Thinking you'll probably get rejected vs thinking you'll definitely get rejected

[BeExcellent]

He is not autistic. An autistic kid pissed all over the floor of my house last summer and laughed about it and cannot think nearly as quickly and respond anywhere near as insightfully and with the amount of composure that OP can. Your husband in previous posts has missed social cues. OP catches the social cues and laments not acting on them. He is not an autistic person he is a troll. See my post on the other trolls thread on AI girlfriends for further proof.

Your husband btw, sounds like a stand up guy. I’m glad you’re happy.

Its called a spectrum for a reason. But yes, my husband is a stand up dude.

 

[BaronOfHair]

"The problem is the pill part. I don't want to simply take her word for it that she's on the pill"

No, the problem is that you've picked up a lot of lousy habits from MGTOW content creators/The Manosphere more generally... Being committed to endlessly mulling over "a problem", to the exclusion of actually addressing it, being chief amongst said habits

This is the male equivalent of chicks griping over the fact that guys dig Sydney Sweeney, articulating what makes her appealing(Note: It's not just the tits), then concocting excuses for NOT emulating those traits(Embracing their feminine energy, developing lower, sultrier voices, etc etc)themselves

 

[GoodMan32]

I think "bad at getting, good at keeping" is the most common category.

Additionally, a lot of these "good at keeping" guys are in mediocre to subpar relationships. The relationships continue on due to societal pressure and at least one partner thinking that it is easier to stay than leave.

The first guy in the thread below is the classic "bad at getting, good at keeping" guy. My friend has a 10+ year relationship (formed through social circle, not cold approach or app swiping) based on a common interest in playing golf. The entirety of their relationship is the commonality of golf and her big, natural breasts on a mid-sized frame. She has zero charisma, she has a mediocre face, she is highly introverted, and borderline socially awkward. She doesn't seem to be able to discuss much in depth other than her white collar job and golf. She has almost zero female friends. She is on ok terms with the wives of her husband's friends, but none of them really like her that much.

I think she stays with him because of golf, he has an above average income, and her parents like him. He does have a good enough personality.

How Much More Attractive are Women with Cool, Male-Friendly Hobbies?

I've wondered how much more attractive women are when they possess some cool, male friendly hobbies. I have examples to share in this thread. The bottom line is that I think it makes an impact and sometimes a very significant one. Let's go through women possessing interest in some cool...

www.sosuave.net

Another one of my friends has been with the same woman since college and he's now in his late 30s. He met her through social circle in college, not a cold approach on campus. His history before her was very mediocre. I know he thought about dumping her before they got married but he wasn't that confident he'd replace her quickly or do better than her. She would have been in more demand had they broken up before the marriage.

If they broke up today, it's unknown how things would go. Both would be single parents now.

Fascinating input.

One especially brilliant point I'd like to address is your comment about how a lot of folks stay in a mediocre relationship simply because they don't think they could easily replace her.

Part of the reason for my dismal track record is the girl/woman losing interest in me. Part of it though is me losing interest in her.

I've posted before about a girl from class in college I broke up with after less than 2 weeks (because she was too strange even for me).

Additionally, I dated a girlfriend from POF for 8 months shortly after college. We wanted different things in life; that's why I dumped her.

In both of those cases, if I had the attitude of "stay with her because I might have a hard time replacing her," the relationship could/would have lasted longer.

I don't have the "stay with her because she's hard to replace" attitude though. My mentality is: If I no longer enjoy being with her, I'd rather break it off.

 

[plumber]

She didn't hunt him. Per her admission on past posts, he hunted her...pretty persistently (and she was reluctant to get with him)

I don't agree. Lady hunting often means being available. If girl is not hunting you, you can not find her.

 

[plumber]

Let me clarify a few things since I've been paged to this thread....@plumber

1. I randomly met my husband while technically on a date with someone else who I had been seeing for 9 months. My date spun out, got blisteringly drunk, broke up with me and started wildly flirting with other women at the venue. I do not tolerate disrespect like that, and so I shrugged it off, was with a larger group of close friends, and thought, Ok. I must be single. No worries.

My husband (who will tell you it was love at first sight) saw me arrive at the venue with someone else. My husband assumed I was married because of the big ring (not a wedding ring) on that finger. He actively orchestrated proximity (told his friends to move & make room) when he saw my girlfriend and I heading toward the bar. I ended up standing right next to him....and he was smiling and staring....so I said hello because otherwise it was a bit awkward. He struck up a conversation & asked for my social media. While this was going on my drunk date brings over some girl to introduce, which was kinda funny. So I went back to my group of friends & my husband stayed with his. At the end of the night he found me, said goodnight, gave me a little kiss & then we left with our respective friend groups. My date (I was his ride) refused to leave with us, so we left him.

I was single for a sum total of 2 hours before meeting my husband.......

2. The very next morning, before I was awake, my husband texted me & asked me to bruch at a spot near me. I accepted and went. He then asked me to go out to the wine country that afternoon. I went. He then asked me to dnner for that night. I went. So he wasted no time making his interest known. I liked that.

Understand this. My husband is a very handsome man and has been all his life. So since adolesence he's had females hitting on him & female attention. So he has a lot of experience with how girls behave, and he's had women proposition him, approach him, pick him up etc. He's also had a number of multiyear LTRs since high school & through adulthood. But he didn't want children, so that cost him a couple of good girls in his youth, and he didn't find the other LTRs marriage worthy.

He was 45 when I met him; I was 52. However I do not look my age at all. I did not look like I had children either.

My husband is good at getting women. Very adept at that actually. But he is also a sigma male. Not concerned with opinions of others. Classic lone wolf. So an insecure or needy woman will blow herself up with that kind of man. I am naturally aloof & like some space. So we mesh well there. His LTRs previously would fail because needs did not line up & he knows he can easily get another woman.

But he cannot easily get another woman like me. Great women are rare. A great woman who "gets him" is more rare. Therefore he sees my value, locked me down, and now we are married.

He is the handsome 6/6/6 man many many women desire, but few women embody what he desires & needs. So it works. He is over sex for the sake of sex. He's been with hot/crazies and needy insecure (suffocating) women.

So yes he has a lot of experience despite his neurodiversity. And he works out, is successful etc.

@GoodMan32 does not have the same facial asthetics or physique or women would be approaching him constantly as they do with my husband. BUT he can hit the gym, get into great shape, develop great style (my husband has the LA rocker look going in spades...) and improve his social acumen....all of which will improve his results.

But he must stop making excuses and take action & build positive habits (positive mindset, working out etc.)

always love your story. your man sounds like in spectrum, but in tune. that's a real deal.

 

[GoodMan32]

Let me clarify a few things since I've been paged to this thread....@plumber

1. I randomly met my husband while technically on a date with someone else who I had been seeing for 9 months. My date spun out, got blisteringly drunk, broke up with me and started wildly flirting with other women at the venue. I do not tolerate disrespect like that, and so I shrugged it off, was with a larger group of close friends, and thought, Ok. I must be single. No worries.

My husband (who will tell you it was love at first sight) saw me arrive at the venue with someone else. My husband assumed I was married because of the big ring (not a wedding ring) on that finger. He actively orchestrated proximity (told his friends to move & make room) when he saw my girlfriend and I heading toward the bar. I ended up standing right next to him....and he was smiling and staring....so I said hello because otherwise it was a bit awkward. He struck up a conversation & asked for my social media. While this was going on my drunk date brings over some girl to introduce, which was kinda funny. So I went back to my group of friends & my husband stayed with his. At the end of the night he found me, said goodnight, gave me a little kiss & then we left with our respective friend groups. My date (I was his ride) refused to leave with us, so we left him.

I was single for a sum total of 2 hours before meeting my husband.......

2. The very next morning, before I was awake, my husband texted me & asked me to bruch at a spot near me. I accepted and went. He then asked me to go out to the wine country that afternoon. I went. He then asked me to dnner for that night. I went. So he wasted no time making his interest known. I liked that.

Understand this. My husband is a very handsome man and has been all his life. So since adolesence he's had females hitting on him & female attention. So he has a lot of experience with how girls behave, and he's had women proposition him, approach him, pick him up etc. He's also had a number of multiyear LTRs since high school & through adulthood. But he didn't want children, so that cost him a couple of good girls in his youth, and he didn't find the other LTRs marriage worthy.

He was 45 when I met him; I was 52. However I do not look my age at all. I did not look like I had children either.

My husband is good at getting women. Very adept at that actually. But he is also a sigma male. Not concerned with opinions of others. Classic lone wolf. So an insecure or needy woman will blow herself up with that kind of man. I am naturally aloof & like some space. So we mesh well there. His LTRs previously would fail because needs did not line up & he knows he can easily get another woman.

But he cannot easily get another woman like me. Great women are rare. A great woman who "gets him" is more rare. Therefore he sees my value, locked me down, and now we are married.

He is the handsome 6/6/6 man many many women desire, but few women embody what he desires & needs. So it works. He is over sex for the sake of sex. He's been with hot/crazies and needy insecure (suffocating) women.

So yes he has a lot of experience despite his neurodiversity. And he works out, is successful etc.

@GoodMan32 does not have the same facial asthetics or physique or women would be approaching him constantly as they do with my husband. BUT he can hit the gym, get into great shape, develop great style (my husband has the LA rocker look going in spades...) and improve his social acumen....all of which will improve his results.

But he must stop making excuses and take action & build positive habits (positive mindset, working out etc.)

Ok, I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. My perception of you and your husband's story was largely incorrect (I could have sworn though I remembered a past post where you said the age gap made you hesitant to get involved with him initially)

Without knowing what your husband looks like, I will take your word for it his looks are better than mine (but I remain adamant my looks are above-average, just not as far above-average as his)

In any case, I find it interesting he got lots of attention from the opposite sex even in high school. My looks were bordering on 8/10 in high school (they've since faded down to the 6-7 range), yet I had a stigma of being the guy no girls wanted during high school (it seriously would have been social suicide for any girl, even an unpopular one, to date me in high school)

As my counselor put it, high schoolers simply aren't very nice when it comes to any sort of difference (that was my counselor's explanation of why I was viewed as a leper by girls in high school, despite my looks)

While there are a number of factors explaining why your husband has gotten more attention than me in the real world, I'm shocked his autism didn't make him a leper in high school.

Since you mentioned your husband's rocker style, I'm going to address the topic of my style.

Interestingly, at work today, a 35 year old male coworker told me I have a lot of nice shirts (and asked me where I get my shirts). After answering the question of where I get my shirts, I told him "I've been told I dress like a grandpa or boring suburban dad. I'm glad you appreciate my style."

He then told me my style looks professional (and we talked about how there are too many grown men who dress like they're in high school)

He is not autistic. An autistic kid pissed all over the floor of my house last summer and laughed about it and cannot think nearly as quickly and respond anywhere near as insightfully and with the amount of composure that OP can. Your husband in previous posts has missed social cues. OP catches the social cues and laments not acting on them. He is not an autistic person he is a troll. See my post on the other trolls thread on AI girlfriends for further proof.

Your husband btw, sounds like a stand up guy. I’m glad you’re happy.

I'm an autist. The psychiatrist who gave me the diagnosis would know better than some internet stranger with no psychiatry background.

As for the fact I'm more insightful than the autistic kid who peed on your floor, the autism spectrum is a spectrum. Just because that kid is further onto the spectrum than me doesn't change the fact I'm an autist.

As for my posts about picking up on (but refusing to act on) cues from the opposite sex, we're talking about perceived cues. I've been wrong about perceived cues many times before in my youth (which was how I ended up becoming so terrified to act on perceived cues). Had I acted on some of these perceived cues in more recent years, there's a high chance the cues would have turned out to be nothing.

Hell, my current next door neighbor's "cues" turned out to be nothing (luckily I didn't have to officially shoot my shot to find out; I found a creative way to get her to admit I don't have a chance without asking her outright)

 

[plumber]

He is not autistic. An autistic kid pissed all over the floor of my house last summer and laughed about it and cannot think nearly as quickly and respond anywhere near as insightfully and with the amount of composure that OP can. Your husband in previous posts has missed social cues. OP catches the social cues and laments not acting on them. He is not an autistic person he is a troll. See my post on the other trolls thread on AI girlfriends for further proof.

Your husband btw, sounds like a stand up guy. I’m glad you’re happy.

its a spectrum, means very mild to very strong symptoms. in the mild cases the men and women will not be able to read body language automatically like you likely can. you don't even know that you do it, your brain process is fast for you and just feeds you the impulses from that. in addition low Harmons level for such a person will result in a kind of mental looping. they can get stuck running over the same thing like in a squirrel cage. if when they get in tune, they will see it themselves and take action. its not as uncommon as you think. this case looks identical to others. if it was a troll, its a good one to know to mimic this behavior. if such a man gets in tune, he becomes a powerful force and usually starts doing amazing things.

 

[SW15]

One especially brilliant point I'd like to address is your comment about how a lot of folks stay in a mediocre relationship simply because they don't think they could easily replace her.

Men do this with women and women do this with men in longer term relationships.

In both of those cases, if I had the attitude of "stay with her because I might have a hard time replacing her," the relationship could/would have lasted longer.

I don't have the "stay with her because she's hard to replace" attitude though. My mentality is: If I no longer enjoy being with her, I'd rather break it off.

At a later relationship stage, this can change. Marriage is the thing that causes a lot of these changes. Family courts in the USA are very unfavorable towards males, even if the male has the superior divorce attorney to the female. Many men will stay in marriages because the terms of a divorce settlement will be unfavorable to him.

Without marriages, there are betas in non-marital LTRs who will stay in a mediocre or subpar relationship over sex frequency. These betas will often know their poor initial attraction history and figure occasional sex in a mediocre to subpar relationship is better than going something like 6-12 months without any sex.

There are times where women stay in mediocre to subpar relationships for a variety of reasons, often related to her own self-confidence.

 

[GoodMan32]

its a spectrum, means very mild to very strong symptoms. in the mild cases the men and women will not be able to read body language automatically like you likely can. you don't even know that you do it, your brain process is fast for you and just feeds you the impulses from that. in addition low Harmons level for such a person will result in a kind of mental looping. they can get stuck running over the same thing like in a squirrel cage. if when they get in tune, they will see it themselves and take action. its not as uncommon as you think. this case looks identical to others. if it was a troll, its a good one to know to mimic this behavior. if such a man gets in tune, he becomes a powerful force and usually starts doing amazing things.

Well-said. As my counselor likes to put it "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."

Some autists are mentally challenged, some autists need diapers, some autists can never live alone, some autists can never work, etc.

Luckily my autism isn't as severe as the examples I just gave. That doesn't mean I don't struggle in my own way though.

The autism explanation perfectly makes sense of why it turned out I misread the cue nearly every single time I expressed interest in a girl I thought was into me in my youth.

The autism-related difficulty with romantic cues goes both ways. Just like autism can cause us to imagine interest where none exists, it can also cause us to totally miss interest that does exist.

There have been times as an adult where I found out through the grapevine a woman I never had any idea was into me, was into me (which makes one wonder how many cases like that there have been where I wasn't lucky enough to find out through the grapevine)

 

[Divorced w 3]

Ok, I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. My perception of you and your husband's story was largely incorrect (I could have sworn though I remembered a past post where you said the age gap made you hesitant to get involved with him initially)

Without knowing what your husband looks like, I will take your word for it his looks are better than mine (but I remain adamant my looks are above-average, just not as far above-average as his)

In any case, I find it interesting he got lots of attention from the opposite sex even in high school. My looks were bordering on 8/10 in high school (they've since faded down to the 6-7 range), yet I had a stigma of being the guy no girls wanted during high school (it seriously would have been social suicide for any girl, even an unpopular one, to date me in high school)

As my counselor put it, high schoolers simply aren't very nice when it comes to any sort of difference (that was my counselor's explanation of why I was viewed as a leper by girls in high school, despite my looks)

While there are a number of factors explaining why your husband has gotten more attention than me in the real world, I'm shocked his autism didn't make him a leper in high school.

Since you mentioned your husband's rocker style, I'm going to address the topic of my style.

Interestingly, at work today, a 35 year old male coworker told me I have a lot of nice shirts (and asked me where I get my shirts). After answering the question of where I get my shirts, I told him "I've been told I dress like a grandpa or boring suburban dad. I'm glad you appreciate my style."

He then told me my style looks professional (and we talked about how there are too many grown men who dress like they're in high school)



I'm an autist. The psychiatrist who gave me the diagnosis would know better than some internet stranger with no psychiatry background.

As for the fact I'm more insightful than the autistic kid who peed on your floor, the autism spectrum is a spectrum. Just because that kid is further onto the spectrum than me doesn't change the fact I'm an autist.

As for my posts about picking up on (but refusing to act on) cues from the opposite sex, we're talking about perceived cues. I've been wrong about perceived cues many times before in my youth (which was how I ended up becoming so terrified to act on perceived cues). Had I acted on some of these perceived cues in more recent years, there's a high chance the cues would have turned out to be nothing.

Hell, my current next door neighbor's "cues" turned out to be nothing (luckily I didn't have to officially shoot my shot to find out; I found a creative way to get her to admit I don't have a chance without asking her outright)

Im not a stranger, I am the internet’s best troll hunter.

You’re acknowledging my responses to you for the first time ever because you’re finally getting called out on the inconsistency of your act.

You’re a (con) artist, not an autist

 

[BaronOfHair]

I'm an autist. The psychiatrist who gave me the diagnosis would know better than some internet stranger with no psychiatry background

You received that diagnosis in HS... At 34 now, that means you received it almost 2 decades ago, when-in many respects, anyway-instruments for identifying ailments of all varieties(both physical AND psychological)were f-c-ing primitive, compared to what exists today. This was the same era in which broadcast TV

still seemed like the best thing since sliced bread

That's to say nothing of the often questionable nature of initial diagnoses to begin with https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3068718/

Have you given any thought to getting further assessment? It's entirely possible that-like many men from the late 20th Century-the present, you're simply poorly socialized, after having spent much of your early life retreating into fantasy world on television and online

 

[GoodMan32]

You’re acknowledging my responses to you for the first time ever because you’re finally getting called out on the inconsistency of your act.

You’re a (con) artist, not an autist

There is no inconsistency.

It's pretty simple: I misread lots of perceived cues in my youth, I now (as a result) second guess myself when I pick up on a perceived cue as an adult. I even gave an example from within the past year where I found out I misread a cue.

 

[Divorced w 3]

There is no inconsistency.

It's pretty simple: I misread lots of perceived cues in my youth, I now (as a result) second guess myself when I pick up on a perceived cue as an adult. I even gave an example from within the past year where I found out I misread a cue.

Why have you not responded or acknowledged a word to me on my comments to you on seduction in the entire time you’ve posted here ..: I have a 60% approval via likes on this board, certainly something has stuck besides catching you dead to rights - yours, Van Helsing

 

[GoodMan32]

You received that diagnosis in HS... At 34 now, that means you received it almost 2 decades ago, when-in many respects, anyway-instruments for identifying ailments of all varieties(both physical AND psychological)were f-c-ing primitive, compared to what exists today. This is to say nothing of the often questionable nature of initial diagnoses to begin with https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3068718/

Have you given any thought to getting further assessment? It's entirely possible that-like many men from the late 20th Century-the present, you're simply poorly socialized, after having spent much of your early life retreating into fantasy world on television and online

Your timeline is slightly off (but not by a whole lot). I got the diagnosis in middle school in 2003.

I've never really thought about getting further assessment (but I haven't totally written off the idea)

In 2003, there wasn't really much of an internet culture yet (and since big screen TVs weren't a thing yet in 2003, I didn't watch a whole lot of TV)

I was alive for 85% of the 90s (and was raised in a neighborhood with lots of kids...who I played with by the way). My point? In 2003 (when I got the diagnosis), the explanation of simply being a poorly socialized guy who was overly dependent on technology wasn't exactly valid.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Your timeline is slightly off (but not by a whole lot). I got the diagnosis in middle school in 2003

So you received this diagnosis back when Bush II was still in The White House, Lindsay Lohan(who's currently pushing 40)was pretty much jailbait, and The Sopranos still had a few more years to go...

Yeah, chances of that shrink being incorrect are weaker than the likelihood of Gilbet Gottfried rising from the dead, then being named People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive

 

[SW15]

I got the diagnosis in middle school in 2003.

I've never really thought about getting further assessment (but I haven't totally written off the idea)

In 2003, there wasn't really much of an internet culture yet (and since big screen TVs weren't a thing yet in 2003, I didn't watch a whole lot of TV)

I was alive for 85% of the 90s (and was raised in a neighborhood with lots of kids...who I played with by the way). My point? In 2003 (when I got the diagnosis), the explanation of simply being a poorly socialized guy who was overly dependent on technology wasn't exactly valid.

Big screen TVs were common in 2003. In 2003, households with bigger TV sets were more likely to have tube TV sets and not flat screens yet.

The relevant detail is that you were not watching a lot of TV from 1998-2003.

In 2003, it was possible to be overly dependent on tech. However, you were only 12 in 2003. More and more households were starting to get higher speed internet at home around 1998-2003, moving from dial up internet to a faster, broadband connection.

Perhaps you weren't on the internet much in those years. There was a decent internet culture in the early 2000s.

In 2003, you could have been poorly socialized without too much TV or internet time.

you received this diagnosis back when Bush II was still in The White House, Lindsay Lohan(who's currently pushing 40)was pretty much jailbait, and The Sopranos still had a few more years to go...

It could be worth doing some updated testing to see what's changed since 2003. He will likely test positive in 2025 for autism based on 2025 testing methods too.

 

[plumber]

There is no inconsistency.

It's pretty simple: I misread lots of perceived cues in my youth, I now (as a result) second guess myself when I pick up on a perceived cue as an adult. I even gave an example from within the past year where I found out I misread a cue.

The next step to improve you life based on what you tell and want. these are in priority order, but you can do them at the same time if you want and are really eager to improve.

- get your T and E checked. fix it if you need to.
- get to the gym, hire a trainer for at least one day a week to teach you what to do at the gym. then go for at least 90 minutes at least three times a week and do it.
- read and internalize several rp books.
-- no more mr nice guy
-- 48 laws of power
-- Unfu*k yourself

read all three. do the gym. check you t/e.

there is a pattern of behavior that matches with you that shows in others. the solution I have just given you. if you want to improve do it. no matter how often or how many times you review and loop through the issues, nothing will change until you make a change. only then will you see different results.

your not the first one in this situation.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I got the diagnosis in middle school in 2003.

@GoodMan32 I strongly urge you to be reevaluated by a different doctor.

I don't know what criteria he/she used to diagnose you but doctors make mistakes.

I have been misdiagnosed twice (not autism but another mental disorder), the first time the result was being prescribed the wrong meds which nearly killed me!

My point is you were diagnosed 22 years ago when you were 12 or 13 years old when it's quite normal to have social and other issues, and as such it's possible you may have been misdiagnosed.

If so, the therapy you're receiving now (the therapist assuming you're autistic) would be ineffective.

Get rechecked is my advice, couldn't hurt.

oood.luck.

 

[MatureDJ]

ProbabilityCope.

 

[MatureDJ]

You can be ripped and still 'ugly' to lots of girls ...

It's a meme:

Gymcel

A gymcel is an incel who works out, believing that a muscular body will compensate for an unattractive face. Gymcels will often spend countless hours in the gym...

incels.wiki