The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[CuddleJunkie]

She isnt even worth thinking about if she isnt willing to beg for weeks while you ignore her.

That's the problem, she "could not" because she was "not alone". And I'm ****ing terrified of her not giving two ****s to even call or trying to contact me. And in this two weeks since I discovered her lies I really didn't care that much, but today is different, I guess because **** is more real this time.
And I hate myself because of this, because she does not deserve to get me in this state. I just want to keep on moving.
It was my first dream with her in it since then by the way, like I said I didn't really care that much about losing the relationship, unless you count the anger I was feeling.

So the thing is, I don't really care about her or about the relationship. I'm concerned about myself, about my ego, about finding that she didn't really care. That is what kids do, I'm after validation after all.

 

[_Dream_]

That's the problem, she "could not" because she was "not alone". And I'm ****ing terrified of her not giving two ****s to even call or trying to contact me. And in this two weeks since I discovered her lies I really didn't care that much, but today is different, I guess because **** is more real this time.
And I hate myself because of this, because she does not deserve to get me in this state. I just want to keep on moving.
It was my first dream with her in it since then by the way, like I said I didn't really care that much about losing the relationship, unless you count the anger I was feeling.

So the thing is, I don't really care about her or about the relationship. I'm concerned about myself, about my ego, about finding that she didn't really care. That is what kids do, I'm after validation after all.

You are feeling this right now, but trust me that in few hours you could be totally fine
Often I would wake up in the morning feeling like I cant even function, but as the evening came I was fine, joking with friends, playin games. Just be strong in these hard moments, and good moments will come. Talk to your friends, cry your soul out to your friends, but not to her.

And im sure she cared a lot at one point, but there is a hard truth you need to realize, it is this:

• Hypergamy doesn’t care how great a Father you are to your kids.
  
• Hypergamy doesn’t care how you rearranged your college majors and career choice in life to better accommodate her.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care how inspired or fulfilled you feel as a stay-at-home Dad.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care that you moved across 4 states to be closer to your LDR.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care how ‘supportive’ you’ve always been of her decisions or if you identify as a ‘male feminist’.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about the sincerity of your religious convictions or aspirations of high purpose.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about those words you said at your wedding.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about how you funded her going back to college to find a more rewarding career.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care how great a guy you are for adopting the children she had with other men.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about your divine and forgiving nature in excusing her “youthful indiscretions.”
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about your magnanimity in assuming responsibility for her student loans, and credit card debt after you’re married.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care if “he was your best friend.”
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about the coffee in bed you bring her or how great a cook you are.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about all those chick flicks you sat through with her and claimed to like.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about how well you do your part of the household chores.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care about how much her family or friends like you.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care if you think you’re a “Good” guy or about how convincing your argument is for your sense of honor.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care whether the children are biologically yours or not.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care if “she was drunk, he was cute, and one thing led to another,..”
• Hypergamy doesn’t care how sweet, funny or intellectual you are.
• Hypergamy doesn’t care if you “never saw it coming.”

At the moment she decided to dump you all the things you did mattered so little. Only that there is a ( at least in her head ) better guy for her.

Be free to get mad at it, but don’t send her your anger. She must never know that she held that power over you

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Thanks a lot for reminding me of it Dream, hypergamy really is hurtful, but at the same time helps to solve these problems. Because, after all, you can't really be mad at how Nature works.
It's time to fully accept this and move on.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Ok, so she did not call. Even though I blocked her in the phone, she could have still make a call to the house. To my surprise, I don't feel bad, or angry. I just don't feel anything about this, which is weird, I was expecting to feel hurt or something.
This whole experience is being really good for me, I'm discovering things about who I am, and how I react to this kind of problems. And so far I'm pretty happy. Now I understand a basic stoic principle: what hurts the most is the waiting and the doubts. But once you know what you are dealing with, there is no anxiety. And this means that being worried while you wait for something to happen or not is a non-sense. We worry about our exs contacting us or not, we worry about new girls rejecting us or not, about ****ing them at the end of the night or not. And it's stupid to worry about this things, whatever has to happen will happen and you only have control about how you feel and respond to the situation. So yeah, frame control is not bull****, it's almost the only thing you truly have in your hands.

I feel so good right now. I will spend the day re-reading Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, it's going to be a nice day.

 

[dustmuffin]

I had a wierd dream about my ex a week ago. She and I walked into my house and her mom was there and she told us she had peed all over the house. WTH? They are both vets so maybe its animal related.

 

[dustmuffin]

Ok, so she did not call. Even though I blocked her in the phone, she could have still make a call to the house. To my surprise, I don't feel bad, or angry. I just don't feel anything about this, which is weird, I was expecting to feel hurt or something.
This whole experience is being really good for me, I'm discovering things about who I am, and how I react to this kind of problems. And so far I'm pretty happy. Now I understand a basic stoic principle: what hurts the most is the waiting and the doubts. But once you know what you are dealing with, there is no anxiety. And this means that being worried while you wait for something to happen or not is a non-sense. We worry about our exs contacting us or not, we worry about new girls rejecting us or not, about ****ing them at the end of the night or not. And it's stupid to worry about this things, whatever has to happen will happen and you only have control about how you feel and respond to the situation. So yeah, frame control is not bull****, it's almost the only thing you truly have in your hands.

I feel so good right now. I will spend the day re-reading Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, it's going to be a nice day.

Keep it up....Sounds like you are doing better than I was at that point. I was really screwed up. Better now. Think of your exs negatives. I'm sure she has plenty.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Thanks mate. She actually textd me a couple of hours ago through her sister phone. Random I'm sorry I didn't know what to do I was scared of the situation stuff. And I got the urgency to call her and tell her how much a of a ***** she is and if she thinks that that's enough for what she did. It went away in 10 min or so.
Haha, I got angry so easy after all that talk about stoics hahaha. Anyhow, I should had implemented that tip from the pros about deleting the messages without reading them . That's what I will do from now on if I ever get another one, because I don't want her to affect me anymore, even if it's only for 10 mintues.

Let's keep this up dustmuffin, the time for men is coming back.

 

[dustmuffin]

Thanks mate. She actually textd me a couple of hours ago through her sister phone. Random I'm sorry I didn't know what to do I was scared of the situation stuff. And I got the urgency to call her and tell her how much a of a ***** she is and if she thinks that that's enough for what she did. It went away in 10 min or so.
Haha, I got angry so easy after all that talk about stoics hahaha. Anyhow, I should had implemented that tip from the pros about deleting the messages without reading them . That's what I will do from now on if I ever get another one, because I don't want her to affect me anymore, even if it's only for 10 mintues.

Let's keep this up dustmuffin, the time for men is coming back.

I'm in my angry stage about women in general. Hypergamy doesn't care if I'm angry.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Well, that's only normal, they have been ****ing with your head/feelings for much longer than I can imagine. I'm really grateful to have discover all this knowledge so early on on my life. But you should not be that angry, you are ****ing kinky bitches, you are going to spend a lot of time with your son and you are trying a lot of cool things like wine tasting. You have reasons to be angry as ****, but you have reasons to happy too. So focus on these.

 

[dustmuffin]

Well, that's only normal, they have been ****ing with your head/feelings for much longer than I can imagine. I'm really grateful to have discover all this knowledge so early on on my life. But you should not be that angry, you are ****ing kinky *****es, you are going to spend a lot of time with your son and you are trying a lot of cool things like wine tasting. You have reasons to be angry as ****, but you have reasons to happy too. So focus on these.

Yes that is true lots to be happy about. Thanks for the encouragement. I am still pissed. 22 years of hell from a worthless wife. She was at my sons graduation with her sister. I was making fun of her while her sister tried not to smile. I think i could bang her sister but she is married. With a little effort it would happen. I just dont want to go there.

 

[Armourhead]

Was swiping on Tinder when I ran across my ex on the app. Instantly felt my heart rate go through the roof and a huge feeling of ****tiness wash over me. It feels particularly ****ty because she had a good picture up of herself that she never would have achieved if it wasn't for me training her in the gym over 2 years and teaching/coaching her about nutrition. I feel proud that I swiped no to her. She has expressed interest in hanging out by stalking/finding my POF profile and sending me messages on facebook. Hopefully she swiped yes to me and gets a nice little shock that we're not matches.

I've been in a lot of relationships over the years and have absolutely no latent feelings towards them, nor any desire to rekindle those relationships. This is despite the fact that it felt my world was ending at the time. Now I don't get sad or think about them at all. I cannot wait until I feel that way about my current ex.

 

[_Dream_]

Was swiping on Tinder when I ran across my ex on the app. Instantly felt my heart rate go through the roof and a huge feeling of ****tiness wash over me. It feels particularly ****ty because she had a good picture up of herself that she never would have achieved if it wasn't for me training her in the gym over 2 years and teaching/coaching her about nutrition. I feel proud that I swiped no to her. She has expressed interest in hanging out by stalking/finding my POF profile and sending me messages on facebook. Hopefully she swiped yes to me and gets a nice little shock that we're not matches.

I've been in a lot of relationships over the years and have absolutely no latent feelings towards them, nor any desire to rekindle those relationships. This is despite the fact that it felt my world was ending at the time. Now I don't get sad or think about them at all. I cannot wait until I feel that way about my current ex.

I know that feeling man... I thought my ex about working out in the gym and nutrition too. All fitness achievements she has right now were made under my supervision
Advices she gives to other girls are my exact words, my exact routines. Feels like betrayal man.
Hold on, be strong.

 

[_Dream_]

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03.11.2015: She broke up with me over skype out of nowhere after 6 years together, said she was cold and kissed another dude. Blocked me on email, facebook, etc.

5.11.2015 Communicated with her over her roommate and a letter I made, said we can rebuild our relationship stronger than ever, didn’t work out so well

18.11.2015 She contacted me over forum we both used to use a lot. Asked me how I was doing. I emotionally cracked and did every mistake in the book ( admitted I was in tears, that I love her endlessly, can we at least be friends, I can change to whatever you want me to be…jesus…)

26.11-5.12. Casual posting on forum, never directly to her. She responded with a funny pic on few of my threads, treated her like no different from any other user. Somewhere at this time I took the red pill and finally started feeling good and like a man I am supposed to be

6.12. Day 1 of NC, stopped posting at all, tried to remove myself from the forum

7.12. She sent me a inbox message on the forum "you alive?", I didn’t respond
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Day 8

I think I failed… I mean I am happy 90% of the day. I am making new contact talking to new people, im even fvcking one girl. I started drawing again, I used to draw every single day, but since we started dating I kinda stopped.
While I draw I feel like im myself again. Getting good at drawing portraits.

But I made a mistake… I dreamt of my ex ( stupid dreams) so when I woke up I went to spy on her on the forum…. Found a post where she was super mega happy and excited coz her new boyfiend is coming to visit in 3 days…. I really didn’t need to know that. I don’t know why did I even go to spy...
It kinda got to me, i mean i am okey now, but i feel like i opened a wound for no reason.

Im not sure what now, is this a reset or what..

 

[Glumix]

Im not sure what now, is this a reset or what..

This is a reset... Stop the stalking/spying sh-t.

Continue drawing, this is good, get better at it for yourself! Carry on the good work!

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Don't be too hard with yourself, nobody said it would be easy, those dreams can **** with your life. Just restart and be stronger, now you know what happens when you spy her. Hypergamy is strong and they stop caring in 3 ****in days, even if we know it, there's no reason to watch it in action, so do this for you and stop contacting.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

Little update on my personal situation after she tried to talk with me. Libido coming back, had these 2 last nights dreams with other girls, I think I'm getting over it as now I think about her much less.
I feel ready to try and **** new women. I did not contact the girl I made a thread about 10 days ago, so I don't know if it's too late or not, but I'm going to try. I have to get some numbers too. I'm excited.

 

[SayWhat]

I haven't posted in this thread for a couple of months, but since many of you guys helped me (even after I completely ignored the advice), I want to tell my own experience to people who are struggling with a break up.

The main thing you have to remember and that everyone will tell and you won't believe when you just got dumped => TIME DOES HEAL. I (like all of you) went through hell, my confidence was shot, I thought I would never get out of it, etc etc... At the moment I still have a long way to go on a personal level (but not related to the ex), but I feel okay overall.

They also tell you to go completely NC, don't see her, don't text her, don't reply. I agree with this, but for me this was impossible as we were working together and I didn't want to lose my job. If you're in a situation like me, you have to go through it, don't quit your job because of her, be a man and get to work and still give the best of yourself. It's hard, I went home emotionally drained, but every day went better and better and looking back you will feel proud of yourself. You will have days you don't want to go, but these are the days that make the difference, you just f*cking go.

All in all NC is the best way though, I quit my job eventually for a new job I was long applying for. Haven't seen her for over a couple of months. Although that at the end of my working period at my previous job and where I saw her quite often, I felt I was sufficiently over it, not completely, but good enough. These last months though have completely made the difference.

Keep your heads up guys, if she dumped you she's not worth it.

 

[Matthew816]

Tonight is Night One. She dumped me over the phone 2 days ago. After 5 years. Out of the blue. All BS reasons. Ill go into more detail when I have the energy.

I have called non stop since the phone breakup. I demanded that after 5 years she owes me a face to face dumping. She had to look me in the eye and say she no longer is in love with me. (Keep in mind 5 years is no small thing). Ive been in a lot of pain.

So her response was an annoyed "Fine if you will just Fu$&ing leave me alone then, if thats what it takes to get you out of my life come down here. Ill tell you these things EVEN though its not what I feel". Hello??? WTF?!

Long story short I go down, she says its over. I cried. I loved her. My last words were I hope youre really sure.... Because Im never coming back.

I turned walked away and did not look back.

There was zero emotion in her. Literally not even a hint of a tear. She just complained.... About me, all my annoying personality traits.

This girl used me. I treated her like gold the first two years. I then lost my job for a bit (high income $250k year) and really after that, when I had to tighten the money flow, she really vanished, but kept me on the line. It got to the point where Id only see her 1-2 times a month. She lives 15 minutes away.

So Ive recently had some investments tighten up (Im a risk taker) money again tight, and WHAM. Dumped. Over the phone no less

I was so blind. I think and believe she was likely cheating. Not necessarily a boyfriend. But just affairs. Flings. Id have no way to know. Shes highly secretive. Dissapears for days and doesnt call.

Not that it matters. But Ive been reading this thread. It seems so many dumpees who go no contact eventually get calls and texts from their ex who destroyed them.

Ive never been treated so disrespectfully. Im going no contact. Am I to expect she will try to initiate contact, continue to toy with me now that all the attention I gave vanishes over night.

Im afraid of that. But also wouldnt mind just ignoring her like she did to me for so long.

Its over. Im not going back. For once I was blind, now I can see.

But... I am still heartbroken.

Thanks everyone.

 

[_Dream_]

Tonight is Night One. She dumped me over the phone 2 days ago. After 5 years. Out of the blue. All BS reasons. Ill go into more detail when I have the energy.

I have called non stop since the phone breakup. I demanded that after 5 years she owes me a face to face dumping. She had to look me in the eye and say she no longer is in love with me. (Keep in mind 5 years is no small thing). Ive been in a lot of pain.

Buckle up buddy, first 3 weeks will be living hell... Continue doing NC, start reading Dj Bible, books like The Rational man, drink that red pill, nothing helps you like good old harsh truth.
Even if you have 10000 things you would like to say to her, even if every day you think of a NEW approach , new thing you will say,thing that will "make her come to her senses", it ultimately doesnt mater WHAT you say, only that you're sending a message of lower value. Dont show her you can be threaten like garbage and then still search for her.

Your heart will heal, ive been together for 6 years spending every single day together for last few years, then i got dump without having an slightest idea something was wrong. It took me a month to get myself again.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

You have to understand that it's over. Some of us got some lame text, some got walls begging to come back. So what. Does it matter? No. What matters here is that you get over her and get your emotions in your hands again.
It's completly over. She did not wanted to see you for months, that's the reason she didn't have any single emotion when you saw her. They are like that, they finish the relationship long after the breakup, so they are over it when they tell you. She looks like a ***** that was using you for the money, so I would say it's not a big loss.

Go NoContact, focus on yourself and meet some new b!itches along the way. But forget about her, don't expect her to text or call you. I know that's what you want, even if it's only for your ego and not for coming back. But it in the end it doesn't matter, what matters is you healing your mind and emotions.

As _Dream_ said, read about gender dynamics and learn all you can so you are not hurt like this again. Good luck mate, keep us informed.