Twist of Cain
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 28, 2012
- Messages
- 50
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 39
a month tuesday.. fuking unreal.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Hey there - My turn to reply on one of your posts? I know what youre talking about re the BPD NC thing. The BEST sex ever with these girls right? Well the FB is a great idea, but as we know so difficult to not get sucked back into the void. The post you replied to me on - the female Im talking about in that - highly suspected BPD. I didnt add that to my post as I cant confirm it. So my 3 year NC/No FB was actually, I thought, not too bad. Keep going, youll make the right call. Cheers.Infern0 said:Day 27 bpd ex.
Had a good day today, tomorrow is the big one month which is pretty awesome.
Not much to report, she has text me a few times, trying to work out if I can handle her as a FB for the great sex but if I'm honest with myself I'm not there yet.
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
I'm at the stage where I know the theory, and could probably apply it to good effect, however it's as you say not catching feelings which is the problem.HeadLightsOn said:Hey there - My turn to reply on one of your posts? I know what youre talking about re the BPD NC thing. The BEST sex ever with these girls right? Well the FB is a great idea, but as we know so difficult to not get sucked back into the void. The post you replied to me on - the female Im talking about in that - highly suspected BPD. I didnt add that to my post as I cant confirm it. So my 3 year NC/No FB was actually, I thought, not too bad. Keep going, youll make the right call. Cheers.
A simple "thanks" or "thank you" is enough for both of them.drake33 said:Okay, so I get home from my awesome weekend(seriously f'n amazing) and I have two happy birthday cards....one "from" my daughter, which obviously her mom did...and then one from the exs grandmother....saying she wishes me a happy birthday and hopes things change....not sure how to approach this...help me here brahs!
Silence...I shouldnt have said anything back. I did what you said. "Please tell our daughter thanks for the birthday card" and her grandma was very chatty, but the ex..yeah...have a feeling this was a breadcrumb tactic.Between_The_Lines said:A simple "thanks" or "thank you" is enough for both of them.
Keep it simple.
Moving on? Good.
Overthinking? Strategizing? Bad.
What went wrong? You could have gone the silence route, yes, but a simple "thanks" followed by you immediately being on your way shouldn't throw you off that bad, unless you replied expecting something (more) in return?drake33 said:Silence...I shouldnt have said anything back. I did what you said. "Please tell our daughter thanks for the birthday card" and her grandma was very chatty, but the ex..yeah...have a feeling this was a breadcrumb tactic.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
No, just expected a simple...I will...Im back to silence though...beginning to feel like SHE is trying to NC me?Between_The_Lines said:What went wrong? You could have gone the silence route, yes, but a simple "thanks" followed by you immediately being on your way shouldn't throw you off that bad, unless you replied expecting something (more) in return?
Stop looking at this as some game you have to "win" and view it as a simple gesture of courtesy from your end. That's it, nothing more to it than that.drake33 said:No, just expected a simple...I will...Im back to silence though...beginning to feel like SHE is trying to NC me?
A friend of mine is a psych nurse. I asked him of ALL the mentally ill/diagnosed people he nurses, who are the hardest. He looked at me and said 'Do you know what BPD is?' I said I did. He said 'theyre the worst, the most manipulative and cant be treated with drugs.' He also said he has to almost detox himself to make sure they dont get into his head at work. Pretty scary stuff.Infern0 said:I'm at the stage where I know the theory, and could probably apply it to good effect, however it's as you say not catching feelings which is the problem.
the sex is like being on coke or some ****, honestly you can't explain it to someone who hasn't been with a BPD, the feeling they generate due to the massive amounts of oxytocin they pump out is literally intoxicating, you can't replicate it with a non.
I kind of look at BPD'S as the ultimate test of "alpha" skills, if you apply seamless game to them you can keep them around for great sex but literally one wrong move and they start the devaluation. It's especially hard because after an orgasm she starts crying and looking into my eyes and begging me to love her, but if you say you do she's gone girl on your ass!
I think I'm going to take a bit more time away from this one as recovering from a run in with her takes at least a few weeks, thankfully the recovery time is getting shorter each time. She's pretty predictable, like a robot.
Always have another woman with her to keep her sane. If you care about her, you can lay pipe in her while maintaining a stable image and lead by example for her life. You know you can't tell them anything...HeadLightsOn said:A friend of mine is a psych nurse. I asked him of ALL the mentally ill/diagnosed people he nurses, who are the hardest. He looked at me and said 'Do you know what BPD is?' I said I did. He said 'theyre the worst, the most manipulative and cant be treated with drugs.' He also said he has to almost detox himself to make sure they dont get into his head at work. Pretty scary stuff.
My suspected BPD is on her next merry go round of NC as Ive mentioned. She always falls off the band wagon. But Ive moved on for the most part. Its simply too hard to run as a FB. I need my mind intact more than my libido to be serviced...
I know, youre right. We really start to over think these things, but at the same time, it makes me wonder. I am simply giving her what she wanted. I havent bothered her, I've only communicated to confirm plans with our daughter. I wonder...I posted pics of me and the other lady on FB, who is friends with friends of hers...they're from the same tiny town...were talking 500 people. Maybe she's jealous? I dont know, but she sent the card, I simply said thanks. But lets be real...our daughter is a smart cookie...but she cant pull that off on her own...in the past, she would let our daughter scribble on it...she didnt...it was ALL the ex's writing. Im moving on...I have allowed her to do the same, she asked for this...so she needs to leave me alone. Using our daughter is not fair. This weekend is mothers day...Im not doing anything special for her...**** that! Why would I? I am allowing her to have our daughter a little earlier than usual because its my weekend, but other than that....Im not purchasing cards or anything...Plans are set for the week through Sunday, so I have absolutely no reason to contact her or speak to her.Between_The_Lines said:Stop looking at this as some game you have to "win" and view it as a simple gesture of courtesy from your end. That's it, nothing more to it than that.
Her lack of a response? Her doing NC on you? Look at it as a reaction to you doing NC on her - meaning, it probably got under skin. Maintain no contact from here on out. It's not a big deal at all. These sorts of tense situations make us split hairs and blow things out of proportion. You're fine and you did just fine.
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Truth! Mauser, do you have any experience with the ex sending things from the kiddos? Any advice on that?Mauser96 said:No woman is worth losing your sanity for. And if you stay with one, in any way shape or form, you will.
Not true. Just focus on what your doing when your doing it. A descent relationship isn't filled with a bunch of pain points that keep you distracted.PairPlusRoyalFlush said:so difficult to have any personal growth like this when you're in a relationship
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.