The Ultimate Red Flag List

[Phyzzle]

- Has more cats than friends.

- DRESSES the cats.

 

[jophil28]

I completely disagree. A woman is not going to suddenly become closer to you because she feels her job is done with the kids. What will happen is she will put the children first, not out of obligation, but because she prefers them to you. When they are teenagers, guess what? She will still prefer them to you. By that time, your relationship will be disjointed and never get back on track. When they are adults, guess what happens? She calls the adult children. She confides in them. She wants to do things with them. At this point, you pay the bills and escort her somewhere if needed, that's all you'll be good for at that point.

THis is great advice -

It is unhealthy for a woman to 'prefer' her children's company(of any age ) to that of her husband.
I have been in a marriage with a woman who had two teens from her first marriage. She set up a competition bewteen me and the kids, in which she played the central pivotal role ( power, in other words ).

The marriage failed -

Rule # 1 for married woman for a successful marriage - Spouse first, children second, her family next, then her friends etc.
IN THAT ORDER !

 

[Ever onward]

Rule # 1 for married woman for a successful marriage - Spouse first, children second, her family next, then her friends etc.
IN THAT ORDER !

Does that apply to a situation in which she has children from a previous marriage?

I have never once met any woman who would ever consider putting a guy first so I've given up on the notion. Now you say that's how the way things should be? I wish.

 

[decades]

What about having men as roomates?

watch for the other red flags. it they are there, that's a situation I would want no part of.

 

[decades]

Here's a little "tell" for you guys who are dating right now. The next time you go to a restaurant, and you get a table where one seat faces the open room, and one seat faces the wall, walk in behind your date and see where she sits. Do this a few times and observe what she does. My guess is invariably they take the seat that faces the room. I jokingly call this the "single's" chair. It's where you can make eye contact with loads of people. Do this a few times and just take note of her behavior. Then, one day just casually tell her that you would like to sit there. If she objects or throws a hissy fit, you may have a real live histrionic on your hands. Mix it up the next few times you go out to get a sense of how she reacts to "sharing." This can be done just getting coffee or a sitting in a number of places. If she is okay with you mixing it up, then you likely have a woman who is truly into you. If she insists on always taking the "single's" seat, then you likely have trouble brewing.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Here's the correct answer to this question: You and your child are both hanging from a cliff. Your wife, the love of your life, only has time to save one of you, which one does she save? The correct answer from your point of view is the child, but your wife should want to save you over the child. You should always be the most important person in her life, no matter what! A woman that values her child over you is a woman that married you to get the child and the status.

Well first of all it wouldn't be "her child" it would be "our child". I'm not down with single moms (ick!). Second of all I also married her to get the child (**** the status)... no matter what other reasons our genes may have deluded us into believing, makin' da babies is the reason people have been getting together since sexual reproduction first evolved.

So long as I inhabit a 'body' I am Nature's ***** just like everyone else in this world. Mother Nature is holding all of our leashes and I can either follow her or be dragged by her. Maybe I'd prefer it if love were forever and happiness were guarenteed and all that, but the truth is we are all serving nature weather we want to or not just as our morals and ideal are all in that service, the only error is to fail to recognize our service.

"Woman and children first" wasn't some mysandrist slogan: any civilization and any family that doesn't put women and children first in the order of survival isn't one that's long for this world.

As a man I have no interest in devaluing my own life, at the same time it is unrealistic to not recognize the fact that of the two genders we are the more disposable.

If you wipe out half the men in a generation, your civilization/family will still be fine because now every man will have two women to get pregenant. If you wipe out half the women, then no matter what you do there will be fewer people in the next generation.

 

[LovelyLady]

Here's a little "tell" for you guys who are dating right now. The next time you go to a restaurant, and you get a table where one seat faces the open room, and one seat faces the wall, walk in behind your date and see where she sits. Do this a few times and observe what she does. My guess is invariably they take the seat that faces the room. I jokingly call this the "single's" chair. It's where you can make eye contact with loads of people. Do this a few times and just take note of her behavior. Then, one day just casually tell her that you would like to sit there. If she objects or throws a hissy fit, you may have a real live histrionic on your hands. Mix it up the next few times you go out to get a sense of how she reacts to "sharing." This can be done just getting coffee or a sitting in a number of places. If she is okay with you mixing it up, then you likely have a woman who is truly into you. If she insists on always taking the "single's" seat, then you likely have trouble brewing.

Actually, many of us women consider keeping our backs against the wall/viewing the room as the "safety" seat because we are able to get a "feel" for unpredictable situations/drunkards entering that might bother us - it is so we aren't caught off guard. I yield that seat once I know the guy I am with can handle himself, and/or a jerk approaching.

 

[joekerr31]

Actually, many of us women consider keeping our backs against the wall/viewing the room as the "safety" seat because we are able to get a "feel" for unpredictable situations/drunkards entering that might bother us - it is so we aren't caught off guard. I yield that seat once I know the guy I am with can handle himself, and/or a jerk approaching.

i agree with this. i think a lot of men don't realize just how neurotic many women are about their safety.

i know lots of women who won't walk the streets after dark. i can understand not walking the streets at 2am in the morning, but at 10pm? and yet there are TONS of women who won't go out once the sun goes down unless they have a man on their arm or are shopping at walmart.

i think if men knew just how safety conscious a lot of women are they would understand their behavior a bit better.

not excusing all of womens behavior by any means, but there are times where a woman will act odd because she doesn't feel 100% safe - even we feel that she is 100% safe.

 

[KontrollerX]

I wouldn't say thats necessarily a good test to determine HPD for a woman you just started seeing persistent.

HPD's ensnare their victims by being overly giving and doing everything you want for the first few weeks/months.

I guess it could be a good test for an HPD thats losing interest in you but also it could work for any woman HPD or normal thats losing interest in you lol.

 

[decades]

Actually, many of us women consider keeping our backs against the wall/viewing the room as the "safety" seat because we are able to get a "feel" for unpredictable situations/drunkards entering that might bother us - it is so we aren't caught off guard. I yield that seat once I know the guy I am with can handle himself, and/or a jerk approaching.

good point

 

[decades]

I wouldn't say thats necessarily a good test to determine HPD for a woman you just started seeing persistent.

HPD's ensnare their victims by being overly giving and doing everything you want for the first few weeks/months.

I guess it could be a good test for an HPD thats losing interest in you but also it could work for any woman HPD or normal thats losing interest in you lol.

yep it's complex that's for sure.

 

[Latinoman]

If a woman has little children and she puts her man ABOVE those little children...THAT is unnatural and on itself a red flag.

I would never put any woman over any child of mine.

That being said...if a woman puts her husband above adult children...that's a different story. And many women do that.

Here is a RED flag: A man that expects a woman to put him above her little children.

It screams insecurity.

A man that gets with a woman with small children is doing that under the understanding that that woman should put the priority on the small kids. And rightfully so. That's why I don't get into relationships with women with small children.

It is NOT a "red flag". She is simply doing what is natural.

 

[jophil28]

Does that apply to a situation in which she has children from a previous marriage?

I have never once met any woman who would ever consider putting a guy first so I've given up on the notion. Now you say that's how the way things should be? I wish.

If you just want a FB or a casual woman to date then her other priorities are pretty much irrelevant...However, if you are in an LTR or a marriage (or engaged) then she and you SHOULD be very clear that 'the relationship' is the "main event" in both your lives.
Women who do not attach primacy to their intimate permanent relationship are not good candidates for being in one (or she has low IL).
You should be her #1 priority above her mother, her sisters ,her friends and so on. Your relationship is PARAMOUNT . THis is Marriage Guidance 101 !
I never accept split loyalty either - it is a guarantee of future drama.

YOu are the King on the top of her deck (or should be) Make this frame in your mind from date#1 . If you feel (several times) "in competition" with any of her family or her children then move on ! It is not going to work for you.

If she has DEPENDENT children from a previous marriage then you and she need to negotiate how you fit in and how THEY fit into your relationship with their mother. If the kids are teens then they need to come to accept that YOU are the MAN in their mother's life and they need to get used to it.
Take it from me - you NEVER want to be in an LTR with a woman who "splits" herself up in thin slices and gives you just one slice. I've been there and it is a bad thing.

 

[WaterTiger]

If a woman has little children and she puts her man ABOVE those little children...THAT is unnatural and on itself a red flag.

I would never put any woman over any child of mine.

That being said...if a woman puts her husband above adult children...that's a different story. And many women do that.

Here is a RED flag: A man that expects a woman to put him above her little children.

It screams insecurity.

A man that gets with a woman with small children is doing that under the understanding that that woman should put the priority on the small kids. And rightfully so. That's why I don't get into relationships with women with small children.

It is NOT a "red flag". She is simply doing what is natural.

I agree. When last comes to last, women are here to produce children. Not take care of men. If women fail in this one duty, the human race will become extinct. Remember, if she puts YOU ahead of her kids, she'll put some other jerk ahead of YOURS.

Usually the men who want to be ahead of the kids do not have children of their own. If they did, they couldn't imagine putting up with some beeyoch saying: "Who's more important? Me or those brats?"

 

[decades]

I am with latinoman on this one. Kids come #1. Your child is yours forever. Your man might disappear on you.

 

[logic1]

What about having men as roomates?

There are about 5 red flags rolled into 1 with this!!

As another poster stated. I would want no part of this.

 

[jophil28]

Your child is yours forever. Your man might disappear on you.

THat is womanthink , it is girly anxiety , it is female fearfulness at it's silliest.

Furthermore, you do not own your child.("Your child is YOURS forever )!!

"Your man might disappear on you." Yep, he probably will if you expect that your child will stay around forever in the role of your friend, or your companion, or comforter, or confidante.

It is sad when a child grows to adulthood and cannot separate from his/her parents.
However it is just f**ked up when a parent clings to their own child for emotional intimacy rather than risk themselves in an adult relationship.

 

[mystic03]

RED FLAGS:

- Calls you like a zillion times a day
- *****es you about stuff you do and she does the same things (nut case?)
- If she mentions MARRIAGE after dating 1 month
- If she never offers to pay on dates, I mean never...
- Uses you as an emotional tampon
- You found out she just broke up from a LTR
- After months of dating refuses to meet your family
- Changes behavior with you when in public

GREEN FLAGS:

- Says yes to 99% of the times you ask her out
- Takes care of you when you are sick
- Shows affection to you in public
- Often makes compliments on you
- Says "thank you" at the end of the date

 

[ketostix]

Red Flag:

She's over the age of 26 and has never been married.

 

[Latinoman]

There are about 5 red flags rolled into 1 with this!!

As another poster stated. I would want no part of this.

That would be a deal breaker for me.