Toxic people you can’t really avoid

[jhonny9546]

What’s the best way to deal with people you consider toxic, the ones you have to keep seeing or talking to because of work, family, or everyday life?

Think of ex-partners who share kids, coworkers you can’t stand, or two friends in the same group who secretly hate each other. Modern life makes this even trickier, it’s not just about real-life interactions anymore, but also social media, messaging, and visibility online.

So, we must develop tools to handle these relationships while protecting our peace of mind.
I’ve been thinking about two main approaches:

A) Selective approach: You categorize people in your life. For each new connection, you decide whether they belong in your inner circle or just your acquaintance zone. You manage your social media accordingly, close friends see your stories, your real thoughts, your private posts; acquaintances see almost nothing. It’s a structured way to protect your emotional space.

B)Free approach: You live freely and openly. You treat everyone kindly and help where you can, but you follow one rule: If someone ghosts you, disrespects you, you cut them off completely, both online and offline. No drama, just clean boundaries. But It’s a black and white way of protecting your peace.

It would be awesome to understand which mindset leads to a calmer, more focused life, withouth anxiety about it, one where you spend less mental energy worrying about others and more time building yourself. We all meet manipulators or narcissists along the way. Recognizing them is already a win, but how should we act once we do?
We should have an infrastructure about it.

You don’t want these defense mechanisms to make You paranoid or fake.
Ideally, You want them to strengthen, to protect your genuine nature, not distort it.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It would be awesome to understand which mindset leads to a calmer, more focused life, withouth anxiety about it, one where you spend less mental energy worrying about others and more time building yourself

Our thoughts and beliefs about people, places, and things ultimately dictate the emotions we experience + The intensity of said emotions. Idea:

Resist the urge to over and misuse the word "toxic", and instead be specific as to what you find objectionable about certain folks. From there, you can interrogate your initial assessment of this person for it's accuracy. Chances are high that reality is more complicated and nuanced than them simply being "toxic"

 

[jhonny9546]

more complicated and nuanced than them simply being "toxic"

It is.

But it doesn't take much to understand that if someone talks badly behind your back, manipulates people into thinking negatively about you, and uses other means, that person is "negative" and not "positive."
Judging isn't wrong, and it should be done to understand.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Judging isn't wrong, and it should be done to understand.

Yeah, all thoughts and beliefs are ultimately "judgments". Provide an example of someone in your personal life you've currently labeled "toxic", J, along with your basis for doing so

 

[jhonny9546]

Provide an example of someone in your personal life you've currently labeled "toxic", J, along with your basis for doing so

Do you mean a list of his/her bad behaviour?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Limit the discussions to the topics that need to be discussed and keep it as brief as possible.

 

[tksniper]

There are real energy vampires in this world. Some of them exists on this forum. Some of them are your coworkers. And some of them are family members.

There is a saying that you become like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. You need to establish strong boundaries. Without boundaries, there’s no telling where you start and the energy vampires end. For me, the only two categories I have people in are “value givers” and “value takers.”. I try to surround myself with the value givers (because it resonates with my own energy) and try to keep a distance with value leeches.

The value takers aren’t hard to spot. After spending some time with them, you feel like your social battery is at 5%.

Needy people are obvious energy vampires. They repel people with their neediness and it’s not hard to spot them. People with a victim mentality are also energy vampires. They ask for help but show you absolutely zero will to do anything themselves. They want you to hold their hands through life.

I would say the sneakiest energy vampires are the ones who cause unnecessary drama. They thrive on your reaction. They are miserable themselves and want others to be just as miserable.

You’ll find that the more you pursue self development, the more your inner circle will shrink. This is a good thing. Life is taking you away from people dragging you down. You’ll also notice people who are miserable will begin hating on you. And often they are your friends and family members. I find the best response is to have compassion for them - from a distance, else you risk mixing your energy with theirs.

 

[The Duke]

How do you deal with toxic people: Stick to the facts, have conversations in public with others near, don't get drawn into their chaos, don't say more than you need to. You never win because they never play fair.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You gotta move out of Italy OP. It bears repeating ad nauseum. You can't avoid drama in a country full of dramatic people.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Self-reflection is also prudent. If you find yourself regularly gravitating towards and attracting folks who leave you depleted... Well, the chances are high that YOU'RE no gum drop either

Just one example, from the mouth of DJ Vlad, of all people: Unless you're a toddler who was born to a couple of junkies in The Projects, there's no credible excuse for associating with anyone who's engaged in a criminal lifestyle

 

[eli77]

You have hr .Also you have the choice of changing jobs what do you do?

 

[jhonny9546]

You gotta move out of Italy, OP. It bears repeating ad nauseum. You can't avoid drama in a country full of dramatic people.

I don't think I'll find people simply "without these flaws" in other places.
Everyone has flaws. When you talk about Italy, it seems like you see it as a "whole group" and exclude the possibility that there might be good people.

You have HR. Also, you have the choice of changing jobs.

Already on the agenda!

 

[eli77]

I don't think I'll find people simply "without these flaws" in other places.
Everyone has flaws. When you talk about Italy, it seems like you see it as a "whole group" and exclude the possibility that there might be good people.



Already on the agenda!

Dm me for tips?