The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[BeTheChange]

Day 16

Date last night. Beautiful girl. Spicy and argumentative but good fun. Ended up back at my place with a bottle of prosecco. Claimed she was on the rag but gave me an awesome bl0wjob. Said she "loved giving head". Having a great time at the moment. Two girls in two days only two weeks after the breakup and that's despite having been incredibly picky.

I'd say the key reasons it's been so easy to recover is:

- The gym
- Throwing myself into major self improvement
- Having high standards for the quality of the rebound chicks
- Socialising regularly and getting myself out there into social hobbies like salsa
- The World Cup (lol). It's coming home!
- Reframing the situation and refusing to reminisce on the good times with the ex

Life is good.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 17

Decided to start looking seriously for a long term relationship. I will be 30 this year. Starting a family is a long term goal and I have always been conscious of the fact it takes time to really know someone well enough before committing to having children - in an ideal world five years.

I don't subscribe to the philosophy a man should be free and non committal until 35. In fact a supportive LTR/marriage is vastly superior to spinning plates for the career minded man or entepreneur because it allows them to FOCUS.

I recently studied the Sunday Times Richlist and the number of men who married young speaks volumes. The same can be observed for the CEOs and senior management of Fortune 500 companies. Even newer ones like Facebook. Time to get busy.

 

[resilient]

Day 6

After flaking for 4th of July fireworks and not confirming that she would counteroffer hanging out next time, I instituted my own no contact to get her to invest and reach out. No official breakup but with this flake and time delays between text responses leading up to day 1... my gut knew we were most likely over.

I saw her posing at the beach the day after she flaked looking sexy in a one piece. She looked fine. She didn’t look like she had the stomach flu. That set me back. I also saw her hiking with her best girlfriend the next day on instagram. I muted her stories, posts and her friend as well.

I’ve been out socially almost everyday and night this week. I don’t want to be at home and alone with my thoughts. I haven’t had much of an appetite.

I met a cool younger chick Friday night at a social gathering and watched the World Cup the next day with her in another social setting. Some kino, #close and set up for a tentative date for next weekend. She may flake because it’s not sooner. If nothing else, this helped me practice getting out there and talking to single women again.

A third-party app told me that the ex blocked me last night on Instagram. I think she got tired of viewing my stories looking like I was out having fun and not looking hurt from her ghosting me the whole week.

I’ve got to work to get my confidence back up. I’m going to start daily affirmations of things I like about myself to rebuild my self-esteem.

I’m going to push it harder in the gym, join a kickboxing venue, stay busy, eat healthy, maybe start up salsa again to get out of this fog of depression.

 

[resilient]

I watched a ton of Spartacus Fortune on YouTube last night when my brain went into overdrive. Check him out if you’re struggling with no contact. I won’t break contact because I don’t want her back. The 60 days are for me to move on, create a better life, and self-improve. Most women don’t like seeing an ex move on, happier, and successful.

The underlying theme I like about his videos though is how he internalizes IDGAF. He stresses frame building big time. That an ex can’t have power over you if you don’t let her in the first place.

Tip 1
The best tip I’ve read so far is to write down 100 things I like about myself. Believe it 100%. That’s my homework for today. He says to remind yourself “I’m attractive, I’m awesome, people like me, I love myself, etc.”

Tip 2
If you hear a compliment that day, write it down, review it before sleep, so you go to sleep on a good note, this forces you to not concentrate on rejection. Remove the self-critical thoughts that keep you in depression. If you catch yourself moping, rewrite the thought with self-compassion. Learn from your mistakes, it’s absolutely important to stay positive.

Tip 3
Another YouTuber has a daily routine of waking up and telling herself this:
‘No matter what anybody says or does, I choose to accept and love myself, and everything about me.”

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 7

Just got back from a friend's wedding overseas. I had great fun. Posted on Instagram yesterday. Obviously no likes or views from her. Pretty sure she had me on mute.

Not feeling great today but certainly not like the first days. I have no urge to call, only stalking via social media. Which i am not proud of. Will be off social media till Friday where I plan to travel again and live it up this weekend.

Slowly accepting it is over. Only hard part is imaging her with another guy...I must drill it in my head that she is probably getting laid.

Made a few matches on Tinder and will be following up right after this post.

It's a struggle trying to move on.

 

[beatjunkie]

Crucial update:

I just received a text notification saying that she tried to call me twice yesterday evening. My service provider gives these notifications when the phone is switched off or when I am overseas.

Interestingly these calls came after me posting the wedding photos. Could it be because she wanted to check whether i am actually overseas?

Do I call back or let that little hamster spin??

 

[resilient]

Beat,

You have to put her posts and Insta story on mute. Seeing selfies of her having fun somewhere w/o you will just continue to set your progress back as a man in NC. If she doesn't see your likes and views, she'll get the drift that you're starting to move on. Continue the Tinder matches, yet I would also suggest cold approaches in public, flirt with check out clerk, Starbucks girl, whatever. At the very least keep yourself busy socially now that you're back from overseas.

As to whether or not to call her back, I wouldn't. The relationship didn't work out because of the hard drawn line in the sand of religious beliefs correct?

Why waste time with someone that isn't compatible? You're more likely to develop oneitis.

 

[beatjunkie]

Beat,

You have to put her posts and Insta story on mute. Seeing selfies of her having fun somewhere w/o you will just continue to set your progress back as a man in NC. If she doesn't see your likes and views, she'll get the drift that you're starting to move on. Continue the Tinder matches, yet I would also suggest cold approaches in public, flirt with check out clerk, Starbucks girl, whatever. At the very least keep yourself busy socially now that you're back from overseas.

As to whether or not to call her back, I wouldn't. The relationship didn't work out because of the hard drawn line in the sand of religious beliefs correct?

Why waste time with someone that isn't compatible? You're more likely to develop oneitis.

Thank you bro. Those last two paragraphs are what i needed to hear! She is on mute on Instagram. Regarding the call, i will not call back. That hardline she took with me is all i ever need to move on. I cant believe i, at some point and well before the breakup indicated i would convert. Thank heavens i didnt.

I am also traveling again this coming weekend and obviously posting. Everytime I travel i splurge and live well. I am a diplomat and have diplomatic immunity so i go wherever I want, do whatever I want and whenever I want without worrying about reprecussions so much. She lost a big catch. Its time she realizes it.

Will continue implementing NC until i emotionally untangle myself from this itis.

Reading DJ bible using the daily reading guide.

Thanks everyone for your support. To those just starting or unsure about NC; give time, time!

 

[beatjunkie]

Day 8

She just sent me an email with a receipt from Apple for a monthly subscription I had helped her pay and wrote "Hey, i received this email but i haven't subscribe to anything." I recall she was using my credit card info on her Apple ID. They charged my card $27 today as part of a recurrent monthly payment.

I replied and said "Please delete my credit card info from your apple ID. Otherwise i will be charged monthly. Thank you."

She then forwarded me an email confirming the changes in the billing address and wrote "Done"

Question: because I responded does that mean I broke NC? It was strictly regarding her using my damn credit card to make purchases. nothing else.

Do I count from zero again?

 

[beatjunkie]

Also, couldn't she have figured that out on her own??? to remove my card info? is this some attempt at contact or wtf?

or maybe she was just too damn stupid to do so in the first place.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 20

Feeling good. Hit the gym five times last week plus cardio on the Sunday. Aiming for six times this week by gyming on Wednesday, rather than using itas a rest day. I was feeling more sluggish and slightly more prone to negative thinking on Wednesday before now. Another day with a testosterone rush and metabolism boost can only be a good thing. I work on different muscle groups each day and am looking into flow workouts (increasing volume, dropping intensity) so it won't be a problem.

Don't miss the ex but still would like to, at the very least try and plate her post NC. We will see how I feel by day 30. I haven't heard from her, nor have I reached out to her either.

The 21 year old I banged on Thursday didn't respond to my Friday message. Sent a follow-up on Monday. She responded last night saying she didn't feel there was a connection and that we were at different stages of our lives. Blah blah blah. I told her it wasn't an issue, had no expectations and still enjoyed my night. Never burn bridges. Closed that book for now.

The other plate who gave me a bl0wjob Friday night is keen. She pushed for another date so I'm meeting her next week.

I have a date lined up with an actor/singer on Sunday. A walk along the riverside near my place. Turns out she lives 5 minutes walk from my house. That could prove both a blessing and a curse.

I am trying to push for a date on Friday night with this 24 year old masters student. She is the first girl I've been speaking to who could actually replace my ex as far as hotness and gf potential is concerned. She's also four years younger than my ex which is an added bonus. Confident I can close this one if I can secure the date.

 

[resilient]

@beatjunkie, I wouldn't overthink if the apple bill was her trying to reach out to you. It's more of a financial nuisance that she just wants to get done and over with. If she was interested, she would have asked a personal question or referred to your relationship with her somehow. Carry on.

@BeTheChange, that's cool man. You've got options that will keep your mind off the ex. At least with the 21 year old, you got action.

Day 7
Messed up my count in NC initially, so I'm actually on day 7. It gets easier everyday.

I still sit there at times and wonder what I did to make her lose interest so fast in the span of a week leading up to the flaking and ghosting by her last week. From distancing in text response times leading up to ghosting by her, to the doubt placed by her/mixed signals, from me being overly accommodating (showed weakness)... over-validating or manipulating vulnerable moments in convo to increase intimacy felt so beta in retrospect, I need to cut that out.

A high status or dominant male doesn't chase or show any signs of desperation. All of this is sub-communicated and women are very attuned to this and actively gauges her interest level to this. The woman should worry about losing the man, not the opposite. I read a blog post that said something along the lines "...if you're continually getting mixed signals, you're most likely not the most dominant man in her life... she's keeping you around as an option and not a priority."

In other news, I joined a kickboxing gym for an 8-week bootcamp. I completed my first nonstop workout with the trainers last night. I was sweating so hard, I nearly threw up. Stoked for this. I had a "runner's high" from the endorphin boost last all night. I felt the happiest in a long time. Just what the doctor ordered!

 

[beatjunkie]

Back to Day 1

So I called her back yesterday. I was returning a call that she had tried to make to me twice on Sunday when I was overseas. It would have bothered me silly had I not done so. Turns out she just wanted sleeping pills. I asked if she still needed them, and she said no. Conversation ended there. No talk about anything else. Though because we spoke, I reset the counter back to zero. Not sure how I feel about it all, but presently it feels good.

Starting afresh again. I will be going overseas again this weekend and chilling with close friends. The country I live in presently hasn't given me much socially, I think the language barrier hinders that. Nonetheless, I intend to be more social upon my return.

Sorry I let you guys down

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 21

@beatjunkie Chin up son. Much harder to resist contacting the ex when they are blowing up your phone. Radio silence from my ex so it's not as difficult for me and even then I find myself trying to seek justifications for getting back in touch with her.

Truth is, now is not the time. At the very least I will wait till Day 30 or depending on circumstances Day 60. I enjoy the challenge and frankly, as frustrating as the dating game can be when you have to start from scratch, the constant need to push yourself outside your comfort zone is character building. Had my first number close today in more than 9 months. 20 year old cutie, who works near my office. I was sat outside with a friend eating lunch and she was sat nearby with her friend. I drew them into our conversation and asked for her number once they'd said they were leaving to go back to work.

Also taken some time to figure out what went wrong and how I will be better in the next relationship.

 

[resilient]

@beatjunkie, happens man.. don’t feel like you let us down, just start over and go make your life rad.

@BeTheChange, you know your own time clock, so just decide when you feel like it would be ok for you to break NC at a given point. The point is that when you arrive at that moment there is no feels, you’ll feel indifferent and in control of your destiny. Congrats on the number close.

Day 8

I almost approached a cute girl in her 20s sitting alone at a hamburger place today looking bored just flipping through her phone. We met eyes once yet that was when she was throwing away her trash and leaving. Bummer. Next time, I just have to man up and ask if I can sit there with a smile and see where it goes.

The ex liked my first picture I put up in a week on Instagram after she ghost and blocked me yesterday. Which doesn’t make sense because I changed my settings to private and somehow she liked the image nearly minutes after I posted it. So weird. It might have been a hover attempt. In any case, i’m not going to break NC. I wouldn’t go back and beg or try to resolve anything with someone who wasn’t into me or just used me as an option or jealousy plot line.

OLD has been much slower my second week. Few profile views, smiles, or messages. I need to pay a photographer for better pictures. I took my outdoors ones down after I realized most chicks aren’t going for that.

I was trying to plan a date with a girl I met and hanged out with Friday night and Saturday morning for the World Cup games. She has been radio silent after I counteroffered a date idea when she said she had family coming into town this weekend. I’m going to try and reach out one more time before considering it a dead end lead.

I’ve got my first phone call with an OLD chick tonight. She wants to see where things go so she can feel comfortable to meet up. I’ve never really put much effort into dating apps or websites so maybe this behavior is normal?... There is a bit of driving distance between us so that might be part of the issue...

3 days straight of kickboxing. Going strong. Yesterday I did kickboxing then a hour working out quads when I got home. Still practicing the guitar too to distract my thoughts when I’m home at night.

 

[MichaelA]

Just got dumped by my girl as well.

Been dating her for around 7 to 8 months.

Never acted needy or insecure just on the ending stage, i did. she was distant most of the times sex was not on the table anymore.

A week of no contact got her brain spinning got a text of mixed signals nothing to get together.

Current situation is that we were supposed to meet on monday she texted me saying if we meet she will be "distand" again and just wanted to let me know i definitely i turned her off. She told me is my fault not yours (right).

In any ways i told her to change her mind and shoot me a call, ofcourse no response to that text.

So here it is my official Day1.

I deleted her facebook, phone number, message and pictures. Moving on.

 

[BeTheChange]

Reached out to ex over the weekend. Felt the time was right as I was mentally in a good place of detachment. Spoke on the phone and met her the next day. Tried getting back with her. Turns out she thought I'd dumped her, which may have been the case. Although she admitted that she was thinking about ending things. Long story short. Tried to rekindle. She resisted strongly for the first few hours but eventually she settled, we had some wine and I took her back to my place where we had sex. But emotionally she has moved on now and was adamant she wasn't interested in a relationship or seeing me casually. She's entirely driven by her feelings, even more than most woman. It was clear the image of me as her boyfriend wasn't going to return.

I got the inevitable text this morning, when I tried to suggest we grab another drink. She didn't want to see me again, maybe as friends in the future months from now but not right now blah blah blah. It hurt more than expected but I recovered quickly and hit the gym. We parted on good terms and I'm happy with how things ended especially as she told me she had spent the last three weeks thinking I hated her. This is a much more mature and positive end than my previous serious relationships.

So now I feel free to just enjoy life and see what other possibilities are out there. I learned a lot from my experiences with her and have set myself up to develop into a better man for both myself and the next one. It was a nice way to close that chapter of my life. So that's it fellas. I won't be updating the NC thread again, in relation to this experience since for me this is just the first day of a new chapter. Best of luck to the rest of you.

 

[MichaelA]

Reached out to ex over the weekend. Felt the time was right as I was mentally in a good place of detachment. Spoke on the phone and met her the next day. Tried getting back with her. Turns out she thought I'd dumped her, which may have been the case. Although she admitted that she was thinking about ending things. Long story short. Tried to rekindle. She resisted strongly for the first few hours but eventually she settled, we had some wine and I took her back to my place where we had sex. But emotionally she has moved on now and was adamant she wasn't interested in a relationship or seeing me casually. She's entirely driven by her feelings, even more than most woman. It was clear the image of me as her boyfriend wasn't going to return.

I got the inevitable text this morning, when I tried to suggest we grab another drink. She didn't want to see me again, maybe as friends in the future months from now but not right now blah blah blah. It hurt more than expected but I recovered quickly and hit the gym. We parted on good terms and I'm happy with how things ended especially as she told me she had spent the last three weeks thinking I hated her. This is a much more mature and positive end than my previous serious relationships.

So now I feel free to just enjoy life and see what other possibilities are out there. I learned a lot from my experiences with her and have set myself up to develop into a better man for both myself and the next one. It was a nice way to close that chapter of my life. So that's it fellas. I won't be updating the NC thread again, in relation to this experience since for me this is just the first day of a new chapter. Best of luck to the rest of you.

Not reaching out would have been a a lot better option maybe you wanted one last sex, but she was not ready that's why walking away is the best possible negotiation for any man when a woman dumps him.

It shows strength and it builds attraction. i don't know your exact situation but in my personal situation i got dumped with no sex in the last days and her being distant.

Me reaching out in any form will force things, and she may agree for a sex but the next day exactly what happened to you will happen to me as well.

Be strong buddy on to the next one.

 

[BeTheChange]

Ex gf wants to see me again. She wanted to spend her last days in the city with me before she heads back to Italy to visit family. I told her in as romantic a way as possible that I wasn't interested unless I could fvck her. She complied but doesn't want the obligations of a relationship at the moment. For me this was the ideal situation I was hoping for.

I can keep her in my life as a friend and plate while meeting new women and forming new relationships completely guilt free.

I have a date with the ex this evening and dates with two of my other plates on Thursday and Friday.

NC has given me everything I wanted. It forced me out of my laziness and necessitated a routine I'm really happy with. Gym 6 days a week, spinning plates, reading more books, a commitment to improving my emotional intelligence, travelling regularly. I would have done none of these things if I'd stuck to the routine I had with my ex gf.

Travelling to Spain with work end of the month. Planning to book a trip to Barcelona for end of August and then Milan in October. Life is good.

 

[MichaelA]

Ex gf wants to see me again. She wanted to spend her last days in the city with me before she heads back to Italy to visit family. I told her in as romantic a way as possible that I wasn't interested unless I could fvck her. She complied but doesn't want the obligations of a relationship at the moment. For me this was the ideal situation I was hoping for.

I can keep her in my life as a friend and plate while meeting new women and forming new relationships completely guilt free.

I have a date with the ex this evening and dates with two of my other plates on Thursday and Friday.

NC has given me everything I wanted. It forced me out of my laziness and necessitated a routine I'm really happy with. Gym 6 days a week, spinning plates, reading more books, a commitment to improving my emotional intelligence, travelling regularly. I would have done none of these things if I'd stuck to the routine I had with my ex gf.

Travelling to Spain with work end of the month. Planning to book a trip to Barcelona for end of August and then Milan in October. Life is good.

How long before she reached to you?