The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Roober]

So It's been 31 days of NC for me today and I'm feeling a bit better since I've been more busy with work and gym but it's still painful to think about. I still have her best friend on facebook and she uploaded a pic of them last week at a hens night with a male stripper, that kinda sent me over the edge so instead of unfriending her i just deactivated fb all together.

I do miss her a lot and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want her back but I'm doing my best to use my time wisely on myself. I still feel the physical pain of heartbreak but talking to other girls has helped a bit.

But I've come to the conclusion that if there ever was a chance of her reaching out to me again the best thing to do is continue NC and doing what I'm doing. I don't knw if I'd even take her back or even reply tbh.. I just can't help but think that she really is happier without me since she hasn't given in to contacting me, I think that's what's eating me up the most. But I guess it just goes to show how full of shyt women can be, especially when their emotions take over.

Keep it up..

1. hit the gym hard and focus on your reps and muscle control... this clears the mind like you wouldnt believe
2. get fit and healthy, start researching how to eat well, and include lots of protein in your diet to bulk up
3. read, read, read... The Rational Male is a great book, as is the way of the superior man (for when you are spending more time with women)
4. Keep spinning plates and meeting new women. You will begin to see your ex really wasn't special at all. But, don't make it your focus in life. I would recommend 2-3 days a week on dates, and the rest doing things for you

At some point soon, missing her will turn more into something of not seeing someone for a while. You will like to see her, but don't feel that bond. Shortly after that, you will begin to forget about her. The more women you meet, the better... IT is time to focus on you, and everything you want to do with your life, that doesn't involve women!

 

[MrAddiction]

Out way too long. Having a bad Health day today what makes me again miss the good times/illusion of my Cluster B Ex. Even questioned my NC. But stayed strong. Just feel lonely today. Would have liked her company. My mind playing tricks on me and seems to forget about all the Bad things she has done to me.

 

[Killakittie]

Married three years to a physically abusive, bpd, pathological liar. All the signs were present in the beginning but i was very plugged in and not red pill aware. She love bombed me, then the physical and mental abuse began. You need only to look at my post history to see how mentally exhausted i became before i stumbled into this place. I'm much better now but she still won't go away.

After a year of separation and constantly trying to push her out of my life and not succeeding I've decided to give this a shot.

Until now I've done everything i know how. Blocked her, blocked emails, ignored, acted really hostile toward her, dated other women, bargained, all to no avail. She'd just make more emails, more instagram accounts, more Internet numbers..All the while she's still attempting to manipulate and gaslight me. Still claiming her behavior is my fault..Still claiming she loves me, even though she's talking and fvcking other men...complete insanity. I can't truly move on to full healing until she's gone.

I hope being here can give me something different i haven't tried before. Luckily our court date for divorce is in May. No kids, even though she's trying hard to get me to get her pregnant. I've been doing pretty good lately with ignoring, but i have moments of weakness. So starting tomorrow i will begin day 1 of no contact.

I have so far succeeded in not having sex with her or seeing her in person since the middle of last month. She's trying to get preg by me so no sex is crucial.

Today she texted me, i responded mainly because I'm sexually frustrated. She starts talking about god and how she prays that i become closer to Jesus (keep in mind she had an affair with someone in her own church while we were married and she's currently talking to some new guy) and that she's closer to god. She changes the subject to asking probing questions about what i was doing Sat night, this will lead to arguing so i ignore. Later tonight she calls twice on some random number. I answer the first time not knowing who it was and immediately hung up. She immediately calls back and i block the number (can't truly block Internet numbers) Like an idiot i started justifying calling her back. I was horney and thinking with my little head. I did and it went south immediately with her acting like i am irrelevant and worthless in her life (manipulation) (gloating) she then tells me she deserves better and she hangs up. I then decide i need to start this no contact challenge and give it a serious shot. Every time i communicate with her my self esteem takes a big hit and i feel slightly depressed. The longest I've gone without resounding to her is about a week. I have no issues getting dates with other women or talking to them but I've tried that and it doesn't help. More women doesn't seem to be the answer. Getting her out of my life is my main priority.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Day: I don't give a sh#t anymore (thank God, took me 6 F@cking months)

Dodged a bullet there guys.
Met a 28yo HB8 at a concert on Friday (I'm 23, so I'm kinda proud). Night and the following day were awesome, even though I have some gaps in my memory due to alcohol.
As we were both drunk a. F., we didn't realize the cond0m broke until the next morning. Well f@ck me.

This morning, she texted me that she just got her period.

Life 0:1 Me

We agreed to stay in contact and meet up sometime again, as she lives quite far away from me. So no stress for me, plus if I happen to be in Berlin I've got a safe lay. Perfect

 

[5chm1dd1]

Married three years to a physically abusive, bpd, pathological liar. All the signs were present in the beginning but i was very plugged in and not red pill aware. She love bombed me, then the physical and mental abuse began. You need only to look at my post history to see how mentally exhausted i became before i stumbled into this place. I'm much better now but she still won't go away.

After a year of separation and constantly trying to push her out of my life and not succeeding I've decided to give this a shot.

Until now I've done everything i know how. Blocked her, blocked emails, ignored, acted really hostile toward her, dated other women, bargained, all to no avail. She'd just make more emails, more instagram accounts, more Internet numbers..All the while she's still attempting to manipulate and gaslight me. Still claiming her behavior is my fault..Still claiming she loves me, even though she's talking and fvcking other men...complete insanity. I can't truly move on to full healing until she's gone.

I hope being here can give me something different i haven't tried before. Luckily our court date for divorce is in May. No kids, even though she's trying hard to get me to get her pregnant. I've been doing pretty good lately with ignoring, but i have moments of weakness. So starting tomorrow i will begin day 1 of no contact.

I have so far succeeded in not having sex with her or seeing her in person since the middle of last month. She's trying to get preg by me so no sex is crucial.

Today she texted me, i responded mainly because I'm sexually frustrated. She starts talking about god and how she prays that i become closer to Jesus (keep in mind she had an affair with someone in her own church while we were married and she's currently talking to some new guy) and that she's closer to god. She changes the subject to asking probing questions about what i was doing Sat night, this will lead to arguing so i ignore. Later tonight she calls twice on some random number. I answer the first time not knowing who it was and immediately hung up. She immediately calls back and i block the number (can't truly block Internet numbers) Like an idiot i started justifying calling her back. I was horney and thinking with my little head. I did and it went south immediately with her acting like i am irrelevant and worthless in her life (manipulation) (gloating) she then tells me she deserves better and she hangs up. I then decide i need to start this no contact challenge and give it a serious shot. Every time i communicate with her my self esteem takes a big hit and i feel slightly depressed. The longest I've gone without resounding to her is about a week. I have no issues getting dates with other women or talking to them but I've tried that and it doesn't help. More women doesn't seem to be the answer. Getting her out of my life is my main priority.

From here on, stay completely NC, except for the divorce stuff.

You need to keep her away from you as far as possible, otherwise she will proceed to try to destroy your life and you.

Keep your head up, May isn't that far away. Stay strong Bro!

 

[Daximus]

Hi all, fortunate enough to have stumbled across this site today. I'm 3 days into NC after 7 years. I like Exhausted suffer with an analytical mind and find it near impossible to have things left unresolved, it's pure torture. On top of the hammer blow that is being told after 7 years that she's 'not sure anymore'. Living out of a suitacse right now couchsurfing as we share(d) a house.. that I gave my blood sweat and tears to fully renovating over the 5 years we've been there. I was juggling building a business at the same time, near broke me in the porcess (of which was my fault when not being affectionate at the end of each day) and also dealing with her BPD issues. I'm stunned at how many of you have suffered at the hands of a BPD, surely there's a big correlation here? She would blow up all the time, and I would know the second she opened her mouth that she was the 'other' her. It could last a few hours, or a few months in one case, behaviour became cold, emotionless towards me, volatile and super nasty. This time she seems to have been there for about 6 weeks with only a few 'normal' appearances, and then she went as far as giving me the boot a few days ago. No lie, I love her to the ends of the earth, i've known her 10 years, and as i've read here, the highs in these realtionships do keep you hooked, and you suffer the downers blinded by the 'better' them. She's also a cracker, like the kind that everyone would comment on when we were at functions or such, some douchbags not even believeing she was with me (im not the worst looking guy), but she is a 10. This crazy her will have a new guy prob already, but she will eventually snap back at some point and come knocking, I know it. Need to get my head straight before that happens. F$$K it's hard. Her 30th tomorrow, going to be tough not breaking. Saying goodbye to the crazy side is damn easy, when the good side comes back, it's like the purest drug in existance. Long road ahead.

Ok... so I posted here in late January at the start of my NC! Been going through the motions since, some minor contact to deal with legal stuff on house etc, but I was making great headway. Secured myself an epic new job in London, like the f##cking pinnacle of my profession, dream come true kinda thing, got myself on tinder and met a few great girls for a bit of company etc, network of friends again and then BANG! She starts calling last week! I ignored for a week, but then something seemed wrong so I caved today. To cut anlong story short... we broke 12 weeks ago, her news... she's now 8 weeks pregnant.... with the rebound guy!!!!!!! And here's the kicker... she regrets every last bit of it, breaking with me, meeting him, getting pregnant etc! Now she's in "termoil" over her actions and feels like she ****ed up. Now of course I know my answer, but **** man, this is a heavy blow even with how well I was doing.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ok... so I posted here in late January at the start of my NC! Been going through the motions since, some minor contact to deal with legal stuff on house etc, but I was making great headway. Secured myself an epic new job in London, like the f##cking pinnacle of my profession, dream come true kinda thing, got myself on tinder and met a few great girls for a bit of company etc, network of friends again and then BANG! She starts calling last week! I ignored for a week, but then something seemed wrong so I caved today. To cut anlong story short... we broke 12 weeks ago, her news... she's now 8 weeks pregnant.... with the rebound guy!!!!!!! And here's the kicker... she regrets every last bit of it, breaking with me, meeting him, getting pregnant etc! Now she's in "termoil" over her actions and feels like she ****ed up. Now of course I know my answer, but **** man, this is a heavy blow even with how well I was doing.

So she did all her bs as reactionary off of her her "feelings"? And look @ her now... SMH

 

[QuadDeuces]

Itty bitty relapse, checked her public instagram account, saw selfies of her with a sad defeated face, and she went to an area with a lake side scenery I know must reminds her of my place since I live close to a lake where we always used to go.

Felt compassion and sympathy for her.
Shouldn't have looked at her pics, seeing her sad doesnt make me feel good at all.

 

[Young_Don]

@QuadDeuces social media is the devil bro. I made that mistake last night of looking at her public insta except she looks really happy, which made me feel like ****. It's insanely tempting but it does nothing productive for you, and if it's not helping you then get rid of it.

Told myself I'm staying off social media all together unless I'm replying to notifications/messages. Curiosity killed the cat.. But in your situation you should be cheering. You're the one who came out on top and she's openly admitting to you that she f'd up. It's not your problem now, focus on yourself man. Do you think she would give a crap about you if the roles were reversed? Even if you wanted to help her, you can't. 99% of the time women older than 24 are set in their ways and will go through all types of denial before they acknowledge that something should be done on their part.

Keep doing you and don't look back.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved. It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't. Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing and she's now lost all feelings for me. 2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time. She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home. It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

 

[MrAddiction]

social media is the devil bro

That!!!!
I think guys on here do have to Understand that "stalking" the ex on Social Media is the just the same like breaking NC.
One reason to to NC is to not know what is going on in the exes life anymore so that your feelings can not get hurt by her telling you how Great she is doing. There is no difference wether it is her telling you or you getting the Info via Social Media. Both has the some negative effect on you. Therefore get rid of that Social Media. Ist only makes you breaking NC and starting all over. Good luck.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved. It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't. Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing and she's now lost all feelings for me. 2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time. She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home. It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

What you feel now is completely normal, I was exactly where you are now roughly 7 months ago.

Read the Bible, initiate NC ASAP and don't play along her bs. Set your boundaries, and keep them.
She had her choice, and all this "I need time for myself buhuhuhu" bullsh#t only serves one purpose : for her to check out other d1ck while still being able to come back to you, as you're still on her hook.

But hell no! You're not going to play this game, as you're going to become a better man.

Trust me, it'll hurt a. F. The first few weeks or months, but in the long run you'll be f#cking glad she did this.

Keep your head up Bro, it'll all pass by and you'll get through this!

 

[MrAddiction]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved.

Whatever it was, your gut told you from the begining that she is untrustworthy. Broken trust is hardly to be resolved. Never make that mistake again and start with a Girl you do not trust. After Reading the whole post that alone makes it impossible for you to continue a relationship with that Girl. Because now there will be more distrust.

It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't.

If you had reason to not Trust her, and you had as you said she caused that from the begining, then you did not fcuk up, you just reached the limit of being able to ignore what your gut was telling you all way along.

Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing

If someone wants an objektive on something, one asks a good and close friend - not some ex-flirt. And I would add that such a thing is better talked about via phone or in person, but maybe that Last thing is just my view which might be age related.

[/QUOTE]and she's now lost all feelings for me.[/QUOTE]

After just three days she lost all feelings for you. Forget about that bytch. She is not worth it.

2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time.

There is no such thing as a Break in a relationship. There is no time out, where she can look for something better and if nothing is found can come back to you. You are not a light switch. ONCE the light is out it is over. Forever. Everybody has one chance. Do never give a Girl a Second chance. Never give a LTR a second try. Never make the same mistake twice. You do not want to relive that relationship again. It will not get better. It will get worse. You will never be able to Trust her anymore. There is only one chance for ones trust for everyone.
Hers is gone!

She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home.

She will Never ever get a possibility to tread you that way again. Women think they can get away with sich behavior and Most Time they do. But you are a man. You will nötig accept that. You will remember that Bad behavior when she comes crawling back. You will Show her the door.

It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

Listen: it is over. You will not go to her and ask for closure or to,be honest. Either you text her that it is over and then NC. Or you to straigth ahead NC and do know for yourself that it is over and act on this basis.


And like always let me remind you of the important Iron Rule no 7 of Rollo Tomassi: Never get back with an ex.
https://therationalmale.com/2011/09/08/rooting-through-garbage/

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

Thank you guys. The last 2-3 days, I've spent talking with male and female friends, talking with family members and I've been reading a sh*t-ton of NC stuff. F*ck her, stupid *****. It hurts a little to say that because I love her and I know, deep down, she's a good person. But that mother ****er Francesco dude (ex flirt), has corrupted her mind. I'll get over her once I start school and become social again. But there's still 5 months left before that will happen. Already last week we planned dates for the next weeks and what to do in the summer, going on trips and ****. Now, that stuff is out of the window.

Again, I'm working with her. I will of course only talk about work related stuff and be professional. It just hurts, that the days we used to work together, we always went home to my place. Now I have to get used, to go home alone and just tell her "Thank you for today."

By the way. I'm currently reading a lot of stuff about NC on the internet. Yesterday I read a blog from a guy called BlackDragon.

It's basically NC. But it's a little different, it's about ignoring her for 4-6 months, completely. Unless, she wants contact.

I'm quoting a little:
If she contacts you first, completely out of the blue, then it’s okay to respond even if it’s well before four months. This is likely a indicator of interest, and is often a good sign.

Respond to her in a casual, non-needy, outcome independent way. Feel her out and find out why she’s contacting you. If she’s contacting you for a purely logistical reason, like she wants her leather jacket she left at your house for a date with her New Boyfriend on Saturday, then robotically address the logistics as fast as you possibly can and then terminate the conversation as fast as possible. Then start the four-month ignore timer all over again.

If she’s contacting you because she’s bored or just wants to talk, this is great news. Suggest she comes over to your place and proceed as normal into her pants. If you get serious resistance to the idea of her coming over or seeing you, terminate the conversation as fast as you can and reset the four-month ignore timer again.

Eventually, if you do this as I’m describing, you will have sex with her again. It’s virtually guaranteed assuming A) you do it correctly, B) you’re in no rush, and C) you weren’t a oneitisy ***** or extreme ******* while you were dating her the first time around.

--

Soo basically. I don't know whether I should follow his NC or this NC challenge? Of course, my ex (yeah, I'm referring her to my ex now, grr.) is a very, very stubborn woman. I doubt she'll even contact me.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Soo basically. I don't know whether I should follow his NC or this NC challenge? Of course, my ex (yeah, I'm referring her to my ex now, grr.) is a very, very stubborn woman. I doubt she'll even contact me.

Her not contacting you ever again would be the best that could happen.

And even if she contacts you, what about it?
The only reason for you to respond would be that you still had interest in rekindling with her. But hell no, I don't think you want that.
You couldn't trust her before, so do you think that now it'll be better?
Plus, once it's been dragged to the curb, you don't go roaming through the garbage.

You'll move on, and you'll find a better and hotter chick sooner than you think.

 

[NeedToGetOverBitch]

You're right. It's just. I want to move on, I want to forget that ****ing ***** for treating me like garbage. But to be honest, inside, I really wish we still were together. But again, you're all right. I'll have to forget about her. But does this 60 months challenge really work? If I delete her off everything, don't contact her. Many people can't get over a heartbreak after two months, many of my friends took 6-12 months. It hella sucks I have to work with her.

 

[5chm1dd1]

You're right. It's just. I want to move on, I want to forget that ****ing ***** for treating me like garbage. But to be honest, inside, I really wish we still were together. But again, you're all right. I'll have to forget about her. But does this 60 months challenge really work? If I delete her off everything, don't contact her. Many people can't get over a heartbreak after two months, many of my friends took 6-12 months. It hella sucks I have to work with her.

60 days, not months

But yes, it works to the point that you'll definitely feel a lot better at that point.

The working part really sucks a$s, but try to minimize the contact at work as much as possible.

The time you need to get over an ex depends on many factors, for example the time you were together, whether it's your first time going through this, and how deep your love was.

Don't stress yourself, you'll take just the time you need. And if you're still feeling down in a few months, what about it. Then you'll just have to wait a few months more.
It's your recovery, and nobody has the right to tell you how long it should take you.

Just don't make the mistake of isolating yourself from the rest of the world and drowning yourself in pity, hate and alcohol.
Go through the motions like a man, and use this opportunity to improve yourself in any possible way, for example sports or your coping ability.

 

[Killakittie]

I struggle with sometimes secretly wanting her back. But i remind myself the reality of who she is and not what my mind wants her to be. The sad thing is i feel so lost sometimes and i don't know what to do so i just go with the motions until it passes. I have good days and off days and right when i feel myself getting my self back she starts popping up again! That's where I've always made the mistake of reciprocating. Then it feels like all my progress is erased and i got to start over.

Going through this with her has got my sense of self confidence and self esteem thrown off. I still love her and i hate myself for it. If she could change, stop bringing other men into our marriage, stop lying, stop being disrespectful i would welcome her back but i know my mind is fooling itself. That person never existed, i was in denial, and now i need to figure out how to break these damn chains. It doesn't change the fact that i still feel that way, and I'm left wondering how i allowed myself to fall into this trap .

I'm going on day two of NC but this is pretty routine for her. I expect she'll try to reach out by the end of the week. That's when i need to be ready.

 

[dude99]

Hello guys. New guy here.
First of all, like you guys, I'm ****ing devastated. Problem for me, it's the first time. I'm 24 years old and we have been together for 10-11 months. So for me, it was my first relationship with a girl. She was 18 and I was 23 when we started dating. We met during work and we still work together (I'm a cook and she's a waitress). Basically I've never had 100% trust in her because of something that happened at the start of our relationship, but my trust improved. It still just wasn't enough and it kept making her sad. This friday, I ****ed up and asked her to show me a picture of a conversation between her and this ****boy who once tried to flirt with her during a night out. They had a very little flirt (just a tiny) which made me confused. That happened 2 months ago during our rough patch. The last 3-4 weeks was like honeymoon, we patched it up. But after I asked, she showed me and told me not to show up at her house this weekend (we were supposed to spend it together). I was very sad, but she was angry as hell. I just HAD to talk to her, so I called her and wanted to meet her but no, she just didn't. Well, long story short, she has since friday, been writing and talking to an ex-flirt all day and night. Basically she said she just needed someone to talk to and she wanted who had an objective perspective on this. Thing is, that mother ****er isn't objective, he wants her back. So obviously what happened, is that they have spent the last 3-4 days writing and she's now lost all feelings for me. 2 days ago I showed up at her house, she kept saying I needed to stay away and giving her a break, but this time. She, for the first time, treated me like garbage and like an ex. She was mean as hell and threw me home. It took me 50 minutes to get there and I was there for 15 minutes. I realized after that conversation, that our relationship was over. She said she needed some time, but was pretty sure it wouldnt work out. I accepted and left. Since then (it's been 2 days), I've realized it's over and it's only a question before she takes contact to me to make it official. I'm going to work with her on thursday again, should I just tell her to be honest with me and make it easy and break it up there? Because I don't think she's going to change her mind and suddenly miss me, because she's now flirting with her ****ing ex flirt. She was supposed to spend the next many days THINKING FOR HERSELF, missing me and maybe come back, because she still has feelings for me. Or well, she DID. Now Im sure she doesnt because of the ex flirt.

So next week, I'll probably start the NC and post here. The last 3 days have been rough as hell, my heart is broken, I can't eat or sleep.

On Thursday before she even has a chance to say anything to you, you say this to her:

I've had these last few days of peace and quiet to think things through. It's over. My decision is final. Goodbye. Take care.

Then walk away and have nothing to do with her ever again. You already know she is dating the old flirt. You know deep down she welcomed his attention with open arms.

Go full no contact after you say those words to her. If you wait for "her decision" it will only hurt you more. Make it YOUR decison this way it is in your frame and you are walking away.

 

[Killakittie]

From here on, stay completely NC, except for the divorce stuff.

You need to keep her away from you as far as possible, otherwise she will proceed to try to destroy your life and you.

Keep your head up, May isn't that far away. Stay strong Bro!

In the last week I've landed three dates and had two more set up that fell through. For the most part the longer I'm away from her the better i feel. It's when she starts coming around when i have the issues. Most times i do pretty good ignoring her. It's when I'm horney or just missing what i thought we had is when i respond. I also still feel guilty for seeing other women even though she's cheated and lied to me since I've known her. I've had some pretty damn cool dates so far though and looking forward to more. I just want to take things in moderation and try to heal from the damage she caused.