whattheblastt
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- Mar 8, 2022
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I've been reading the rational male and so much stuff is connecting for me but I'm looking for some feedback/mentorship on a situation I'm in. I'll be as brief as possible.
Started seeing a girl 4 months ago basically every day. Have known her for like 13 years and we have been friends the whole time. Shes my ex wifes best friend, before we started anything we both for permission from my ex-wife and she approved and actually encouraged us to get together. Ex wife and I have been separated 3 years and shes with new guy and has baby with him. We coparent great and have got along basically whole time we've been split.
So me and this girl both have 2 kids and busy lives but still managed to see/talk every day for 3 months. 2 weeks ago she said things are going too fast and she felt overwhelmed and we need to slow down then ghosted me for like 3 days basically. I tried to hang out in person to talk because she was super vague about what that meant. (In hindsight I know this was wrong move after she just said we need to slow down seeing each other so much).
The last 2 weeks we've had some communication here and there but nothing about defining what we are other than not in a relationship because she made it clear shes not ready for that and wants to focus on her kids and herself and learn how to be a single mom. She just got custody of both kids back a month ago from the state (long thing that wasn't her fault) and broke off an engagement like 6 months ago. I want a relationship with her and made that clear from the beginning, she played along 3 months and now said shes not ready.
She said she wants to still hangout and have sex and stuff but its been 2 weeks and shes made no attempt to hangout, just text me here and there.
At this point idk whats going on basically and how to proceed. She was like all the way in for 3 months, we saw each other every day and talked every day, had sex every time we saw each other, then she said she's overwhelmed and wants to slow down so she can figure out how to be a single mom to her 2 kids (which I respect and was cool with) and that she wants us to be friends but maybe go out for drinks and if something happens it happens kind of thing (which I said I was also cool with but wondering if that was wrong move)
Idk if I need a hard reset like hey lets not talk or see each other for a few weeks, or what. Ultimately I want a relationship with her because of the 20+ women I've been with the connection we had was better than any other and I don't feel like sifting through another 20 women to find that again. I know thats some ONEitis mindset but I have a busy life already, live in a small town, and it would probably take me until my kids graduate to even try to talk to 20 more women.
It's also a little complicated because our daughters are best friends as well and have been their whole lives so we still see each other in passing a lot. She came and got my daughter yesterday, hers is staying the night tonight and I'll see her in the morning when she gets her, Monday we'll be at the same birthday party, etc.
Any help is so much appreciated and thanks.
Started seeing a girl 4 months ago basically every day. Have known her for like 13 years and we have been friends the whole time. Shes my ex wifes best friend, before we started anything we both for permission from my ex-wife and she approved and actually encouraged us to get together. Ex wife and I have been separated 3 years and shes with new guy and has baby with him. We coparent great and have got along basically whole time we've been split.
So me and this girl both have 2 kids and busy lives but still managed to see/talk every day for 3 months. 2 weeks ago she said things are going too fast and she felt overwhelmed and we need to slow down then ghosted me for like 3 days basically. I tried to hang out in person to talk because she was super vague about what that meant. (In hindsight I know this was wrong move after she just said we need to slow down seeing each other so much).
The last 2 weeks we've had some communication here and there but nothing about defining what we are other than not in a relationship because she made it clear shes not ready for that and wants to focus on her kids and herself and learn how to be a single mom. She just got custody of both kids back a month ago from the state (long thing that wasn't her fault) and broke off an engagement like 6 months ago. I want a relationship with her and made that clear from the beginning, she played along 3 months and now said shes not ready.
She said she wants to still hangout and have sex and stuff but its been 2 weeks and shes made no attempt to hangout, just text me here and there.
At this point idk whats going on basically and how to proceed. She was like all the way in for 3 months, we saw each other every day and talked every day, had sex every time we saw each other, then she said she's overwhelmed and wants to slow down so she can figure out how to be a single mom to her 2 kids (which I respect and was cool with) and that she wants us to be friends but maybe go out for drinks and if something happens it happens kind of thing (which I said I was also cool with but wondering if that was wrong move)
Idk if I need a hard reset like hey lets not talk or see each other for a few weeks, or what. Ultimately I want a relationship with her because of the 20+ women I've been with the connection we had was better than any other and I don't feel like sifting through another 20 women to find that again. I know thats some ONEitis mindset but I have a busy life already, live in a small town, and it would probably take me until my kids graduate to even try to talk to 20 more women.
It's also a little complicated because our daughters are best friends as well and have been their whole lives so we still see each other in passing a lot. She came and got my daughter yesterday, hers is staying the night tonight and I'll see her in the morning when she gets her, Monday we'll be at the same birthday party, etc.
Any help is so much appreciated and thanks.
