Waiter Hits on Wife

[Spaz]

Creating drama with no gain is a beta move.

In which part of Espi's advice is considered a beta move ?

 

[kingvavy]

In which part of Espi's advice is considered a beta move ?

not explaining the situation to the wife first...i.e. what Espi is recommending is good advice (alpha), provided the wife has been spoken to beforehand. Wife just may be stupid and not realizing that what she is doing is unacceptable. OP needs to give her one chance first. If, after being told that her actions are unacceptable, and she does it again, then follow Espi’s advice.

 

[Spaz]

not explaining the situation to the wife first...i.e. what Espi is recommending is good advice (alpha), provided the wife has been spoken to beforehand. Wife just may be stupid and not realizing that what she is doing is unacceptable. OP needs to give her one chance first. If, after being told that her actions are unacceptable, and she does it again, then follow Espi’s advice.

There's no need to talk as women r not stupid.

In social settings, such as flirting, women are the undisputed champions and knows it.

She knows she has crossed a line that must not be crossed.

And Espi's suggestions is the ONLY move to counter her.

 

[speed dawg]

not explaining the situation to the wife first...i.e. what Espi is recommending is good advice (alpha), provided the wife has been spoken to beforehand. Wife just may be stupid and not realizing that what she is doing is unacceptable. OP needs to give her one chance first. If, after being told that her actions are unacceptable, and she does it again, then follow Espi’s advice.

I highly, HIGHLY doubt this. These women are not stupid. Very few people actually really are stupid.

This guy needs a cold, hard reset in this relationship. Leaving a date would do it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There's no need to talk as women r not stupid.

In social settings, such as flirting, women are the undisputed champions and knows it.

She knows she has crossed a line that must not be crossed.

And Espi's suggestions is the ONLY move to counter her.

She can FEEL the power and so can the waiter. The power from disrespecting you.

 

[kingvavy]

She knows she has crossed a line that must not be crossed.

How does she know this? Is she telepathic? Ok, fair enough I’ll give you that she knows she’s flirting, but how is she supposed to know that it’s unacceptable to OP unless he lets her know? There are many marriages where flirting with others is ok. I just don’t understand the grand, dramatic gesture right away. Save your firepower for when you’ve told her you’re not cool with it and she does it regardless. Sorry, it’s beta posturing to not let her know first.

 

[kingvavy]

She can FEEL the power and so can the waiter. The power from disrespecting you.

This is not Star Wars, and these are not Jedis. There is no ‘force’ that they feel. They are just two people flirting with each other because they both require constant validation. If husband does not like it, he needs to let her know, and if she does it again, he needs to get up and leave without paying the bill.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is not Star Wars, and these are not Jedis. There is no ‘force’. In the real world people need to communicate directly using words.

They can feel it. Ask guru and some of the wiser men. They can feel emotions elevated more than normal and they can see you getting red/hot.

 

[kingvavy]

Has OP reported back?

 

[Sunnypoo]

Showing anger is not showing weakness...lettting your anger dictate your actions is what is weakness. Anger is a good motivator...when you are in the driver’s seat, and in control of your anger. With most hot heads however (think road rage), once the switch gets flipped, you run the risk of heading to one of the following destinations: fired, back of a cop car, emergency room, or worst case, morgue. Blowing up at wife and waiter in this situation will not solve OP’s problem.

The solution is OP needs to sit wife down and tell her “would you be ok if I started flirting with other women in front of you, and asking them where they will be, or for their contact info?” If wife says she is ok with it, then OP needs to ask himself if he is ok being in an open marriage. If not, he needs to tell wife that he does not accept that kind of behaviour, and that the next time she pulls that kind of disrespectful B.S, he is going to take it as a sign that she is no longer interested in being his wife. Wife will either never do it again, or will continue to do it, at which point OP is free to remove himself from a toxic situation. Not sure what yelling at wife achieves...most men with anger issues are fake alphas who are yelling at themselves because they know, deep down, that they are betas. They are mad because they lack the confidence to take initiative and go after what they want. OP, if you want to be married to a loyal woman who treats you with respect, then start taking steps towards that goal.

Road rage anger is not what I meant, I am very much a controlled person. If you read my post I refer to voicing how I feel. I also believe there is a point in time when you are required to and it up because

Showing anger is not showing weakness...lettting your anger dictate your actions is what is weakness. Anger is a good motivator...when you are in the driver’s seat, and in control of your anger. With most hot heads however (think road rage), once the switch gets flipped, you run the risk of heading to one of the following destinations: fired, back of a cop car, emergency room, or worst case, morgue. Blowing up at wife and waiter in this situation will not solve OP’s problem.

The solution is OP needs to sit wife down and tell her “would you be ok if I started flirting with other women in front of you, and asking them where they will be, or for their contact info?” If wife says she is ok with it, then OP needs to ask himself if he is ok being in an open marriage. If not, he needs to tell wife that he does not accept that kind of behaviour, and that the next time she pulls that kind of disrespectful B.S, he is going to take it as a sign that she is no longer interested in being his wife. Wife will either never do it again, or will continue to do it, at which point OP is free to remove himself from a toxic situation. Not sure what yelling at wife achieves...most men with anger issues are fake alphas who are yelling at themselves because they know, deep down, that they are betas. They are mad because they lack the confidence to take initiative and go after what they want. OP, if you want to be married to a loyal woman who treats you with respect, then start taking steps towards that goal.

Where did I ever say anything about yelling at the wife or reacting in an out of control fit of rage?

Some of us are extremely passionate individuals who do react with a heightened level of anger, don't ever mistake that for being beta because that guy might be the one who smashes your teeth in. In my world there are those who don't give a shyt about jail. The prison system is full of alphas.

 

[kingvavy]

If you don’t give shyt about jail, then sure, smashing people’s teeth in who disrespect you is the way to go. That’s not my world, but fair enough if that is yours. I would say the majority of the guys on this forum do not want to go to jail, so any actions that could potentially lead to criminal conviction are not on the table.

 

[guru1000]

They can feel it. Ask guru and some of the wiser men. They can feel emotions elevated more than normal and they can see you getting red/hot.

Vibe > Looks
Vibe > Money
Vibe = (Perceived) Status

It's all Vibe. Those who don't see this, don't know women yet.

 

[Spaz]

Vibe > Looks
Vibe > Money
Vibe = (Perceived) Status

It's all Vibe. Those who don't see this, don't know women yet.

Another topic that has received less attention in this forum.

Vibe is a state of mind that influences a man's body language or if you like his "aura".

 

[Spaz]

How does she know this? Is she telepathic? Ok, fair enough I’ll give you that she knows she’s flirting, but how is she supposed to know that it’s unacceptable to OP unless he lets her know? There are many marriages where flirting with others is ok. I just don’t understand the grand, dramatic gesture right away. Save your firepower for when you’ve told her you’re not cool with it and she does it regardless. Sorry, it’s beta posturing to not let her know first.

It's not a beta move.

Women are highly tuned into body language.

Observe how 2 women talk to each other, their conversation is littered with hidden meaning that's highlighted with emotions from their eyes and faces.

The exact opposite will happen should OP engage in a conversation with her there and then as you suggested.

Remember they have been together for 4 years. This is not a one off situation.

And yes all women know when they're crossed a line despite their protestations of not knowing so - this is where women will manipulate men into thinking otherwise.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Vibe > Looks
Vibe > Money
Vibe = (Perceived) Status

It's all Vibe. Those who don't see this, don't know women yet.

The entire act like your not there and flirt with the waiter or group can decrease your vibe.

 

[kingvavy]

It's not a beta move..

The exact opposite will happen should OP engage in a conversation with her there and then as you suggested.

I am re-thinking this.. your advice is the way to go, and save the conversation for after.

 

[guru1000]

Another topic that has received less attention in this forum.

Vibe is a state of mind that influences a man's body language or if you like his "aura".

Welcome back bro.

 

[Solomon]

Your wife is a thot....sorry sir not sorry

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Your wife is a thot....sorry sir not sorry

Any options other than taking a dump?

 

[Toddz]

One problem in our marriage has been that she has never seemed to be able to recognize when a guy is hitting on her or how some of her conduct comes across as leading on or flirtatious.

BS this is Classic Gaslighting.

Long story short. She shared where she works out, where she works...

All of this while you're sitting right there? Fuk that, I would've filed for a divorce yesterday. There is no reframe here, she's done.