"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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There's this girl...

lord_mike

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So, I got a little problem here.... I met this girl (not a girl anymore, she's 28, I'm 33). Had a date with her, went very well. She's very pretty, the best looking chick I've dated since my divorce. She basically invited herself over my house to watch the Browns game on Sunday (woo hoo!!!)... So, what's the problem you say?

I did well on the first date, because my expectations were low (she's a hottie and hotties don't usually go for me), had memorized the DJ bible, and I had a headache which forced me to focus on what I was saying instead of all the other bull**** that "nice guys" focus on during a date (and subsequently blowing it).

Now that my headache is gone, and the prospect of success with this hottie is in reach, my inner nice guy is roaring back, trying to break through again. I'm in a constant 24-hour battle to keep him at bay. This isn't good. I already slipped up a bit on the phone with her last night, but recognized the problem and recovered quickly (fortunately) and repaired any damage. Of course, nice guy is replaying the phone mistake scenario over and over, making me anxious, insecure, and well, nice guy! I also and trying to fight any expectations on Sunday, but I know my inner nice guy is saying "I hope I score! I hope I score!!" (with apologies to Kent Dorfman from Animal House).

Thank God I'm a good actor and can hide it quite well, but the enemy is at the gates and is ready to break through. I know this is bad, but I can't seem to stop it. Please help before I blow a great opportunity (like I'd often do in the old days)!!!

Thanks,

Mike
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Aztec

Master Don Juan
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What's the problem?

I think recognizing your mistake and rectifying it is good.

It's probably hard to be accustomed again to dating since you were married but it will come to you.
 

Cleatus VanDamme

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Originally posted by Aztec
It's probably hard to be accustomed again to dating since you were married but it will come to you.
Word! I got married while in grad school - back in college it was too easy to meet people. Then, divorced at age 32....ulp!! It took a while to get back in the groove, to say the least.

At least you are forearmed with knowledge! Don't think about things too much, act on your DJ instincts, and don't let a chance to make a move pass you up.
 

sustainable007

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SMACK!!!

That was a smack to help you snap out of it...You are making a cardinal sin by placing so much value in what she is going to do....Remember that a DJ is the catch and there is a plentiful supply of beautiful women so dont take yourself so f*U*c*k*i*n*g seriously.....Just relax and let the ride take it where you may...and remember to apply the genius paradox....
 

Slickster

Master Don Juan
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Hey Man,

This chick already has high interest if she's inviting herself over to watch football. That is an attempt to impress you.

You are the man! Forget about how hot she is and maintain the attitude that she has to qualify herself to you before you become interested. She may be hot but you are hotter. She has to prove herself and that's going to take more than a couple dates.

So stop the worrying. In the immortal words of Samuel L. Jackson's character Jules from Pulp Fiction, "Chill the f*ck out!"
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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