The problem with DJs

Fruitbat

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Contentious post, but I’ve known a couple of successful - very successful Casanovas in my life. Self-admittedly far more successful than me.

I estimate prior to getting married for the 2nd time, perhaps 30-40 in my life. I knew a few guys doing that in a year. Not just having the looks, career etc, but also the drive, the game and getting a real achievement buzz from it .

Sad fact is, I found myself never wanting to hang with them. Men of this ilk are never the type to see things as “off limits” nor meet you as an equal. They tend to want you there as another admirer and will turn on you if there’s a chance it will put them up the status hierarchy when a woman’s present.

Now, I never wanted my life to be a lone wolf scenario. I don’t want “friends” who stab you that easily.

In the end, I find myself and others drifting away from them. Especially if you have a GF.

Note: this isn’t just a guy with his shyt together. It’s a Casanova. There is a difference. I know some solid guys who can pull tons, but they aren’t motivated in the same way.

In my view, you need to make a choice if you play life this way. You’re going to lose a lot of friends and never really get trusted by those close to you if you choose this route.

Some may view this as player hatred. I’d say there is a distinct dark triad element with these guys and nobody ever gets anything out of an interaction with dark triad - it’s a pointless friendship with no benefits.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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Contentious post, but I’ve known a couple of successful - very successful Casanovas in my life. Self-admittedly far more successful than me.

I estimate prior to getting married for the 2nd time, perhaps 30-40 in my life. I knew a few guys doing that in a year. Not just having the looks, career etc, but also the drive, the game and getting a real achievement buzz from it .

Sad fact is, I found myself never wanting to hang with them. Men of this ilk are never the type to see things as “off limits” nor meet you as an equal. They tend to want you there as another admirer and will turn on you if there’s a chance it will put them up the status hierarchy when a woman’s present.

Now, I never wanted my life to be a lone wolf scenario. I don’t want “friends” who stab you that easily.

In the end, I find myself and others drifting away from them. Especially if you have a GF.

Note: this isn’t just a guy with his shyt together. It’s a Casanova. There is a difference. I know some solid guys who can pull tons, but they aren’t motivated in the same way.

In my view, you need to make a choice if you play life this way. You’re going to lose a lot of friends and never really get trusted by those close to you if you choose this route.

Some may view this as player hatred. I’d say there is a distinct dark triad element with these guys and nobody ever gets anything out of an interaction with dark triad - it’s a pointless friendship with no benefits.
Some females are dark triads.... If you view individuals as "prey" to be consume im sure there maybe some joint efforts. But they will not help each other in positive ways.
 

AttackFormation

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Sounds like the guys you described might simply be narcissists. "Want you there as an admirer" and "will turn on you to boost their status", those sound like trigger warnings to me.
 

Kotaix

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You're also going to lose a lot of friends as a matter of course as they get older. They'll have kids, or your way of thinking can change in ways theirs doesn't.

I've known a lot of men who act like this who are close to being incels, people don't have to be successful to have that attitude. They'll throw you under the bus if it makes them look good in other's eyes. These guys are pretentious yet deeply insecure and they tend to be bigoted and lacking in any self-reflection.
 
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Fruitbat

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I haven't personally seen this at all.
Example: married dude I know. Solid mate, supposedly. Went away for a wedding (he didn’t take his mrs). Group of single women there. I was with my girl. Immediately changed when women there. Arrogant, unfriendly, basically tried alphaing the whole thing and punking me, to the extent I had to leave and join my wife who had left earlier (not a drinker).

I kind of stole the show with a speech that took me weeks to write and practice. I found out later he was telling people I’d clearly paid to have it written for me, which wasn’t true

Later, I kept an eye on things. My wife was off sat down alone and I could see everything from the lobby, so I was concealed. I saw this guy walk past and give her a long obvious stare. She was the hottest there by far.

That’s the point I decided this friendship was over.

They are out there mate.
 

AttackFormation

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Example: married dude I know. Solid mate, supposedly. Went away for a wedding (he didn’t take his mrs). Group of single women there. I was with my girl. Immediately changed when women there. Arrogant, unfriendly, basically tried alphaing the whole thing and punking me, to the extent I had to leave and join my wife who had left earlier (not a drinker).

I kind of stole the show with a speech that took me weeks to write and practice. I found out later he was telling people I’d clearly paid to have it written for me, which wasn’t true

Later, I kept an eye on things. My wife was off sat down alone and I could see everything from the lobby, so I was concealed. I saw this guy walk past and give her a long obvious stare. She was the hottest there by far.

That’s the point I decided this friendship was over.

They are out there mate.
Cluster B
 

LARaiders85

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Example: married dude I know. Solid mate, supposedly. Went away for a wedding (he didn’t take his mrs). Group of single women there. I was with my girl. Immediately changed when women there. Arrogant, unfriendly, basically tried alphaing the whole thing and punking me, to the extent I had to leave and join my wife who had left earlier (not a drinker).

I kind of stole the show with a speech that took me weeks to write and practice. I found out later he was telling people I’d clearly paid to have it written for me, which wasn’t true

Later, I kept an eye on things. My wife was off sat down alone and I could see everything from the lobby, so I was concealed. I saw this guy walk past and give her a long obvious stare. She was the hottest there by far.

That’s the point I decided this friendship was over.

They are out there mate.
I know that type but that is just a douche and an AFC is 100x more likely to do that stuff imo.
 

Roober

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"no matter how much you like them, there is always that accursed itch of class difference. They may recognize it more than you do. Notice the class difference. It's not about dislike or distaste, but it is enough to make real intimacy impossible."

-Orwell, the road to Wigan pier
 
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Fruitbat

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You're also going to lose a lot of friends as a matter of course as they get older. They'll have kids, or your way of thinking can change in ways theirs doesn't.

I've known a lot of men who act like this who are close to being incels, people don't have to be successful to have that attitude. They'll throw you under the bus if it makes them look good in other's eyes. These guys are pretentious yet deeply insecure and they tend to be bigoted and lacking in any self-reflection.
Self reflection is both a blessing and a curse
 
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