The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[DaddyLongShanks]

Pairs is right.

Even a man in the most liberal of relationships will have less time available than a single guy with no commitments.

Plus (and this isn't necessarily the woman's fault) it's easy to slip into complacency. Much easier to sit and watch Game of Thrones reruns with the gf than put in an extra shift at the office or go out and try a new class. I count myself as quite ambitious and even I was guilty of these sort of slipups.

Ever seen the film Whiplash?

Yeah, but relationships can work FOR you too. Because she pays half you don't have to work as hard, you don't have to waste time chasing down females, and she also does some cooking and cleaning and does some errands for the household so you don't have to do it all.

Plus instead of wasting time playing video games or real stupid social stuff wehre you aren't getting anything out of it but being on the scene, instead you can do things for her.

Having a good relationship will make you look more attractive to others too and help confidence because you know if you slip your partner has you.

These benefits of course exist in a "good" relationship.

 

[Lozboss]

I think that there's too much BS on this forum against relationships.

There is good advice but in the end the right woman, who is interested in you (not who you pretend to be) is going to be a great asset and support.

The point is that women will be interested in you if you focus on bettering yourself and chasing your ambitions. If you live for another that's too much weight for them to bear and they will slip away.

NC works for breakups, it also works for your own mental health. It allows you to focus on you.

I sometimes delete the number of a new chick and go NC just to make sure I'm not too keen.

The key point of this whole challenge is to stop living for others and live for yourself.

I hope everyone's no contact is going well.

 

[Twist of Cain]

1 month 2 days.

player buddy of mine said i should send out a feeler/aloof text to her when i'm clearer in the head.

again, could easily check her twitter and figure out who's plowing her out now.. but im too much of a wuss to crack it..

 

[Lozboss]

1 month 2 days.

player buddy of mine said i should send out a feeler/aloof text to her when i'm clearer in the head.

again, could easily check her twitter and figure out who's plowing her out now.. but im too much of a wuss to crack it..

Leave it, Move on. Don't look at her social media.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

1 month 2 days.

player buddy of mine said i should send out a feeler/aloof text to her when i'm clearer in the head.

again, could easily check her twitter and figure out who's plowing her out now.. but im too much of a wuss to crack it..

What if she's talking to like 50 guys on there and basically attention whoring? Do you think she's on all 50 pipes when she just likes the guys to gas her head up?

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

If you work long hours then it is an inescapable truth that time spent with a woman on relationship things takes away from time spent doing other things

Yeah but you would do those things anyway, simply with different people...

1. Sex
2. Dating
3. Chores
4. travelling
5. partying
6. etc

So all the things you do, instead of doing them with different people you'd do many of them with your relationship partner and it cuts down on the need to find someone to do it with.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

player buddy of mine said i should send out a feeler/aloof text to her when i'm clearer in the head.

Your "player buddy" must not have gotten the news that there are billions of other women to bang who are not your ex. Don't go down that route - you'll regret it.

again, could easily check her twitter and figure out who's plowing her out now.. but im too much of a wuss to crack it..

Another complete waste of time, but speaking of plowing, it's definitely a great way to psychologically fvck yourself. What would doing that solve? Your own life and what you are up to, who you are plowing, ought to be too important and demanding too much of your own time to give her enough consideration to even check on her social media. Her whereabouts ought to be as important to you as those of some random landwhale you've never met and never care to meet either.

 

[Infern0]

What if she's talking to like 50 guys on there and basically attention whoring? Do you think she's on all 50 pipes when she just likes the guys to gas her head up?

If she's talking to 50 guys, about 48 of them are AFC's

 

[soulforge]

I haved decided to join the no contact thread... i just need somewhere to vent and to seek advice..

I met a girl off POF around 4 months ago, and i clicked with her big time... the chemistry was amazing.. i have banged many girls off pof before, but never really considered them as relationship material..

This is the only chick i imagined a long term relationship with... things started off well, and i treated her well, more like a girlfriend.. Not like a plate!!

Later i noticed she was getting somewhat bossy and rude at times.. sometimes whinging and complaining..

her attitude got on my nerves one day, when she was rude to me.. i called her out on her behaviour.. so she created a drama, and tried to shame me for picking on her and not making her feel like a guest in my home... this really pizzed me off, as i treated her very well in my home..

we had a couple of petty little fallouts... in the 4 months i was seeing her...

But this girl does not admit any wrong doing on her part.. she drops contact, makes no effort to reach out and try to sort things out with me..

I have reached out and apologised to her once before, so my guess is she is expecting that from me all the time..

She either does not care enough to want to talk and work things out with me?

Or she wants to gain power over me, and would rather wait for me to apologise or grovel and plead.

We had a stupid little petty fallout 2 weeks ago, both of us where to blame.. we both communicated badly to each other.. she stopped messaging me.. i gave her some breathing space, then a week later sent her a message, suggested we could meet up for a coffee and talk things through like adults..

Again she was quite cold towards me, and she made an excuse about her kids, claiming she could not meet me that night...

But no counter offfer? She could have easily said, i cant make it, but we can meet up the following day or at the weekend and talk things through.

Again she is not making any effort to resolve things.. she is probably expecting me to ask again and grovel like a desperate dog!!!

After giving it some thought i came to the realisation, that every couple has the odd argument or fallout, but it takes communication and talking to resolve your issues!!

This girl keeps on sabotaging the relationship, and will not communicate and resolve things...

So i came to the conclusion a relationship could not possibly work with her, unless i constantly walk on egg shells, or grovel like a dog everytime there is a problem.

After not hearing from her for nearly a week.. my guess was she will probably dump me anytime soon...

So i decided to dump her first... why wait around for her to screw me over, and then end up banging some other dude...

So i ended it with her... i knew a healthy relationship would be impossible with her, so may aswell nuke her, and walk away with some dignity..

Since then i am experiencing mixed emotions.. i know i did the right thing.. but some days i wonder if i should have held on, and gave it some more time..

Truth is she was bad for me.. but we had some awesome times too, and i have not felt like this for a girl in over two years..

I have probably pushed her into the arms of another man, by dumping her!!

I Was seeing her 4months, i suppose better now, than years down the line..

I really don't want to know, if she is seeing anyone else... is No contact the only way forward now????

Did i do the right thing here..

 

[Infern0]

Soulforge.

In your current situation you don't really need to have "no contact" more "no initiating" a bit of time and space will do you good here because you can review and see if you did some things wrong.

I'd suggest you did make some mistakes, calling to apologize etc that's a no.

I think there's a decent chance you were doing subtle things to hand her the power, that's usually when they start *****ing. The pattern that follows is familiar and eventually you end up here a bit confused about things.

Key is to not get bitter but review things and take it as a experience you learned and improved things from. That's the place to be bro.

Move on, keep learning the fundememtals and if she reaches out, sit back, relax and set up a date to have some fun and go balls deep. That's your birthright man.

Chilled, relaxed and getting it in. Not getting caught up in overthinking, getting in *****ing sessions etc.

You'll be fine bro

 

[soulforge]

Soulforge.

In your current situation you don't really need to have "no contact" more "no initiating" a bit of time and space will do you good here because you can review and see if you did some things wrong.

I'd suggest you did make some mistakes, calling to apologize etc that's a no.

I think there's a decent chance you were doing subtle things to hand her the power, that's usually when they start *****ing. The pattern that follows is familiar and eventually you end up here a bit confused about things.

Key is to not get bitter but review things and take it as a experience you learned and improved things from. That's the place to be bro.

Move on, keep learning the fundememtals and if she reaches out, sit back, relax and set up a date to have some fun and go balls deep. That's your birthright man.

Chilled, relaxed and getting it in. Not getting caught up in overthinking, getting in *****ing sessions etc.

You'll be fine bro

I did make some mistakes bro...

Mistake one... i apologised to her, the very first time we had a little ding dong... i should not have done this, as we both was at fault


Mistake two... When she did not text me for 6 days, and was playing games, hoping i would panik and start chasing her... at that point, i should have nexted her... or demoted her to plate, instead i carried on with her, and ignored that huuuge red flag.. i should have nexted her!!

I think it boils down to this.. she aint relationship material.. i have dumped her ass, which was the right thing to do

Now i move on, bang other chicks.. if she initiates contact with me, then i bring her back in as a fuk buddy.. if not then so be it

 

[Infern0]

I did make some mistakes bro...

Mistake one... i apologised to her, the very first time we had a little ding dong... i should not have done this, as we both was at fault


Mistake two... When she did not text me for 6 days, and was playing games, hoping i would panik and start chasing her... at that point, i should have nexted her... or demoted her to plate, instead i carried on with her, and ignored that huuuge red flag.. i should have nexted her!!

I think it boils down to this.. she aint relationship material.. i have dumped her ass, which was the right thing to do

Now i move on, bang other chicks.. if she initiates contact with me, then i bring her back in as a fuk buddy.. if not then so be it

If she doesn't text you back for 6 days it's fine, no need to take it personally, you should be busy with your life. The attitude is if she reaches out you are happy to see her and if not you are busy with other plates and living your life.

You keep that mindset all through courtship until she asks to be exclusive and then you decide.

If you deviate from that and begin perusing it's almost a guaranteed failure.

Guys need to stop worrying about that sort of stuff during courtship, let her be free and exercise patience. If you have the mindset that you are the catch here not her that shows up in behaviour and that's what women want. It's a great feeling when you get to that stage and you get involved with a chick who's got a lot of options and you just hand your "competition" their ass.

Obviously the next stage when you are exclusive is different but hey, you'll get there.

 

[JohnyTheArrow]

Another complete waste of time, but speaking of plowing, it's definitely a great way to psychologically fvck yourself. What would doing that solve? Your own life and what you are up to, who you are plowing, ought to be too important and demanding too much of your own time to give her enough consideration to even check on her social media. Her whereabouts ought to be as important to you as those of some random landwhale you've never met and never care to meet either.

This is it.

I was foolish enough to find out who is 'plowing' and I damaged myself so badly.I dont recommend it as you may do something stupid out of rage and pain ( like killing yourself ? or doing other stupid shyt )

If you care you are not in charge, your not in power and you are your worst enemy not your ex.She is not your slave,let her do what the fvck she wants.

If you dont have mentality 'I MATTER' 'IM IMPORTANT' 'IM MY BEST FRIEND' 'I CARE ABOUT MYSELF MORE' you are whiny weaky pathethic looser like I was.Get the power back and throw her away like a trash.LIKE SHE DID TO YOU.

If she is not with you she is not respecting you.If she fvxks some other dude,thats a spit in the face.Cut off,remove like a cancer,move on.

 

[soulforge]

If she doesn't text you back for 6 days it's fine, no need to take it personally, you should be busy with your life. The attitude is if she reaches out you are happy to see her and if not you are busy with other plates and living your life.

You keep that mindset all through courtship until she asks to be exclusive and then you decide.

If you deviate from that and begin perusing it's almost a guaranteed failure.

Guys need to stop worrying about that sort of stuff during courtship, let her be free and exercise patience. If you have the mindset that you are the catch here not her that shows up in behaviour and that's what women want. It's a great feeling when you get to that stage and you get involved with a chick who's got a lot of options and you just hand your "competition" their ass.

Obviously the next stage when you are exclusive is different but hey, you'll get there.

She had already asked me to be exlusive, she wanted a full on relationship with me.. even dropping hints of marriage.. truth is she was playing games.. she did not contact me in the 6 days in the hope that i will buckle in and give chase to her...


Finaly after 6 days when i did not bother to chase her... she sent me a text message, claiming that i have not bothered with her, and she wished me good luck and said GOOD BYE

She indirectly ended it.. because i did not give chase... some would call this manipulation!!!!

 

[Lozboss]

She had already asked me to be exlusive, she wanted a full on relationship with me.. even dropping hints of marriage.. truth is she was playing games.. she did not contact me in the 6 days in the hope that i will buckle in and give chase to her...


Finaly after 6 days when i did not bother to chase her... she sent me a text message, claiming that i have not bothered with her, and she wished me good luck and said GOOD BYE

She indirectly ended it.. because i did not give chase... some would call this manipulation!!!!

Dude you need to move on. A relationship with her is not healthy. You don't no contact someone for 6 days if you're in a relationship.

Playing games whilst exclusive is not healthy.

Don't even plate her, get rid of her. I can tell by your posts that you aren't emotionally over her, shagging her is only going to draw you back in.

Go full NC and get on with your life.

 

[soulforge]

Dude you need to move on. A relationship with her is not healthy. You don't no contact someone for 6 days if you're in a relationship.

Playing games whilst exclusive is not healthy.

Don't even plate her, get rid of her. I can tell by your posts that you aren't emotionally over her, shagging her is only going to draw you back in.

Go full NC and get on with your life.

Found out today that she is back on POF just short of 2 weeks from me ending it...

Part of me wants her back.. but then i know if i try to get her back, she will hold all the power, and more than likely she will tell me to fuk off if i reach out to her...

Also from what i have seen so far of her behaviour.. moving on, seems to be the only option!!!

 

[drake33]

Mauser, I need your advice..again. I've been full nc on the ex, feeling great, and living life. Dating and haven't felt great in a long time. She did the whole birthday card thing "from" our daughter..whatever! Our babysitter says there has been strange behavior from our daughter. She says she wants to live with me forever and stuff...she throws fits...what do I do to communicate my concern to her mother, without really breaking NC. Obviously I'll be contacting her but I've almost made it two months and have made such great progress.

 

[drake33]

This is wayyyy too complicated for a simple answer. All I can tell you is your kids have to come first. So NC may be an impossibility for you - so be it.


NC is for you to heal. You may not be able to do NC, due to your daughter's needs. You MUST put her first.
Anyways, the idea is to get some emotional distance and heal . Do this with limited contact. Time is the great healer.


We would need a 20 minute face to face chat for me to even BEGIN to understand the sitch. I suggest you speak with a close friend who has been through similar.

I've communicated with her about our daughter only. She's ignored me, like she's trying to NC me or something. I'm simply respecting her decision. It's like she's bitter because I'm using limited contact and giving her what she wants. So lines of communication are kind of blurry and unclear? I was thinking of saying.."I was chatting with the babysitter and she said that our daughter has been displaying strange behavior. Have you noticed anything? I was planning on having a sit down with her this weekend, maybe you could do the same when she is with you? Something is clearly bothering our child and that is the only reason I am contacting you."

 

[Lozboss]

I've communicated with her about our daughter only. She's ignored me, like she's trying to NC me or something. I'm simply respecting her decision. It's like she's bitter because I'm using limited contact and giving her what she wants. So lines of communication are kind of blurry and unclear? I was thinking of saying.."I was chatting with the babysitter and she said that our daughter has been displaying strange behavior. Have you noticed anything? I was planning on having a sit down with her this weekend, maybe you could do the same when she is with you? Something is clearly bothering our child and that is the only reason I am contacting you."

Drake- Speak to your child first. Get it from the Horse's mouth. Even if she is young.

Then approach it as an adult and be serious:

"We need to talk. I spoke to X and she said that XYZ. This concerns me. When can you meet this week? I'm free Tuesday and thursday evening"

 

[drake33]

Drake- Speak to your child first. Get it from the Horse's mouth. Even if she is young.

Then approach it as an adult and be serious:

"We need to talk. I spoke to X and she said that XYZ. This concerns me. When can you meet this week? I'm free Tuesday and thursday evening"

I like that approach. I think I'll go with that.