The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lozboss]

Zoom- you got this bro. Stay NC. You can't let other people be the source of your happiness- they resent it and you push them away.

Twist- bro you should have made her sweat. She's reaching out to see if she still has you on a string- a safety blanket for her.

 

[Twist of Cain]

how could i have made her sweat? i'm confused

 

[Lozboss]

how could i have made her sweat? i'm confused

Not replying within 3 hours of her text?

You need to break free bro- contact just opens new wounds.

From what she say she hasn't forgotten any negatives from the relationship. You need to go NC and let her FORGET the old you and then if you want to try again it's a NEW relationship.

 

[Reborndonjuan]

Hey, iv been a lurker on this site for six months now, that's when me and the ex split, she ended it, the usual "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" she wanted to remain friends, I said if we ever met again, il be "friendly" towards her, but I'm not interested in being friends, I cut all contact immeaditly, unfriended her on fb, deleted her number and went complete ghost. It was hard dealing with that, but I'm a stubborn bast**d and I knew I'd never contact her again. (It was a 3yr relationship and we where just about to move in together wen she ended it btw). 3months after the split she text me on my birthday, "happy bday, hope you have a nice day" I had her number deleted, but after 3years together u tend to recognise it, I replied "thanks" two days later. Fast forward to last weeknd, 6months now from the split, and zero contact from either side, I wake up to a txt from the ex sent at half 3 in the morning (probably drunk) msg read:- "hey how are you? I know this is so out of the blue, but wud you ever want to meet up for a chat sometime?"
I ignored it, then received another msg the following evening at six.
"Hey, I'm sorry, the girls were taking the hand last night and where sending msgs to people off my phone, I don't know why they messaged you asking to meet up, that was pretty mean, sorry again"

Iv been doing well so far.

Just wondered what your thoughts or advice is lads?

 

[Lozboss]

Hey, iv been a lurker on this site for six months now, that's when me and the ex split, she ended it, the usual "I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore" she wanted to remain friends, I said if we ever met again, il be "friendly" towards her, but I'm not interested in being friends, I cut all contact immeaditly, unfriended her on fb, deleted her number and went complete ghost. It was hard dealing with that, but I'm a stubborn bast**d and I knew I'd never contact her again. (It was a 3yr relationship and we where just about to move in together wen she ended it btw). 3months after the split she text me on my birthday, "happy bday, hope you have a nice day" I had her number deleted, but after 3years together u tend to recognise it, I replied "thanks" two days later. Fast forward to last weeknd, 6months now from the split, and zero contact from either side, I wake up to a txt from the ex sent at half 3 in the morning (probably drunk) msg read:- "hey how are you? I know this is so out of the blue, but wud you ever want to meet up for a chat sometime?"
I ignored it, then received another msg the following evening at six.
"Hey, I'm sorry, the girls were taking the hand last night and where sending msgs to people off my phone, I don't know why they messaged you asking to meet up, that was pretty mean, sorry again"

Iv been doing well so far.

Just wondered what your thoughts or advice is lads?

Two choice mate:

1. Ignore her. She's either being honest or she made a drunken mistake and is trying to regain face because you didn't reply

2. Send her a msg, saying 'I'm not interested in being 'just friends'- that hasn't changed. If you change your mind on giving 'us' another try then let me know and we can explore whether that's an option'.

What do you have to lose? No Reply? You continue with your life.

ONLY do 2 if you are confident enough in yourself that you can walk away and move on. If it's going to take you back to thinking about her all the time then ignore her.

 

[Twist of Cain]

@ loz

i preciate the advice - while i agree with you she still sees negatives - i did not reply within 3 hrs..

she texted me @ 230pm, i got back to her @ 5am

 

[Lozboss]

@ loz

i preciate the advice - while i agree with you she still sees negatives - i did not reply within 3 hrs..

she texted me @ 230pm, i got back to her @ 5am

My mistake brother.

I just think you need to have at least 60 days NC. If you two stand any chance of getting back together then you need some space- both of you need to get over each other and then try a fresh approach.

 

[Reborndonjuan]

Thanks for the advice lozboss!

I'm just going to ignore her msg and continue with no contact.
If it was sent at a reasonable time I would of had to think about it, but I'm not going to reply to a txt sent at half 3 in the morning, especially when she clearly made up a bullsh*t excuse the nxt day to save face!

 

[rsox28]

Been thinking about breaking NC. Broke up about 3 weeks ago, and last week she sent me an email basically saying what a swell guy I am, wasn't my fault, just didn't work out, blah blah blah. Didn't respond, but now I want to. Hate the whole going from all this contact and talking about our day together and hanging out and making plans to just nothing. Zip...nada.

Staying busy, going out-have a couple meetups planned for the weekend, in fact. Picked a woman up at a bar this past Saturday. But still, I want to contact her. This blows.

 

[Jmurphy55]

Got an offer through for a top University in London today.
Absolutely ****ing buzzing, I still can't believe it, I was really expecting a rejection.
Just goes to show, sometimes things happen for a reason, if I was still with the ex maybe I'd have been tempted to reject it in favour of staying closer to home?

 

[Lozboss]

Rsox- Stay strong bro. She will come back. NC is the best way. It's counter intuitive- you have to walk away for them to chase you. It also helps you heal and get over it mentally. NC has helped me be in a better mental place. Delete her number on your phone, write it down on some paper and hide the paper away so you aren't tempted (stops you contacting her in a moment of weakness).

Jmurphy Good man- CONGRATS. New start in the best town. I'm in London mate- hit me up a PM when you arrive and we'll catch a drink (where you going to uni?)

My Update:

Did NC for 60 days from Jan-March.

Been using NC to try and reattract and continue to move on (they go hand in hand).

Ex text me twice during 1 week NC starting monday, latest message being this Monday. Replied to the Ex Last night. She came back 4 hours later and we had a nice exchange.

Ended it by saying 'have a good easter and catch up next week'. Deleted number and it's up to her to come back to me.

Still waiting for the right opportunity to drop the 'not doing Just friends- if you want me in your life it's your Boyfriend or nothing' bomb. Can't just drop it randomly, has to be relevant. Hoping that being distant will force her to bring the subject up and I can then drop it. Would welcome advice.

 

[Jmurphy55]

UCL

Do you really want her back though?
Sure you may have changed but will she?

I think what is sometimes lost on this website is that just because the girl has dumped you doesn't automatically mean that you did something wrong and she was heaven personified.

For example in my relationship I am happy to accept that I drank and partied too much and I could have done with being more financially independent. But I was also loyal, understanding and always there when needed. For example, last year on two separate occasions I was out with friends and she wasn't happy about it, rather than going home as would have been sensible (we didn't live together and she had been working until gone 11 that night and had to be up early so we would have only had a couple hours together, as apposed to the entire night which I had with my friends,) but anyway, she showed up outside the club, on two occasions, sat in her car and waited for me, making me fully aware she was there so I was practically forced to leave early (I did make her wait for a while but not until 3am as I had planned,) could you ****ing imagine if that had been the other way round? I'd have been needy, insecure etc etc.

But in your position surely you're transmitting that message anyway by virtue of the fact that you barely respond to her since you broke up? You don't have to physically day the words ''m only interested in being your boyfriend," I get that message across

 

[Lozboss]

UCL

Do you really want her back though?
Sure you may have changed but will she?

I think what is sometimes lost on this website is that just because the girl has dumped you doesn't automatically mean that you did something wrong and she was heaven personified.

For example in my relationship I am happy to accept that I drank and partied too much and I could have done with being more financially independent. But I was also loyal, understanding and always there when needed. For example, last year on two separate occasions I was out with friends and she wasn't happy about it, rather than going home as would have been sensible (we didn't live together and she had been working until gone 11 that night and had to be up early so we would have only had a couple hours together, as apposed to the entire night which I had with my friends,) but anyway, she showed up outside the club, on two occasions, sat in her car and waited for me, making me fully aware she was there so I was practically forced to leave early (I did make her wait for a while but not until 3am as I had planned,) could you ****ing imagine if that had been the other way round? I'd have been needy, insecure etc etc.

But in your position surely you're transmitting that message anyway by virtue of the fact that you barely respond to her since you broke up? You don't have to physically day the words ''m only interested in being your boyfriend," I get that message across

Yeah perhaps dude. I'm hoping she gets the hint by me being distant or not warm emotionally.

I actually broke up with her. Number of reasons, originally as a 'break' but I think she saw it as a dumping.

I'm determined that if we do get to the stage of 'trying again' then it's a NEW relationship with a new approach from us both. We both need to make more of an effort.

I'm going to cool my jets, keep her at arms length and either we'll have a confrontation about me doing that or she'll drift away. Either way I carry on with my stuff. I won't be a friend, it's boyfriend or nothing.

 

[Lozboss]

Completely agree. I've blocked her number and whatsapp so I believe that will be sufficient especially since this time round I initiated the break up.

The Sunday before last I received about 100 missed calls (I kid you not) over the course of the entire day and a barrage of whatsapp messages without replying.

I only replied when she said she was going to come over. Long story short we got back together with the caveat that it really would be one more strike and out, just for my own sanity.

Had one good week and then this Sunday I come back from a Lad's night out in another city (friend's birthday) pretty tired and hungry and having not eaten the entire day and taking a long train ride back to London wanted some alone time - so was a bit rude to her. She took that the wrong way so I told her to leave and she did.

I didn't really hear from her until today and she told me some sh*t that completely made me reevaluate things. It wasn't cheating (which is the worst offence I can think of) but it was enough for me to realize that I cannot continue in a relationship with this chick at this stage of my life. Just no way.

Sorry to hear that Buddy.

Sounds like she's too high maintenance and too needy for you. It's always tough though when it doesn't work out, Stay strong.

I'm in London so if you ever wanna catch a drink and chat then pm me your whatsapp.

 

[Last Don]

The fact is, you don't have peace of mind in your relationship. This wears on you in the relationship but becomes so blurred post-breakup because your new-found peace of mind in one area is overcome with new mental trauma in the short-medium term. Trust your gut is all I can say, and ride it out. You won't be over this one for a while, just be at peace with that so 6 mos down the line when you relapse a bit its not so much of a surprise. In my last relationship, peace of mind was only there for about 5 months of a 1.5 year ltr...ironically I had more of it as late as 2 weeks prior to the breakup than at any other point...still, I was actively looking for an "out" to dump her but that didn't make it feel any better when it happened.

She sounds like a Feeler type, if you are a Thinker type there will be endless misunderstandings. Oil and Water. You need to date another Thinker even though they won't be as affectionate(unless an INTP type) and might seem more masculine. Anyway, just remember that as bad as what they actually do seems, its usually even worse than they are letting on

Dude, I love the fact that you're incorporating MBTI into your advice. I've recently gotten into studying it. And it has helped a ton in my romantic life. I'm dealing with a beautiful ENFP girl. If you're into MBTI, you know that it ain't easy!

 

[rsox28]

Rsox- Stay strong bro. She will come back. NC is the best way. It's counter intuitive- you have to walk away for them to chase you. It also helps you heal and get over it mentally. NC has helped me be in a better mental place. Delete her number on your phone, write it down on some paper and hide the paper away so you aren't tempted (stops you contacting her in a moment of weakness).

Thanks. I came home, had a couple beers, and the urge passed. I just try to remind myself that it's not going to matter what I say, or how I say it. Much rather have her wonder what I'm thinking.

 

[sowhat]

confusing as hell.

Hello, i just registered here. Thinking about going NC but i got a weird story to share and i would like some advice..

I've been in 6 months rl with this girl, while some other girl wanted to be with me, actually obsessing over me.. over time i fell in love with her and had to do something, i was planning of leaving my current gf because i didnt want to cheat on her. this other girl said, take your time and tell her when you are ready.. in the meantime, my gf broke up with me so i didn't have to do anything (we didnt see each other for days)..

so i told this girl, now i'm free, you waited, i'm yours.. and now after few days are gone, she is not writing to me as often, doesn't say nice things, like i'm not a challenge anymore.. so i feel played, i left my gf go for this crap..

i mean, i want the other girl who acts strangely.

WTF do i do, i mean i was angry, telling her wtf , why are u cold all in a sudden.. she says don't worry you are just paranoid.. the hell.

 

[Lozboss]

Hello, i just registered here. Thinking about going NC but i got a weird story to share and i would like some advice..

I've been in 6 months rl with this girl, while some other girl wanted to be with me, actually obsessing over me.. over time i fell in love with her and had to do something, i was planning of leaving my current gf because i didnt want to cheat on her. this other girl said, take your time and tell her when you are ready.. in the meantime, my gf broke up with me so i didn't have to do anything (we didnt see each other for days)..

so i told this girl, now i'm free, you waited, i'm yours.. and now after few days are gone, she is not writing to me as often, doesn't say nice things, like i'm not a challenge anymore.. so i feel played, i left my gf go for this crap..

i mean, i want the other girl who acts strangely.

WTF do i do, i mean i was angry, telling her wtf , why are u cold all in a sudden.. she says don't worry you are just paranoid.. the hell.

Cool your jets.

Chill out. Go NC on this new girl and she will come back to you. Live your life- date OTHER women and don't let it affect you. If she is serious she will soon be chasing you again.

When she chases you again you need to hold back a little and not be easy, make her work for it. It's clear this is a power play you need to win.

 

[Lozboss]

Social,

Mate- you need time to heal- that's clear from what you've said. You last post about not being bothered about other women shows you're hurting and it's raw.

Go NC, focus on yourself and you'll heal. Some people find dating helps but I've actually scaled back and I'm putting my energy into me.

IF I were you I'd block her number or delete it (or both). One allows you to see the contact and ignore it, one allows you 'out of sight- out of mind'.

Deleting the Exs number helped me.

 

[Reborndonjuan]

So close to texting her today.
A brief history: broke up six months ago, there's been no contact apart from her sending me a happy birthday txt, 3months after break up. Then last wknd I get a txt at half 3 sat night/Sunday morning, asking would I like to met sometime for a chat, I ignored it, then received another txt that Sunday night, claiming that it was her friends that sent tht txt.

I was thinking of sending something along the lines of:-

Alright *..name....* it's been a while, just letting you know if you want to get together for a catch up in the near future that would be ok.

My heads fried at the minute, thinking I should send it one minute then strongly disagreeing and not sending it.
Iv finally got the upper hand, I dnt want to appear weak now.
I guess I'm just looking for advice, or someone to give me a virtual slap around the face and tell me to wise up!
No contact has done wonders for me the past 6months