The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

You can't trust her and she can't respect you.

Thats in my case.
But could one imagine a cenario in generell where one can get back with an Ex where they can fix what caused the breakup the first case? I do not think so.

 

[Roober]

Thats in my case.
But could one imagine a cenario in generell where one can get back with an Ex where they can fix what caused the breakup the first case? I do not think so.

Once you begin improving yourself, you will realize that she doesn't deserve you then and certainly not now...

Stay strong man! Go hit the gym and make yourself better. Spend one hour each day pursuing your mission, whatever that may be!

 

[Tony197]

"She's not for you."

Best advice I can give you - and you in turn can give yourself.

Not going to pretend it doesn't suck being lied to and replaced. It does. But really, truly, honestly, ask yourself - Do you want to spend one more second with someone who does that to you? Let alone spend your life and raise kids with that person?

Hopefully you had her at her best, but that person is gone. She's not for you. Now go be better off and happier with someone else.

 

[finality]

day 1

Its been a long year boys. I could write of novel and still would not be enough to sum everything up.

All I can say is when its over.. NC.

I wasn't strong enough. Don't make the same mistake I've made over and over.

 

[MrAddiction]

2,5 month NC - Break up 7.5 month

Instead of getting better it feels worse and worse. I feel so betrayed by that girl and I can not go back Even if she wanted to - but on the other Hand i am graving for the good times, the companionship we had for nearly 8 years- or better said i think we had. Maybe it was all an illussion as I think this Girl was BPD. How ****ing shizophrenic is that. I hate her on one Level and on another i would like to have her here. But I know, that Girl that I want to have here, is only an older version or Even an imagined version of the Girl, that if ever,does not exist any more. Contacting her is no Option. But how can I get rid of this diverging feelings?
In the end of the relationship she did such crappy things that I finaly had no other option than to break up. Eventhough I Do miss her. The Future feels so empty. That **** is driving me crazy.
She already has her new guy moved in and I am sitting here having health Problems and feel lonely. She fcuked up the relationship and is rewarded. Thats what it feels like. Eventhough it is not that way with BPD girls. But fcuk it, I am unhappy and that is important to me.

 

[Roober]

2,5 month NC - Break up 7.5 month

Instead of getting better it feels worse and worse. I feel so betrayed by that girl and I can not go back Even if she wanted to - but on the other Hand i am graving for the good times, the companionship we had for nearly 8 years- or better said i think we had. Maybe it was all an illussion as I think this Girl was BPD. How ****ing shizophrenic is that. I hate her on one Level and on another i would like to have her here. But I know, that Girl that I want to have here, is only an older version or Even an imagined version of the Girl, that if ever,does not exist any more. Contacting her is no Option. But how can I get rid of this diverging feelings?
In the end of the relationship she did such crappy things that I finaly had no other option than to break up. Eventhough I Do miss her. The Future feels so empty. That **** is driving me crazy.
She already has her new guy moved in and I am sitting here having health Problems and feel lonely. She fcuked up the relationship and is rewarded. Thats what it feels like. Eventhough it is not that way with BPD girls. But fcuk it, I am unhappy and that is important to me.

You have to work on yourself man. Focus on just you. Spinning plates won't help alleviate your internal turmoil, it serves as more of a distraction. I was with my girl only 7 months and I still think about her every day, in a much different way now. A break up is similar to someone dying, we have to feel it and go through the process. But we can't just stay there.

A few things..
-pickup a new hobby
-get out with friends and family
-gym gym gym... Helps a ton in so many ways
-do things to make your mind distracted
-block her on EVERYTHING. How do you know her new guy is moved in?
- get rid of or box up any mementos of her
-start journaling when you think of her. Try to figure out what triggers it

 

[MrAddiction]

You have to work on yourself man. Focus on just you. Spinning plates won't help alleviate your internal turmoil, it serves as more of a distraction. I was with my girl only 7 months and I still think about her every day, in a much different way now. A break up is similar to someone dying, we have to feel it and go through the process. But we can't just stay there.

A few things..
-pickup a new hobby
-get out with friends and family
-gym gym gym... Helps a ton in so many ways
-do things to make your mind distracted

As I Said I broke up in June 2016. I did the above things. Lot of travelling. And it was good. As Long as I was busy there was no problem. I saw my ex again in the end of Nov because we had Tickets for a concert. I saw no Problem because I was doing fine. On the concert I was on top and let her see how fine I was doing. That day she invited me to come over and have a look at our former pet. So I visited her. That was the Time I found out the guy I suspected her to have been cheating on me before, what was one reason I finaly broke up, had already moved in. That bytch invited me over and did not tell me she was living together with the guy. WTF. She did not even tell me when I was there, but it was obvious. Maybe she just did that to hurt me. When I left that was day one for NC.
It was a shock - cause for me it prooved all I had suspected before. This guy left his wife for her, moved in with her - all that in less than 5 month? Yeah sure. She told me in September that she was together with this guy. Am I really to believe there was nothing going on before?
However. Visiting her was a big mistake. Or not. Maybe it just showed me that before I might still have had hope, which than was eleminated. So maybe that was at least one good thing. Best for sure might have been to go no contact from the beginning, so that something like that does not happen.
But however I kept on travelling and it was not that big of a problem.

For all you, who just broke up with an Ex, she that als a Warnung example, why NC is important from the begining for you own sanity. You Do mit want to know what is going on in the life of your ex.

Unfortunately I got ill in the middst of december. So no more travelling and no other distractions. So that I am DLTX I had to tAke meds which cause as sideeffects some kinda depressions.
And that was the time, when my mind began to miss her. Being tied at home, feeling alone and missing her. Not being able to work out any more. And so that I had the time, my mind began to think the relationship all over. So on some Level I hate her, and because of my actual situation (stuck at home and not being able to lead my normal live) I also miss her. And its hard to see a future.

What triggers it? I think is that staying at home.

 

[resilient]

What triggers it? I think is that staying at home.

That'll do it. Getting out and having fun with the bros and pursuing hobbies helps a ton in this department. Staying home alone too much will amplify your feeling of loneliness. If your friends aren't readily available see if your city has some fun Meetup.com events you can attend in an interest you like. I like meeting new people all the time too because in the absence of mutual friends, I can put distance from my former life that I spent with the significant other for a decade. It helps to re-establish a new identity for yourself that is fun, outgoing, and more importantly establishes your frame for independence and ability to choose who and when you date when you decide you're ready again.

Day 8
Going out on dates with three separate women last week helped with the oneitis. Might be a record for me, haha. I like having options. They're not HB8+ dates or long term material, yet still helpful to flirt and interact with other faces. I don't feel the urge to text or call the previous chica anymore. Progress.

 

[MrAddiction]

That'll do it. Getting out and having fun with the bros and pursuing hobbies helps a ton in this department. Staying home alone too much will amplify your feeling of loneliness. If your friends aren't readily available see if your city has some fun Meetup.com events you can attend in an interest you like. I like meeting new people all the time too because in the absence of mutual friends, I can put distance from my former life that I spent with the significant other for a decade. It helps to re-establish a new identity for yourself that is fun, outgoing, and more importantly establishes your frame for independence and ability to choose who and when you date when you decide you're ready again.

You are Right. Unfortunately due to Health issues not an option at present....and that is my problem. Sometimes it all comes together.

But the Support of you all helps a lot to set my head straight. Thanks a lot. Good to know one can count on his sosuave family.

 

[Carpathian]

The bottom line is if you loved that girl it will hurt and cast a long shadow. It does not matter what else you are doing in your life or how great things are. We reminisce. When you get home at night after all those great hobbies etc it is still you and your thoughts. Even when you get a new girl, you are not together all the time. And even with the new girl, even if you are in love, the mind can wander sometimes, no matter how great she is. I don't agree with everything he says but I agree with Coach Corey Wayne on this; rejection breeds obsession. Boy is that right. We are human and we have to greave. Anyone who in bravado says otherwise is a liar, or an equally fvkked up human being themselves.

 

[Roober]

You are Right. Unfortunately due to Health issues not an option at present....and that is my problem. Sometimes it all comes together.

But the Support of you all helps a lot to set my head straight. Thanks a lot. Good to know one can count on his sosuave family.

Are health issues really preventing you from doing things? I am not trying to dig into your personal business. But, if you really think about it, is it stopping you from pursuing hobbies? Every hobby? Going to a coffee shop? Walking around the mall? walk in the park? everything?

Many people (and I mean most) use health conditions as a crutch to delay their progress. Put a bandaid on the biznitch and keep progressing!

 

[MrAddiction]

Are health issues really preventing you from doing things? I am not trying to dig into your personal business. But, if you really think about it, is it stopping you from pursuing hobbies? Every hobby? Going to a coffee shop? Walking around the mall? walk in the park? everything?

Many people (and I mean most) use health conditions as a crutch to delay their progress. Put a bandaid on the biznitch and keep progressing!

I get your point. Believe me I have been through a lot and this time the meds nearly poisoned my whole body. Somedays it was getting up and feeling so drained afterwards that the only option was to get to the couch. If i write Health issues it is a little bit complex...but no need to bother anybody.
But it is getting better. Have been able to go to the City with a friend yesterday - First Time since 2 month and it was great.
The less the sideeffects are effecting me, the more joyfull I get again.

 

[resilient]

Hey MrAddiction, another thing that could help your health issues if you can't just leave the house or whatever is meditation. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last month when I was plate spinning, trying to keep on top of my game with school, work, etc. and I was beginning to get worn out.

I got oneitis for someone I was trying to make main plate that rejected me and stopped me in my tracks. I could have got fixated on the rejection, yet refused to let that get me down so I double downed on hobbies, having fun, and meeting and hanging with new people. The other secret to my success which I know you can do from home is meditation.

There are loads of guided meditation apps that can help distract your brain and help you rewire it so to speak to believe in positive intentions. I know it may sound woo woo, yet I feel so much more happier than I did a month ago and I hardly think about the oneitis anymore.

Benefits of meditation:

• Reduces Stress
• Increases self-awareness
• Increases self-acceptance
• Regulates Emotions
• Develops Contentment
• Improves Physical Health

Source: http://www.awaken.com/2017/01/benefits-of-meditation-2/

My top fav meditations apps:

1. Meditation Studio (free)
2. Headspace (requires subscription, yet first 10 are free)
3. Calm (again requires a subscription, arg...)
4. Breath2Relax (free)

 

[ku17]

I'm a recent convert to the red pill so I spent a lot of time as an orbiter for a lot of women. I've taken the three girls for whom I was an orbiter and put them all on NC.

Girl #1 was originally a plate of mine, before I even realized what a plate was. However, I would develop oneitis and eventually become her orbiter when I let her flip the script. Currently at 3 months NC.

Girl #2 was another plate for a long time but I let her flip the script got a huge case of oneitis and just as fast as that she did a branch swing and left me wondering what had just happened. Displayed a lot of AFC and beta behavior once I got oneitis. I'm sitting at 4 months NC with her.

Girl #3 is my greatest embarrassment. I was her orbiter for almost 10 years. I'm not proud of the long string of beta behavior and the disrespect that I allowed. She is the most dangerous and is very good at manipulating me. I've been NC for 2 months but she's already reached out twice. She got married recently but is power hungry and will continue to reach out until she can assert her power over me again or make me out as the villain in this situation. This girl will continually **** test me in the coming months.

I'm still learning from this site and it's helped me come a long way in improving my physical and mental health, as well as teaching me how to dissolve toxic relationships.

 

[Roober]

3 months...

Okay, I did something stupid today. Looked up exes FB, just curious since she never updates it. Saw that she updated her profile pic and is "in a relationship with..." I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't a branch-swinging *****... but I was wrong... ugly mofo with two kids...

"I want to be single" my azz... Gah, got me bothered a little bit, but also a bit relieved... Sadly, I was still holding onto hope that she would call or text, now I think I can get that thought out of my mind completely. Now I know what she was really up to those last couple months when things were heading downhill.. sigh...

 

[MrAddiction]

3 months...

Okay, I did something stupid today. Looked up exes FB, just curious since she never updates it. Saw that she updated her profile pic and is "in a relationship with..." I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't a branch-swinging *****... but I was wrong... ugly mofo with two kids...

"I want to be single" my azz... Gah, got me bothered a little bit, but also a bit relieved... Sadly, I was still holding onto hope that she would call or text, now I think I can get that thought out of my mind completely. Now I know what she was really up to those last couple months when things were heading downhill.. sigh...

Welcome to the club. I can feel you man. Keep staying no contact and strong. I know how hard that stuff is and how much ist suxs. Today I try to stand with you, tommorow I might suffer again. I hate this back and forth.
But keep in mind together wie stay strong. As the Marines say: no one is left behind - with their exes.

 

[Roober]

Welcome to the club. I can feel you man. Keep staying no contact and strong. I know how hard that stuff is and how much ist suxs. Today I try to stand with you, tommorow I might suffer again. I hate this back and forth.
But keep in mind together wie stay strong. As the Marines say: no one is left behind - with their exes.

Ya. I feel like I am at a much better place now, so I am more irked that everyone that said she was probably branch swinging was right as she got really distant the last couple weeks. Just got to stay strong man and keep yourself busy with things. Just remember that they are staying the same as we get better and improve ourselves

 

[MrAddiction]

Just remember that they are staying the same

Yes they stay the same. But to be true. That same is at least not that what we hang on to, what we hang on to is the good times that have been there a long Time ago and that mostly are in or only in our mind. Practically we are hanging on to an Illusion... that is why it is so hard to let go.
To be true the Last month with my ex have caused me so much Stress and were not worse anything. And After thinking about it long - before there were times that things did not work out. I just let it roll hoping for the good times to return. Sounds familliar to involvment with a ClusterB - ha, for some reason.
The Last weeks I had a hard Look to what I was missing, and to my surprise it were times long ago, that I did not miss before...and it were things that she actually never was able to give me tu the fullest an I would liked/needed. So I noticed my mind playing tricks again. I more and more consider us als heroin addicts, longing for the high even it never has been as good as we imaginge it to be.
If a girl ever will Tell me again: "I can not give you the Harmonic relationship you want!" - I will run like hell and not consider it as another ****test - as I did the other day.

 

[5chm1dd1]

3 months...

Okay, I did something stupid today. Looked up exes FB, just curious since she never updates it. Saw that she updated her profile pic and is "in a relationship with..." I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't a branch-swinging *****... but I was wrong... ugly mofo with two kids...

"I want to be single" my azz... Gah, got me bothered a little bit, but also a bit relieved... Sadly, I was still holding onto hope that she would call or text, now I think I can get that thought out of my mind completely. Now I know what she was really up to those last couple months when things were heading downhill.. sigh...

Dann it man, I feel you!

But look at the brightside: now you're completely freeing yourself from remaining and, mostly, restraining hope. Hurts like a b1tch, but only temporary.

For me I've got to say, 5months and a few days of NC, still sometimes struggling (banging other chicks doesn't help, had 2 since the Breakup, no change or whatsoever in my mind), but yeah, it'll be fine in the long run I guess.

 

[Roober]

Dann it man, I feel you!

But look at the brightside: now you're completely freeing yourself from remaining and, mostly, restraining hope. Hurts like a b1tch, but only temporary.

For me I've got to say, 5months and a few days of NC, still sometimes struggling (banging other chicks doesn't help, had 2 since the Breakup, no change or whatsoever in my mind), but yeah, it'll be fine in the long run I guess.

Ya, spinning plates is good distraction, but doesn't help deal with it. I certainly noticed that. Biggest thing for me is hitting the gym and reading. I think I read about 10 books in the last 3 months.

Going out with women helps with getting perspective. We put our exes on pedestals until we realize (from dating other women), that they are really nothing special at all. There are PLENTY of women that are interested in me. Once I get my mind right, I imagine I can pull almost all of them.

My plate right now would move mountain to spend time with me, the sex is outrageously good, and she brings me food and small gifts... that gives me perspective cause my ex did none of that...

My advice?
1. Read good male-centered books (rollo, anything by David Deida, etc.)
2. keep dating and/or talking with women for perspective
3. and hit the gym HARD! no more-willy nilly workouts! Try do negative sets for 5-seconds each rep, you wont be able to focus on anything else!