Wants to be just friends. What should I say?

[nismo-4]

When you get hit with a LJBF, just go into ghost mode. Ditch the b**ch and move on! You can do better.

Case closed.

 

[marmel75]

This is the clearest indication possible of why one should not text much. Totally lost the attraction you once had. You were avail. Lower value when you are to abundant. You are coal instead of a diamond. And you were probably boring at that,or, at least understimulating, unpolarized, and acted, just like a friend. So....that's what you got.

She wants a relationship, and sex, and probably casual sex, and hand holding, and caressing, and naked massages. She just doesn't want them from you, anymore. You didnt make her feel feminine, desired, or stimulated by dreaming about what you were like. You made her think of you as a buddy. Easy to hold and pet. Nothing to earn. Boring.

Cause you know what, texting in and of itself is boring as f^ck. You have to be a real casanova, like top %5 of guys that "get it" to really make texting work. And the first step that those guys understand is quality, stimulating, and sparse as all hell texts. You dont use her tools my friend, you use yours. Lesson learned.

Verdict. Done. Gone. Next.

If you really want, use her as a lesson plan. Call her up in a few weeks and tell her you just thought of that night you f^cked her and thought you still had some unfinished business. She'll say (if she answers) "o yeah, like what." Tell her youll have to show her. And book a wine date at one of your places. Long shot, but it might work. And, it will be good practice. Otherwise. Sigh, and forget about her forever. Its your own fault, but you only slept with her once anyway so it shouldn't be that hard.

Next time, Carpe diem.

This coming from a guy who has posted 5 threads and written novels about some random chick he is love with that he has never even been on a date with? Oh, the irony....

 

[salinechow]

This coming from a guy who has posted 5 threads and written novels about some random chick he is love with that he has never even been on a date with? Oh, the irony....

Just in an effort for, and in the pursuit of camaraderie and learning... which post might you be referring to? Might it be the most recent post in which I deframed in an authentic plea for help on what to say to an EX-lover? If so, then you didnt read the whole post, perhaps, as you said, because it was too long.
She is an ex whom I shared many dates, conversations, experiences and sex, in our short whirlwind romance. She is also someone whom, and in line with this thread, I did not text much with after we started sleeping together.

Even back then, I sensed texting was a horrible tool to connect with woman with. If it is to be used, or needed to be used, it must be treated like a scalpel and not a machete. It is a precision instrument.

To continue in the authenticity I like to preach about around here @marmel75.... please log this post, and throw it in my face if I ever come to SS bitching about losing a girl to over texting. I say this because that has happened to me too. I let myself fall into some HBs frame a while back and because she was a huge texter I communicated with her like that. Only had one date, and then never a second date because I texted with her all week long.

 

[casanova_goat]

The rancor here isn’t necessary. It’s bad enough I screwed up, no need to add insult to injury.

I will counter the belief I did not follow the advice here and in the other thread. I absolutely took a lot of it to heart. Everything I said after she friendzoned me was something suggested in this thread, nothing was in my own words. As advised in the other thread I began to become more distant but it didn’t seem to work. For example, the last time she called me, I did not answer then texted her back a bit later saying “I couldn’t answer the phone, do you want to talk tomorrow?” then this week, we did not speak on Wednesday and on Thursday morning she sent me a quiz which I did not do until much later in the day. Then Friday was when I noticed her mood had changed. It may have changed earlier, but perhaps I became aloof to the point of boredom.

I realized texting kills mystery but what should I have done in this situation? She was away at school and there were long breadths of time we did not see each other. And did my texting really kill her attraction? She entered my life only two days before she left for school, then a little over a month later we had sex while only seeing each other once between. Apparently, I did something right.

The other thing is, I actually enjoyed texting her and did not find it an imposition to respond. Wouldn’t it be more “beta” to not partake an activity you enjoy only because you are trying to create a pretense of indifference to seem more “alpha”?

I sorta feel another guy entered the picture or something to do with her ex. Such a possibility and her being away at school was a difficult and needed to be handled with a certain degree of tact I do not possess.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

Casanova, stop thinking too hard about it.

Yes I would bet my bottom dollar that another guy entered/rentered the picture but that doesn't mean you failed. These are things we just can not control and to analyze it is stupid. Alphas can lose women too! That's what cats don't realize. Just because you follow these quote unquote guidelines and mentality, it does not guarantee a lasting "relationship" with a broad. The thing is being alpha is accepting the outcome because you are outcome independent. You understand the ways of women and just allow that boat to sail away from you.

The one clear thing you did wrong is you acted beta in the sense that you gave her the impression somewhere that your codependent and worry about the outcome. To ask you "are you mad?" In itself it's an insult.

I'm In the crowd that says if you wanna text...text. But you need to be spinning plates and you NEED to not allow her to believe you are outcome dependent. If you are texting her all the time, and you aren't spinning plates, AND you give her the sense that you are codependent...you will not have success.

 

[Atom Smasher]

LDRs never work out. They're not only worthless, but ultimately damaging as they inevitably cause painful complications.

Is cases like yours I say "Sure" with a smiley. I virtually never use smileys but in this case it shows that you give zero Fs about it. Regarding her other question about being mad, a simple "Not at all!" will suffice.

Texting is a fool's game (I'm not calling you a fool, OP; This is just a phrase for the end effect of over-texting). Women peck at their phones all day and all night with their vapid friends, and the last thing a man wants to do is to become lumped in with her friends. A man MUST convey that he is too busy to be sitting around texting like her friends do all day. Aren't you out slaying dragons and storming castles? I hope you are!

Always be superior to any woman. It's what she craves. A superior man "puts up with" her texting and throws her a few bones... he has no time to engage in banal conversations. You water yourself down in her eyes when you do that.

The woman should always be wondering and worried if you like her or not, not the other way around. If it's the other way around it's game over.

This is the only way to deal with women. I'd bet that most of us guys would rather be nice, friendly and honest guys when we deal with women. This is what we naturally value. The problem is that they despise this. While we men value friendliness, respect, loyalty etc., women care ONLY about how we make them feel. They think they are as deep as the ocean, but alas the vast majority are only puddles and they all respond roughly the same. Over-texting will kill just about any relationship with a female. More than three exchanges per session is over-texting.

She should be made to wonder about you. She WANTS to wonder about you. That's what men find hard to comprehend. Scarcity is power, but a LDR is almost always a lost cause. Women live in the moment and according to their environment and not by principle.

 

[kenpiffyjr]

I know guys say limit text...but I just don't agree 100%.

The thing about text is that if done right, it's a nice seduction tool.

The #1 problem is that guys who are texting all the time create an allure that she's the only one you are texting because 9/10...the girl is! If you are seriously out here spinning plates and If she thinks you have 4-5 other text conversations going on at once...who cares about the qty of text?

 

[kenpiffyjr]

I say this because I know this to be true for myself. If a chick is into you...her insecurity comes in when their hamster is spinning bc you could be texting other girls too.

That mystery outshines ANY type of mystery you lose by quantity of text

 

[GeniuzKhrist]

@Atom Smasher

This is the only way to deal with women. I'd bet that most of us guys would rather be nice, friendly and honest guys when we deal with women. This is what we naturally value. The problem is that they despise this. While we men value friendliness, respect, loyalty etc., women care ONLY about how we make them feel.

If that isn't the best synopsis about the difference between men and women, then kill me where I stand. Bravo

 

[casanova_goat]

Thanks for the responses.

I will say what Atom Smasher said is, in my experience, probably true. Still I can't help but think he is generalizing a bit. What he says is probably true about all insecure women (probably much of them) but I think strong (well put together) women value the same things that men do. How a woman responds to your actions is almost a litmus test of her character. Women's seemingly innate disposition for mysterious men is more defect than anything. It's like women suffer from this "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" complex. Always wanting what they cannot have (or think they cannot have) and devaluing what is available to them.

Measuring what I had with this girl to what has been said here is disheartening. Although this chick may have never wanted a relationship to start with, she assuredly showed a lot more interest in the beginning. And I took a bat to that interest and bludgeoned the freaking $hit out of it. She probably wasn't worth my time, but chicks whom I am strongly attracted to and who are attracted to me, plus with whom I share many obscure interests, do not come around as frequently as I would like. The downfall of being fastidious.

 

[GeniuzKhrist]

It happens to the best of us. Move on

 

[casanova_goat]

You guys may roll your eyes but I'm gonna still try to get a bang in with this girl in a few weeks when she is home for Spring Break. Believe me I'm moving on, I see nothing with her. But why not try to have some fun. It seemed like a foregone conclusion less than a week ago.

 

[dude99]

"I said no I'm not mad i was out to dinner with my mom" and she said "Oh, okay. I'm glad you're not mad."

Leave all contact to her. Do not go out of yiur way for her. Be her friend. Answer her texts with happy and positive replies because you aren't butt hurt. But when she wants too see you that's when you tell her "I'd love too see you but sorry i have a date with a chick that evening day/night/afternoon." In other words always have a "date," when she wants to hang out. If she cares you will soon see in her actions. this HTML class. Value is Just received my 15

 

[Yewki]

She just said she wants to be just friends.
I responded: "I'm not saying I want a relationship but I honestly have no interest in being just friends, either."
She said: "Ok. I'd feel more comfortable if we were friends rather than what we are now." (she previously said she didn't want a relationship, so i don't know why we are now).
I just said "ok"
she said "Ok so you're cool with it?"
..
I said "ok cool" ... going into ignore mode.
she responded with this "Ok. Are you mad because you wanted to have sex with me?"
I said "no I'm not mad i was out to dinner with my mom"
she said "Oh, okay. I'm glad you're not mad."

I don't know why you changed your mind after you explicitly said you weren't interested in being friends... weak.

When she tried again and asked "Ok so you're cool with it?" you should have maintained your position, "Sorry I'm not interested"

 

[kronreiff]

Vanish like it never happened.

 

[EyeBRollin]

"I'm not interested in being just friends with you. That's not what I want. I want to hold you, etc. etc. (something sexual & sensual, get the hamster spinning). I can't do that if we are just friends. Please don't contact me unless you want the same thing. All the best."

Then walk and never contact her EVER again.

 

[captain55]

LOL at the response in this thread. Do you know how many chicks I've banged and have had eventually get obsessed over me when just months earlier they said they wanted to be friends? Women will say lets be friends for many reasons, maybe she's afraid your gonna pump and dump her and friend zoning you is a nice boost to her ego. Maybe you aren't wealthy enough for her. As long as she is physically attracted to you, you still have a chance. Go ghost for a while, hit her up in about 4-5 months but there is a chance she will contact you by then.

 

[casanova_goat]

Why the emphasis on never contacting her ever again by many of the posters here. I don't intend on it, despite what I may have said, but what difference would it make if I did? Assumedly, the situation is dead, regardless.

 

[casanova_goat]

LOL at the response in this thread. Do you know how many chicks I've banged and have had eventually get obsessed over me when just months earlier they said they wanted to be friends? Women will say lets be friends for many reasons, maybe she's afraid your gonna pump and dump her and friend zoning you is a nice boost to her ego. Maybe you aren't wealthy enough for her. As long as she is physically attracted to you, you still have a chance. Go ghost for a while, hit her up in about 4-5 months but there is a chance she will contact you by then.

I think you are first one to say this. The rest said go ghost -- it is hopless -- which I have (and resolve to) and she has yet to reach out to me.

Still (and this will sound very pathetic) I have approached upwards of 1000 women in my life, beyond bars and clubs ... coffeehouses, grocery stores, bookstores, on the street, you name it. I have no fear of rejection. Rejection is the residue of action.

Well, guess how many of them I have slept with? Only 2. Half of them is the subject of this thread. I have boinked a measly three times, twice with the chick who took my virginity and once with this chick.

Now you tell me. Who do I have a better chance of having sex with this girl who just friendzoned me but took me to the promise land a few weeks ago and had since spoke of her desire to do so again or the next chick I encounter? Statistically speaking, I have a better chance with her than the 1st girl I approach, or the 2nd, or even the 100th.

Of course, I have no expectations with this chick and I am pursuing other women. I pulled a number tonight but I suspect she gave me a go-away number, judging by her body language and response. Whatever, it's all right.

I just believe, should this girl reach out to me, should we hang out, it could very well lead to sex at my place.

Like captain55 said, the only friendzone you absolutely don't want to be in is one void of physical attraction.

 

[Igetit!]

Why the emphasis on never contacting her ever again by many of the posters here.

Because we don't want you to waste your TIME and LIFE chasing after some chick who has NO INTEREST in you.

You made this thread seeking advice,right? Well? You got it.
What....you only want advice as long as it's what you WANT to hear? Let me let you in on a little secret many of us have discovered a long time ago.....

This REAL life. It's NOT a movie where the guy and girl ride off into the sunset together and live happily ever after. Sometimes you DON'T get the girl. It's not like in the movies where the chick suddenly wakes up and realizes that the love of her life (you) were there with her all along.

Some guys come here who have been chasing girls for YEARS.....like this guy here...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/a-real-challenge-for-you-experts.169434/

Dude spent 6 years running after some girl.....we had to blast his azz to try to knock some sense into him.

You got the LJBF speech from this chick. Like someone said before,there could be many different reasons why,but reguardless of the reason,it's NOT good news for you. The most common reason is you F'd up,which happened to be the cause here.

It's clear you have oneitis,which means nothing anyone says to you is gonna get through.....so if you wanna waste your time/life chasing this chick,feel free to do so.

But don't make threads seeking advice then being mad when you get it. You asked,we told you.