Very attractive but also not very "emotionally open"

[Marek]

I matched on Tinder with a woman who struck me as career driven and somewhat cold. But also very attractive. We exchanged some basic niceties - where are you from, what are you up to - and she then agreed to my suggestion of meeting in person.

On the date I found confirmed what I expected: Very attractive, intelligent and educated. But also not very "emotionally open". During the hour and a half that we chatted, I found myself not being very much into her.

Now I'm asking myself: Is it really that? Am I not feeling much because the emotional connection is missing? Or am I intimidated because this woman is on a level I have not yet mastered?

As you guys know neither me nor her I don't expect an answer to that. But maybe you have ideas on what kind of questions I can ask myself to figure this out.

How do I find out if I'm really not attracted or if I'm calling sour grapes for whatever reason?

To give you a bit of a background: Plenty of dating experience and good conversion rate on the levels I'm used to.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Dont try to figure out. Sometimes you dont connect.

 

[MatureDJ]

A man with options doesn't worry about a woman being "emotionally open"; he's only interested in her being "legly open".

 

[Chi Town]

A man with options doesn't worry about a woman being "emotionally open"; he's only interested in her being "legly open".

Lol.....classic

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

This type of woman (as a general rule) is going to be more selective because she has plenty of options. And you don't know her unique criteria. People who have options have the luxury of choosing someone who best fits their individual criteria.

She'll be evaluating you just as you are evaluating her. It is wise to be emotionally cautious as an attractive woman, btw. It weeds out the STR, ONS and pump & dump guys, and it allows the woman to see if the man has attributes she requires, and see willingness to show interest based on actions. That's how smart, confident,,attractive women date.

My best girlfriend placed the highest priority on intelligence. Over sex appeal, sense of humor, and looks. She ended up married to a man who is ridiculous in the high IQ department...he also is attractive & engaging...but his brains are his best asset. She swoons over his smarts. And she's no slouch in the brains department herself. Not to mention she's a gorgeous, wickedly funny red headed bombshell. She dated richer; she dated sexier. But she finds his mind sexiest of all.

 

[wifehunter]

Ice princess thinks you're probably just like all the other dumb orbiters. But, she'll give you a chance, in case you're not.

Don't give her any reason to believe you're a chump like all the rest, or she'll be gone.

 

[Marek]

Thanks for the feedback!

 

[meldiamond]

Is she older? 30+? 35+? 40+? As women get older, they become more scarred, defensive, apprehensive, cynical, etc. if they've had multiple relationships that didn't work out.

Once a woman starts to creep up in age, whether it's around 25, 27, 28, 29, several anxieties begin to form.

1. she's had multiple relationships that didn't work out

2. she's anxious to get married

So these women can become more and more conflicted resulting in the ice princess you dealt with.

It could take her a while to open up. See if she is available again for another "date." But try to make it fun. Dinner dates are the worst. Wine, coffee, hike, anything that's active and upbeat, not a staredown over dinner.

 

[marmel75]

Advice from the old lady:

This type of woman (as a general rule) is going to be more selective because she has plenty of options. And you don't know her unique criteria. People who have options have the luxury of choosing someone who best fits their individual criteria.

She'll be evaluating you just as you are evaluating her. It is wise to be emotionally cautious as an attractive woman, btw. It weeds out the STR, ONS and pump & dump guys, and it allows the woman to see if the man has attributes she requires, and see willingness to show interest based on actions. That's how smart, confident,,attractive women date.

My best girlfriend placed the highest priority on intelligence. Over sex appeal, sense of humor, and looks. She ended up married to a man who is ridiculous in the high IQ department...he also is attractive & engaging...but his brains are his best asset. She swoons over his smarts. And she's no slouch in the brains department herself. Not to mention she's a gorgeous, wickedly funny red headed bombshell. She dated richer; she dated sexier. But she finds his mind sexiest of all.

I've always done really well with women who value intelligence. Especially once I figured out how to express it in a non nerdy way.

 

[nismo-4]

If she's emotionally unavailable, I think that's a sign to move on.

Interested women don't confuse you. She wouldn't act this way if Steph Curry was talking to her.

If you don't click, either ditch her or be an orbiter. For most women, it's better to be useless than be in a beta role.

Second place is first loser.

Case closed.

 

[wifehunter]

If she's emotionally unavailable, I think that's a sign to move on.

Interested women don't confuse you. She wouldn't act this way if Steph Curry was talking to her.

If you don't click, either ditch her or be an orbiter. For most women, it's better to be useless than be in a beta role.

Second place is first loser.

Case closed.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've always done really well with women who value intelligence. Especially once I figured out how to express it in a non nerdy way.

Me too.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Is she older? 30+? 35+? 40+? As women get older, they become more scarred, defensive, apprehensive, cynical, etc. if they've had multiple relationships that didn't work out.

Once a woman starts to creep up in age, whether it's around 25, 27, 28, 29, several anxieties begin to form.

1. she's had multiple relationships that didn't work out

2. she's anxious to get married

So these women can become more and more conflicted resulting in the ice princess you dealt with.

It could take her a while to open up. See if she is available again for another "date." But try to make it fun. Dinner dates are the worst. Wine, coffee, hike, anything that's active and upbeat, not a staredown over dinner.

Active is the way. Miror neurons come into play and you connect. Find something that you exert yourself. We connect with those we "work with" .

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I've always done really well with women who value intelligence. Especially once I figured out how to express it in a non nerdy way.

How do you express it and get her "talking" it?

 

[The Duke]

I matched on Tinder with a woman who struck me as career driven and somewhat cold. But also very attractive. We exchanged some basic niceties - where are you from, what are you up to - and she then agreed to my suggestion of meeting in person.

On the date I found confirmed what I expected: Very attractive, intelligent and educated. But also not very "emotionally open". During the hour and a half that we chatted, I found myself not being very much into her.

Now I'm asking myself: Is it really that? Am I not feeling much because the emotional connection is missing? Or am I intimidated because this woman is on a level I have not yet mastered?

As you guys know neither me nor her I don't expect an answer to that. But maybe you have ideas on what kind of questions I can ask myself to figure this out.

How do I find out if I'm really not attracted or if I'm calling sour grapes for whatever reason?

To give you a bit of a background: Plenty of dating experience and good conversion rate on the levels I'm used to.

I would give her some time and see if she opens up a little. Most likely she will, but probably not to the extent that will satisfy you. I've dated a few of these types.....the great thing about them is they are less drama and more rational which makes them easy to deal with. They won't be needy and codependent. The bad thing is what you have pointed out. And I can relate to the feeling intimidated by them. haha, been there but it does pass with every date that goes by and they open up emotionally. Its take a very confident, and well adjusted man to last with these types. In the end they probably don't make the best long term partners....just not enough "Female" in them for most guys.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I would give her some time and see if she opens up a little. Most likely she will, but probably not to the extent that will satisfy you. I've dated a few of these types.....the great thing about them is they are less drama and more rational which makes them easy to deal with. They won't be needy and codependent. The bad thing is what you have pointed out. And I can relate to the feeling intimidated by them. haha, been there but it does pass with every date that goes by and they open up emotionally. Its take a very confident, and well adjusted man to last with these types. In the end they probably don't make the best long term partners....just not enough "Female" in them for most guys.

Agree its going to be too rigid. Lay back and let her choose you if she wants.