The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Twist of Cain]

@ loz

i preciate the advice - while i agree with you she still sees negatives - i did not reply within 3 hrs..

she texted me @ 230pm, i got back to her @ 5am

 

[Lozboss]

@ loz

i preciate the advice - while i agree with you she still sees negatives - i did not reply within 3 hrs..

she texted me @ 230pm, i got back to her @ 5am

My mistake brother.

I just think you need to have at least 60 days NC. If you two stand any chance of getting back together then you need some space- both of you need to get over each other and then try a fresh approach.

 

[Reborndonjuan]

Thanks for the advice lozboss!

I'm just going to ignore her msg and continue with no contact.
If it was sent at a reasonable time I would of had to think about it, but I'm not going to reply to a txt sent at half 3 in the morning, especially when she clearly made up a bullsh*t excuse the nxt day to save face!

 

[rsox28]

Been thinking about breaking NC. Broke up about 3 weeks ago, and last week she sent me an email basically saying what a swell guy I am, wasn't my fault, just didn't work out, blah blah blah. Didn't respond, but now I want to. Hate the whole going from all this contact and talking about our day together and hanging out and making plans to just nothing. Zip...nada.

Staying busy, going out-have a couple meetups planned for the weekend, in fact. Picked a woman up at a bar this past Saturday. But still, I want to contact her. This blows.

 

[Jmurphy55]

Got an offer through for a top University in London today.
Absolutely ****ing buzzing, I still can't believe it, I was really expecting a rejection.
Just goes to show, sometimes things happen for a reason, if I was still with the ex maybe I'd have been tempted to reject it in favour of staying closer to home?

 

[Lozboss]

Rsox- Stay strong bro. She will come back. NC is the best way. It's counter intuitive- you have to walk away for them to chase you. It also helps you heal and get over it mentally. NC has helped me be in a better mental place. Delete her number on your phone, write it down on some paper and hide the paper away so you aren't tempted (stops you contacting her in a moment of weakness).

Jmurphy Good man- CONGRATS. New start in the best town. I'm in London mate- hit me up a PM when you arrive and we'll catch a drink (where you going to uni?)

My Update:

Did NC for 60 days from Jan-March.

Been using NC to try and reattract and continue to move on (they go hand in hand).

Ex text me twice during 1 week NC starting monday, latest message being this Monday. Replied to the Ex Last night. She came back 4 hours later and we had a nice exchange.

Ended it by saying 'have a good easter and catch up next week'. Deleted number and it's up to her to come back to me.

Still waiting for the right opportunity to drop the 'not doing Just friends- if you want me in your life it's your Boyfriend or nothing' bomb. Can't just drop it randomly, has to be relevant. Hoping that being distant will force her to bring the subject up and I can then drop it. Would welcome advice.

 

[Jmurphy55]

UCL

Do you really want her back though?
Sure you may have changed but will she?

I think what is sometimes lost on this website is that just because the girl has dumped you doesn't automatically mean that you did something wrong and she was heaven personified.

For example in my relationship I am happy to accept that I drank and partied too much and I could have done with being more financially independent. But I was also loyal, understanding and always there when needed. For example, last year on two separate occasions I was out with friends and she wasn't happy about it, rather than going home as would have been sensible (we didn't live together and she had been working until gone 11 that night and had to be up early so we would have only had a couple hours together, as apposed to the entire night which I had with my friends,) but anyway, she showed up outside the club, on two occasions, sat in her car and waited for me, making me fully aware she was there so I was practically forced to leave early (I did make her wait for a while but not until 3am as I had planned,) could you ****ing imagine if that had been the other way round? I'd have been needy, insecure etc etc.

But in your position surely you're transmitting that message anyway by virtue of the fact that you barely respond to her since you broke up? You don't have to physically day the words ''m only interested in being your boyfriend," I get that message across

 

[Lozboss]

UCL

Do you really want her back though?
Sure you may have changed but will she?

I think what is sometimes lost on this website is that just because the girl has dumped you doesn't automatically mean that you did something wrong and she was heaven personified.

For example in my relationship I am happy to accept that I drank and partied too much and I could have done with being more financially independent. But I was also loyal, understanding and always there when needed. For example, last year on two separate occasions I was out with friends and she wasn't happy about it, rather than going home as would have been sensible (we didn't live together and she had been working until gone 11 that night and had to be up early so we would have only had a couple hours together, as apposed to the entire night which I had with my friends,) but anyway, she showed up outside the club, on two occasions, sat in her car and waited for me, making me fully aware she was there so I was practically forced to leave early (I did make her wait for a while but not until 3am as I had planned,) could you ****ing imagine if that had been the other way round? I'd have been needy, insecure etc etc.

But in your position surely you're transmitting that message anyway by virtue of the fact that you barely respond to her since you broke up? You don't have to physically day the words ''m only interested in being your boyfriend," I get that message across

Yeah perhaps dude. I'm hoping she gets the hint by me being distant or not warm emotionally.

I actually broke up with her. Number of reasons, originally as a 'break' but I think she saw it as a dumping.

I'm determined that if we do get to the stage of 'trying again' then it's a NEW relationship with a new approach from us both. We both need to make more of an effort.

I'm going to cool my jets, keep her at arms length and either we'll have a confrontation about me doing that or she'll drift away. Either way I carry on with my stuff. I won't be a friend, it's boyfriend or nothing.

 

[Lozboss]

Completely agree. I've blocked her number and whatsapp so I believe that will be sufficient especially since this time round I initiated the break up.

The Sunday before last I received about 100 missed calls (I kid you not) over the course of the entire day and a barrage of whatsapp messages without replying.

I only replied when she said she was going to come over. Long story short we got back together with the caveat that it really would be one more strike and out, just for my own sanity.

Had one good week and then this Sunday I come back from a Lad's night out in another city (friend's birthday) pretty tired and hungry and having not eaten the entire day and taking a long train ride back to London wanted some alone time - so was a bit rude to her. She took that the wrong way so I told her to leave and she did.

I didn't really hear from her until today and she told me some sh*t that completely made me reevaluate things. It wasn't cheating (which is the worst offence I can think of) but it was enough for me to realize that I cannot continue in a relationship with this chick at this stage of my life. Just no way.

Sorry to hear that Buddy.

Sounds like she's too high maintenance and too needy for you. It's always tough though when it doesn't work out, Stay strong.

I'm in London so if you ever wanna catch a drink and chat then pm me your whatsapp.

 

[Last Don]

The fact is, you don't have peace of mind in your relationship. This wears on you in the relationship but becomes so blurred post-breakup because your new-found peace of mind in one area is overcome with new mental trauma in the short-medium term. Trust your gut is all I can say, and ride it out. You won't be over this one for a while, just be at peace with that so 6 mos down the line when you relapse a bit its not so much of a surprise. In my last relationship, peace of mind was only there for about 5 months of a 1.5 year ltr...ironically I had more of it as late as 2 weeks prior to the breakup than at any other point...still, I was actively looking for an "out" to dump her but that didn't make it feel any better when it happened.

She sounds like a Feeler type, if you are a Thinker type there will be endless misunderstandings. Oil and Water. You need to date another Thinker even though they won't be as affectionate(unless an INTP type) and might seem more masculine. Anyway, just remember that as bad as what they actually do seems, its usually even worse than they are letting on

Dude, I love the fact that you're incorporating MBTI into your advice. I've recently gotten into studying it. And it has helped a ton in my romantic life. I'm dealing with a beautiful ENFP girl. If you're into MBTI, you know that it ain't easy!

 

[rsox28]

Rsox- Stay strong bro. She will come back. NC is the best way. It's counter intuitive- you have to walk away for them to chase you. It also helps you heal and get over it mentally. NC has helped me be in a better mental place. Delete her number on your phone, write it down on some paper and hide the paper away so you aren't tempted (stops you contacting her in a moment of weakness).

Thanks. I came home, had a couple beers, and the urge passed. I just try to remind myself that it's not going to matter what I say, or how I say it. Much rather have her wonder what I'm thinking.

 

[sowhat]

confusing as hell.

Hello, i just registered here. Thinking about going NC but i got a weird story to share and i would like some advice..

I've been in 6 months rl with this girl, while some other girl wanted to be with me, actually obsessing over me.. over time i fell in love with her and had to do something, i was planning of leaving my current gf because i didnt want to cheat on her. this other girl said, take your time and tell her when you are ready.. in the meantime, my gf broke up with me so i didn't have to do anything (we didnt see each other for days)..

so i told this girl, now i'm free, you waited, i'm yours.. and now after few days are gone, she is not writing to me as often, doesn't say nice things, like i'm not a challenge anymore.. so i feel played, i left my gf go for this crap..

i mean, i want the other girl who acts strangely.

WTF do i do, i mean i was angry, telling her wtf , why are u cold all in a sudden.. she says don't worry you are just paranoid.. the hell.

 

[Lozboss]

Hello, i just registered here. Thinking about going NC but i got a weird story to share and i would like some advice..

I've been in 6 months rl with this girl, while some other girl wanted to be with me, actually obsessing over me.. over time i fell in love with her and had to do something, i was planning of leaving my current gf because i didnt want to cheat on her. this other girl said, take your time and tell her when you are ready.. in the meantime, my gf broke up with me so i didn't have to do anything (we didnt see each other for days)..

so i told this girl, now i'm free, you waited, i'm yours.. and now after few days are gone, she is not writing to me as often, doesn't say nice things, like i'm not a challenge anymore.. so i feel played, i left my gf go for this crap..

i mean, i want the other girl who acts strangely.

WTF do i do, i mean i was angry, telling her wtf , why are u cold all in a sudden.. she says don't worry you are just paranoid.. the hell.

Cool your jets.

Chill out. Go NC on this new girl and she will come back to you. Live your life- date OTHER women and don't let it affect you. If she is serious she will soon be chasing you again.

When she chases you again you need to hold back a little and not be easy, make her work for it. It's clear this is a power play you need to win.

 

[Lozboss]

Social,

Mate- you need time to heal- that's clear from what you've said. You last post about not being bothered about other women shows you're hurting and it's raw.

Go NC, focus on yourself and you'll heal. Some people find dating helps but I've actually scaled back and I'm putting my energy into me.

IF I were you I'd block her number or delete it (or both). One allows you to see the contact and ignore it, one allows you 'out of sight- out of mind'.

Deleting the Exs number helped me.

 

[Reborndonjuan]

So close to texting her today.
A brief history: broke up six months ago, there's been no contact apart from her sending me a happy birthday txt, 3months after break up. Then last wknd I get a txt at half 3 sat night/Sunday morning, asking would I like to met sometime for a chat, I ignored it, then received another txt that Sunday night, claiming that it was her friends that sent tht txt.

I was thinking of sending something along the lines of:-

Alright *..name....* it's been a while, just letting you know if you want to get together for a catch up in the near future that would be ok.

My heads fried at the minute, thinking I should send it one minute then strongly disagreeing and not sending it.
Iv finally got the upper hand, I dnt want to appear weak now.
I guess I'm just looking for advice, or someone to give me a virtual slap around the face and tell me to wise up!
No contact has done wonders for me the past 6months

 

[Last Don]

MBTI is so clutch for the Game. My threads on it here get no response haha.

Would NOT **** with an ENFP again, in any capacity!!! Very sick and evil people.

Haha yeah, wrangling an ENFP ain't easy! As I'm sure you know it's all due to her type's instinct to always believe there is a chance something else better out there. I'm an ENFJ, so I'm pre-disposed to wanting to settle down and be serious. Combine all that with her being a solid 9 w/a dynamite personality, and I've had to refer to this site numerous times to keep my game up!

I've looked for threads here about MBTI and haven't found any. Post me a link to one you've started. If the guys on here started using and understanding it, I think it would take everyone's game up a notch.

 

[Last Don]

No amount of game can tame them my man, bad investment. For sex only...and even then they know how to get under your skin.

For Social and others:

ENFP types are characterized by the following EXTERNAL traits

1. Charming personality
2. Extremely Affectionate
3. Multifaceted
4. Caring and sacrificial

in other words...bait.

On the inside:

1. Grass is always greener elsewhere, always looking for BBD
2. Egomania, cannot take any criticism ever
3. Attention wh0re
4. Amoral, heavily feels/experience driven
5. Bored easily
6. Believes they are such great lovers(in some ways they are) that no matter what the breakup is your fault because they did "Everything they could" and "stayed in a bad relationship"...
7. The absolute worse backwards rationalizes...they really believe they are the eternal victim when they are the most cutthroat cheaters.
8. Emotional basket cases


The only way to game them is to mimic the unattainable emotionally distant azzhole (INTJ) for as long as possible until she figures out you're still human deep down lol...and she will do everything in her power to draw that humanity out.

They think like this:

http://www.socionics.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1584

Yeah. It definitely hasn't been easy. I don't wanna highjack this thread. So we'll just leave it at that.

Maybe we should start a new MBTI thread on here.

 

[bebold]

NC Day 1, sort of. Just found this site/thread wish I had found it earlier. Although don't think I have been too bad up to this point. Here is my story:

About 6 months ago I met a girl that just got out of 8 year relationship and had basically never been single. She told me up front she really didn't want to be in a relationship and if it started to get serious at all she was out. I was 100% ok with that since I was sleeping with other girls and just having fun.

She was way more into it in the start but we started to hang out more and more, sex all the time, after 4 months we started getting closer she told me some serious stuff she had never told anyone but I was still sleeping with other girls. One night she got really drunk out with friends, which she rarely does and she told me next day a guy kissed her. I was jealous even though her friend confirmed it was all the other guy.

Not normal for me to get jealous but I had some stuff went down at work that got resolved right after this that had my confidence a little shaken. I ended up asking her what we were doing and she said she didn't know. She could tell me were getting more serious and that scared her. She went back and forth from telling me to just tell her what to do and saying maybe we needed a break. I didn't want to pressure her so pushed for a break and eventually she agreed. We had sex right before I left and she texted after she would miss me "for now".

2 weeks of no contact and I ran into her out when I happened to be really drunk. I drunkenly tried to kiss her in front of a group of friends I know were in from out of town but didn't know. She shut me down and said she would call. We meet the next day and she said she wasn't ready to be exclusive. I said that was perfectly fine with that. I tried to act like it was no big deal. We actually made out for a while but we were at a public park so only went so far.

Over next couple weeks she tagged me in some instagram posts and I texted her a couple of times and she was positive each time. Well then I decided to try and make her a little jealous and posted a pic on instagram of me with a girl and a caption that was vague as to our relationship but was actually really funny. Got lots of likes. After that she didn't contact me and I didn't contact her for 2 more weeks. Then I ran into her out, I was cool and charming, she was sooo awkward and disheveled, stumbling over her words and eventually abruptly took off to other side of bar but eventually saw her back dancing with her girlfriend closer to where I had been. I texted her end of the weekend saying that was weird. She replied that she was caught off guard and admitted to "losing her cool". But she was really short over text. I acted unphased and ended text convo with smiley.

That was two weeks ago, haven't reached out since. But I have been checking her instagram until yesterday, thus day 1 NC, which I still follow and she has been blowing it up, but I am not going on instagram anymore. I probably pissed her off with that picture of girl, not like she was throwing some guy in my face. So question is, is this an appropriate situation for no contact? This chick didn't disrespect me in any way, we never had a bad moment in the relationship and feel like I was boss until end when I got jealous, I was super ok month ago when we ended it but now I am starting to miss her. She is more of a thinker than a feeler whatever that means.

 

[Lozboss]

Bebold- you need NC, which includes unfollowing her on Instagram. You also need to delete her number- only way to be safe that you won't contact her in a moment of weakness.

Jealously is normal- however it also shows you that you had feelings beyond basic friends with benefits.

Cool your jets and let her come back to you- take a step back.

Social- Amen brother. I'm contemplating going full NC again with my ex. Getting fed up of the games and waiting for her to make her mind up.

 

[sowhat]

tried NC and lost the game. I feel even more stupid now. wrote a ton of messages, she didn't even read it.. i'm such a mess.

it's hard for me to imagine her with somebody else, and the thing that i don't know what is happening is tearing me apart. if she is about to cheat or already did i know i would never ever forgive that.