Trying to get gf to take hint

[andy87]

Good day folks, looking for some advice, basically I need to try and make my girlfriend get the hint that I'm not interested in sharing a house or having a joint bank account. I have told her it's not for me but I think she thinks I'm only kidding, anyone experienced this? Thanks andy

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When you play hardball don't cry if you get hit by the pitch.

 

[Alvafe]

stop acting like a woman and say what you want, don't matter if she will get the "hint" you are not doing it anyway

 

[SW15]

Just don't do it. If she walks, fine. This lifestyle is meant to have abundance. If she's got a problem with you wanting your own living space and bank account, there will be other women out there who are cool with that.

 

[Billtx49]

Why do you even have these issues?
The following views are shared by many:
Shared financials are for marriage only. Ironclad law there…
The same can be said for cohabitation, but it’s often ignored by ‘some’ couples and has to be a joint decision or it don’t happen…

 

[Glassguy]

Andy are you a man? Then act like it.

Simply tell her that you're not interested in that at this time. The end.

Be blunt. You have a scarcity mindset because you're afraid if you tell her directly, she will leave you.

This type of attitude from you will cause her to leave eventually btw. Start showing a stronger frame.

 

[Robert28]

Guys don’t give hints. Women do. That’s what I dislike the most about women.

 

[Lookatu]

Guys don’t give hints. Women do. That’s what I dislike the most about women.

This.

ALL MEN should remember this and do this. Be a man and be direct and say what's on your mind.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I agree that a man should be decisive, but sometimes it pays to withhold making that decision known, even indefinitely, primarily to extract more information, and because hiding your cards allows you more flexibility in all social dynamics.

@andy87
Personally I would pretend to be on the fence and give some reasons that are tied to things I want from her. I might say something like "I'm not sure if we could live together, I mean I'm a pretty clean guy but I never see you cleaning my place." This is basically challenging her devotion. If she wants to be with you and move in together then she'll start taking care of your place. This isn't an excuse to be a slob, but it instills a serving mindset in her, serving you that is. This is how you mold her to be an extension of you. Once you're confident that she's wrapped around your finger and does anything you say at the drop of a hat you probably won't mind having her around to keep the place fresh.

The most annoying thing is when a women begs, but it's really just her not knowing what to do to please you, so it's important to give her direction, something to strive for.

Same thing with the joint bank account. I'd pretend to be on the fence or flat out counter with different terms. "I'm not comfortable with that idea unless I approve every purchase. If there's ever a purchase without my authorization I'll stop funding the account." or I'd otherwise probe to figure out what her motives are. Make sure you set terms you're comfortable with.

 

[dustmuffin]

Next time she brings it up ask her what part of no don’t you understand? The n part or the o part?

 

[dude99]

Good day folks, looking for some advice, basically I need to try and make my girlfriend get the hint that I'm not interested in sharing a house or having a joint bank account. I have told her it's not for me but I think she thinks I'm only kidding, anyone experienced this? Thanks andy

Your gut is telling you to not do this with this woman. There is a reason your gut is telling you not to.

Listen to your gut. If she has a problem with it then walk.

No one has any right to be upset if you aren't ready for that. If she gets upset, she has an agenda

Ask the millions of guys who have had their assets depleated by a greedy woman.

 

[In2theGame]

Good day folks, looking for some advice, basically I need to try and make my girlfriend get the hint that I'm not interested in sharing a house or having a joint bank account. I have told her it's not for me but I think she thinks I'm only kidding, anyone experienced this? Thanks andy

Dont give Hints. You tell her that you do not want to share a house or share a bank account.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Sometime in conversation the topic of friends splitting up or divorce will pop up. At that point you tell her your made up story of your Uncle

" Yeah it can be brutal. My Uncle was a good man, and one day my Aunt just decided she was bored and not happy.........and picked up and left. She filed for divorce and ended up getting most of his assets. He spiraled into depression and ending up hanging himself. That was a very hard and valuable lesson for me"

@Mauser96, that must be a thing out here, to lie to women to prove points.
You'd get along with my ex.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I have no idea if we would get along. (btw, the "story" I made up? It was based on a true story. My best friend hung himself under those circumstances. I substituted Uncle - think before you speak -men commit suicide all the time over women who decide they "aren't happy " and leave, bankrupting the man.)

If a man doesn't want to move in with a woman, he shouldn't .

He has two choices.

a) tell her flat out he is not interested - at which point she will take offence, take it personally, even though it is not intended personally. It may even cause her to monkey branch if she is bound and determined to lock a man down. Well, if she wants to monkey branch ….let her. Much better she does it now before she gets her hands on a claim to his assets.

b) tell a white lie to save them both some grief.

How would you solve the issue? What would you do? How have men you have dated in the past reacted when you told them you didn't want to move in with them?

I struggle with dishonesty but this last relationship was my swan's song in giving him all of me. I was honest to a fault. Many faults.
I'll tell you, I'm freaking tempted to withhold age, that I don't want kids, lay count, financials and even one spec of detail of any ex with a future man.
Now I consider withholding all that to be lying, don't you?

The phrase 'white lie' is exactly like the phrase 'a little bit pregnant'.

I negged you today to ask you to consider telling the complete truth with next woman.
Let the bytch monkey branch or whatever...good riddance if she can't handle the truth.


I need some meetings so badly. I miss my collectivism outlets.
Thanks for responding.
Probably didn't answer your questions.

My sincere condolences in the loss of your best friend and in such a tragic manner. Horrifying when you realise what prompted it.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Let me answer in bold

I struggle with dishonesty but this last relationship was my swan's song in giving him all of me. I was honest to a fault. Many faults.
I'll tell you, I'm freaking tempted to withhold age, that I don't want kids, lay count, financials and even one spec of detail of any ex with a future man. Do what you like. If he is a quality man, as soon as he finds out you lied he will kick your azz out the door. I would.

Now I consider withholding all that to be lying, don't you? Yep. So you think he should just tell her that he is scared, based on his knowledge of women, and how they behave....that he is simply scared to lose/risk his assets...……...and you think she will accept that??? How many women have you dated? How many women have nagged you to move in with them as their mate? How would you solve his dilemma?

The phrase 'white lie' is exactly like the phrase 'a little bit pregnant'. How would you solve his dilemma? Don't side step again. Tell us.


I negged you today to ask you to consider telling the complete truth with next woman. You would be extremely hard pressed to find a more honest man than me. The part you forget, is women are relentless on the nagging. If it were me, and she continued to nag me about this, I would end the relationship. and HAVE.
Let the bytch monkey branch or whatever...good riddance if she can't handle the truth. Here we agree. If I were him, today, this is literally what I would say . VERBATIM " You know, I love you very much,....VERY much. But I have a sincere fear of losing my assets, and I have a sincere fear of being tricked into Fatherhood. I'm not ready to move in, and I am not ready to start a family. I understand if you want to end the relationship.....if you choose to continue to date me, please don't bring it up again. If I am interested, I will tell you"
And then guess what would happen??? She would agree, stop talking about it....and carry on with her plan. Only thing is, she would reverse the steps and get knocked up first.

I am not sure how old you are - but I imagine if you put some thought into it, you could come up with at least a DOZEN women who have done this very thing! I certainly could. The risk of moving in with a woman simply FAR outweighs the rewards.


I need some meetings so badly. I miss my collectivism outlets.
Thanks for responding. You are welcome. Here is who I am : A man who worked extremely hard throughout his life, loved his wife and children very much, always put himself last. The had an ex-wife who decided she wanted out. Cost me half my pension, child support to the tune of $42,000, spousal support to the tune of $18,000 and swallowing about $9,000 of her debt that she racked up without me knowing. Another friend hung himself. TWO friends actually, but one was an more an acquaintance. Over a woman. Over her nagging, lying and selfishness.

So unless you have dated women, been lied to by women, bankrupted by women, tried to get a woman to stop nagging you about moving in...…..unless you have experienced those things - then I think your opinion has little value. I HAVE lived those things.



Probably didn't answer your questions. Nope, you didn't. So here they are once more :
How would you solve the issue? What would you do? How have men you have dated in the past reacted when you told them you didn't want to move in with them?

My sincere condolences in the loss of your best friend and in such a tragic manner. Horrifying when you realise what prompted it. Thank you. I was plum in the middle of it, the lying ***** used me to start the conversation with him that she was leaving him. Said they were divorcing and he was pretty down in the dumps and could I talk to him? When I mentioned it to him, to console him, it turns out she had not mentioned a THING. She USED me to tell him!!!!. I was in on the rescue of his second suicide attempt, I helped him while he was in the mental ward recovering, and upon his release, he promptly hung himself. Stood on the roof of his truck, tied a rope around his neck, and stepped off. I was a pallbearer at his funeral.


You seem like an honest, reliable woman. And that is fanatstic. You are in the minority.

Do yourself a favor. If you REALLY want to know what it is like to be a man today, to get divorce raped, to egt your kids taken away, to join the ranks of the astronomical amount of men that commit suicide over this? Read Dr. Helen Fisher's book Men on Strike.

wow.

I'm speechless this woman did this to him using you.
What a number of losses you've faced.

I had this last one hint once to move in with him and we had JUST read The Rational Male together.

You're kidding right? I know you don't believe in marriage so....and I proceeded to quote him the Iron Rule about not living together unless in 6 months or less you're getting married.
End of topic until Xmas when we listened to a Paul E lam yt video on the guy who set himself on fire? outside the divorce courthouse. We talked about male suicide.
We talked about marriage again and how he doesn't want it and I guess that was the first time I ever verbalised I didn't want it either. He was shocked.
I remember why, too.
One of the messages on the online dating site we met on I mentioned marriage as a goal to work towards.
He has similar nuclear family to me.
Good gamble, right?

So my answer is just to chicken out and quote from The Rational Male book's Iron Rules, end of discussion. It's an Iron Rule.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Your gut is telling you to not do this with this woman. There is a reason your gut is telling you not to.

Listen to your gut. If she has a problem with it then walk.

No one has any right to be upset if you aren't ready for that. If she gets upset, she has an agenda

Ask the millions of guys who have had their assets depleated by a greedy woman.

Assets, confidence, respect, power, skill level, rapport, good name all depleted by greedy women.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

I am in bold
wow.

I'm speechless this woman did this to him using you. Yep. And a lot more I didn't mention. She was cheating on him as well.
What a number of losses you've faced. Lol, I have had some struggles to be sure. But they have made me who I am today. Better, FAR stronger, more fair. And tougher. Now, I put my kids first, me second, and everyone else on the planet who isn't blood, last. Hard lessons.

I had this last one hint once to move in with him and we had JUST read The Rational Male together. Who wanted to move in together, him or you?

You're kidding right? I know you don't believe in marriage so....and I proceeded to quote him the Iron Rule about not living together unless in 6 months or less you're getting married.
End of topic until Xmas when we listened to a Paul E lam yt video on the guy who set himself on fire? outside the divorce courthouse. We talked about male suicide.

We talked about marriage again and how he doesn't want it and I guess that was the first time I ever verbalised I didn't want it either. He was shocked. Who wanted to move in together you or him? If it was you...why?
I remember why, too.
One of the messages on the online dating site we met on I mentioned marriage as a goal to work towards. So even though you wanted marriage, and he didn't...you still chose to date him. Were your thoughts "I can change his mind?"
He has similar nuclear family to me.
Good gamble, right?

So my answer is just to chicken out and quote from The Rational Male book's Iron Rules, end of discussion. It's an Iron Rule.

The lying, remember?
He didn't outright say he didn't want to marry (just lead me to believe 'he was just like me') and dammit, he definitely said he didn't want to have kids, 'we have that in common lynx'.

Fvcker.
Do you comprehend how low that is to pretend to be on the same page as wanting to remain childfree by choice? Should be in jail for such a lie. (that's the level of rage can u feel it?)

About moving in.
He asked me.

It was a Ldr. Me driving up to him nearly every weekend.
First 2 months of dating I was working in Allan, staying in Stoon so a slightly shorter drive than when I moved here and drove up. He offered to get me a car (cheap, used)which I turned down as a shyttest and I passed. If I had accepted I would have saved kms on my vehicle. Creepy to be offered a big gift like that. I wasn't raised like that.
There was many times he paid my gas and I brought groceries for cooking. We were very equitable that way except he refused to drive to me(older truck, pulling the alpha card and of course, I did what he wanted and drove to him)

its hard to do long distance, he would miss me too.

I looked at the housing apts in his town and earlier than that, at the housing apts in a town north of him.
When nobody was biting(potential employers) after I got the welder red seal and I'm a red seal ironworker too and the hall was slow with dispatches....I actually considered working ag related job to be near him.
We talked about all kinds of scenarios to be closer in proximity to each other.

Mauser, directly living with him wouldn't work because of the smoking(I successfully quit when he said I was breathing funny at night--saved my life indirectly, who knows?then, it became hard to smell it on him)and drinking(he only did three times and that was all in the last month of knowing him) (me going to acoa, alanon and aa meetings) could you imagine the mental torture for me? Maybe you couldn't if you don't know how hard it is.

Good videos, my family and I used to watch everybody loves raymond and that always made me cringe how mean the wife was.

He was a good interviewer too.

The second video had a good list to support why men are opting out....premarital sex being more prevalent stood out to me lol, lol. Hey, if women are slvtty why not use them? I get it.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Here we have a woman who convinced a male friend to donate sperm to her...…..20 years later she sues him for child support.

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ugh, this is criminal.