Thoughts on gf who did it all backwards

[TonyTenner]

Once the biological clock is ticking this loud, reason and logic goes out through the door. No matter who you are or what you say, the only thing that counts is having a baby in her mind. I've seen women make the same mistake time and time again and i've first hand experience myself. An ex of mine was about the same age as your gf is now and she told me she wanted children within 1 year. Better said, she demanded it.
We broke up, and i'm not kidding you 6 months later she was pregnant which means she found some dude and had a baby with him within 1-2 months.

Being a serial LTR chick first and jump into the carousel later is not unheard of. That's the classical example of the feeling having 'missed out on life', so they want to fulfill all their fantasies. I wouldn't worry too much about 20 partners for a 34 year old woman though, it's normal nowadays, she seems like a good chick otherwise, being self-aware is a great not too common trait. I'd worry more about her upbringing, family situation and relationship to father rahter than partner count and always watch her behavior towards me. How she treats waiters and people she doesn't know is also a super good indicator of her character that i put alot of weight in.

The X amount of years for vetting before children/marriage is mainly to really get a feel for who she is and her devotion to you, since no one can put up a facade for that long. The biggest risk you've to face with women 30+ is they all have sort of an agenda which comes before desire. You weed these chicks out through time and the powerful word "NO". I'd say minimum 1.5 years, but 2+ should be pretty safe regarding that. Always, always listen to your gut though, it's never wrong.

Great things to consider @Lookatu

Yes, it's such a common story. It's as if who the father is doesn't matter. Or more likely, they've left it so late and therefore have to cut the time used for vetting process by 90%. Which is insane given the importance of the decision.

Those points you mention about judging a person's character are spot on. The waiter one is a real important one for me. I've pretty much seen a 100% correlation between women who treat me great yet don't thank waiters, and them turning out to be bytchs. In that sense, I've no worries about my gf.

 

[bat soup]

I've been with my gf for approx 10 months. I regularly hear about the timelime of women - parties years pre 27 then at 27 they start looking for the provider. Agree it's very common - though I'd say these days the tipping point is closer to 29/30.

My gf did things the opposite way. From 18 - 27 she was in 2 consecutive relationships with only a few months between them. From what I hear, these were the typical nice guys. Then at 27, she broke up and, it appears, decided to have the party years. I never asked much about her past but through bits here and there I was able to piece together her story. From 27 onwards, she only went for guys who were very good-looking and very tall (she is 5'10, Im 6'2, but one of these guys was a 6'7 rugby player Adonis - those were the types she was going for). She admitted that all she was interested in was their looks and nothing more. These flings would typically lasted a month and then she'd move on. Unprompted, she has gone into details a couple of times and I did not like what I heard. Nothing untoward but I concluded she basically went from being a 27 year old who had only slept with 2 men, to being, quite frankly, a sl*t, overnight. This really does not sit comfortably with me.

She appears to have kept this up until about 32, when she decided she needed to get serious and find someone long-term. A provider in others words. I met her 1 year later. I know what some of you are going to say - you're a beta bucks SIMP etc, but I've never been short of options (played a lot of sport, was good, brought a constant stream of options) and one of my main problems is actually infidelity from my side when in LTRs (I've successfully stopped this in my last 2 LTRs).

I know on these forums it is said the c*ck carousel always damages a woman, sometimes beyond repair. I agree, I've seen it in friends. The curious thing with her is I don't see much signs of damage. She loves attention no doubt, but a few months into our relationship she went from 1 social media post a day to 1 a month - and they usually include me. She's got an excellent family, classy and interesting friends, and she goes to church a few times a week.

Despite what I just said, I have a gut feeling that I don't know the real her. I know her very well, but not entirely. And it's not a feeling I had with ex's.

Recently, the topic of kids and marriage has come up (surprise surprise). I had said that I want kids but need minimum 3 years with someone before having them. I'd also said I didn't want to marry. The kids thing is now a deal-breaker, she wants them next year. The no-marriage is not a deal-breaker for her (though it's likely she thinks she'll be able to change my mind, which she wont).

I'm leaning heavily towards breaking up with this girl. This girl has been nothing but good with me. She is very calm, kind, is self-aware and examines why she got overly-emotional the odd time that happens. She's naturally feminine and likes to be lead. Indeed, needs to be lead. She's financially independent and actually has more savings than me (though I earn about twice as much more than her). She's also 5'10, gorgeous, blonde, yoga body, Irish, freckles, with the greatest legs I've ever seen.

I'm leaning heavily towards breaking up with this girl because of that gut feeling, a worry that someone with that high a partner count (I would say it's about 20) is damaged and is just papering over the cracks, and wanting to have kids too soon. It's been hammered home here before picking the mother of your children, you need to qualify them for at least 5 years. That's obviously not an option here.

I have a couple of questions: what are your thoughts on a woman with this unusual timeline, where the party years and settle down years have been switched around?

The second question really comes down to the years it takes to qualify a woman before considering kids (we both strongly want children). I've seen between 2 and 5 years on these forums. What do you guys peg it at?

To me, 3 seems like about right. And that will not work for her. Meaning I will have to end it. Im prepping myself for that.

It sounds to me like she wants to lock you down with kids. Marriage is actually reversible if you do it right, but there's no way back from having children. If it's not what you want and you have doubts about her, then you're better off telling her NO and if she leaves, she leaves. There will never be a shortage of women that want to get married.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It sounds to me like she wants to lock you down with kids. Marriage is actually reversible if you do it right, but there's no way back from having children. If it's not what you want and you have doubts about her, then you're better off telling her NO and if she leaves, she leaves. There will never be a shortage of women that want to get married.

What precautions are you recommending and how does a man "do it right"?

 

[bat soup]

What precautions are you recommending and how does a man "do it right"?

I mean don't sign your life's work away to a woman just because she looks attractive right now. If you do get married, either choose the jurisdiction very carefully or get a prenup.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I mean don't sign your life's work away to a woman just because she looks attractive right now. If you do get married, either choose the jurisdiction very carefully or get a prenup.

I started looking at the states that have a more favorable marriage laws. There are a couple of states where the woman can actually end up paying for "cheating"...

 

[bat soup]

I started looking at the states that have a more favorable marriage laws. There are a couple of states where the woman can actually end up paying for "cheating"...

The best state for marriage is the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

DIVORCE IN SAUDI ARABIA | The Law Office of Jeremy D. Morley

www.international-divorce.com

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've been with my gf for approx 10 months. I regularly hear about the timelime of women - parties years pre 27 then at 27 they start looking for the provider. Agree it's very common - though I'd say these days the tipping point is closer to 29/30.

My gf did things the opposite way. From 18 - 27 she was in 2 consecutive relationships with only a few months between them. From what I hear, these were the typical nice guys. Then at 27, she broke up and, it appears, decided to have the party years. I never asked much about her past but through bits here and there I was able to piece together her story. From 27 onwards, she only went for guys who were very good-looking and very tall (she is 5'10, Im 6'2, but one of these guys was a 6'7 rugby player Adonis - those were the types she was going for). She admitted that all she was interested in was their looks and nothing more. These flings would typically lasted a month and then she'd move on. Unprompted, she has gone into details a couple of times and I did not like what I heard. Nothing untoward but I concluded she basically went from being a 27 year old who had only slept with 2 men, to being, quite frankly, a sl*t, overnight. This really does not sit comfortably with me.

She appears to have kept this up until about 32, when she decided she needed to get serious and find someone long-term. A provider in others words. I met her 1 year later. I know what some of you are going to say - you're a beta bucks SIMP etc, but I've never been short of options (played a lot of sport, was good, brought a constant stream of options) and one of my main problems is actually infidelity from my side when in LTRs (I've successfully stopped this in my last 2 LTRs).

I know on these forums it is said the c*ck carousel always damages a woman, sometimes beyond repair. I agree, I've seen it in friends. The curious thing with her is I don't see much signs of damage. She loves attention no doubt, but a few months into our relationship she went from 1 social media post a day to 1 a month - and they usually include me. She's got an excellent family, classy and interesting friends, and she goes to church a few times a week.

Despite what I just said, I have a gut feeling that I don't know the real her. I know her very well, but not entirely. And it's not a feeling I had with ex's.

Recently, the topic of kids and marriage has come up (surprise surprise). I had said that I want kids but need minimum 3 years with someone before having them. I'd also said I didn't want to marry. The kids thing is now a deal-breaker, she wants them next year. The no-marriage is not a deal-breaker for her (though it's likely she thinks she'll be able to change my mind, which she wont).

I'm leaning heavily towards breaking up with this girl. This girl has been nothing but good with me. She is very calm, kind, is self-aware and examines why she got overly-emotional the odd time that happens. She's naturally feminine and likes to be lead. Indeed, needs to be lead. She's financially independent and actually has more savings than me (though I earn about twice as much more than her). She's also 5'10, gorgeous, blonde, yoga body, Irish, freckles, with the greatest legs I've ever seen.

I'm leaning heavily towards breaking up with this girl because of that gut feeling, a worry that someone with that high a partner count (I would say it's about 20) is damaged and is just papering over the cracks, and wanting to have kids too soon. It's been hammered home here before picking the mother of your children, you need to qualify them for at least 5 years. That's obviously not an option here.

I have a couple of questions: what are your thoughts on a woman with this unusual timeline, where the party years and settle down years have been switched around?

The second question really comes down to the years it takes to qualify a woman before considering kids (we both strongly want children). I've seen between 2 and 5 years on these forums. What do you guys peg it at?

To me, 3 seems like about right. And that will not work for her. Meaning I will have to end it. Im prepping myself for that.

She has a right to want what she wants and you have a right to want what you want. Neither of you are necessarily wrong.

I have seen other women follow a similar pattern with not being wild until later and then stopping it and it seems like they felt like they didn't get a chance to earlier and they didn't want to miss out on it. Unless she is still doing it, it likely was a phase in her life she is past now.

So your option is to sit down and have a real adult conversation with her and bring up your thoughts or don't and just leave her.

Here is the thing. Any LTR you are in is going to require compromise from both people. And compromise requires communication. I find a lot of people are afraid of communicating because they are afraid of being vulnerable. But without vulnerability there is a limit as to how far the relationship can go.

 

[BMX]

So you are telling me, that she went Free Agent Lifestyle at 27. Holy f uck. And now with the wall looming she is tripping balls. Proof that it works out better for us in the end. Pull out your checklist and see how many ticks you can tally in the boxes for her. It sounds like you do have time to spare but need to come to terms on an agreement. Start by telling her she fkd up and throw a bunch of hot dogs in her face as a reminder. Then gently remind her that now more than ever is a great time for intentionally-sadistic people to bring a child into this Twilight Zone world.

 

[bcude]

Everyone sort of has an agenda, but when the agenda becomes a condition for the whole relationship, that's very selfish and a red flag.
Especially when dealing with important life decisions, like kids.
It's not your fault that she's in a hurry right now because she didn't think about this earlier in her life and this is an issue you will have with almost all childless women around this age.
Unfortunately, it's not a topic that will go away either.

Any update?

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Sounds like she wants to get the kids thing out of the way so she can go back to partying before she hits the wall.

If waiting an extra two years for kids is a deal breaker for her, then imo she's being pretty selfish with the relationship, or simply doesn't value it much. If she did she also wouldn't have dared reveal her slvtty tendencies, that would stay in the past, forgotten.

This 100, time to move on