"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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trouble talking in groups

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aguynamedwill

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when I'm out at a restaurant or someplace with friends, and we're just sitting there, I have real trouble participating in group discussions. I just sorta clam up. When we're up doing something, I can usually participate a little more, but, when just sitting around, I'm always the quiet one. Anyone got advice?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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chili kat

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Only reason I can think of as to why you're less talkative when you're still is because
you may have an issue with not just your friends, but everyone else in the general area ease dropping in on the conversation?
Makes it feel like you're speaking at a big convention rather than a few friends?

Do you have the same problem when you and your friends are someplace chilling still in more private settings?
 
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aguynamedwill

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yes

yes, any place where I'm in a group. Whether its out in public or in private settings.
 
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chili kat

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So just nothing to say?

I had a problem like this long time ago. Started I guess when this one time I said something and got no reaction what so ever. It felt like the longest, quietest 3 seconds of my life.

I realized that I was thinking too deep, and when something to say came to me, it wasn't easy for everyone else to follow.

I learned to listen and think more casual in a way, and started to participate with the thoughts that came right to me without thinking the through, rather than waiting for that perfect zinger to throw in there.
 
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chili kat

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Someone wrote a tip recently, "Nocturnal" I think, about just saying what comes to mind. Take a look in the Tips forum.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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