The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Roober]

Day 4 of NC. I was surfing my facebook and the friend request list popped out at the side. I could not help notice that her friend request that she sent to me just last Friday was no longer there. Guess she cancelled it. Felt a huge prick in the side. Feels like she has moved on as well after the validation I gave her. Damn. Should not have checked that.

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

Sounds like you need to quit social media for a while! In all honesty, there is absolutely nothing but fake @$$ people pretending their lives are so fvcking perfect on there. It is a time suck and a place to keep you down. Use that time more wisely and go pickup some books... the rational male, the way of the superior man, corey waynes book, read Book of Pook, the DJ bible, etc...

Find a new hobby. Something you have wanted to do... play an instrument? dance? anything!

Keep it up man. It is not easy, but it will get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

 

[Roober]

Near to 3 months of EXTREME NC

Blocked her on everything.. I had a pretty good day today.

As the love drug is wearing off, i'm starting to think more logicaly about my relationship with her..

I am beginning to realise, how difficult this woman was to be with..

Also i don't believe i would have got a healthy relationship out of her in the long run..

The pain comes in waves.. some good days, some bad days..

I think because I struck her with a dumping first and immediately went 100% NC that has somewhat cushioned the blow!

If it where her who had dumped me, then went complete NC on me... I reckon I would be hurting heaps more, and would have crushed my self esteem.

Being the dumper, has somewhat empowered me!!

Looking back, extreme NC is really the only way to go. In reality, this is what no contact means. Guys (like myself) that only partially employ no contact end up dragging out that initial phase of pain.

 

[Roober]

Let yourself grieve for as long as you feel necessary. In the meantime, get awesome. Did you have goals before she consumed your time? Get busy doing those again. You keep your mind straight by focusing on you. How's your weight gain going? Did you end up getting Cyto Carb2 or Cyto Gainer?

Day 16
Had my first solid study session for hours last Sunday night after not being able to concentrate or focus enough to study longer than 30 minutes without protruding thoughts of the ex. This was a breakthrough in the healing because I realized I'm finally starting to move on with life.

Weight gain is pacing well. I'm up to 146 from 136. Arms are feeling bulkier which feels great. I jumped up fast in weight, yet over the next eight weeks I want to keep it at 1 pound gain per week and the bf% not exceeding 10%. I noticed my confidence is picking up.

Yesterday, I went for my first electric guitar lesson at this place. The door wouldn't open and this chick saw me from inside the window that I was struggling standing there with my guitar case so she opened up the door for me with a nice smile and eye contact. Right away, I ask her if she's there for guitar lessons. She said no, she was there for her daughter's guitar lessons. I had a few more comments about the lesson, guitar, etc. and stopped interacting with her. I opened up my guitar case and was sorting through my guitar pics. Out of the corner of my eye I kept seeing her look at her phone and then back at me a few times in between her texting someone.

And you didn't go for the number because...? You just have to do it! It gets easier the more you try and the more you fail.

 

[lizardking82]

Day 4 of NC. I was surfing my facebook and the friend request list popped out at the side. I could not help notice that her friend request that she sent to me just last Friday was no longer there. Guess she cancelled it. Felt a huge prick in the side. Feels like she has moved on as well after the validation I gave her. Damn. Should not have checked that.

These days, it has been getting a bit hard. I have been trying to keep my mind busy but I think the grief is really setting in. A bit of struggle to keep my mind straight.

What you are experiencing is grieving. Whatever feeling that comes up in the coming days or weeks, do not judge it, just let it out. You wanna cry? Cry the **** out, it is OK. Expect these little things to hurt a lot right now. They do hurt because this is first few days you are telling your brain "buddy, we need to change the hardwiring on this *****, we need to let go of her" and your brain will resist that **** because it's gonna go like "but, but...I need that dopamine rush, man! Common, man!". Stick to it. Cultivate your willpower. The most important thing, OP, is not to try and make yourself happy by force during this time. Realise this is a sad time in your life, you gonna be sad, you gonna cry and you gonna go through this moment. Keyword being "through". You not gonna try and bypass the negative emotions by doing other things and keeping busy. Keep busy, but not with the intention of bypassing the emotions you have. Do this now, free yourself of that **** and then start with new ****.

 

[Reboot2017]

How's your weight gain going? Did you end up getting Cyto Carb2 or Cyto Gainer?

I just started working out for a couple weeks. Got a bit injured so have to lay off it for a bit which is a bummer given the circumstances. Yeah, I ordered the Cyto Gainer and it is being delivered. At the moment, I am sticking to protein supplements and creatine.

Sounds like you need to quit social media for a while!

True this. I think I am taking a break from Facebook after yesterday's burn. Although, in the light of a brand new day, I am feeling a whole lot better. Have picked up at dancing again and socializing with the people there. Helps a lot. No plate spinning yet. That is going to be a long term plan.

Realise this is a sad time in your life, you gonna be sad, you gonna cry and you gonna go through this moment. Keyword being "through". You not gonna try and bypass the negative emotions by doing other things and keeping busy.

I think I am struggling with this one. It is a sad period of life and I do crave the dopamine hit. It is a hard realization when you know that she could be indifferent to you. Then again, I want to be indifferent to her as well... Time, I imagine..

Day 5 of NC. After a tough few days, I think I am getting my head back again. Nights and mornings are still hard but the urge to reach out to her has gone away for the moment... Blocking her completely has helped reduce the need to check my phone. Overall feeling down but at least I can rationalize it out. Here is to another 55 days. Cheers guys.

 

[Reboot2017]

Had my first solid study session for hours last Sunday night after not being able to concentrate or focus enough to study longer than 30 minutes without protruding thoughts of the ex. This was a breakthrough in the healing because I realized I'm finally starting to move on with life

This is heartening to note... Keep it up man!

 

[soulforge]

Been doing a little risk assessment today, of the very unlikely event of the Ex and me getting back together..

I think this is partially why I feel extreme NC is the way forward for me..

THE POSITIVE

01. She is attractive, good sexual chemistry
02. She is career driven, good job, nice house, and car
03. We have things in common, interests, music etc
04. Her kids are grown, i don't want other mens little brats around me

THE NEGATIVE

01. She was a regular bar girl at the age of 50 (risky)

02. She was on several occasions rude and direspectful towards me

03. She dismissed my feelings several times

04. She doesn't seem to aknowledge or accept responsibility for her actions

05. We lived together for 3 months.. she moved back out as soon as things got a little tough

06. We can never live together again, as we are long distance (1 hour drive) and I would not risk moving towns to be with her.. plus she would never move back down to my town again

07. Marriage is out of the question

08. I don't trust her, to be a loyal partner in the long run

09. She has previously put her career before her relationship with me

10. She is immature, passive aggressive, and communication with her is not good

11. She dresses some what tarty like a young girl (attention *****)

As you can see, the negative vastly out weight the good with this woman.. I would recommend you guys make a list like this about your exe's.. it will help you logically think about how you might be better off without her.

I am using this list to encourage me to stay extreme NC, as going back to this mess, would be a complete head fuk

 

[soulforge]

What do you think of my list of positives and negatives guys!!

 

[Reykhel]

Out of curiosity, do you always go for older women? A 50 year old bar girl. What are you late 30's?

You put as a negative that she put her

What do you think of my list of positives and negatives guys!!

She's 50 and you're late 30's? Have you always gone for the older women?

Your boundaries are slightly confused. You name the fact that she's career driving as a positive yet you put as
a negative that she put her career before you. One of these is a boundary preference the other is an indicator of slightly immature boundary.

Would you every put your career before your "relationship"? You shouldn't. And you shouldn't really expect her to do the same.

Ironically, when you lose some of these expectations they sometimes start to happen by themselves as if by magic. The key is letting of the expectation.

Strengthen your boundary and make a firm final decision on this old gal (in your mind you haven't quite done that yet)

 

[soulforge]

Out of curiosity, do you always go for older women? A 50 year old bar girl. What are you late 30's?

You put as a negative that she put her


She's 50 and you're late 30's? Have you always gone for the older women?

Your boundaries are slightly confused. You name the fact that she's career driving as a positive yet you put as
a negative that she put her career before you. One of these is a boundary preference the other is an indicator of slightly immature boundary.

Would you every put your career before your "relationship"? You shouldn't. And you shouldn't really expect her to do the same.

Ironically, when you lose some of these expectations they sometimes start to happen by themselves as if by magic. The key is letting of the expectation.

Strengthen your boundary and make a firm final decision on this old gal (in your mind you haven't quite done that yet)

No man i'm 42 years old.. wish i was 30's

Its true a career should not be put on hold.. she was expecting me to put mine on hold for her... While she persuade her own..

This is what i meant.. sorry for mix up..

 

[soulforge]

Out of curiosity, do you always go for older women? A 50 year old bar girl. What are you late 30's?

You put as a negative that she put her


She's 50 and you're late 30's? Have you always gone for the older women?

Your boundaries are slightly confused. You name the fact that she's career driving as a positive yet you put as
a negative that she put her career before you. One of these is a boundary preference the other is an indicator of slightly immature boundary.

Would you every put your career before your "relationship"? You shouldn't. And you shouldn't really expect her to do the same.

Ironically, when you lose some of these expectations they sometimes start to happen by themselves as if by magic. The key is letting of the expectation.

Strengthen your boundary and make a firm final decision on this old gal (in your mind you haven't quite done that yet)

I'm making my decision based on what this relationship has to offer me in the long run..

And it doesn't look good.. thats why letting it go the right and only option

 

[lizardking82]

No man i'm 42 years old.. wish i was 30's

Its true a career should not be put on hold.. she was expecting me to put mine on hold for her... While she persuade her own..

This is what i meant.. sorry for mix up..

Always look at their actions, not only girls, but anyone. I was stupid enough to postpone my own things for the relationship I had with my ex while she did none of that. She pursued her arts university, got accepted, pursues her modeling career and all. Never, ever stop pursuing your things for a woman. They feel then that you're becoming the follower and she the leader and it's biologically and psychologically bad for both of you, but especially for you because she loses respect. Trust me, they will go to the ends of the world to follow a guy that does not give a rat's ass about her plans much and goes on strong with his.

 

[soulforge]

I'm making my decision based on what this relationship has to offer me in the long run..

And it doesn't look good.. thats is why letting it go is the right and only option

 

[guru1000]

No man i'm 42 years old.. wish i was 30's

We are the age. Your ex is 50. My plates or women I have been exclusive with can be daughters of this lady, and they have top-tier looks. This battle that you are fighting is really not about her, but rather about YOU, that is, your own insecurities, so much so that you find it perfectly appropriate to date a woman much older than you as opposed to much younger--and even worse, find her physically compatible, or maybe even superior.

This "battle" is about you devaluing YOU.

If you want to enfranchise from this "prison," begin with a truthful look at your own insecurities. What insecurities prompt your low self-perception whereas you feel you are only good enough to attract women one decade older than you?

 

[soulforge]

Always look at their actions, not only girls, but anyone. I was stupid enough to postpone my own things for the relationship I had with my ex while she did none of that. She pursued her arts university, got accepted, pursues her modeling career and all. Never, ever stop pursuing your things for a woman. They feel then that you're becoming the follower and she the leader and it's biologically and psychologically bad for both of you, but especially for you because she loses respect. Trust me, they will go to the ends of the world to follow a guy that does not give a rat's ass about her plans much and goes on strong with his.

I didn't exactly put my career on hold for her.. i just had to change my work days around for her, in order for us to be able to meet..

My job is abit flexible like that.. where as her job was not flexible.. we only saw each other once a week, pushing it twice a week..

But yes not giving a rats ass is much more effective..

She wanted me to quit my job, leave my home.. and move in with her, in her house.. in her town... told her to get stuffed

 

[soulforge]

We are the age. Your ex is 50. My plates or women I have been exclusive with can be daughters of this lady, and they have top-tier looks. This battle that you are fighting is really not about her, but rather about YOU, that is, your own insecurities, so much so that you find it perfectly appropriate to date a woman much older than you as opposed to much younger--and even worse, find her physically compatible, or maybe even superior.

This "battle" is about you devaluing YOU.

If you want to enfranchise from this "prison," begin with a truthful look at your own insecurities. What insecurities prompt your low self-perception whereas you feel you are only good enough to attract women one decade older than you?

I have plates younger than me.. and have previously only banged chicks younger than me..

My last LTR was 32 years old... but i don't know man.. she was good looking for her age, and we kinda clicked..

But looking back now i'm thinking meh.. i should be perusing much younger chicks.. i look pretty fit for my age... i work out alot... could easily pull in an early 30s chick

 

[guru1000]

I have plates younger than me.. and have previously only banged chicks younger than me..

My last LTR was 32 years old... but i don't know man.. she was good looking for her age, and we kinda clicked..

But looking back now i'm thinking meh.. i should be perusing much younger chicks.. i look pretty fit for my age... i work out alot... could easily pull in an early 30s chick

Early 30s chick? Guy, one of my plates was a former Ford model, she just turned 26. My other plates are 24, 27, 28, and 31. All top-tier looks. As to character, well, can't vouch for that to the exception of one.

You are capable of much more than you think you are. The focus is on you and constant self-improvement. I make it a goal to tend to one physical improvement each week. This month:

Week One: Teeth bleaching
Week Two: Tailor-made pin stripe three-piece
Week Three: Skin care (acid peel)
Week Four: TBD

If you were to commit to one physical improvement each week, in one year, you would look like an entirely new man. As stated, this battle is not about her, its about YOU. And you, my friend, are capable of much more than you think you are. I would never fathom entering an exclusive relation with a 50-year old, and neither should you.

 

[soulforge]

Early 30s chick? Guy, one of my plates was a former Ford model, she just turned 26. My other plates are 24, 27, 28, and 31. All top-tier looks. As to character, well, can't vouch for that to the exception of one.

You are capable of much more than you think you are. The focus is on you and constant self-improvement. I make it a goal to tend to one physical improvement each week. This month:

Week One: Teeth bleaching
Week Two: Tailor-made pin stripe three-piece
Week Three: Skin care (acid peel)
Week Four: TBD

If you were to commit to one physical improvement each week, in one year, you would look like an entirely new man. As stated, this battle is not about her, its about YOU. And you, my friend, are capable of much more than you think you are. I would never fathom entering an exclusive relation with a 50-year old, and neither should you.

You are right, but not all of us can attract those young hot looking chicks..

My main problem right now is finances, heaps of debt.. no chick wants to be with a guy who is broke..

That being said, i am doing my very best to get out of the situation and improve my financial situation..

As for looking after myself improving.. i,m in the gym 5 days a week.. big solid arms, chest, shoulders, legs..

So physically i look good man, but bit on the short side tho..only 5ft7

Not much i can do about that lol.. but i get your point..

I should be ploughing younger chicks.. a 50 year old who frequents bars and is rude, immature... I can do so much better man..

I guess this toxic relationship effected my self esteem somewhat.. will be back on my feet soon enough

 

[guru1000]

You are right, but not all of us can attract those young hot looking chicks..

My main problem right now is finances, heaps of debt.. no chick wants to be with a guy who is broke..

That being said, i am doing my very best to get out of the situation and improve my financial situation..

As for looking after myself improving.. i,m in the gym 5 days a week.. big solid arms, chest, shoulders, legs..

So physically i look good man, but bit on the short side tho..only 5ft7

Not much i can do about that lol.. but i get your point..

I should be ploughing younger chicks.. a 50 year old who frequents bars and is rude, immature... I can do so much better man..

I guess this toxic relationship effected my self esteem somewhat.. will be back on my feet soon enough

Bodyfat %: Is that your current bodyfat in your avatar? If so, I would encourage you to get leaner to improve attractiveness. 10%-12% is ideal for maximum attractiveness (as long as your face doesn't gaunt out if you had a weaker bone structure).

Height: You state you are 5'7. You can buy 2-3 inch platforms and place them in your shoes, for increased presence.

Finances: You will need enough finances to dress sharp, skin care, and other amenities, but no women needs to know about your finances. Women are not attracted to your finances initially, unless you are a renowned mogul or flamboyant in your presentation but you don't want money-hungry wh0res, do ya? Have the confidence of a mogul; that is talk the talk, walk the walk, but finances are none of her business, and should do little with your attracting young, hot women if your presentation/confidence is right.

As to keeping women LT, the illusion of finances can be important to some. Just be the ambitious shark who has the world by the balls, had a temporary setback due to a "risky business venture," and many women will find security in knowing you will bounce back. Been there, done that. Kid's play here.

Kudos for being upfront with your insecurities; you are now well on your way to transcending them.

 

[ApolloSunGod]

Question after 18yrs high school sweet hearth requested a friends request on FB.. I have forgotten about her a long time ago she move on and had kids and is marry.. I moved on as well, it just caught me off guard so the question is should I accept or ignore friends request I have no feelings for this person at all since iam dealing with baby drama at the moment sh*ts just awkward lol..