Wedding Vows for the 21st century

[ColonelKilgore]

I, Groom, take you, entitled Bride in the white dress, the only star of this ceremony,
to be my lawfully wedded nagging wife,
knowing in my heart that you will be
my worst decision,
my unfaithful partner in life,
and my ultimate demise.
On this horrible day,
I give to you
in the presence of Satan and all those in attendance
my pledge to stay by your side as your dumb husband
in your unhappiness and in your drama,
in your tantrums and in your judgments, as well as
through the bad times and the worse.
I further promise to love you without reservation,
dedicate my whole life to pleasing you which I will ultimately fail,
provide for your needs and your needs only as best as I can,
protect you from harm because men cant get harmed, that's just a fact of life,
give you half my money if you decide to leave me at some point,
grow with you in mind and spirit, or whatever stupid sh.it you want to do,
always be open and honest with you,
and cherish you for as long as I shall live, because I will die first from all the fvckin work that I am going to have to do.

 

[_sideways_]

Only if u let ur wife do this....

 

[YAboi]

Shake off the negative outlook bro

 

[El Payaso]

Lmfao. Wow.

 

[VladPatton]

Now THAT was a good read! LOL Bravo.

 

[SmooveMooves]

This is pretty funny. Hope it comes from a joking tone, rather than a butthurt one.

 

[logicallefty]

Haha OP good one.

My thoughts on marriage vows:

Man: "till death do us part"

Woman: "till death do us part or I find another man that tingles my vag better"

 

[ColonelKilgore]

Shake off the negative outlook bro

Don't worry. I thought this out as a joke.