The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[bebold]

First, thoughts of revenge and being pissed at a girl might helpful in the short-term to reset your mind and seem better than wanting to chase a girl but it doesn't seem like it should be the long-term goal. Even I have been a little pissed and it's not like my ex cheated or treated me poorly. I would much rather come across and ultimately be indifferent, that seems like ideal goal/outcome, and most attractive.

Which is why I would rather just not go on Instagram. Wouldn't unfollowing her, especially after weeks of not having reached out, seem reactionary? And just signal to her that she still has power over me?

 

[Lozboss]

tried NC and lost the game. I feel even more stupid now. wrote a ton of messages, she didn't even read it.. i'm such a mess.

it's hard for me to imagine her with somebody else, and the thing that i don't know what is happening is tearing me apart. if she is about to cheat or already did i know i would never ever forgive that.

Right- first thing is first.

Delete her number- dong even write it down. It's tough but DO it!

Are you going out with her? Why are you talking about cheating if she is your ex?

It's hard mate- but dust yourself off, delete her number and start living. It isn't easy but every day will get easier. Focus on you, till you're happier and more confident again. You need to cut her out your life and focus on you.

Pm me if you need advice- you're a new man from today- start acting like it!

 

[SayWhat]

The relationship is not over yet, but it won't be long.

I just want to prepare myself to the following:

I still have to work with her from time to time (waiters), she's a very social person and always get attention from guys. How can I prepare myself when I see she hooked up with one of them when I'm working with her?

 

[Lozboss]

The relationship is not over yet, but it won't be long.

I just want to prepare myself to the following:

I still have to work with her from time to time (waiters), she's a very social person and always get attention from guys. How can I prepare myself when I see she hooked up with one of them when I'm working with her?

You need to work on yourself. You need to focus on being happy yourself- you are using her as an emotional crutch, to be happy.

You'll get to a point where nothing she does will affect you.

Whatever you do- however you feel- you show a brave face and you show everyone you don't care what happens- it doesn't affect you.

 

[SayWhat]

I understand, but I tried this even before I met her, I don't know why it doesn't work. I don't even know how I should do this.

I tried everything from meditation till eating and living healthy.

The main problem of her having someone else is the thought that the other guy is better than me.

 

[Lozboss]

I understand, but I tried this even before I met her, I don't know why it doesn't work. I don't even know how I should do this.

I tried everything from meditation till eating and living healthy.

The main problem of her having someone else is the thought that the other guy is better than me.

Ok so it's obvious you have confidence issues and are insecure.

This is what you need to work on- it's not simple but you'll get there. I suggest reading this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197705

there are a few others on that forum too that are great advice for life.

 

[SayWhat]

Thanks I'm gonna read it through.

Is it possible if you've been extremely jealous to get her IL back as it was before? I realize that acting jealous drops IL.

Or is this just a lost case?

 

[sowhat]

Okay so i guess this is my first day of NC.. been hearing from her through viber and nothing is ever going to change, i think she is manipulative *****. i still love her and kinda hope i'm not right..then it strikes me like a lightning when i remember how great i was to her. i would wish to reconcile but i must be strong, so NC it is.

if she does want to contact me, i will only respond asking her for her intentions, i don't want to be her friend and she knows that. i mean, is it okay for respond or i should just ignore the hell out of her.. I'm not even sure that she will, maybe eventually because yesterday i've said some pretty bad words to her. i felt better , had to do it. but afterwards i felt even more crappy.

 

[sowhat]

thanks buddy, yeah, i wrote cheat, i meant being with someone, i guess i was still in denial.. anyway, that night when i contact her i asked to come to see me, i woke up a frend to drive me in the middle of the night near her bulding and asked her to just talk to me for 5 minutes. so after that i know, she doesn't give a flying **** for me.. felt even more stupid, and as i said this is NC day one for me.

 

[Lozboss]

Got pretty hammered last night with the boys. Was a bit depressed this morning so phoned my Mum to wish her a Happy Easter - had a good conversation about the ex.

Felt a bit sh*t because one of my mates was a quite harsh but said a few necessary truths. One of the most perceptive comments a girl made about me a few years ago was this - "you hate weakness". And it's true. I hate it in myself and in other people even more. My friend is very similar and that's one of the reasons I like this guy. But it did mean that he would not tolerate any weakness from me last night which did create some tension but I'm better for it.

Laughed about the stupid times with my Ma, took a shower and then watched one of my favourite motivational videos. Someone's opinion of you does not have to become you reality lads.

It's not over until you win

Good man. Sounds like you're in a good place. We all have our moments where it hurts- to deny it is Lying.

I get tough love but I think part of friends is to pick you up when you falter. A true friend will help you in moments of weakness- I'd be careful of this guy from what you said.

It's great you and your Mum are close and she supports you- I have the same, I think i've become close to my parents since they have been there for me.

Agree totally that you build your own reality.

Got another message from the Ex today- read, ignored deleted. Time to make her sweat.

 

[zoom5]

Hey,
I'm on day 12.
I can't belive 12 days passed, It felt like forever...
Yesterday I couldn't sleep all night, I did fall asleep after I took the pills, today I'm kind of devastated as well.. It came out of nowhere. Today my friends told me how she is doing...Cant say she is on the better side... Her school is going really bad..She fights with everyone and gets mad real easy.

I feel kind of bad about that... But at the same time I think ...What a spoiled brat and how she is using everyone, and when something isn't as she wants it to be she gets pissed off...
I miss her... In the end I can say that I feel not even a little bit better, my self control is only better... I don't just cry and call her...I can hold myself from that somehow...
I hope it get's better because I have real doubts right now...If she calls me now I will take her back because i'm at my weakest point...

 

[bebold]

Saw my ex last night at a bar. She was with her friend and a couple guys. She saw me but she didn't know I saw her. She immediately gathered everyone up and sprinted out of the bar. Only thing I can think of is she is dating one of those guys so didn't want to have an awkward encounter with me.

Shouldn't have but it ruined my night. Not even so much seeing her with guys, they could be just friends and if not that is fine, could be rebound. Just so confused why she always sprints off when we ended things on good terms. Not like I broke up with her! Tempted to text her and tell her no need to be awkward and sprint off all the time.

 

[sowhat]

day 2.

 

[Lozboss]

zoom5 Delete her number- remove the ability to contact her.
It WILL get better, it's tough but you need to sever ties- that means not talking or telling your friends you aren't interested in hearing about her.
There are some days when you'll feel like utter sh*t and think it's no better. You just have to ride the rollercoaster. Just don't give in- that will only cause you more hurt.

bebold You DONT want to be friends with you ex. So what if she runs off? Surely that's better for you and the NC initiative. You want her out of your life. I know it's tough, you want to be friendly and you care about her- it's natural. She is running because she doesn't want awkwardness and she is also hurting. Her own form of NC. Focus on you and enjoying your life- she does NOT matter.

sowhat Good man- every day gets easier and you'll soon feel better. You are doing it right - keep at it.

 

[zoom5]

zoom5 Delete her number- remove the ability to contact her.
It WILL get better, it's tough but you need to sever ties- that means not talking or telling your friends you aren't interested in hearing about her.
There are some days when you'll feel like utter sh*t and think it's no better. You just have to ride the rollercoaster. Just don't give in- that will only cause you more hurt.

Her number is in my head, so that's a problem...
I just want this to be over...
Everything just kills my mood. I can only watch comedies, where everything is ok, no love included...I can only do stuff that has no chaos, because chaos makes me nervous and totally ****ed up. I really got lazy, I've let myself go. I don't do nothing. I smoke a lot more, I wash myself a lot less then I did before...kind of don't have the urge if i'm just sitting home doing nothing..

It's not getting better and It's been 13 days and Im a mess omg...

I won't contact her under no circumstances, u have my word... Im just reporting my ****ed up condition...

 

[bebold]

Was really tempted last couple days to text her and bust her balls about always running away when she sees me and tell her to stop being awkward. Deep down I was thinking that if I was a bit of an ******* and calling her out maybe she would gain some attraction back for me, since she always seemed to like that about me.

But then I realized that as usual that is just rationalizing contacting her. No good outcome would come of it. Not doing it, staying strong!

 

[Lozboss]

Zoom- I know you feel bad bro but use this as a force for positive change. Make improvements and find someone new. Moping or being depressed only makes things worse.

My update:

Holding. Thoughts that f*ck me up the most is thinking about if she is dating other guys- I know this is normal but it's still not something I'm comfortable with. I'll always act indifferent about it to anyone else.
How do I banish these thoughts?

 

[Lozboss]

Great to hear Social- so happy for you fella that you're feeling better.

Thanks for your advice- I guess I just have to look at it like 'her loss'.

 

[Lozboss]

Thanks mate.

You need to use this as an opportunity to improve yourself.

Meet new people, pick up some interesting hobbies, hit the gym, put more hours in at work, dress better, whatever - so that it really is her loss.

Living well is always the best revenge.

Amen,

I'm hitting the gym, have lost 1.5kg so far and working on all round improvement.

Working on the new people bit.

 

[SayWhat]

Day 1

Even though we kinda agreed to end it in a fight, I feel she took the decision.

Typing a text at the moment trying to say the real meaning behind it. I'm not gonna send it at the moment, but perhaps will if I feel worse.

So utterly unbelievable, we had such a terrific last week and then one fight and it all ended.