Thoughtful and Interesting Profile Post

[ThisIsSparta]

Anyway, I highly doubt that this^^ is what @tksniper and @BeExcellent and others who agreed were referring to.

That's not being 'vulnerable,' that's needy and desperate AF and a gross exaggeration/hyperbole. Not to mention, plain stupid.

Id say you got to have an opinion if you are so strongly advocating for Tksnipers referrings.

So.... if you think i am exaggerating, what emotions EXACTLY are you referring to that should be shared.

And yes it is about you and your background when people ask your opinion and the practical value of it.

You know, we have quite a lot of relationship experts here that have actually never lived with a woman under one roof.

You don’t drivel to your woman. That’s not what vulnerability is. That’s just drama and not even your mother (if she’s worth her salt) is going to tolerate that. Vulnerability is more sharing who you are, your true motivations, your thoughts, dreams & goals. It’s who you really are, and yes, how you got there factors into it of course, but it’s more what you are about, what you need to improve to get there, and it’s all the associated human ness therein.

Telling a woman that i´d strive to be a successfull entreprenour to become a great provider for my future family because my uncle wasnt and that i want to become a tri-athlete amateur champion because my father died of obesity is hardly "emotional honesty and vulnerability". Things like that are basic conversation for date 1, 2 or 3.

 

[Gamisch]

Great takes. As the thread develops I tend to agree that its actually COUNTERPRODUCTIVE for most men to be vulnerable around women.

I get our Queen B @BeExcellent ,and I'd wish a queen B for every member on sosauve. Unfortunately her presence here is just as unusual and unique as her ( admittedly seemingly)great qualities.

Most men will meet women who operate and think 180 degrees opposite.


(One thing that comes to mind is a FEMALE dating coach saying she find it ridiculous that her clients would drop a man for eating a popsicle, my experienced dj,s KNOW EXACTLY what she means by that!!)

I won't be ashamed to admit I went OP,s route before, but it always backfired . Or I'd say: it wasn't enough to keep shyte together. Eventually the c0ck carousel will call and no amount of "honesty and openness " will prevent her from going back, ESPECIALLY if she already been there( again, 90% of women you'll encounter will fit this description).

If anything, I am WAY more reserved nowadays around women. The deep shyte is something I keep to myself. I even stir away from any form of negative energy, gossip COMPLAINING ect nowadays.( I wont even say I am sick until AFTER yhe fact lolll) I keep it to myself.


I want a woman to prove to me that SHE is worthy of openness. That alone will take MONTHS for me. Most won't ever make it so far...i am willing learn however so lets discuss

 

[BeExcellent]

What I’m talking about comes down to sharing things you feel as a man. How you really feel about her, how you feel about family dynamics, what you fear, what motivates you and why, how you function emotionally.

That is what bonds two people together. Emotional connection. It is not for sissy’s folks. What are your disappointments, how have those shaped you, etc. etc.

Most women are unworthy, certainly. And some things are best left unsaid, just like a woman should never tell a man he is physically inadequate, especially around his junk. Some people are dum b asses in that regard and don’t care or consider how things they say might affect someone else. Those people are too relationship stupid to deserve a relationship but they are out in single land to be sure.

 

[member162951]

What I’m talking about comes down to sharing things you feel as a man. How you really feel about her, how you feel about family dynamics, what you fear, what motivates you and why, how you function emotionally.

That is what bonds two people together. Emotional connection. It is not for sissy’s folks. What are your disappointments, how have those shaped you, etc. etc.

Most women are unworthy, certainly. And some things are best left unsaid, just like a woman should never tell a man he is physically inadequate, especially around his junk. Some people are dum b asses in that regard and don’t care or consider how things they say might affect someone else. Those people are too relationship stupid to deserve a relationship but they are out in single land to be sure.

Well said @BeExcellent.

No need to go into my life, my narrative, again that is not what this thread is about and of no relevance to it.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Most women are unworthy, certainly.

And there you have it.......

Most of us have to deal with most women, not with the 1% that can take our emotions.

There is no point in urging men to spill their emotions all over the place when it is actually a tiny minority of women that can take it.

Some poor fools will take up on this, believing in "doing the right thing" by "just being themselves" and walk straight into the meatgrinder.

Being emotional is not a masculine virtue, it never was and isnt today. I highly doubt that it resides in the top 10 traits women desire in a man.

If it comes down to LTR/family men cant afford to gamble and hope for the best. We need to play to win and for most men, this means keeping their wife in line and their family intact.

Emotions in a relationship are for women, only they can afford them.

Well said @BeExcellent.

No need to go into my life, my narrative, again that is not what this thread is about and of no relevance to it.

So far nobody said anything of substance what emotional baggage a man is supposed to share with a woman, including BeExcellent and even she confirms that you hand a rope to women which most of them will use to hang you with.

Summarized you have nothing of worth to say on that topic and neither do you have practical experience, but you feel(!) its the right thing to do and you are emboldened by the quoted and BeEx because you would really like it to be true.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I guess I have one more member that I want to follow and keep an eye on as I build my network of men's coaches. Thanks for the intel.

PS: Yes, solid and wise words from him.

 

[Dr.Suave]

ESPECIALLY if she already been there

This!!!!!

 

[BeExcellent]

And there you have it.......

Most of us have to deal with most women, not with the 1% that can take our emotions.

There is no point in urging men to spill their emotions all over the place when it is actually a tiny minority of women that can take it.

Some poor fools will take up on this, believing in "doing the right thing" by "just being themselves" and walk straight into the meatgrinder.

Being emotional is not a masculine virtue, it never was and isnt today. I highly doubt that it resides in the top 10 traits women desire in a man.

If it comes down to LTR/family men cant afford to gamble and hope for the best. We need to play to win and for most men, this means keeping their wife in line and their family intact.

Emotions in a relationship are for women, only they can afford them.




So far nobody said anything of substance what emotional baggage a man is supposed to share with a woman, including BeExcellent and even she confirms that you hand a rope to women which most of them will use to hang you with.

Summarized you have nothing of worth to say on that topic and neither do you have practical experience, but you feel(!) its the right thing to do and you are emboldened by the quoted and BeEx because you would really like it to be true.

There ARE worthy women. They get married young typically and stay that way. So the older you get then yes the less likelihood that you come across a worthy woman.

That’s because men lock them down.

Examples from real life:

Nancy Reagan
Laura Bush
Mrs. Warren Buffet
Kate Middleton
Brittany Mahomes
Mrs. Roger Staubach
Mrs. Kevin Hart
Mrs. Jay Leno

And there are countless great marriages out there who are not well known people. Some of the men on this site have parents with great marriages some know couples personally who are doing well as a couple.

This idea espoused above by @ThisIsSparta that NO WOMAN is trustworthy is paranoid at worst and indicates an inability to screen women for the desirable traits that are conducive to a LTR or marriage. It’s about his inability or disinterest and disillusionment about being able to chose a good woman; to recognize a “good one”.

And that’s perhaps not entirely his fault. Perhaps there are no good examples in his immediate environs or social circle.

We don’t have wild elephants in the US. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It means they are located somewhere else.

In the same way there ARE great women. Some of y’all simply aren’t running into them (or don’t recognize when you do.)

The OP is talking about the importance of emotional connection/trust/vulnerability in a LTR with a worthy woman. And I agree it’s very important in relationships of any depth.

But first you gotta pick the right chick, obviously.

That is where many men falter.

 

[Dr.Suave]

There ARE worthy women. They get married young typically and stay that way. So the older you get then yes the less likelihood that you come across a worthy woman. That’s because men lock them down.

And there are countless great marriages out there who are not well known people. Some of the men on this site have parents with great marriages some know couples personally who are doing well as a couple.

And that’s perhaps not entirely his fault. Perhaps there are no good examples in his immediate environs or social circle.

We don’t have wild elephants in the US. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It means they are located somewhere else.

In the same way there ARE great women. Some of y’all simply aren’t running into them (or don’t recognize when you do.)

You gotta pick the right chick, obviously. That is where many men falter.

I agree with most of this. Reminds me of your "How to spot a unicorn" Thread.

 

[The Duke]

There ARE worthy women. They get married young typically and stay that way. So the older you get then yes the less likelihood that you come across a worthy woman.

That’s because men lock them down.

Examples from real life:

Nancy Reagan
Laura Bush
Mrs. Warren Buffet
Kate Middleton
Brittany Mahomes
Mrs. Roger Staubach
Mrs. Kevin Hart
Mrs. Jay Leno

And there are countless great marriages out there who are not well known people. Some of the men on this site have parents with great marriages some know couples personally who are doing well as a couple.

This idea espoused above by @ThisIsSparta that NO WOMAN is trustworthy is paranoid at worst and indicates an inability to screen women for the desirable traits that are conducive to a LTR or marriage. It’s about his inability or disinterest and disillusionment about being able to chose a good woman; to recognize a “good one”.

And that’s perhaps not entirely his fault. Perhaps there are no good examples in his immediate environs or social circle.

We don’t have wild elephants in the US. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It means they are located somewhere else.

In the same way there ARE great women. Some of y’all simply aren’t running into them (or don’t recognize when you do.)

The OP is talking about the importance of emotional connection/trust/vulnerability in a LTR with a worthy woman. And I agree it’s very important in relationships of any depth.

But first you gotta pick the right chick, obviously.

That is where many men falter.

Those women make up less than 5% of the female prospects a solid man will come across. That's my real world data gathered from actual field research collected in the wild! And I have no doubt most men suck just as bad.

 

[member162951]

I agree with most of this. Reminds me of your "How to spot a unicorn" Thread.

I just read that thread from 2016, spot on!

@BeExcellent and others with an open mind, have you listened to or read anything by Brene Brown? She has many TED Talk videos, podcasts and has written several articles and books on the subject.

"Vulnerability is the act of willingly exposing our true selves, embracing imperfections, and embracing emotional risks. It is about stepping out of our comfort zones and allowing ourselves to be seen authentically, and opening the doors to genuine connections and meaningful relationships. It requires courage to show up as our imperfect selves.

Vulnerability also plays a crucial role in personal growth, as it encourages us to confront our fears, take risks, and step into unknown territories. It is a transformative journey that allows us to live wholeheartedly and experience the richness of life."

Below is one of her shorter videos if interested.

 

[member162951]

P.S: Agree, absolutely find a woman who loves you and accepts you! Flaws, warts and all, and you do the same.

Look for a woman whom you feel safe being real with (which does NOT mean 'spilling your feels' like a babbling idiot), but rather who won't negatively judge you or punish you for expressing yourself and your needs whatever those needs may be at any given time.

It's about allowing yourself to be truly 'seen', heard and accepted.

Spin your plates until you find this/her. Once you do, cherish her because she IS a rarity (a true unicorn).

 

[BillyPilgrim]

P.S: Agree, absolutely find a woman who loves you and accepts you! Flaws, warts and all, and you do the same.

Look for a woman whom you feel safe being real with (which does NOT mean 'spilling your feels' like a babbling idiot), but rather who won't negatively judge you or punish you for expressing yourself and your needs whatever those needs may be at any given time.

It's about allowing yourself to be truly 'seen', heard and accepted.

Spin your plates until you find this/her. Once you do, cherish her because she IS a rarity (a true unicorn).

And when you do find her?

 

[member162951]

And when you do find her?

You'll most likely find her when and where you least expect to. In a natural setting; not a bar or club although you may find a unicorn there on occasion.

Did you read @BeExcellent "How to Spot a Unicorn" thread? I searched "unicorn" under titles only with @Be's name, popped right up.

@Be is right imo, many of you guys are bitter and jaded because you tried to turn a 'hoe into a housewife' (as the saying goes), with rules and restrictions, she can't do this or that or some other BS.

There was one such thread recently asking should you trust a woman who enjoys having brunch with her friends! The majority were like no way, she's toxic, a hoe or whatever.
GMAFB

Anyway, you can't turn a low quality girl into high quality. Not gonna happen, she is who she is, she may modify her toxic behavior for a time complying with your 'rules' and demands , but her character remains the same. And it will eventually show its true colors again.

And you're left jaded believing all women suck and can't be trusted.

Find a woman who has the qualities you seek before she met you. In the meantime spin your plates just don't settle down with any of them is my advice.

 

[The Duke]

@JoyDivision1990 what percentage of the female population that you consider datable would also be marriage material?

 

[member162951]

@JoyDivision1990 what percentage of the female population that you consider datable would also be marriage material?

IDK, it depends how you define "marriage," what it means for you.

If you're talking about a traditional marriage, in today's dating culture sadly it's probably quite low.

Does that mean you should settle for low quality or less than what YOU need? No, not in my opinion.

 

[member162951]

Guys I just want to say I have no idea where all this is coming from today. I didn't intend on posting anything, I only planned to listen.

Maybe it's because @ThisIsSparta challenged me, but anyway my $.02 fwiw.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

There ARE worthy women. They get married young typically and stay that way. So the older you get then yes the less likelihood that you come across a worthy woman.

That’s because men lock them down.

Examples from real life:

Nancy Reagan
Laura Bush
Mrs. Warren Buffet
Kate Middleton
Brittany Mahomes
Mrs. Roger Staubach
Mrs. Kevin Hart
Mrs. Jay Leno

And there are countless great marriages out there who are not well known people. Some of the men on this site have parents with great marriages some know couples personally who are doing well as a couple.

This idea espoused above by @ThisIsSparta that NO WOMAN is trustworthy is paranoid at worst and indicates an inability to screen women for the desirable traits that are conducive to a LTR or marriage. It’s about his inability or disinterest and disillusionment about being able to chose a good woman; to recognize a “good one”.

And that’s perhaps not entirely his fault. Perhaps there are no good examples in his immediate environs or social circle.

We don’t have wild elephants in the US. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist. It means they are located somewhere else.

In the same way there ARE great women. Some of y’all simply aren’t running into them (or don’t recognize when you do.)

The OP is talking about the importance of emotional connection/trust/vulnerability in a LTR with a worthy woman. And I agree it’s very important in relationships of any depth.

But first you gotta pick the right chick, obviously.

That is where many men falter.

Thats all fantasy.......

correct me if i am wrong but i guess you dont know these women personally and yet you tell us they are the unicorns? Did you read their biography and decided they are great wifes? Are they though? What would their men say in a private room with bros and drinks?

Also, princesses or antiques like Nancy Reagan/Laura Bush hardly qualify as example for the modern dating market. They are not what we are dealing with.

We allready knew that your role model of the "perfect woman" differs quite a lot from what most men want from the perfect woman.

We now know that your role model of the"perfect marriage" also differs quite a lot from what most men want from the perfect marriage.

I can tell you for granted that emotional connection and vulnerability is not on the list.

Thats why a man should never ask a woman for dating advice......they tell you whats in their best interest, not whats in the mens best interest.

Now, you can talk about your unique and exquisite self all day long and about what your exquisite and unique partners are like that float in your bubble ...... that doesnt proof anything as your tastes and needs do not represent the majority of men and dare i say not even most women.

 

[BeExcellent]

To respond to @JoyDivision1990 I am familiar with Brene Brown and she has some good nuggets. I like Ester Perel too as noted elsewhere.

What you need (generally) is a kind generous authentic woman who is feminine & nuturing and who appreciates the masculine in a man. Those women (generally) are raised by sensible families who “get it.”

Notice those traits have nothing to do with appearance but rather character. If you can find an attractive woman who exhibits those traits? She becomes MORE desirable as a man gets to know her, which catapults her value over objectively hotter women (who on examination actually bring less to the table as a whole.). So attractive girls with good character are locked down in short order. It’s always been this way in every society and culture. That is why a woman’s family construct is critically important.

Character guys. For marriage you want character and a woman who passes the boner test.

Too many men get enamored with looks and sex. Great looks and great sex will distract you but without the rest of the package you’re gonna be disappointed in time. Read threads around here if you don’t believe me.

And because such women (the attractive ones especially) have so much choice? You gotta bring your A game and show up on point. She otherwise is going to pass you over for some guy who did show up with his A game & life on point.

So you need to be the best version of yourself or you’ll get crushed by the competition, and trust me there IS competition for those girls.

 

[BeExcellent]

Sparta I know at least two, maybe 3 DOZEN marriages and LTRs personally and well who meet the criteria. Including my 21 yo son and his fiancé, age 20, and other very solid young people. And I see many more who are acquaintances but exhibit solid qualities.

Brittany Mahomes is a great young modern example. She was Patrick’s HS sweetheart before anyone knew what a big deal he would become. They have been loyal for years through thick & thin. He kept her around despite all his successes and countless other options. There is a reason for that.

She certainly is not an antique. Neither is Kevin Hart’s wife.