The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Roober]

Solid advice.

Day 2

I blocked her number so texts won't go through yesterday. I blocked her email address as well. If she tries to send anything it won't show up in my inbox and will continue to be ignored in the spam folder. I know if I got an email soon it would just be her whining for me to come pick up a few pointless replaceable objects... no thanks!

I saw a picture of her out on an upscale lunch date, dressed up with another guy Sunday, smiling and bragging how nice the weather was in her caption all the while, we were trying to "patch up" over the weekend over spontaneous texting. The picture felt like a knife in the stomach. I then deleted my Instagram so I won't lurk to see her or our mutual friends pictures.

It can't be stated in this thread enough: Blocking on all social media, electronic devices and absolute strict NC is the best medicine for recovery.

Today after work, I'm looking forward to buying that amazing acoustic guitar to get my mind off dating and especially the ex.

And the great part is... they have no idea if you blocked them...

I also made the mistake of checking social media for the first couple weeks. It only delays things... just block and ignore from everything!

Keep it up!

 

[Roober]

Hi,

My stubborn gf (23 yo F) and I (24 yo M) broke up roughly 2 months ago after dating for 5 and a half months. I upped and left after she disrespected me and didn't talk to her for two days. She apologized profusely and I ignored her. When I finally spoke with her, she told me "she was done" and "it just wasn't working out".

Out of the 2 months since we broke up, we had 3 weeks of breadcrumbs ("I miss you", "I really need you" from her side and "Can we talk this out in person instead of via text" on mine). She called me drunk and texted "I miss and I'm sorry" repeatedly for the first 2 weeks after we broke up but resisted meeting up in person and flew home several times to be with her family b/c she wasn't taking the breakup particularly well. I felt bad a few days after so I tried reaching out to figure things out but basically got the "I'm done" again. However, I received a phone call from her two days later drunk asking what I was up to.

We've now been in no contact for almost 5 weeks. At the end of it, I told her she needs to understand what she wants (either we should try and make it work or go or she needs to let me go.) She said she "wanted to be alone" so I said "ok, goodbye" and hung up on her via phone.

For context: She has family problems, has an issue with emotionally shutting down after getting too close people and got out of a relationship with an ex 3-4 months prior to us getting together. She also had been against putting a firm stamp on our relationship while being insecure/jealous when I mention/talk to other women and asking that spend the night over a lot and pay her way. Additionally, even though I've been there for her (ie. took her to get LASIK when her gals couldn't, etc.)

I'm fit/attractive and went to a good school. Have a really good, stable job. Also have family problems so I don't really mind her own situation that much. I'm not entirely against a FWB situation, I just am uncomfortable with one-sided commitment.

My questions are: 1) will she come back if I maintain no contact? how do I ensure that she does 2) if this is a test, did I do the right thing or did I mess up?) 3) does "I want to be alone" mean she really just got back with her ex or just want to go the "hookup as a single gal" route?

She sounds like a mess! Move on and maintain no contact... block everything, social media, remove her contact from your phone, etc etc

 

[resilient]

Thanks, @Roober.

Pro NC tip
How to block the ex's phone number on iOS/iphone*:
Settings > Phone > Call Blocking & Identification > Block contact > Select the phone number

*You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on your block list.

Day 3
Visited my old therapist yesterday... she wants to do eight sessions to deal with past rejection/abandonment/self-esteem/childhood issues. I don't know how that will work because I usually catch my therapist up to date with what's happening in my life in the present, so I don't know if she'll be able to tap into my old issues to help me to recognize, forgive and heal old wounds. Hopefully she'll ask me questions about my past so I don't sit there in awkward silences. It's uncharted territory for me. I hope the therapy sessions will make a difference somehow in the healing/recovery...

Thoughts of the ex have been protruding in my mind here or there. Cognitively doing the "What If" game, yet trying to distract myself to not dwell on her, angry over the confusion, lack of empathy, and how we never got to stretch out the honeymoon feels, romance, sechs a few months longer. Feeling angry and bitter that she is most likely off screwing someone new or more with the love bombing, attention and suggestive texts she used to give me.

Meanwhile, I have zero plates. I don't feel motivated to approach right now to acquire plates.

I have one site that I'm on for OLD, yet no responses to emails. Inbox (0). From what I've read on this forum... women are bombarded with male attention that most emails and contacts go ignored on the regular, unless you're a freaking 10 in SMV. I miss the affection, attention, and sechs from women, but until I can kill the neediness, boyfriend vibes inside, I'll continue to propel women away. :/

Deleting Instagram for now is helping me to avoid any emotional triggers. I'll reinstall it once I'm over her and her profile is firmly blocked in settings so I don't feel tempted to lurk.

Going to buy that acoustic guitar late this week...

 

[Carpathian]

Thanks Carpathian. I was starting to doubt my decision but it helps to hear another opinion.

Day 3 of no contact. She messaged me on Friday but I deleted it and did not reply. Things are starting to sink in. I am feeling really weak at the moment. Mind is starting to come to terms with the loss. I will not contact her. Have started working out. Been dancing over the weekend. Distractions help and fingers crossed, the emotions will stabilize.

Great! Hang in there and continue to do those things. There will be weak times, times where you feel weak and vulnerable. But do not break no contact with her, it will be your undoing if you do. Trust me. Don't. Do not let her ensnare you with her feminine BS and her body, teasing your weakness for her. Why should you AS A MAN have to put up with that sh1t ? You shouldn't. And when you find the right woman, as you will, you will not have to.

 

[Carpathian]

Think of it this way.

She views the new guy as her soulmate and she doesn't want to hurt him.

But she didn't mind cheating on new guy by having sex with you.........do you think he would be ok knowing his girl cheated on him with an ex? Or would this hurt him?

She isn't loyal. Why would you want an unfaith girl in your life ?

New perception on this for you. She did you a favour by showing she is disloyal. Now next her and find a loyal girl.

Absolutely 100% correct.

 

[Roober]

Thanks, @Roober.

Pro NC tip
How to block the ex's phone number on iOS/iphone*:
Settings > Phone > Call Blocking & Identification > Block contact > Select the phone number

*You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on your block list.

Day 3
Visited my old therapist yesterday... she wants to do eight sessions to deal with past rejection/abandonment/self-esteem/childhood issues. I don't know how that will work because I usually catch my therapist up to date with what's happening in my life in the present, so I don't know if she'll be able to tap into my old issues to help me to recognize, forgive and heal old wounds. Hopefully she'll ask me questions about my past so I don't sit there in awkward silences. It's uncharted territory for me. I hope the therapy sessions will make a difference somehow in the healing/recovery...

Thoughts of the ex have been protruding in my mind here or there. Cognitively doing the "What If" game, yet trying to distract myself to not dwell on her, angry over the confusion, lack of empathy, and how we never got to stretch out the honeymoon feels, romance, sechs a few months longer. Feeling angry and bitter that she is most likely off screwing someone new or more with the love bombing, attention and suggestive texts she used to give me.

Meanwhile, I have zero plates. I don't feel motivated to approach right now to acquire plates.

I have one site that I'm on for OLD, yet no responses to emails. Inbox (0). From what I've read on this forum... women are bombarded with male attention that most emails and contacts go ignored on the regular, unless you're a freaking 10 in SMV. I miss the affection, attention, and sechs from women, but until I can kill the neediness, boyfriend vibes inside, I'll continue to propel women away. :/

Deleting Instagram for now is helping me to avoid any emotional triggers. I'll reinstall it once I'm over her and her profile is firmly blocked in settings so I don't feel tempted to lurk.

Going to buy that acoustic guitar late this week...

OLD really is a virtual dive bar and pics ARE EVERYTHING on there. With that, try approaching women and talking to people in public. Even if not frequent, you have to start somewhere. Basically, if you see a hot girl, just go start talking to her.

I do feel that initially plate spinning isn't always a great thing as it is used to fill the void the ex left behind. What can't be explained though is how well it knocks our exes off the pedestal we placed them on. You realize that she really was no different than any other woman, likely even worse if she quickly monkey branched to another dude.

Keep up the good work!

 

[Reboot2017]

Day 6 of NC. It has been almost a week. Time flies...

Been keeping relatively busy. I rarely have time to think but despite my best efforts, she is at the moment the thought between other thoughts. Therefore, there are times I dwell on her esp late in the evenings. I have this suspicion that I have been replaced. Yeah, I know that AWALT and I should not give a rat ass. Nevertheless, it stings. Anyway, I have been working out and dancing. Have not met many new people yet.

To all you gentlemen here, glad that you are here...

 

[Carpathian]

Day 6 of NC. It has been almost a week. Time flies...

Been keeping relatively busy. I rarely have time to think but despite my best efforts, she is at the moment the thought between other thoughts. Therefore, there are times I dwell on her esp late in the evenings. I have this suspicion that I have been replaced. Yeah, I know that AWALT and I should not give a rat ass. Nevertheless, it stings. Anyway, I have been working out and dancing. Have not met many new people yet.

To all you gentlemen here, glad that you are here...

Yes it stings. But let someone else take that problem [aka her] off of your hands. Play the long game.
However, rest assured, you will be tested. Yes, you will be tested. She will reach out to you eventually. They always do if you were a good guy to them and not a d1kk. It is THEN where your metal is stressed. Do not fall for it or else you will be back to square one.

 

[Carpathian]

Thanks, @Roober.

Pro NC tip
How to block the ex's phone number on iOS/iphone*:
Settings > Phone > Call Blocking & Identification > Block contact > Select the phone number

*You will not receive phone calls, messages, or FaceTime from people on your block list.

Day 3
Visited my old therapist yesterday... she wants to do eight sessions to deal with past rejection/abandonment/self-esteem/childhood issues. I don't know how that will work because I usually catch my therapist up to date with what's happening in my life in the present, so I don't know if she'll be able to tap into my old issues to help me to recognize, forgive and heal old wounds. Hopefully she'll ask me questions about my past so I don't sit there in awkward silences. It's uncharted territory for me. I hope the therapy sessions will make a difference somehow in the healing/recovery...

Thoughts of the ex have been protruding in my mind here or there. Cognitively doing the "What If" game, yet trying to distract myself to not dwell on her, angry over the confusion, lack of empathy, and how we never got to stretch out the honeymoon feels, romance, sechs a few months longer. Feeling angry and bitter that she is most likely off screwing someone new or more with the love bombing, attention and suggestive texts she used to give me.

Meanwhile, I have zero plates. I don't feel motivated to approach right now to acquire plates.

I have one site that I'm on for OLD, yet no responses to emails. Inbox (0). From what I've read on this forum... women are bombarded with male attention that most emails and contacts go ignored on the regular, unless you're a freaking 10 in SMV. I miss the affection, attention, and sechs from women, but until I can kill the neediness, boyfriend vibes inside, I'll continue to propel women away. :/

Deleting Instagram for now is helping me to avoid any emotional triggers. I'll reinstall it once I'm over her and her profile is firmly blocked in settings so I don't feel tempted to lurk.

Going to buy that acoustic guitar late this week...

Yes it stings but dude, you gotta hang in there. You are a MAN and you are not going to be treated like a second class citizen by the b1atch. She's banging some other dude? Fukk her, it is her loss. You will be banging sone new strupmet in time and so forget about her. Don't worry about no dates just yet, it will come in time. Be the best version of YOU ever. Lose weight, get your hair cut, buy some new clothes, get running, biking, gyming, guitaring, whatever. Today is the start of the NEW you. Be patience and rejoice in that and all that this will bring. Time and patience is what you need; they are the mightiest of weapons when deployed wisely.

 

[Infern0]

My bpd broke 10 months of NC today which i ignored.

Women ALWAYS come back eventually. Wrap your head around that and you'll start taking your power back.

 

[resilient]

You are a MAN and you are not going to be treated like a second class citizen by the b1atch.

Exactly, that's why I walked away from her offer to be her "friend" ::cough:: orbiter. I would never accept being her fallback plan, or her pulling strings to dangle any hope of hooking up again.

She's banging some other dude? Fukk her, it is her loss.

I can't confirm it 100%, but ya.. pretty sure that's happening. Oh f'n well. Life moves on. No point giving that another thought now that she's an ex.

Don't worry about no dates just yet, it will come in time. Be the best version of YOU ever. Lose weight, get your hair cut, buy some new clothes, get running, biking, gyming, guitaring, whatever.

Yeah, I'm not too worried about the zero plate situation. I've got to get caught up in school and ahead in my career transition. I tried spinning plates then a main plate while working full time and going to school full time and it was a distraction I couldn't time-manage properly. I'm already thin as rails, so my goal is to gain 30-40 pounds of muscle... Speaking of the guitar, I'm running out to go buy it today after work.

Today is the start of the NEW you. Be patience and rejoice in that and all that this will bring. Time and patience is what you need; they are the mightiest of weapons when deployed wisely.

Day 4 for me today and I'm starting to develop that mindset already. I look forward to each day that the ex doesn't enter my thoughts and my life is flowing forward.

 

[Reboot2017]

Yes it stings. But let someone else take that problem [aka her] off of your hands. Play the long game.
However, rest assured, you will be tested. Yes, you will be tested. She will reach out to you eventually. They always do if you were a good guy to them and not a d1kk. It is THEN where your metal is stressed. Do not fall for it or else you will be back to square one.

I think I am ready for the reaching out test. I imagine after this NC period, the feeling will be more distant. The reason for the breakup remains a sore spot for me and I would never go back. Back to the gym in the meantime.

 

[resilient]

I think I am ready for the reaching out test. I imagine after this NC period, the feeling will be more distant. The reason for the breakup remains a sore spot for me and I would never go back. Back to the gym in the meantime.

That's the cool thing about time. NC accelerates the detachment phase. Think of NC like an object catapulted from the Earth sent out to explore the vast universe. It's never going to come back. It drifts further and further into the far-reaching expanse of space. Maybe a ping here or there back, but over time the communication should seize altogether. You should feel less and less for her if you've kept yourself busy. The gym will certainly help you get your mind off her and the endorphins flowing.

Day 5
I bought a freaking awesome electric guitar yesterday with an amp and case. I've been playing it like crazy ever since. My callus hurt like a mofo. It's a good pain though.

I've struggled a bit today with loneliness... I still have this phantom look of checking my cellphone screen to see if I've got any new text message notifications since we used to text each other at least once or twice a day for a brief convo or confirm the next date...

I try to distract my mind with school work or music to not think about her, but it's tough to not vilify or idealize the relationship for what it was. I've been eating a ton of food with protein and carb shakes to begin the weight gain that I need to get back to the weight I used to be before the depression wave. Hopefully, I'll see some bulking perks in a few months.

Soldiering on. I'm staying positive and I know I'll be alright as I gain more time and distance from the ex.

 

[Young_Don]

It's been more than a month and a half for me and it's still hard too. I think about her all the time even though I try not to, and even then, I find myself having dreams about her all the time.

It sucks but I think keeping myself as busy as possible will get me to where I need to be eventually.

I made a list of things to do every week: Read 5-6 hours a week - meditate 10 minutes a day (preferably in the morning) - gym every day - TV series/xbox at night - walk dog - clean my room/house/garden - bible study/prayer - and obviously work (labouring and casual teaching)

And I've also set a list of things for self investment that will build my status and confidence - buy new furniture and give my room a makeover - save money for travelling - get teeth straightened and whitened - fix small things on my car to keep it looking good.

I'm feeling like the more self centered I am, I'll find myself where I need to be without even realising. Use what you're going through as motivation for self improvement, but don't do it out of spite, do it for yourself.

 

[Reboot2017]

That's the cool thing about time. NC accelerates the detachment phase. Think of NC like an object catapulted from the Earth sent out to explore the vast universe. It's never going to come back. It drifts further and further into the far-reaching expanse of space. Maybe a ping here or there back, but over time the communication should seize altogether. You should feel less and less for her if you've kept yourself busy. The gym will certainly help you get your mind off her and the endorphins flowing.

Day 5
I bought a freaking awesome electric guitar yesterday with an amp and case. I've been playing it like crazy ever since. My callus hurt like a mofo. It's a good pain though.

I've struggled a bit today with loneliness... I still have this phantom look of checking my cellphone screen to see if I've got any new text message notifications since we used to text each other at least once or twice a day for a brief convo or confirm the next date...

I try to distract my mind with school work or music to not think about her, but it's tough to not vilify or idealize the relationship for what it was. I've been eating a ton of food with protein and carb shakes to begin the weight gain that I need to get back to the weight I used to be before the depression wave. Hopefully, I'll see some bulking perks in a few months.

Soldiering on. I'm staying positive and I know I'll be alright as I gain more time and distance from the ex.

I agree about drifting out of space. Cannot imagine doing it any other way. It will hurt too much to talk to her as well. This is for the best. Good stuff on the guitar man. The thing I do with the phone is to keep it away from me. I do not carry it around anymore and leave it behind a lot these days. That way it helps me break the cycle of checking the screen.

Day 10 of NC for me. Life has been nothing more than work, dancing, gym and learning french. I think less and less about her. The fantasies about getting back is under control. She messages me occasionally with breadcrumbs. I have been ignoring it all. A bit hard at times. For example she messages me yesterday evening with a "Please help..". WTF is that. Full of drama. My first instinct was to reach out and I was genuinely worried. But I stayed strong and deleted it instead. Another part of the hope to reconcile died when I did that. It felt good to be able to control my reaction. I think the hard days are still ahead of me because at times I really feel depressed. Nevertheless, I know I will be fine as I am learning to channel the negative energy into time in the gym. Stay strong guys.

 

[resilient]

The thing I do with the phone is to keep it away from me. I do not carry it around anymore and leave it behind a lot these days. That way it helps me break the cycle of checking the screen.

I like this idea. I went to a family party for Easter and left my cellphone at home for four hours. I was more present around the family and my sibling's kids so I wasn't as distracted or compelled to check the screen since I didn't have it in my pocket.

Life has been nothing more than work, dancing, gym and learning french. I think less and less about her.

That's half the battle isn't it? Staying busy.

I was genuinely worried. But I stayed strong and deleted it instead.

If you never plan to get back together, why not just block her phone number? That way text messages won't get through and you won't have the anxiety of having to fight off a potential emotional trigger.

I think the hard days are still ahead of me because at times I really feel depressed...channel the negative energy into time in the gym.

Sticking to your gym regime will help you stay out of slipping into depression. Keep that flowing.

Day 9
Eat and drank so much whey protein and carb gainer for my first week. I'm up 3-5 pounds since I was starting from a low point. I'll probably level out this week with the bodybuilding. My goal should be to add a pound of weight over twelve weeks, so the gains are balanced.

Forgot that I was still included in a group chat on Facebook Messenger with several of our mutual friends. I read her two lines in the group chat yesterday (I can read it, but she's still removed as a friend on FB), but didn't respond to the group. I'm leaving that group chat this week because I highly doubt I'll hang with them anytime soon.

I have my first social mixer tonight since the split up. Fifty or more persons in my age group are going, so I hope to get in a fun social frame again and chat people up.

As I focus on my school studies, guitar, weight gain, and gym -- it's getting easier and easier to think of her less. Time does heal.

 

[Roober]

@resilient , @Reboot2017 , @Young_Don

Keep it up guys, it sounds like you all are doing really good. The gym or just exercise helps a ton. If you are having a low, go exercise or hit a good fullfilling activity (xbox and TV do not fall in this category). It is even okay to call your support system and yabber at them for a couple mins, just to get it out. It has been 5 months for me, and I would by lying if I said I still didn't think about her periodically. She was a piece of your heart and you can't ever expect that to go away. For a while, it will be a bump in the road. Eventually, it will become a piece of gum stuck to your shoe. You can't quite get rid of it, but it's not really a big deal at all.

Another pointer is with checking your phone for her messages... I put mine on "priority only", so I know my phone won't ever make a sound for text or call. I set the important people in my life to my favorites so there messages will come through. I still have this and I feel a bit relieved not having to worry about responding. If my mom, ex-wife, or a couple good friends contact me, I will hear it. Anyone else can wait till the end of the day, or if I happen to check my phone for something... Also, delete all of your text exchanges and remove her number from your phone...

For any of you having that gut feeling that she monkey branched, you are probably right. I felt it, and it turned out to be correct. Hurt initially, but it just serves as another reminder of what a $hitty person she was...

Keep it up guys, great work!

 

[5chm1dd1]

Well, about 7-8 months since the breakup

I have to admit, time and keeping yourself busy helps more than I've ever imagined.

For the past 2 months, I'm doing perfect.
New 20k€ car, New Tattoo, lots of concerts I've been to, and 3 b#tches I can switch between to get some s€x.

Life's easy, life's great. For the new guys, just having started with NC and being still caught up in the emotional roller-coaster: stay strong. Trust me, it gets better.
And even if you have weak moments: don't let that discourage you. It happens, it's normal, and most importantly: it'll pass.

EDIT: at this point, I'd like to thank the forum and the many users who have assisted me in reaching this point. You guys rock! Thank you all.

 

[Reboot2017]

If you never plan to get back together, why not just block her phone number? That way text messages won't get through and you won't have the anxiety of having to fight off a potential emotional trigger.

This is a good idea of course and I am working myself up to it. I blocked her on my whatsapp so that I can use it without being worried that she will message me. But I have not done it yet on the normal messages.

Day 13 of NC. Overall I am doing well. I almost broke NC yesterday as she sent a message with a lot of guilt attached to it. Apparently, if I ever cared for her or ever had respect for her a bit, I would let her have two minutes to talk to me. Sounded reasonable esp since she baited me with the care which I do have unfortunately. However, I decided against doing it considering she did not have much respect nor care for me when she passed the night with her Ex and friends. I imagine this sort of feelings should go both ways. NC still very much in force and I think potential emotional fallout averted.

I would like to comment that during the first week, I felt strong. Relief was a big part of it. Now, I think I am feeling the loss keenly. It is sinking in that it is finally over and I have to move on with my life. Funny, being with her sucked for the most part and yet the attachment remains so strong. Ah well, time to lift.

You guys are inspiring... Keeps me going.

 

[Young_Don]

@Reboot2017 That's natural bro, I still miss her a lot and if I'm being honest, might even always love her deep down, but I also have moments where I'm care free and feel on top of everything and then my mood will change back to thinking "what if".. But at the end of the day, when you know that you honestly did your best for her and that you didn't do anything wrong by her, then you can find contentment in that and know that you weren't the problem in the relationship no matter how much she tries to convince herself or you otherwise.