The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Glumix]

Day 2
Okey its been 31 days from the break up, 17 days since we last talked. But it is yesterday when i stoped posting on the forum where she hangs around.
This morning i got a email from her "are you alive?"

I do not understand why she would ask that, i know we have been 6 years together, but she dumped me... she is over with me... why even bother asking?
Now on the one hand, NC tells me not to respond to that.
But some other sources tell me to respond in short friendly messages and pretend everything is great. Should i answer with "im fine" or do nothing
Im not sure what to do

I don't think you are ready to talk to her. You will be ready in 60 days.

So, I would say, do NOT answer. Not answering is always better that giving sh!tty answers that you will later regret. And trust me, you WILL regret them! You already know that. Because whatever you say, she's not going to come back to you.

It's better to kill your connection with her than to kill your self-respect. This will hurt you more than anything else. Plus, she does not deserve neither your respect, nor your time, nor an access to your world anymore. She's killed that. So don't give it to her for free. She has to beg for it now. And she probably won't beg. But you don't care.

What are your other sources btw? Don't listen to women. They have no idea what your needs are.

If you want to call her, or text her, just write it here. Much better...

Respect your heart.

 

[datjug]

Honestly it depends on your mental state of health. If you feel like you no longer cares than by all means go ahead. Seeing that you are posting here means you still does, so I would recommend against it.

Almost a month of nc for me but today I reached out. I have 0 zero expectation and frankly who gives a fk anymore. I will just let things flow naturally. Keeping a friend is better than purposely avoiding someone forever.

 

[Glumix]

Keeping a friend is better than purposely avoiding someone forever.

Not sure.

My true friends never dumped me. The ones who did are not my friends anymore. Think about it.

And there is no friendship with a girl you want to have s€x with. A girl you want to have s€x with and she does not give it to you is not your friend. She's a source of frustration. So she is out of your attention for as long as she does not give you what you want or you replaced her. This give value to who you are and value to your world.

Altruistic compassion and love is good for buddhist monks.

 

[_Dream_]

I don't think you are ready to talk to her. You will be ready in 60 days.

So, I would say, do NOT answer. Not answering is always better that giving sh!tty answers that you will later regret. And trust me, you WILL regret them! You already know that. Because whatever you say, she's not going to come back to you.

It's better to kill your connection with her than to kill your self-respect. This will hurt you more than anything else. Plus, she does not deserve neither your respect, nor your time, nor an access to your world anymore. She's killed that. So don't give it to her for free. She has to beg for it now. And she probably won't beg. But you don't care.

What are your other sources btw? Don't listen to women. They have no idea what your needs are.

If you want to call her, or text her, just write it here. Much better...

Respect your heart.

Thank you for advice. Yes, she doesnt deserve my respect, or time and I'm never going to beg her again. I know im a catch and that there are already a lot of girl waiting for me to come back home.

Its just that i really did have full 6 happy years with my ex, so I’m also kinda hoping she will beg me back.



While NC for the purpose of hoping your ex might get back is already in itself losing the game, I think it’s the lesser of all evils. As days pass I care less and less.. I would compare it to starting to work out for a wrong reason, but after some time you start liking lifting because its fun and you love improving youself.

And think of the alternative! If I wasn’t here, If I didn’t find books and forums about this stuff, I would right now be paying 1000 dolars plane ticket just to see my ex for a day and try to talk sense into her ( negotiating desire by showing how desperately in love I am lolololol )



My other source is Croatian version of this, Igniss, his tips are cut contacts, ignore her, when she contacts you

• If it’s a phone call, be friendly but not too warm. Don’t share much information and hang up first

• If it’s a sms wait for 1-2 days to respond, also in short sentences without much information

• Any other signals, just wait for few days and respond in friendly way, but again cold and reserved.

But i decided im not going to respond to her message.

 

[Glumix]

While NC for the purpose of hoping your ex might get back is already in itself losing the game

This is not the purpose of NC. The purpose is to rebuild your frame, understand how you will fit in it, what you will now allow and disallow in your life, rebuild your world, rebuild your network, contacts, plates, etc... Enjoy life and do not commit in a LTR if the girl is not PERFECT. And YOU define what perfect is.

Success is the best revenge you will have.

You are lucky your came her while you are still young. I didn't have that luck. Don't waste it now.

 

[AttackFormation]

Jesus christ dude. Kill all contact with her now, forever, and never in any way answer or ponder anything she does to get your attention. Its over. Anything less is a pathetic rationalisation by your simpering ego, and that you would want something else than to completely move on for your own sake is evidence of how low you have let yourself be sunk. How weak you have let yourself become should be a wake up call. Check again that you do have two balls and stop bullsh1tting yourself.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Jesus christ dude. Kill all contact with her now, forever, and never in any way answer or ponder anything she does to get your attention. Its over. Anything less is a pathetic rationalisation by your simpering ego, and that you would want something else than to completely move on for your own sake is evidence of how low you have let yourself be sunk. How weak you have let yourself become should be a wake up call. Check again that you do have two balls and stop bullsh1tting yourself.

This to be honest, at least in my case. It's not that much that I was in love with the girl, but that I was in love with having a gf, and knowing that I've been cheated on is a heavy blow to my ego. And that's what hurts the most, not the breaking up.
NoContact forever, not for 60 days.

 

[AttackFormation]

It mak

This to be honest, at least in my case. It's not that much that I was in love with the girl, but that I was in love with having a gf, and knowing that I've been cheated on is a heavy blow to my ego. And that's what hurts the most, not the breaking up.
NoContact forever, not for 60 days.

It makes me sick to see guys knowingly make themselves into abused orbiters against what they know is good sense, and keep doing things to castrate themselves. These guys need to be checked for low T

 

[Young OG]

Its just that i really did have full 6 happy years with my ex

But, you weren't getting laid. It doesn't sound very happy to me...

 

[9asus2]

Day: whatever, not counting as I know (logically) this has got to be permanent.

Thought I was just starting to get over it. But this past week I'm back to square 1.

Literally lie in bed at night/morning trying not to think about all of the things we did together and how no-one else ever came close. During the day it's not much better either. Really odd sensation where I can't put the thoughts out of my head.

Bit annoyed at myself for letting one person affect me this much, fell for the whole "i love you, like no one else" spiel for 2 years and now she's seeing someone else.

 

[_Dream_]

Day: whatever, not counting as I know (logically) this has got to be permanent.

Thought I was just starting to get over it. But this past week I'm back to square 1.

Literally lie in bed at night/morning trying not to think about all of the things we did together and how no-one else ever came close. During the day it's not much better either. Really odd sensation where I can't put the thoughts out of my head.

Bit annoyed at myself for letting one person affect me this much, fell for the whole "i love you, like no one else" spiel for 2 years and now she's seeing someone else.

I know exactly how you feel man. It was 6 years for me, and for first three weeks I would dream of her every single night, and then think of her as I would wake up.
But then it stopped, a bit. Right now its been a month. I have good days where I barely think of her and say "what a shame… ****ing *****". But then there are some days that are almost unbearable. But don’t break the NC.
She is now with another guy, that isn’t even in the same country, and they saw each other only once…

Just keep yourself busy, read all the things about the red pill and such, work out, become a better man in every way possible. Nothing will change if YOU dont change

 

[9asus2]

I know exactly how you feel man. It was 6 years for me, and for first three weeks I would dream of her every single night, and then think of her as I would wake up.
But then it stopped, a bit. Right now its been a month. I have good days where I barely think of her and say "what a shame… ****ing *****". But then there are some days that are almost unbearable. But don’t break the NC.
She is now with another guy, that isn’t even in the same country, and they saw each other only once…

Just keep yourself busy, read all the things about the red pill and such, work out, become a better man in every way possible. Nothing will change if YOU dont change

You seeing other plates at the moment? If so, does it help much...

I think when I finally start getting some results with other girls it may take the edge off, but no luck so far haha

 

[Airstryke]

Day 9. I've had some good days but the last couple have been rough. I worked from home for a week so it made it easy to not see her. We get out of work at the same time in the afternoon and I caught a glimpse of her walking to her car...and that **** ate me up inside. I didn't say anything and just drove off but it hurt like hell. I went home and last night through today has been brutal. I can't keep my mind off of her and the plates I'm spinning don't compare personality/looks-wise. I find myself constantly comparing them to her which isn't helpful in the least.

Taking it one day at a time though. I keep telling myself that she's the one that dropped me like a bad habit and that I did nothing but treat her well. She kept saying she needed time to herself since when she's in a relationship, she "always focuses on the other person". I get it to an extent but also can't help but feel slighted. If she really wanted this to work, she would've found a way. **** sucks...

 

[dustmuffin]

Day 9. I've had some good days but the last couple have been rough. I worked from home for a week so it made it easy to not see her. We get out of work at the same time in the afternoon and I caught a glimpse of her walking to her car...and that **** ate me up inside. I didn't say anything and just drove off but it hurt like hell. I went home and last night through today has been brutal. I can't keep my mind off of her and the plates I'm spinning don't compare personality/looks-wise. I find myself constantly comparing them to her which isn't helpful in the least.

Taking it one day at a time though. I keep telling myself that she's the one that dropped me like a bad habit and that I did nothing but treat her well. She kept saying she needed time to herself since when she's in a relationship, she "always focuses on the other person". I get it to an extent but also can't help but feel slighted. If she really wanted this to work, she would've found a way. **** sucks...

Keep it up brother...hurts like hell but it gets better

 

[Armourhead]

Broke up with ex of 3 years just under a month ago. She was a virgin until I met her, I had upper hand for 90% of the relationship but I slowly reverted into blue pill mentality. I preemptively broke up with her before she did to me.

NC for past 3 weeks. She sent me a "hey" text after the first week.

Got a text on saturday asking to arrange a time for me to drop off some of her stuff and that the offer to be friends is still open if I want. I waited til monday to respond saying I'd drop it off wed or thurs.
Last night at 2 am she went onto POF and found my profile. She had to go out of her way because she logged onto a very old email to dig up her pof logon details from when we met 3+ years ago.
Got a Hey there message on POF then immediately after
"I'm sorry, I had to express interest, only because I had stalked you on here, had to go onto my xxxxxxxx account which I haven't in over a year, just to figure out what my username was cause I had no idea, and because "you never thought you'd find yourself on a dating site".
To be real though. I miss hanging out with you, and I thought maybe this would catch your attention more than anything else.
There's a 99% chance I will not be back on here, and don't even know if my account is visible, because I had kept it but had it hidden so people couldn't find me in searches.
So fb me. Or email me. Or do whatever."

Then at 3:41 am she sent me a longish message on FB to get more details about me dropping off stuff. She wanted to reschedule to fri/sat and then we could go do stuff or get lunch, up to me.

I have absolutely no plans of going back to monogamy with her. I plan later today before it gets to be evening to message her and ask what her new address is and to be there at 11 am for me to drop off stuff. I will not re-arrange my weekend plans to hang out with her. Might tell her I'm busy fri/sat but maybe next week. Ideally I'd like to spin plates with her as one of them. If that is impossible then it will be NC pretty much forever.


Could I get some thoughts? Be brutally honest.

 

[Armourhead]

Why was she going to break up with you?

I'm a sports nutritionist and helped her to go from 130-110 lbs and got her going to the gym lifting heavy weights for the past 1.5 years. At the same time I became depressed/anxious for unknown reasons and wasn't able to work in my primary career, I told her this. I feel like our SMV's went from me being an 8 to a 6 and her from a 6 to an 8. She started a job at McDonalds while she's in school and I think she became attracted to a worker/supervisor there. Other than that I just became complacent in the comfort of the relationship and stopped being what she was attracted to.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Day 5 I think
I had a very happy dream about us being in Paris. **** was so great, life sucked 60 times more after waking up. Maybe it is because tonight is the night she comes back from her bfs country and when she told me she was going to call me to talk things. I won't pick up the phone or answer to any text, but I'm nervous as hell and can't stop thinking about it. I guess I just want to listen to her apologizing and making excuses, but I know I only want it because of my ego, not because it will change anything. Maybe I should just block her from the phone too, but my ego is too big, I need to at least read what she is going to say. Of course, there is the possibility of her saying nothing or not even calling, that would be a heavy blow to me. Anyhow, I need to make some plans for this night so I'm distracted.

 

[Glumix]

Day 5 I think
I had a very happy dream about us being in Paris. **** was so great, life sucked 60 times more after waking up. Maybe it is because tonight is the night she comes back from her bfs country and when she told me she was going to call me to talk things. I won't pick up the phone or answer to any text, but I'm nervous as hell and can't stop thinking about it. I guess I just want to listen to her apologizing and making excuses, but I know I only want it because of my ego, not because it will change anything. Maybe I should just block her from the phone too, but my ego is too big, I need to at least read what she is going to say. Of course, there is the possibility of her saying nothing or not even calling, that would be a heavy blow to me. Anyhow, I need to make some plans for this night so I'm distracted.

There is a possibility that you will f-ck yourself up by answering the phone and that nothing can soothe your ego and anger.

Your ego and who you are are 2 different things. You are what you do, not what your ego, or emotions are.

Your ex is a b-tch. That's not your fault. It's nothing to do with you. You can't do anything about it.
Ask yourself who you are and what you want to be?

The girl in your dream is not your ex. She is your representation of an emotion you would like to experience again. She is any girl you would like to be with.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

I know the dream's girl could be anyone, I only want to, as you said, experience again such an amazing trip. I really should block her from everything, because I am too attached and I would probably reply her, maybe not today, but maybe in a week or whatever. **** this, that is what I am going to do. It's time to stop making excuses with this situation and to definetly cut it.
Thanks mate.

 

[_Dream_]

Day 5 I think
I had a very happy dream about us being in Paris. **** was so great, life sucked 60 times more after waking up. Maybe it is because tonight is the night she comes back from her bfs country and when she told me she was going to call me to talk things. I won't pick up the phone or answer to any text, but I'm nervous as hell and can't stop thinking about it. I guess I just want to listen to her apologizing and making excuses, but I know I only want it because of my ego, not because it will change anything. Maybe I should just block her from the phone too, but my ego is too big, I need to at least read what she is going to say. Of course, there is the possibility of her saying nothing or not even calling, that would be a heavy blow to me. Anyhow, I need to make some plans for this night so I'm distracted.

Dont worry man those dreams do stop, but first few weeks they happened every single day for me

• First week: dreaming like everything was normal, my brain doesn’t realize I got dumped, waking up in tears was normal
• Second week: dreaming of her knocking of my doors, appologising, saying she made a mystake, begging me back. Waking up in even more tears
• Third week: running after her but I cant reach her. Knocking over a glass wall between us be she doesn’t hear me. Yelling as loud as I cant but she still has her back turned. Waking up feeling like ****, but the tears stopped. Still I would prefer nightmares to that ****.

Last dream I had was me and her new boyfriend competing for her attention. I woke up so ****ing mad at myself. Thinking "why the fvck am I chasing after her, she is a idiot for not seeing how great I am. I AM THE PRIZE"
After that I never dreamt of her again. Your brain simply needs to get to a point where you are the prize, not her.

Don’t give up my brother.
She isnt even worth thinking about if she isnt willing to beg for weeks while you ignore her.