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Unrequited Love?

TyTe`EyEz

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You’re still chasing relevance. It’s born of ego. The journey is fun as hell. That I can tell you. And when you actually become relevant, it feels even better.

One day you may get there and you will certainly rejoice in your personal achievements which made you feel relevant.

And then ... that too will pass. And you will crave something more. Something not born of the external. Something fulfilling.
I've found relevance in my line of work and I've found relevance with women, but like you said, it isn't enough.

When and IF you make it there, then we’ll continue this dialogue.

First conquer your corporeal mountains: physical, psychological, financial, and social. Then we’ll talk more about ego because only then will you be in a proximate wavelength to understand my words. Because in your current wavelength, my words will only be interpreted as an alien language devoid of meaning.

Stay well grasshopper. And much prosperity to you.
I don't struggle physically, financially or socially; I do struggle mentally, just trying to make sense of the modern world, and the decisions that led me to where I am.

I think I should have focused more on creating a family in my youth.

I found sosuave at a young age, when the manosphere was just taking off. Most of the content I read back then were divorce horror stories and stuff on female nature. The only intelligent path I could see, as a young man, involved making money and increasing my notch count.

Over the past few years, I've come to the realization that family and friends are the only things that matter in this world.

I don't believe anyone can be egoless, unless they're a monk that meditates every waking hour, and even then it takes years. And even then, they still have an ego hidden.

*This post is sponsored by my ego and 4 beers*
 

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guru1000

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The moment I'm less active on Sosuave you come crawling out of the woodwork spouting ur nonsensical nonsense of egoless again?

How abt you debate this with me @guru1000?

And this time don't go off the tangent being all emotional requesting for me to be banned like a cry baby.
I definitely understand why you returned. I know that I previously imbued a lifelong impression upon your psyche. And I did that purposefully with good intent.

I never reported you or requested that you get banned as you state in your quote. Even here, you begin, again, by being intellectually dishonest.

I reject your request to debate because that would make you a man worthy to debate with.

However, because you have come here seeking education, I will allow you to take any Actual position in this or any other thread that you choose, and reply with an intelligible counter.

Here is the context of the intelligible criteria:

I(a): the counter will respond to the position that is actually made in the context it was written;

I(b) the counter will not contain insult;

I(c) the counter will be supported by evidence, not a bald statement. The evidence used can be factual data or even your own experience written in specific detail so that it can be admitted as evidence.

One caveat: the minute your post violates the intelligible requirement as defined in the preceding paragraph, I will respond with violation I(a), I(b) or I (c) along with an explanation of the violation, and give you one chance to redress. If you fail to redress in your next post, the discussion ends.

These are the rules And a chance for you to redeem yourself. If you accept:

1) I wish you well And hope you crush me;
2) Begin with any quote I made with your counter.
 

Spaz

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I definitely understand why you returned. I know that I previously imbued a lifelong impression upon your psyche. And I did that purposefully with good intent.

I never reported you or requested that you get banned as you state in your quote. Even here, you begin, again, by being intellectually dishonest.

I reject your request to debate because that would make you a man worthy to debate with.

However, because you have come here seeking education, I will allow you to take any Actual position in this or any other thread that you choose, and reply with an intelligible counter.

Here is the context of the intelligible criteria:

I(a): the counter will respond to the position that is actually made in the context it was written;

I(b) the counter will not contain insult;

I(c) the counter will be supported by evidence, not a bald statement. The evidence used can be factual data or even your own experience written in specific detail so that it can be admitted as evidence.

One caveat: the minute your post violates the intelligible requirement as defined in the preceding paragraph, I will respond with violation I(a), I(b) or I (c) along with an explanation of the violation, and give you one chance to redress. If you fail to redress in your next post, the discussion ends.

These are the rules And a chance for you to redeem yourself. If you accept:

1) I wish you well And hope you crush me;
2) Begin with any quote I made with your counter.
Tsk Tsk Tsk Guru... Guru..

Talking to me requires you to come up with so much conditions just to assuage ur fears of me?

Anyhow, explain what ego means or would you rather me do it 1st?

Either way I don't mind. See, I'm such a good guy.

From there we can talk abt egoless as much as you want.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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I had my ex over last night.

TLDR: we had sex and i felt great for an hour or two after she left but then i felt weird and violated or something and i'm not sure where that feeling is coming from. has anyone had similar and has found out why?
I came in here just to troll guru. Sorry about that. Your posts are long and tough to get through.

Exes are out of your life for a reason. I've gotten back with exes, and it was like new again at the start, but the old problems resurfaced, eventually.

The relationship had ended over a year ago and it was a weird rocky end where we both felt hurt in our own ways. After the break up we both individually did our own soul searching. I struggled with pot for a bit but I've been living the monk life recently and challenging myself as best as I can to stay sober and find healthy outlets. Recently I found out that so has she.
Good man. Self-deprivation will make you stronger. No dependence on anything.

Anyway she was reaching out every month or two with strange mixed signals talking about meeting up that I thought were breadcrumbs. she had backed out of meeting up to talk about the past even though it was her idea so I sent her a somewhat long email explaining what i thought about different events in the relationship and how i would only consider dating her if she's completely sober and meets me in the middle. i figured she could get what she was looking for in a talk out of that email. i also mentioned how i used a lot of our sex as a sort of crutch to not deal with my own issues. after a couple days she responded with an email almost as long with her own explanations and confessions. it provided a lot of clarity to the situation and showed me what i did that really hurt her that i didn't think much of. she also confessed how hard it is for her to openly communicate among other things, but it was all pretty reasonable and rational.
This is out of my wheelhouse, as I've never been so open and honest through email or text. I feel like you're losing some of that stoicism you were working on.

i responded by texting her that i was impressed by the email but felt we should talk more in person to avoid confusion. she ended up coming over within the hour and we talked about casual things before i escalated and we had sex. she was subtly reluctant but i could tell a part of her wanted it and i capitalized. i actually avoided talking about the past too much because i wanted to conquer her so i stayed present and funny. while the sex was satisfying it wasn't as satisfying as when we gave 100% of each other to the other in the best times of our relationship. she mentioned not to leave marks or finish inside her which is understandable but irked me a bit. she also mentioned how she doesn't want this to be 'a thing' and i told her that she's over thinking it. after sex we laid and talked for a bit again about casual things and i mentioned that we should do this pretty much never since it probably only feeds our sex addictions. she agreed. i said that if we do see each other we should do it outside the bedroom to help foster something more healthy, she again agreed. i saw her out as both of us had other things to get done that day.
You're talking like a woman now (you were before a little bit), which is never a good thing. We all have those feelings, but as a man, you can't express them without repercussions.

for an hour or so i felt great and manly for having had some good sex but after a few hours i started feeling quite crappy. it's now the next morning and i'm still internalizing this feeling and trying to figure out what it means. i think it's unrequited love. i think i was expecting a sort of reciprocation of more depth from her but i sensed her hesitation to do that and so i feel a bit used or something. it's almost like i want her to jump in my arms and be 100% mine again, to commit to me completely like she once did, but i've said and done things long ago that have deeply hurt her feelings so her hesitation is absolutely understandable if she still hasn't forgiven me completely.
This is definitely ego. It's in our DNA to want women to always be ours after we've been with them. If they don't reciprocate, we take it as an affront to our manhood. We all feel it, bro.

i know that love is built slowly so why the hell am i expecting her to jump into my arms? am i trying to avoid forgiving myself or working on myself? why am i even thinking about all this? we all read material that says thinking about relationships is feminine, yet i'm getting older and have thoughts of starting a family. am i using these thoughts of family to avoid working on myself? it's almost like i want to start a family to fill a void, but that doesn't sound like a very healthy reason to start a family. we talk about abundance and unconditional love so i should be simply enjoying her company and letting her go when she doesn't want to commit to me completely. unconditional love would mean not feeling so crappy like this, so i must have had sex with her to try and get something more from her. i don't understand why i want her complete commitment so quickly and so badly. am i identifying with her attraction towards me?
Love is situational. There's no building love. If a woman wasn't a good candidate for love the last time you were with her, she won't be any better now.

I was also taught that relationships are feminine. Bullsh1t. Relationships are a natural way of life, for most of us, in order to create a family and healthy offspring.

You're trying to fill a void that is natural for all of us to want to fill. This woman doesn't sound like a good candidate. You're young. You have plenty of time to find a suitable candidate. Church is the best place. And move to the south or midwest if you can.
i think it boils down to that i could sense her hesitation or that she hasn't forgiven me completely. i honestly don't want to take her out on a date because i could sense that hesitation from her and it's not a good feeling. i don't want to be around a person that doesn't want to be with me or deep down is still upset with me and i'm not going to try and force things or convince her. it's like the pains of our past together haunt her and keep her from forgiving me and living in the moment. when i try to make things present and fun i can see her reflecting on past events and maybe being fearful of going through more of the same.

i'm torn between reaching out again to apologize about how i've hurt her in the past in an attempt to help her forgive me but something tells me it's not that easy. i could ask her what i can do to help her forgive me but the answer will probably be idk. she may also say that she doesn't hate me or dislike me and is simply apathetic. maybe that's it? that i can't accept that this person is now apathetic towards me?

i want to say something and at the same time want to say nothing at all. i think saying something will come from a place of trying to get her to commit, and that instead the right answer is the ballsy answer, to say and do nothing and let her go.

Maybe she's a PBPD and this is what it feels like on the receiving end? she needs me but hates me? so damn confusing. i'm going to see a shrink to get their take but figured i'd post here and see what you all think.
If I were you, I would let her go her own way. She is not for you in this world.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Tsk Tsk Tsk Guru... Guru..

Talking to me requires you to come up with so much conditions just to assuage ur fears of me?

Anyhow, explain what ego means or would you rather me do it 1st?

Either way I don't mind. See, I'm such a good guy.

From there we can talk abt egoless as much as you want.
Guru is apparently a lawyer now when responding to you.

I always have to show respect, though...guru is a great writer. The best on sosuave.

Are all of his ideas sound? No. But he can make you think they are with his eloquence and extensive vocabulary.

I'm pretty sure he goes easy on me when I blatantly troll him.
 
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guru1000

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Tsk Tsk Tsk Guru... Guru..

Talking to me requires you to come up with so much conditions just to assuage ur fears of me?

Anyhow, explain what ego means or would you rather me do it 1st?

Either way I don't mind. See, I'm such a good guy.

From there we can talk abt egoless as much as you want.
Much conditions, rebut actual claim with evidence?

Lol

You never made a point that actually addressed a claim I made. You did however talk about everything else other than the claims made.

Now you request my time? Show me you are capable of the investment.

State the counter to my claim. Support with evidence. It’s easy.
 

guru1000

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Guru is apparently a lawyer now when responding to you.

I always have to show respect, though...guru is a great writer. The best on sosuave.

Are all of his ideas sound? No. But he can make you think they are with his eloquence and extensive vocabulary.

I'm pretty sure he goes easy on me when I blatantly troll him.
Same applies to you. If an idea is unsound, rebut the actual claim and show how your rebut applies through an example.

It’s not enough to say, “thoughts originate from ego.” That’s doesn’t demonstrate a point nor make sense without its applicability.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Same applies to you. If an idea is unsound, rebut the actual claim and show how your rebut applies through an example.

It’s not enough to say, “thoughts originate from ego.” That’s doesn’t demonstrate a point nor make sense without its applicability.
I'm not a fan of wordy posts. Lose the ego, grasshopper.

I appreciate conciseness. Check my post to Eye.
 

guru1000

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I'm not a fan of wordy posts. Lose the ego, grasshopper.

I appreciate conciseness. Check my post to Eye.
So your rebut was check out your post to Eye which didnt oppose any claims I made? Lol ok
 

TyTe`EyEz

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So your rebut was check out your post to Eye which didnt oppose any claims I made? Lol ok
I like your posts, but they're so vague, and in my opinion not very helpful.

Good at making a poster feel like they learned something, with no clear direction to go in
 
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guru1000

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I like your posts, but they're so vague, and in my opinion not very helpful.

Good at making a poster feel like they learned something, with no clear direction to go in
Lol. @Spaz your turn. Just one rebut (to an actual claim made) and its applicability.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Lol. @Spaz your turn. Just one rebut (to an actual claim made) and its applicability.
I gave Eye my actual experiences, bit by bit. You gave him a feel good, word salad, that let you express what you were feeling at the time. Talk about ego.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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@Spaz
Don't take this the wrong way but I lost some respect for you when I saw in the other thread that you told the OP they shouldn't read books, and that books are a waste of time. It made me cringe to read that, it's one of the most foolish things someone can say in my opinion, especially as advice. Here again I'm disappointed to see you try and hijack my thread for some personal vendetta. Apparently guru is so kind that he's always willing to give people another chance at a constructive discussion.

@guru
I have to ask, why acknowledge someone that is not showing the ability to have a rational discussion? What is pushing you to give them another chance? Is it pity? I can't help but think it's a waste of your time, but maybe this is part of what you decided long ago would be your way to give back to the world. There is definitely a path that inspires and enlightens trolls, and maybe you entertain yourself trying to stay on it.

@TyTe`EyEz
Here again you've said that you basically don't read long posts. Why you would say this I have no idea. It shows a lack of the simplest discipline and respect for others. Its equivalent to what spaz said in the other thread, that books are useless. Why you would reply if you haven't read the post you're replying to and then also state you didn't read it idk, it boggles my mind. And you're constantly offended by rational thought, it seems very feminine.

Rather than continue pointing out character flaws(since that only entices emotional people to be more emotional) I'll do my best to remain proactive going forward.
 
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EyeOnThePrize

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@TyTe`EyEz
I think you're onto something regarding valuing family and friends above all, but aren't you only valuing them for their utility in filling a void you feel?
 

TyTe`EyEz

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@TyTe`EyEz
I think you're onto something regarding valuing family and friends above all, but aren't you only valuing them for their utility in filling a void you feel?
I also said that you aren't stupid for wanting to start a family. It's been the way of the world for thousands of years! But these days, money, casual sex and vapid consumerism take precedence.
 
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TyTe`EyEz

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@TyTe`EyEz
I think you're onto something regarding valuing family and friends above all, but aren't you only valuing them for their utility in filling a void you feel?
True love is always blood. No woman will ever show you unconditional love, as they're not your blood.

And not many people even have family that they love. And there are plenty of fathers that have kids that don't love them!

As I've gotten older, despite all the wisdom, I feel like making a family is your best bet in finding "meaning."
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Otherwise, you're just working all day, making money. And for what? Your own hedonism?

It gets boring after a while.

I work around a lot of guys that have kids. They don't have the freedom that I do, but they have a reason to get up every day. And they never complain.

I used to see it as servitude, but now I see it as a natural progression of life, that has been halted by modern capitalism.
 

EyeOnThePrize

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@TyTe`EyEz
Like guru mentioned, you are seeking a temporary high from an external. You want to fill a void in your life and you think a family is the answer.

But that void can only be filled by you. In fact the void only exists in your mind, and it can go away as easily as it came.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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There will always be a void in your life, young buck. Nothing I can tell you will solve it

The best way to fill the void is by creating a family. There's no better reason to wake up in the morning.

Existentialism and egolessness is for childless pussies, looking for a reason to live.

How many married men with kids do you find on sosuave?
 

TyTe`EyEz

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You're talking to a specific subset of the population.

The guys you want to hear from most, also probably spend the most time on sosuave.

See the correlation? It's a circle jerk.

You have to get out there and figure it out for yourself.

Most guys on here are either clueless, or they have too much invested in their persoñna to get out of grain. I always check the latter when I'm drunk. Leave the little guy to his business.
 
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