The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Tony197]

Dude, are you serious? No, do not ask for the jacket back. Unless it's a green jacket for winning the US Open then forget it.

Y'know how you post something, and then realize 30 minutes later "Wow, that's a dumb idea"? That was this. Better to post it here than send a message.

Still want that f***ing jacket though.

 

[Adz--]

Day 13

So today was a holy festival day for me and my "religion". So I went to prayers etc and what not and got a whole bunch of msgs from other people about it I.e. "Happy celebration day, forgive me if I've done anything to hurt or offend you bla bla bla".

So I'm going through my msgs and I see a msgs from my ex's mum saying "happy celebration"
Now I'm thinking Huh?
So not meaning to sound rude I replied saying "happy celebration day, forgive me if I've done anything to offend or hurt you, hope you're well, have a great day"
She replied saying " Awwww you didn't do anything wrong God bless you thanks Xx *kissy face *kissy face"
(she likes using emojis alot, weird I know personally idgaf)
I said " thank you auntie, God bless you too xx *kissy face*"
And left it as that. The other weird thing is that my mum got the same happy celebration day msg off my ex's mum too, and told me about it, she just replied with the same back to her.

So this got me thinking that her mother doesn't know that me and her daughter no longer talk or think badly of me, I laughed to myself because her mother was constantly telling her that I was an amazing guy and that she shouldn't let go of me and spoke highly of me along with the rest of her family and all that other sh*t. Just makes me laugh.

Let this stupid d*ick face rot on her mistake, cos she ain't getting me back. She f*cked up big time and her family will always remind her of what she lost. (I'll write up the full situation of what happened between me and my ex later on as I feel I need to get it off my chest)

Adz--

 

[legend9]

Day 30


Its been a couple weeks since i frantically created a thread describing my story with a jumbled wall of text, read it at your own risk. (thanks to everyone who replied even though most of you hit me with the “shes banging another dude” response lol): http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/need-advice-after-weird-break-up-plz-help.236016/. Short summary: Dated girl for 2.5 years. I am 20 at college, she is 18 senior at HS. I was her first boyfriend, virginity, etc. She chased me at first I didn’t want her or want to be tied down but eventually I succumbed. Fast forward, She broke up with me for a day in March this year right after our 2 year anniversary asking for a "break" then came running back when i told her ok screw off. She did the same thing in May asking for another "break." She disguised this break under a veil of depression issues and she claimed her parents werent there for her and all this bull****. This made me feel bad for her and want to be there for her. I went NC and she came back 3 weeks later just before summer started, she claimed she had to take the break because of her depression and family issues....BULL****.

I stupidly took her back but things were different, she changed from the kindhearted and caring girlfriend that would do anything for me to some cold monster. She was hot and cold, and always busy/never available to hangout. The sex and the few good times we had, and her assuring me she wanted nothing more than to be with me kept me around even though my gut was screaming to punch out. A day before i go back to college the hot and cold bull**** becomes unbearable and i basically forced her to break up with me. Looking back now this was the WORST summer of my life. Next day she leaves a letter at my house after i had already left for college saying:

“Dear ****, I know you probably hate me for everything i did (yea no **** you heartless *****) but you deserve so much better. I didn’t give you the same attention you deserved. if you think it was selfish of me youll realize it wasnt when you find a girl that treats u ten times better than i did. yes I still love you and yes its going to be a rough ride without you in my life, but it is all for the best (oh yea?). if you think this is because of another guy youre wrong. Tbh I don’t think ill ever be able to love someone like I loved you. I don’t even deserve someone that’s done half the stuff you’ve done for me. Youre my first true love and I wouldn’t trade past 2 and half years for the world. I hope we can reach good terms sometime and youll forgive me but I understand you may never forgive me. In the meantime im here if you need me. I wish you the best of luck in life and wish nothing but the best for you. Have a great year in college – love blah blah.”

Wow what an amazing piece of writing. Maybe I should break NC to ask her to write my literature paper due next week. lol sike. I cant lie I was super torn up after reading the letter. How could the girl ive treated so well basically tell me to **** off in the nicest way possible? And that leaving me was “for the best.” How can this girl who made the past 2 summers of my life the most amazing summers ive ever had turn around and put me through the most ****ed 3 months ive ever endured?

Well I made it to the halfway mark and things are definitely starting to look up. The first few weeks were very hard and filled with tears and depressing thoughts. Its been 30 days of complete radio silence, I haven’t received anything from her (kind of upsetting but oh well). She did follow then unfollow me on Instagram (childish ***). Her grandma also did comment on a Facebook photo I posted flexing after the gym with a huge a** pump saying “WOW (my name).” LOL. My mother also ran into her and her mother at the store and had a nice short conversation (i was kind of mad at my mom for talking to the traitor even though they were good friends). She is blocked on everything and I finally stopped giving a **** and asking my friends to tell me what she has been tweeting.

Ive started to realize this is a blessing in disguise as im figuring out what college is all about. Ive started spinning a couple of plates which has definitely boosted my self esteem(one of the best feelings in the world after not spitting game for a long time). Just talking to and flirtin with girls again puts a huge smile on my face. Ive been hitting the gym harder than ever and gained a couple pounds of muscle, nothing gives me more motivation while lifting and fires me up to hit a couple of extra pounds on bench press than I normally could than thinking about the thought of her giving up on me and using it as fuel for my fire. But most importantly ive stopped blaming myself and constantly running different situations through my head such as “what if I did this…would that have made things different?, What if I was more mean to her? What if I wasn’t an AFC and acted like a total G?” Or trying to figure why the **** she changed into a completely different person all of a sudden. This is useless because if the girl really wanted to be with you and was worth it, things would have ultimately worked out.

I still think about her everyday but these thoughts come with less sadness. To everyone going through a tough breakup keep pushing through and stop blaming yourself and constantly reanalyzing the situation! Realize that if you were good to her and you spent your money,time, effort, and affection on her, than it’s her lost not yours! Don’t worry fellas we will have the last laugh when theyre crawling back to us begging for the gentleman they mercilessly tossed to the side for a little bit of freedom. Forget about these heartless creatures, and focus on yourself! Let them do their own crazy thing while we become better versions of ourselves and make them regret their decisions. We will overcome.

“You wait a couple months then you gon' see, You'll never find nobody better than me” - Kanye West

 

[Carpathian]

@Adz-- Does not matter how much her family likes you dude. It's what SHE wants to do that matters. It was the same with me. Her sons and mom adored me and thought I was the best man she ever met. She still dumped me for absolutely no reason. Stings but you just have to accept it and move on. And have. As will you brother.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

@Adz-- Does not matter how much her family likes you dude. It's what SHE wants to do that matters. It was the same with me. Her sons and mom adored me and thought I was the best man she ever met. She still dumped me for absolutely no reason. Stings but you just have to accept it and move on. And have. As will you brother.

I was going to say the same thing. It's not a good feeling, this place you are in right now. We all want them to hurt/regret or whatever after dumping us, but often it does not, and even when it does, often we will never know. The fantasy of her crying at your feet, telling you what a terrible mistake she made and asking your forgiveness is just that - a fantasy. I wish it were not, but it mostly is. I totally get the desire for that. That's a very normal, human response.

 

[Tony197]

@Adz Here's how you should look at it - the answer to every question in your head right now is "Who the f**k knows?" Hell, I bet she doesn't even know. She may think about you every second of every day...but is she acting on it? No? Then neither should you. If you were good to her and she still bailed, you have nothing to regret.

By going NC, you are communicating to her that you aren't going to be prisoner to her. For all you know, she's wallowing about in her room crying her eyes out, wishing you would call. For all she knows, you're totally over it and f**king everything on two legs.

You just don't know and you're probably not going to. If it's any consolation, women being the emotional creatures that they are, she's probably "moved on" but isn't "over it." There's a difference. But it doesn't matter. You're the only thing that does.

 

[Johnnythemac]

Not sure if you guys caught my post on the last page, but while i miss her and feel ****ed up, the most important thing for anyone.... Know your worth. Respect yourself. If someone acts ****ty and disrespects you, do not hang around like a tampon. Call it out and walk away with dignity.

 

[Reykhel]

Not sure if you guys caught my post on the last page, but while i miss her and feel ****ed up, the most important thing for anyone.... Know your worth. Respect yourself. If someone acts ****ty and disrespects you, do not hang around like a tampon. Call it out and walk away with dignity.

It's just like in business, you have to be willing to take an L

Sometimes the ego doesn't want us to take a loss and we stay in a bad situation.

 

[Adz--]

@Adz-- Does not matter how much her family likes you dude. It's what SHE wants to do that matters. It was the same with me. Her sons and mom adored me and thought I was the best man she ever met. She still dumped me for absolutely no reason. Stings but you just have to accept it and move on. And have. As will you brother.

I was going to say the same thing. It's not a good feeling, this place you are in right now. We all want them to hurt/regret or whatever after dumping us, but often it does not, and even when it does, often we will never know. The fantasy of her crying at your feet, telling you what a terrible mistake she made and asking your forgiveness is just that - a fantasy. I wish it were not, but it mostly is. I totally get the desire for that. That's a very normal, human response.

I feel frustrated at myself that i allowed myself to get this emotionally invested in someone when i should have known better. Thats the part that i hate, that some days ill over look all the bad and still want that and others i won't.

@Adz Here's how you should look at it - the answer to every question in your head right now is "Who the f**k knows?" Hell, I bet she doesn't even know. She may think about you every second of every day...but is she acting on it? No? Then neither should you. If you were good to her and she still bailed, you have nothing to regret.

By going NC, you are communicating to her that you aren't going to be prisoner to her. For all you know, she's wallowing about in her room crying her eyes out, wishing you would call. For all she knows, you're totally over it and f**king everything on two legs.

You just don't know and you're probably not going to. If it's any consolation, women being the emotional creatures that they are, she's probably "moved on" but isn't "over it." There's a difference. But it doesn't matter. You're the only thing that does.

After reading this and writing out the full story of what happened between me and her, i am certain that i am now the only thing that matters.



For everyone who wants to read what happened, i posted it in my old blog on SS, heres the link http://www.sosuave.net/forum/index.php?threads/blog-help-needed.213118/page-4#post-2198644


adz--

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I feel frustrated at myself that i allowed myself to get this emotionally invested in someone when i should have known better. Thats the part that i hate, that some days ill over look all the bad and still want that and others i won't.
adz--

Yeah, that's the kicker, it's the knowing that you saw and acknowledged all the signs and moved forward with her anyway. That's the beat down that really stings. Doubles the suffering.
I'm on Day 95 of NC, but I doubt I would be if she didn't have someone else. As much as I hate it, I'm glad that aspect is there because it's helping me "stay sober" so to speak

 

[Juanto]

Isnt it just better to not know absolutely nothing more about the exgf life after you break up? I personally just blocked her on all platforms, I really have no idea whats shes been up to (although I was the dumper)

 

[resilient]

Isnt it just better to not know absolutely nothing more about the exgf life after you break up? I personally just blocked her on all platforms, I really have no idea whats shes been up to (although I was the dumper)

Absolutely, man. You're back to being your cool DJ self, which should be focused on doing whatever the hell you want, not for her or anyone else for that matter. You don't have time to wonder if she misses you or wants you back.

Day 6
Getting easier. I've been reading a ton of threads here that's helping me with my frame. Journaling. Setting goals. I'm in a mini-monk mode of sorts, trying to figure myself out. Working on my frame, deconditioning, examining why I always channel a need for a LTR too damn early when I need to focus on having fun and spinning plates. I read Improve SMV thread by Reykhel that's motivating me to go mini-monk mode until I can accomplish some personal milestones that don't all revolve around women. I.e. scuba diving certification, getting my own place or roommates, research and apply to grad school, continual daily HIIT exercise (dropped 20 lbs, now 7% bf....), climb taller mountains (I'm up to 10,800 ft, going for class2 13,400 ft. summit). Best part? Having hobbies and interests that keep my mind off ex-fwb and dating in general.

One weird part about going mini-monk, I've gone out twice for social co-ed events since I dumped the ex-fwb and women with bf/husbands/kids approach me and ask a lot of questions/probing - felt weird... I act aloof, not interested and they seem to want to get me to open up more? Taken women are weird. I'm not used to that kind of attention...

 

[BeTheChange]

Just thought I'd pop in to give some hope to the rest of the troops.

Boys, it does get easier. Much easier.

I do bump into my ex from time to time as we live quite close together.

I don't count the days anymore as we do occasionally speak.

I've forgiven her for all the garbage she put me through.

I've forgiven myself for the pain I caused her and for allowing myself to be so exposed to the whimsical nature of women, but most importantly I've forgiven myself for being weak (or deluded) enough to be taken in by the Disney fantasy of the absolute assurance of a woman's love, in spite of having been on this site since the age of 21. Never again.

It was only in June that she moved out and July that we split up permanently, but I honestly can't remember what it felt like to wake up next to her everyday and play happy families. It feels completely alien to me.

Know that you will adjust to the new normal and you will learn to be happy alone. Until then, enjoy the journey. A break up can be a blessing that transforms your life if you allow it. Embrace the pain, grow, and then move on.

 

[Firestar786]

2.5 months

Can't even remember her lol

Strangely she dies wonder into my thoughts from time to time

Giving myself 6 months then I'm sure it'll no longer

 

[BeTheChange]

2.5 months

Can't even remember her lol

Strangely she dies wonder into my thoughts from time to time

Giving myself 6 months then I'm sure it'll no longer

It's crazy how quickly you forget...quite sad actually...oh well!

 

[Adz--]

Yeah, that's the kicker, it's the knowing that you saw and acknowledged all the signs and moved forward with her anyway. That's the beat down that really stings. Doubles the suffering.
I'm on Day 95 of NC, but I doubt I would be if she didn't have someone else. As much as I hate it, I'm glad that aspect is there because it's helping me "stay sober" so to speak

I'd be in the same boat as you man, whats keeping me back is that my close friends, family and sisters have said that she's a wack job and not to go back. If I did I know my close friends would slap me till I saw sense.

Exactly that, the fact that she was a narscisstic, BPD, sociopath that had me in her hands like play dough didn't help.
I should have known better and seen all the signs in her surroundings.
What's done is done I can't go back and change it. Got to move forward with this lesson in mind now.
It's funny how they can do it with ease though.

Adz--

 

[Tony197]

Day 50. 3.5 months post BU.

Went to yoga for the first time last night and one of the exercises, appropriately, was letting go. Breathing it in and then letting it all go...

I realize now I didn't really love her and wouldn't want her back if she returned. I didn't want that relationship, but I didn't want to be the one to end it and hurt her (she's gone through a lot of **** in her life - RED FLAG). So I got what I wanted, without the guilt and regret. I just couldn't have imagined how much it was going to hurt seeing her immediately get with someone else. But what's that about? Ego.

Funnily enough, y'know what's helped? Reading the smut mags about the Taylor Swift - Calvin Harris, Tom Hiddleston, and now Zac Efron nonsense. Timeline is roughly congruent and it reminds me of my ex. Some women are just never happy unless they're in a new relationship. It's sad, unattractive, and while you're hurting, the rest of the world is looking at her with pity and scorn because she's acting a fool. You on the other hand are improving yourself. So just be glad you got out before sh!t really hit the fan.

My advice to everyone on here - stop looking at it from your POV and especially hers. Yours is tainted and hers is unknowable and ever-changing. What do the people you care about think? Chances are, they admire your strength, and pity her foolishness and neediness. She's proven she must replace you to be happy. You've proven you don't need her or anyone else to be happy.

"Regret is worse than rejection." I've been rejected, but I have no regrets. So while the pain is temporary, I won't have to carry this with me the rest of my life. I suspect she will.

 

[Reykhel]

I said it before and I'll say it again:

Know, before you enter into any "relationship", that this will end.

She will reject you, you will reject her or death will sweep down it's hand and end things.

Know this deeply. Why? Here are two elements that end up hurting people. Getting attached to things and people (and abstract notions such as relationships) and taking things and people for granted (add your health to that)

In buddhism there is a meditation on death. Many people think this is negative, but that perspective couldn't be further from the truth. When you keep death in mind, you realize the transient nature of beings and it awakens you not to cling on to people but also not to take them for granted.

How often are you with your partner but both of you are not in the present moment (impossible to connect with a person if your not in the present moment) you are somewhere else. It's only after it's over or the person has died and we look back and it all.......seemed like a dream. It wasn't real. Because in many ways it wasn't. It can't have been real if you weren't present.

Know it will end. Know they will die. Be present, but never grasp. Not only will it cause you damage when she flies away, but grasping ends up crushing the sparrow too.

 

[resilient]

Know it will end. Know they will die. Be present, but never grasp. Not only will it cause you damage when she flies away, but grasping ends up crushing the sparrow too.

This. The experience with someone helps cultivate an attitude of gratitude, not necessarily loss when you can look at the experience objectively. They were not the source of all your inner happiness.

You're happy someone significant enjoyed time with you, yet you know when they (or you decide to) leave; you're grateful for those good times and bad times shared.

The world won't stop spinning, so go with the tide and see what tomorrow brings.

 

[Adz--]

Day 17

She kept on coming into my thoughts whilst at work, also had way too much time to think about other things at work and my boss was being a little b*tch.
I feel full off rage right now and want to lash out. This amount of rage isn't healthy. I feel like wanting to smoke a cigarette, but I quit for 2\3 months now.

I feel like going to this dumb b*tchs house and slapping her, and finding the other dude she was banging and beating the life out of him.

I'm think I'm just going to spend some time out of the house by my self to try and clear my mind cos I feel like I'm messing my self up.

Adz--