as in being stable, being financially successful, they don't apply to me. I do what I can, but they don't apply to me, never have. The question is, even if they don't apply, how can I make this actually happen? I mean, once I was walking through the city of a European country, and I was with a 19-year-old - so I met her, and we made out. Not so long ago, maybe four or five years. And I felt the pressure of people watching me. Maybe they didn't. Maybe it was just in my mind. I don't know. But the thing is this. I'm attracted to younger women. And by younger women, I mean every girl from 19 upwards and if you ask yourself that's legal here in Europe so that's perfectly fine.

My question is what do I actually need to bring to the table because if I follow the aforementioned advice, I will never in my whole life have sex again with someone younger than maybe 40 which is a horrible outlook so I need a better look on what is actually feasible and how it's feasible without all of those requirements or if those things are really requirements how to fake them so I get what I want?

I take care of myself, I watch my clothing style - probably there's some improvement, while actually I don't really know who to ask for advice here when it comes to clothing. I'm not overweight. I try to exercise often. I try to have a positive outlook on life.

And still, there's the question of just approaching, like, what do I say to them? Sure, most of it is just my assumption. It's not like people actively approach me and tell me that I wasn't allowed to be interested in women around 19*, that has never happened so it is basically about what mental attitude I should have. Should I just pretend like I was 19 and there's a 19 year old and I just behave alike because some claim that this approach doesn't work.

*Thinking about this, it happened once, the brother of a girl that I gave my number to called me and threatened me all based on the fact that I was 30 at that time and her 18. It wasn't about behaviour, it wasn't about looks, it was only about age. So being confrontative and aggressive is definitely a need when being older and trying to date.

 

[Plinco]

I'm in my 40s and I would like to date younger women. And so far, the advice that I've seen as in being stable, being financially successful, they don't apply to me. I do what I can, but they don't apply to me, never have. The question is, even if they don't apply, how can I make this actually happen? I mean, once I was walking through the city of a European country, and I was with a 19-year-old - so I met her, and we made out. Not so long ago, maybe four or five years. And I felt the pressure of people watching me. Maybe they didn't. Maybe it was just in my mind. I don't know. But the thing is this. I'm attracted to younger women. And by younger women, I mean every girl from 19 upwards and if you ask yourself that's legal here in Europe so that's perfectly fine.

My question is what do I actually need to bring to the table because if I follow the aforementioned advice, I will never in my whole life have sex again with someone younger than maybe 40 which is a horrible outlook so I need a better look on what is actually feasible and how it's feasible without all of those requirements or if those things are really requirements how to fake them so I get what I want?

I take care of myself, I watch my clothing style - probably there's some improvement, while actually I don't really know who to ask for advice here when it comes to clothing. I'm not overweight. I try to exercise often. I try to have a positive outlook on life.

And still, there's the question of just approaching, like, what do I say to them? Sure, most of it is just my assumption. It's not like people actively approach me and tell me that I wasn't allowed to be interested in women around 19*, that has never happened so it is basically about what mental attitude I should have. Should I just pretend like I was 19 and there's a 19 year old and I just behave alike because some claim that this approach doesn't work.

*Thinking about this, it happened once, the brother of a girl that I gave my number to called me and threatened me all based on the fact that I was 30 at that time and her 18. It wasn't about behaviour, it wasn't about looks, it was only about age. So being confrontative and aggressive is definitely a need when being older and trying to date.

I can answer this a little bit. I'll let you know however that I have not been successful in my 40's so far, so you can take what I say with a grain of salt.

It sounds like a lot of your problem is mental. You're letting other people dictate what is good for you. Nobody can tell you what is good for you at the end of the day except you. You are not going to get anyone serious on here that is going to give you excuses to why you don't succeed; no one should feel sorry for you.

Understand that you are not the same as other people, and thus you have a unique set of needs when it comes to something as personal as a close relationship. Being honest with people is the most practical way to deal with other people (unless they are being dishonest with you), and in your case, hitting on a girl you find attractive, regardless of whether she's 19 or 59 is being authentic and personal.

 

[Papa Joe's BBQ]

Can you define authentic and personal in this context?

 

[pipeman84]

I'm in my 40s and I would like to date younger women. And so far, the advice that I've seen as in being stable, being financially successful, they don't apply to me. I do what I can, but they don't apply to me, never have.

My question is what do I actually need to bring to the table because if I follow the aforementioned advice, I will never in my whole life have sex again with someone younger than maybe 40

Bottom line: if you're mid 40s and don't have your sh!t together (financially, mentally and physically), then the only way to have sex with a woman in her 20s is to hire an escort or go to a brothel.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Being ungodly in the bedroom is at the top of the list, which goes along with being in great shape and taking pride in your abilities in the bedroom and improving at those.

 

[The Duke]

If you are only mediocre attracting women your own age, you will struggle with girls 15-20yrs younger.

Its like playing college ball vs. professional ball.

So here's the requirements:
-Looks
-Money
-Status
-Skills
-Personality

Any combination of those will get you there. If you don't have the looks, you better bring more money.

Looks will usually open the door for you. Your skills(conversation, dance, charm, leadership, seduction) are necessary to get you off to a good start.

As you get to know each other more, personality, money, and status will be what gets her hooked.

I'm not the best looking guy nor am I the richest but I do know my way around women and have spent many years perfecting my trade.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Your two biggest levers are proximity and status. When it comes to SMV, the main components are looks, money, status, and personality, but status carries the most weight, especially with younger women. If your status isn’t naturally high, cold approaching is the fallback, though it’s far less efficient.

I’ve actually been saying this for a while: the best method of pulling younger women is through social circles and power dynamics. That could be photographing models or weddings, running a podcast, being an influencer on TikTok or YouTube, owning a business like a grocery store or coffee shop in a college town, or working as a DJ, bartender, or bouncer. These positions keep you in proximity to younger women, whereas as an example coaching a youth soccer team mostly puts you around older women, like soccer moms.

Aside from this, it goes without saying: be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and dress and behave in ways that appeal to your target market, in which in a way it is also required to elevate your status. Without that, even the best proximity and status won’t get you the attention of the women you want.

 

[Papa Joe's BBQ]

• What do I say when she asks about my job and I don't have an exiting one(I am a property manager, landlord and I have well performing stocks)?
• How do I react when she directly says 'You're too old for me'?
• How can I prevent my own frustration from being reflected in my voice?

proximity

I like the idea about proximity, it made me develop some good ideas what to do. "be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and dress and behave in ways that appeal to your target market " is too vague. What about yourself? Are you married, are you a barkeeper? How do you tackle that? Speaking of which, clockwerk, are you German?

 

[Lauel]

• What do I say when she asks about my job and I don't have an exiting one(I am a property manager, landlord and I have well performing stocks)?
• How do I react when she directly says 'You're too old for me'?
• How can I prevent my own frustration from being reflected in my voice?

I like the idea about proximity, it made me develop some good ideas what to do. "be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and dress and behave in ways that appeal to your target market " is too vague. What about yourself? Are you married, are you a barkeeper? How do you tackle that? Speaking of which, clockwerk, are you German?

I like your dedication, but I do not understand what replies do you seek.

How can I prevent my own frustration from being reflected in my voice?

Like this for example. You just don't. If you mean frustration of women, then you simply don't.
Personally, superficial creatures do not deserve a bite of your emotions when they don't care. This reply can also apply to anything negative she might say to you like age gap, which simply means she isn't interested.
Then accepting defeat without showing it with, and moving on with a witty remark is the best way.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Papa Joe's BBQ ". I do what I can, but..."

THAT way of thinking right there will flatline a man's prospects, faster than full Senegalese ancestry destroys one's chances of admittance into The Klan, no matter at what age he happens to be. Ditto with statements like "I TRY to exercise often", "I TRY to have a positive outlook on life"...

Reference Unf-ck Yourself, by GJ Bishop https://icrrd.com/public/media/16-05-2021-052320Un****-Yourself-Gary-John-Bishop.pdf Your self-talk is narrative, rather than assertive. A man who is "trying" to do something as opposed to REALLY doing so isn't especially to women. Or anyone else, for that matter

 

[Clockwerk50]

• What do I say when she asks about my job and I don't have an exiting one(I am a property manager, landlord and I have well performing stocks)?
• How do I react when she directly says 'You're too old for me'?
• How can I prevent my own frustration from being reflected in my voice?

I like the idea about proximity, it made me develop some good ideas what to do. "be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and dress and behave in ways that appeal to your target market " is too vague. What about yourself? Are you married, are you a barkeeper? How do you tackle that? Speaking of which, clockwerk, are you German?

• What do I say when she asks about my job and I don't have an exiting one(I am a property manager, landlord and I have well performing stocks)? - You can respond back by being funny, assertive and truthful, or being vague by saying you are an entrepreneur. However, the reality is, if she likes you, it doesn't matter what your response is. There are things you can say and how you say that can kill attraction, but this may not be one of them.
• How do I react when she directly says 'You're too old for me'? **** Tests: What They Are & 8 Ways to Pass Them
• How can I prevent my own frustration from being reflected in my voice? Moving past the MRP Anger Phase : r/marriedredpill
• What about yourself? Are you married, are you a barkeeper? How do you tackle that? Speaking of which, clockwerk, are you German? I am not German, and it is not too vague. Think about how a younger woman wants their partner to look like and behave. Most likely than not, if they are into sports and athletic, they want you too look like an athlete (basketball, hockey, football), if they are into music or movies they want you to look like an artist (Harry Styles, Adam Lavine, Tom Hardy), or if they are like American conservative they want you to have that current mullet-army-farmland look for a lack of better word. This is obviously just a 3 examples, and there are more “target markets” out there.

Too be fair, there is tons of information you need to have before you get moving. I suggest starting with The Rational Male (The Best of Rational Male – Year One) and then move on to a dating book, such as Models by Mark Mason or Mode One by Alan Roger Currie (I haven't read any of them). Alternatively, there is a poster, @BPH , who offers coaching classes. You can DM him and he steer you in the right path. Also, don't forget to workout.

 

[BPH]

Alternatively, there is a poster, @BPH , who offers coaching classes. You can DM him and he steer you in the right path.

I appreciate the shoutout, but I think @The Duke pretty much hit the nail on the head here.

Most people aren't honest with themselves, and even less honest with others. Some guys will probably read the numerous threads here and think that everybody must be getting laid a bunch, and that we're all good-looking guys who have "figured it out". Some guys probably think I just described them with that sentence.

The reality is almost always less flattering.

I'd met a guy off SS when I was looking at colleges. He spoke well online, but he was a very nerdy-looking dude, and when we went out "sarging" at the local mall, he didn't approach or talk to any women. There was another who was pretty well-respected, but I see him on Facebook, and he's dressing like a woman and dancing around. I'd had mentors try to give me advice and guide me through my early stages, only to find out that their girlfriends were ugly, or that they'd hired models to act interested for their infield videos.

All this to say, you really need to be honest with yourself about where you're at so you can focus on what to improve.

Going for women half your age isn't unheard of, but you have to do a lot of overcompensating to compete with the much younger guys that society tells them they'd be better matched with.

You'd better be very good-looking, make a ton of money, have a sh**load of status, and/or bulletproof game. I agree that you should be a god in the bedroom, but that's more for maintaining a woman than attracting one.

I have a friend I met through the gym who's in his 50s and looks like Johnny Sins. He's about 6'2", lean, has his own condo, is bald and clean chaven, so despite his age, he's still attractive to the younger girl who likes older men.

TL;DR you have to overcompensate if you want to compete.

 

[plumber]

Your two biggest levers are proximity and status. When it comes to SMV, the main components are looks, money, status, and personality, but status carries the most weight, especially with younger women. If your status isn’t naturally high, cold approaching is the fallback, though it’s far less efficient.

I’ve actually been saying this for a while: the best method of pulling younger women is through social circles and power dynamics. That could be photographing models or weddings, running a podcast, being an influencer on TikTok or YouTube, owning a business like a grocery store or coffee shop in a college town, or working as a DJ, bartender, or bouncer. These positions keep you in proximity to younger women, whereas as an example coaching a youth soccer team mostly puts you around older women, like soccer moms.

Aside from this, it goes without saying: be attractive, don’t be unattractive. Take care of yourself, exercise, eat well, and dress and behave in ways that appeal to your target market, in which in a way it is also required to elevate your status. Without that, even the best proximity and status won’t get you the attention of the women you want.

if a man has status already, he will not have any questions about hits.

 

[plumber]

My question is what do I actually need to bring to the table because if I follow the aforementioned advice, I will never in my whole life have sex again with someone younger than maybe 40 which is a horrible outlook so I need a better look on what is actually feasible and how it's feasible without all of those requirements or if those things are really requirements how to fake them so I get what I want?

I think some of the advise is missing this part of your post. you already know how it works, and asking if there is a way to short cut so that you can compete with what you have instead of improving your position.

Answer is, not really.

It happens all the time. Men game women who think that the man is more than what they are. These men have more variety simply due that the women figure them out and move on. One of the things is to be uneffected by rejection. Let numbers do the work. Get 200 refusal, and one yes. Most men get discouraged after the 10th refusal.

At this point you know what your lacking... you have to forget about that. I can't tell you how to forget about that as my path was to just improve so its real.

 

[Bokanovsky]

One thing you have to understand and make peace with is the fact that no matter how attractive, rich or good in the bedroom you are, many significantly younger women will not date you because of the age difference alone. There is a social stigma attached to large age gaps and there is nothing you can do about it. And before someone brings up Leonardo DiCaprio or some other ridiculous example, the standard rules do not apply to A-list celebrities. So if you happen to be one, ignore this post.

Another fact you have to make peace with is that younger women will often look at you through a different prism compared to guys their age. They will see you as a potential sugar daddy/walking wallet. If you are poor or just don't like gold diggers, your pool of prospects will shrink considerably.

 

[BPH]

One thing you have to understand and make peace with is the fact that no matter how attractive, rich or good in the bedroom you are, many significantly younger women will not date you because of the age difference alone.

This is also a factor, yeah.

I had plenty of guys telling me that's not an issue, and yeah, I still see success with younger women...but I have literally watched women go cold in front of my eyes when they ask whether I go to school there, and I explain that I'm older.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This is also a factor, yeah.

I had plenty of guys telling me that's not an issue, and yeah, I still see success with younger women...but I have literally watched women go cold in front of my eyes when they ask whether I go to school there, and I explain that I'm older.

Any guy who looks younger than his age has had this experience.

 

[Papa Joe's BBQ]

Most answers here are regurgitated, no studies, no proof just limiting beliefs declared as truth. Based on your statements, you don't even try daygame in your forties. I came here for better mental perspectives and I received regurgitated, dehumanizing limiting beliefs with a few exceptions(proximity, even though it's outer game). I am starting to believe that most of you have no skin in the game and are miserable.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Most answers here are regurgitated, no studies, no proof just limiting beliefs declared as truth. Based on your statements, you don't even try daygame in your forties. I came here for better mental perspectives and I received regurgitated, dehumanizing limiting beliefs with a few exceptions(proximity, even though it's outer game). I am starting to believe that most of you have no skin in the game and are miserable.

Anytime you're feeling particularly froggy in the US midwest, look me up. In most of what I've seen with some people who come in here they say things akin to "I just need to figure out ___. I already know all that OTHER STUFF." Then when they post again, they bring evidence that they really don't know "all that other stuff."

I'm not saying this is you, but cmon.' We haven't exactly been disrespectful. Before I read that, I was considering saying something like this... If you find yourself saying things like "Why can't I" "Why aren't I" or "I just wish I could", you can work with that. It's there in the question. Why CAN'T you? You probably can. Now, if you're to the point where you're saying "I'll never" "I can't" or "This is fine" "Good enough" or "That's as good as it will get" then I'm not so sure any advice you receive would be worth our spit saying it.

At that point, I'd have to agree. It's just regurgitated at that point. If it's studies you want, look at field reports. That's as close as you'll get. Or better yet experiment and rack up your OWN reports. No ones stopping you from grabbing potassium and throwing it in water. Proverbially of course. Reality sets limits sometimes. No matter how many times you say "hey diddle diddle" I'm almost certain that you can't get a cow to jump over the moon. If you're looking for a formula to solve for "x - y - or z" that doesn't exist.

There are some basic things that work and basic things that don't work. We can reasonably say that because we've tried. Anyone with some semblance of what we call success in our eyes comes from not hundreds but thousands of approaches. If you get fatigued instead of excited to try, maybe work on that. That's a good starting point. Because trying to become good at something you don't see as fun isn't well.... Fun!

No one got good at shooting pool or learned how to avoid getting bitten on the wrist with a bow string without ruining a few cue tips or knocking a few arrows. And everyone who became somewhat skilled in either has more fun, not less, when they know what they're doing to a point. That could be you.

You said it yourself. MENTAL perspectives. Please tell me you'd be somewhat less abrasive with a lady. Being direct has it's perks, for sure. Here, you won't find many ladies at all, so no worries. But I'd agree mindset is where you should start. Some of the advice you got so far would actually help with that if you'd try it.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Most answers here are regurgitated, no studies, no proof just limiting beliefs declared as truth. Based on your statements, you don't even try daygame in your forties. I came here for better mental perspectives and I received regurgitated, dehumanizing limiting beliefs with a few exceptions(proximity, even though it's outer game). I am starting to believe that most of you have no skin in the game and are miserable.

Manosphere forums’ main premise is for guys who are too blue-pilled and need to become more masculine. On the other hand, the average game advice online is aimed at guys who already have a minimal level of understanding and are operating with volume. It assumes they have enough options that a given strategy will quickly work on someone.

As an example, if you’re only working on one girl, you don’t use maximum-efficiency strategies, you use the strategy most likely to work on her. If you’re talking to 10 girls, you use the strategy that filters out the most interested and available one the fastest, because at least 1 out of 10 will go for it.

You need to ask yourself going forward whether the online advice you’re following and the one you need is meant for a man who already has game but just needs to let his testicles drop, or for a complete autist who doesn’t understand anything at all and needs to turn basic opportunities into actual prospects. You cannot put the cart before the horse.

You’re completely misunderstanding what the advice is for and treating it like it applies in every situation, when it’s actually just people describing the constraints under the conditions you asked.