This is how it’s done fellas!

[AttackFormation]

My personality is top notch. I am fun and smart etc. I don’t care about that. Seriously NO points for job?! I mean I won’t need to mooch, I have money for fun trips, weekends off and 25 paid days off. Doesn’t that count for anything?! I always thought it showed that I am dependable and motivated. Maybe I am projecting though because a mans career is important to me. Not that he makes a lot (that’s just a turn on) but that he has steady employment and has enough money so we can do fun things. I pay half but I will not pay for him. I am devastated with this news! Plus, I like my job and I need it to boost my HB status.

Your career is a sigh of relief in the sense it might lower the odds we think you want us as a provider rather than a lover, but in of itself, your career is the size of a small meteorite compared to the personality that is the Earth and the physical appeal that is either Jupiter for guys like me or the Sun for guys like Toad.

You could be a waitress for all I care. No disrespect to that profession. It's definitely projection. I bet if most men on SS had their druthers, they'd have a housewife, or if not married, would prefer the ability to take care of a girl rather than splitting everything. The modern world isn't like that and most men here aren't that wealthy. Of course she would have to reciprocate by being supportive, feminine, etc. I don't know if this is true to a man but that's the impression I get, kind of a male breadwinner setup that used to be a lot more common.

Probably varies by region, my impression of America from this forum is that there are far more tradcon and macho guys there than say where I am, Sweden. America has a bigger and more conservative strand of conservatism than Sweden does. I really don't understand how you could prefer to pay for a woman rather than splitting everything, guys who insist on paying just make me go WTF. It just seems senseless and even pathetic to me. Nor do I desire to be the provider of a housewife, although if she was genuinely appreciative of our life and she really wanted to be a mother, homemaker and perhaps active in the community or whatever, I might - but lean toward not - be OK with it as long as I don't feel like a provider drone and I make enough to facilitate a stressfree life. But certainly not something I'd "desire".

And that kind of provider lifestyle is not at all necessary in Sweden because of our social policies, whereas in America, especially in the more conservative regions, I can see the sheer practical rationale for one parent becoming a full time homemaker once the kids are born since you have zero or very little support for families (and in the self-proclaimed "land of family values" at that, I am trying to hold myself back from openly sneering at). That's something to weigh in as well.

It's just different cultures and different strokes for different folks.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Seriously NO points for job?! I mean I won’t need to mooch, I have money for fun trips, weekends off and 25 paid days off. Doesn’t that count for anything?! I always thought it showed that I am dependable and motivated. Maybe I am projecting though because a mans career is important to me.

Absolutely zero. It amazes me that most women seem to think that men are impressed with what they do for a living. We could go our whole lives without even asking or caring. We pretty much ask out of politeness. It counts for nothing in our assessment of your value.

Women project so much on us men that they have an entirely distorted view of us. We are so vastly different that it's a wonder that we can even communicate at all. Your career is the last thing we would look at to determine your dependability and motivation. Our question is, "Are you going to be dependable for me within the context of our relationship? Are you motivated to be submissive to my leadership and to do whatever is necessary (and reasonable of course) to make things work?"

 

[biggoal]

Ah no. He was asking ME why I was single. Was it because of slim pickings. I got that he just wanted to know my relationship status and why. It’s not hard around here at all. You are off base. Just get off OLD and you’ll see. But you ignore that advice. Our town is fine for dating our age. Same with FM and up north a little. I get asked why I am single a lot. It’s because of my long marriage. And I date multiple but consider myself single.

Where do you want me to go to meet people around here? Tell me lol. Most my OLD dates are from Naples, Ft. Myers or that one in Venice.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Where do you want me to go to meet people around here? Tell me lol. Most my OLD dates are from Naples, Ft. Myers or that one in Venice.

TT Tiki, Wyven rooftop, the local yoga studio, music walk in FM, Millennial Brewery and soooooo many other places have events, music, wine tasting, hikes, bike rides. Dude there are plenty of people our age here. You need to get out and just not even look, but just be out and get used to being out. Downtown Fort Myers has a music walk like every third Sat and it’s so fun! I went alone a month ago and had a blast. People are so friendly and there’s our age and younger! You have Facebook, download the FB Event app and just go and get out. There’s trivia at the Belgian Monk her every Monday. I went with friends, a BF and alone once! PG has bicycle rides every weekend you can join. I did a few ALONE. it was so fun and the folks are nice and OUR AGE. There was paddle group clubs, bike nights like every night if you want a biker chick. Just get out! I’ll put you back on my FB to send you links if you promise not to mail me or message me. Sorry but I can’t handle all your messages is all. The chicks at my work are younger than me and four are single. They are here man!

Get off OLD. I think it would benefit you to get out into groups, alone and just work on being comfortable socially. Interact with people as people, work on being relatable, fun, interesting and stop focusing all your energy on HB Whatever and OLD. You seem like a nice guy that just needs to improve social and listening skills in general. You come off as awkward and needy and super picky when you really need to work on yourself first. Just a thought.

 

[AttackFormation]

Absolutely zero. It amazes me that most women seem to think that men are impressed with what they do for a living. We could go our whole lives without even asking or caring. We pretty much ask out of politeness. It counts for nothing in our assessment of your value.

Women project so much on us men that they have an entirely distorted view of us. We are so vastly different that it's a wonder that we can even communicate at all. Your career is the last thing we would look at to determine your dependability and motivation. Our question is, "Are you going to be dependable for me within the context of our relationship? Are you motivated to be submissive to my leadership and to do whatever is necessary (and reasonable of course) to make things work?"

The other side of that coin is when they think we are "intimidated" by how much money they have or what their career is or whatever, lol. At that point it isn't even projecting, just a total delusion (or perhaps an ego trip for some). Although, I guess some very conservative guys might actually discount a woman because of that so I can feel sure to speak for most men but not every single one, but I don't think even they feel "intimidated".

They think they are without a man because men are "intimidated", when it's really that the more status a woman perceives herself to have the smaller her dating pool becomes as she wants to date at least across and preferably up, while her prospective men instead find their pool increasing in both size and actual appeal as they gain status. You add on a potentially unappealing attitude to that, as well as the probable projection that the man should want her for her career or whatever, and it's a no-go.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

The other side of that coin is when they think we are "intimidated" by how much money they have or what their career is or whatever, lol. At that point it isn't even projecting, just a total delusion (or perhaps an ego trip for some). Although, I guess some very conservative guys might actually discount a woman because of that so I can feel sure to speak for most men but not every single one, but I don't think even they feel "intimidated".

Does my medical coding intimidate you? Well this has been eye opening. I better work on my personality more. Lol

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

Lol you were impressed with his game? You mean his ability to check you out and not make things too awkward? This should be a given.

In my experience, every time I have had a "positive" experience with a woman in a warm approach environment, she mentions something she likes to do and either invites me or gives me a window to invite myself. A pretense to be alone together. Plausible deniability. The WOMAN is the one who brings it up, and I accept.

This is the optimal frame to be coming from when you are a man. THIS is "how it's done."

His game/frame wasn't that tight. He was just good enough for you to not feel awkward and maybe give him a chance.

This is not the epitome of game. At best, this is serving women and making them feel good, giving them positive emotions, etc. But what happens when he makes a mistake?

You lose state and ghost at the drop of a hap. At the feel of the wind across your face. At the cry of a new born babe. And you can't explain it. He did most things right. Why have you suddenly lost interest?

It's because he's still living in YOUR frame. He will never truly polarize you and make you surrender to his masculine presence.

Because it's all about pushing YOUR buttons and how comfortable YOU feel. It's completely one sided.

This is not true romance. This is chasing.

Maybe.

 

[AttackFormation]

Does my medical coding intimidate you? Well this has been eye opening. I better work on my personality more. Lol

It's amazing to me that women project in this way. Did something in particular teach you to think like this, like different messages in the media or something, or is it just something you felt innately?

PS. Medical coding huh... just makes me think of unlocking the code to that medicine-grade @ss!

 

[RickTheToad]

No I was impressed with his game. It wasn’t hard to do but like trump said maybe it was easy since he was called there’s. I just thought he did well. He wasn’t a model or anything or even super socially cool. But he handled himself well and was confident enough to make me consider him. That’s all. You’re reading too much into my post. I don’t need to impress you guys! I get numbers and hit on all the time. He did make me smile but it wasn’t a boost to me. Just a cute story for him I thought. I’ll go out with him if he calls if the GF is ok with it. I think men things too complicated sometimes. That was my point. I consider kissing him but I have my period and some guys get weird with that. But he did the right things to get me to feel comfortable and no ice him in a sexual way.

What is IOI?

There was not game on his end. He was attracted to you and there was some small talk. You, however, were not sexually attracted to him. Thus, it ended. You said yourself he was nervious around you. I believe the part of him with two kids, just not the FWB on his part. He would not had acted so nervious as you put it. Him telling you he had a hard time on OLD also lowered his value in your mind; subconsciously.

IOI -indicator of interest from a lady to a dude.

See, he said slim pickings around here. I was trying to tell you that as well.

You two should meet for a drink. You're in the same local.

Like I said, if a woman's personality makes no difference to how much you or your buddies enjoy your time with her whether she's an fwb or girlfriend - that's fine. Just don't speak for all of us, is the point

Never said all, just most. Things may be different in Sweden dude.

I do LTR plating. Not one night stands. But I don’t want a full time BF that’s right. I am still reeling from this news that my career doesn’t factor in. Why did he ask then?

Small talk. Nothing else.

 

[17 shots]

-_____________- seriously

I can't believe you had the nerve to say "this is how it's done fellas" as if this guy was smooth as hell or something

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

It's amazing to me that women project in this way. Did something in particular teach you to think like this, like different messages in the media or something, or is it just something you felt innately?

PS. Medical coding huh... just makes me think of unlocking the code to that medicine-grade @ss!

Projection is human nature. I think.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

-_____________- seriously

I can't believe you had the nerve to say "this is how it's done fellas" as if this guy was smooth as hell or something

Fine. I redact my statement. I thought he was cute and charming and aggressive enough to get my attention. He was awkward in an endearing way. Redacted! Lol

 

[biggoal]

You two should meet for a drink. You're in the same local.

I offered it before and so did she and she flaked out and changed her mind. I mean, it's not like she's gotta f*ck me by just going out for drinks or a meal, jeez. What's so scary about that Chrisy?

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I offered it before and so did she and she flaked out and changed her mind. I mean, it's not like she's gotta f*ck me by just going out for drinks or a meal, jeez. What's so scary about that Chrisy?

i just can’t have you in my life. i am not “scared”, i just don’t want to invite your needs and baggage into my life. you mail me with walls of texts and ask the same thing over and over. i don’t want to deal with that. i gave you advice and specifics on where to go. people here gave you advice. you choose not to listen and that’s your choice. i just have zero interest in meeting you. i don’t need more friends and i am picky who i allow in. no hard feelings. i don’t want a project. i am trying to say it as nicely as possible. just get out and have some fun! we live in an amazing little beach paradise town! enjoy it.

i changed my mind and called an audible after i saw your posts on here and the novels you wrote to me. it’s not flaking, it is making a decision that i think is best for me. i felt badly for you at first and still do but i can’t help you.

 

[biggoal]

i just can’t have you in my life. i am not “scared”, i just don’t want to invite your needs and baggage into my life. you mail me with walls of texts and ask the same thing over and over. i don’t want to deal with that. i gave you advice and specifics on where to go. people here gave you advice. you choose not to listen and that’s your choice. i just have zero interest in meeting you. i don’t need more friends and i am picky who i allow in. no hard feelings. i don’t want a project. i am trying to say it as nicely as possible. just get out and have some fun! we live in an amazing little beach paradise town! enjoy it.

i changed my mind and called an audible after i sae your posts on here and the novels you wrote to me. it’s not flaking, it is making a decision that i think is best for me. i felt badly for you at first and still do but i can’t help you.

I understand. I didn't want to be serious friends, FWB or anything like that. Just someone to hangout with once in awhile. It's like women always interpret when a guy wants to be friends that he wants to simply F*ck them. This isn't the case here.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I understand. I didn't want to be serious friends, FWB or anything like that. Just someone to hangout with once in awhile. It's like women always interpret when a guy wants to be friends that he wants to simply F*ck them. This isn't the case here.

i don’t want that. i didn’t think you wanted anything more than you just stated. but i don’t want EVEN THAT. i wish you luck and check out the places i mentioned. especially music walk in FM! it’s amazing. Good luck!

 

[AttackFormation]

i don’t want that. i didn’t think you wanted anything more than you just stated. but i don’t want EVEN THAT. i wish you luck and check out the places i mentioned. especially music walk in FM! it’s amazing. Good luck!

lol, I got curious and clicked "Show ignored content" and see it's that trainwreck moron troll biggoal (sorry mods, just being a straight shooter, you know it's true) you're talking to. Could never decide whether he was a skilled troll or just mentally unhinged/total moron, maybe both. Guys like that make me feel hopeless when I think about humanity. That guy and others like him is going to have children some day with his female counterpart. Gods help us.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

I actually consider career even in a FWB/plate situation, because to me it is often an indication of her availability.

The last thing I want when I am seeing a few different women is to have one with too much time on her hands and wants to spend large portions of that free time with me. I don't have a lot of free time myself, so it suits me when I find a few women who are each particularly busy and all have limited availability.

All of the women I have spun long term were usually always professional types with limited time on their hands.

Lots of guys create too much stress and drama for themselves when trying to spin plates because they are trying to spin women who are too available, each vying for the same limited time.... all of the time. This forces guys to lie and make excuses to stave off one to make time for the other... trying to juggle all of the sh*t it takes to see them all, getting caught when slipping or losing track of lies, running out of excuses, drama ensuing when caught, etc.

So much easier to spin 3 or 4 women who are only available maybe every other week or even once every few weeks due to their responsibilities and limited availability. Women who are cool with that schedule are also typically cool with a casual arrangement for their own reasons. Women thirsty for the LTR wont put up with it long, on the other hand. So when they are cool, that also makes it easier to be a little more forthcoming about intentions and less dramatic in practice of maintaining a rotation.

Likewise, I actually consider career less in LTR scenarios. I have no issues with and support a woman pursuing a career at all, but I also do well enough that I don't need a woman to contribute financially in any way. If career isn't a main focus in her life, the other "duties" can take larger priority, such as with family and at home.

But I don't want a plate with enough free time that she wants to start playing house.

Yes! And this is me both ways! I only want a part time BF and i also work normal hours ans have hobbies and other interests and value my alone time. So that’s what i meant when i said i have weekends off, etc. I cannot date a guy that works weekends or not enough to fill his time because they look to me to. and that’s a huge turn off for me. great post thanks.

 

[SeekerOfTheWay]

lol, I got curious and clicked "Show ignored content" and see it's that trainwreck moron troll biggoal (sorry mods, just being a straight shooter, you know it's true) you're talking to. Could never decide whether he was a skilled troll or just mentally unhinged/total moron, maybe both. Guys like that make me feel hopeless when I think about humanity. That guy and others like him is going to have children some day with his female counterpart. Gods help us.

I took him off ignore. he seems harmless just clueless. I offered to help him by going out with him and being a sort of wing women. But i changed my mind and just can’t get involved. Everyone has different levels of self awareness and i hope he catches on.

 

[biggoal]

i don’t want that. i didn’t think you wanted anything more than you just stated. but i don’t want EVEN THAT. i wish you luck and check out the places i mentioned. especially music walk in FM! it’s amazing. Good luck!

Are there girls under 30 there? I want under 30. Over 30 just too much baggage like divorce, kid issues, mental stuff, etc.