The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[narcissist]

Tell us what happened . Did she contact you first?

Okay just a quick overview of the relationship:

I dated her for about 2.5 years. I BROKE UP WITH HER last November (when i joined the site). Went no contact for 1.1 years, and kept my frame strong. During this time I bettered myself every single day in all aspects of life.

She got with a new guy for about 5-6 months during this no contact phase. I was a little hurt about this but i got over it and realized that its the way life goes. I came to acceptance during this time that me and her were actually over. (a weird feeling, because she was my first GF and i was her first BF, we also took each other's virginities).

Well about a month ago i found out her and her new bf broke up, and instantly i felt amazing. I knew at that moment i never stopped loving her. So i wanted to have her back in my life, even if it was a couple words (afc i know, but i dont care, i get enough puzzy so w/e).

So, going against everyone's advice on this forum i followed her on Instagram about 2.5 weeks ago. My heart was literally beating out of my chest. I had to go outside for a walk, just to calm down. I turned off my phone before i went out. I came back and went straight to bed.

When i woke up in the morning i turned on my phone. She followed back and liked about 8 of my photos.

A couple days go by and we both like each others photos.

I then msg her on Instagram.

We have a little conversation. I talk to her in a way that shows her that everything in my life is amazing. I DO NOT bring up anything that would show that I'm into her again or that i miss her. I basically keep a strong frame and implement the sh*t on this site. No AFC talk.

I keep the conversation short and simple. End it off by saying that i hope everything is good and I'm sending her positive vibes. She now has the impression that my life is great, and that ive grown to be a fvcking sick dude.

fast forward about 8 days of no talking - but continuing to like each others pics. (i must say that she is liking about 2 of my pics for every 1 that i like)

She now takes the initiative to add me on Facebook. I accept, and the day after i post a pic which gets over 100 likes, which when we were dating my profile pics never broke 25 likes. So she sees that my social status over the past year has exponentially increased.

She then messages me "hey i have a question"

And you can pretty much guess how that convo went.. Lets just say that she still likes me

That was 2 days ago

But damn. I do miss her and will always love her. Im not afraid to admit it. Its how i feel and denying it is lying to myself.

 

[SoSuave666]

Okay just a quick overview of the relationship:

I dated her for about 2.5 years. I BROKE UP WITH HER last November (when i joined the site). Went no contact for 1.1 years, and kept my frame strong. During this time I bettered myself every single day in all aspects of life.

She got with a new guy for about 5-6 months during this no contact phase. I was a little hurt about this but i got over it and realized that its the way life goes. I came to acceptance during this time that me and her were actually over. (a weird feeling, because she was my first GF and i was her first BF, we also took each other's virginities).

Well about a month ago i found out her and her new bf broke up, and instantly i felt amazing. I knew at that moment i never stopped loving her. So i wanted to have her back in my life, even if it was a couple words (afc i know, but i dont care, i get enough puzzy so w/e).

So, going against everyone's advice on this forum i followed her on Instagram about 2.5 weeks ago. My heart was literally beating out of my chest. I had to go outside for a walk, just to calm down. I turned off my phone before i went out. I came back and went straight to bed.

When i woke up in the morning i turned on my phone. She followed back and liked about 8 of my photos.

A couple days go by and we both like each others photos.

I then msg her on Instagram.

We have a little conversation. I talk to her in a way that shows her that everything in my life is amazing. I DO NOT bring up anything that would show that I'm into her again or that i miss her. I basically keep a strong frame and implement the sh*t on this site. No AFC talk.

I keep the conversation short and simple. End it off by saying that i hope everything is good and I'm sending her positive vibes. She now has the impression that my life is great, and that ive grown to be a fvcking sick dude.

fast forward about 8 days of no talking - but continuing to like each others pics. (i must say that she is liking about 2 of my pics for every 1 that i like)

She now takes the initiative to add me on Facebook. I accept, and the day after i post a pic which gets over 100 likes, which when we were dating my profile pics never broke 25 likes. So she sees that my social status over the past year has exponentially increased.

She then messages me "hey i have a question"

And you can pretty much guess how that convo went.. Lets just say that she still likes me

That was 2 days ago

But damn. I do miss her and will always love her. Im not afraid to admit it. Its how i feel and denying it is lying to myself.

Given that you are a narcissist, I would advise you to PM me. I have some advice.

 

[Noyou]

Given that you are a narcissist, I would advise you to PM me. I have some advice.

I kinda loled at that statement a little more than i should have

 

[spax]

UPDATE TO SPAX'S 7 YEAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP - 50 DAYS SINCE BREAK UP

- Ex was in town last week but left on Saturday. We did not meet.

- Today (Christmas Eve), she texts me asking to meet up for coffee. Turns out she came back to town AGAIN for Xmas Eve and Xmas Day.

- Feeling pretty confident about myself and my current situation, I agreed.

- I put on my new threads, new cologne, styled my hair and met the girl at a casual coffee place. Why not?

- When she saw me, she started nervously laughing like getting giggles. It was bizarre.

- We sat, chatted about what we had been up to. She was amazed by all the fun activities I had been doing, new friends I'd made, and plans I had for the holidays and next year.

- She said how I looked fit, and I told her how I was training for an upcoming marathon. She was really quite impressed with the 'new me'.

- She really hadn't been up to much, and honestly I didn't care. I found her pretty boring, unattractive, and I had no desire to try get things going again.

- Neither of us discussed the relationship or the break up, just caught up on news and our plans.

- After about half an hour, we both had to go so we left. As we were walking to my car...I was like "Oh yeah, I have some of your belongings to give you." and she gave some response like "Oh..." as in she was hurt/offended by my abruptness and lack of care. I gave her her **** and was pretty chill and said goodbye.

- Around an hour after leaving she sends me some text message like "It look's like you've got your life together. I'm happy for you. My family and I wish you and your family a lovely Xmas and NYE! Have fun at Church tonight, don't play with your phone too much while you're there! "

- I replied like 3 hours later "Ha yeah, unfortunately some habit's can't change. Merry Xmas to you too."

- I get an instant response "I just wanna know...why did you delete me of Facebook?".

- I reply over an hour later... "Hey, didn't intend to be mean or anything...just thought we could do with a bit of space".

- Instant response from her.... "Well it hurt me"

I didn't bother responding because I honestly do not care. I don't care about her feelings, how she is, or our previous relationship.

I have no desire to be friends, or keep talking to her. I've seen what else is out there and I am a converted man!

Keep up the NC guys, but don't take it to the extreme. You still want them to see what they passed up, at least so you know you still got it

Also, getting a new girl helps big time. I was too busy thinking about this new HOTTER girl who's sending me dirty messages while my ex was blabbing on about her boring life.

Who knows how I will feel when I hear she has another guy...but for the time being I know I can get wayyyy better pussssy than her and that she can't get a better guy than me

Peace!

TLDR - Met up with ex today for coffee. Did not give a fuuuck. Gave her her shiit back. Walked away like a boss. She sends some stupid texts later in the evening. I remain unaffected.

 

[Noyou]

UPDATE TO SPAX'S 7 YEAR RELATIONSHIP BREAK UP - 50 DAYS SINCE BREAK UP

- Ex was in town last week but left on Saturday. We did not meet.

- Today (Christmas Eve), she texts me asking to meet up for coffee. Turns out she came back to town AGAIN for Xmas Eve and Xmas Day.

- Feeling pretty confident about myself and my current situation, I agreed.

- I put on my new threads, new cologne, styled my hair and met the girl at a casual coffee place. Why not?

- When she saw me, she started nervously laughing like getting giggles. It was bizarre.

- We sat, chatted about what we had been up to. She was amazed by all the fun activities I had been doing, new friends I'd made, and plans I had for the holidays and next year.

- She said how I looked fit, and I told her how I was training for an upcoming marathon. She was really quite impressed with the 'new me'.

- She really hadn't been up to much, and honestly I didn't care. I found her pretty boring, unattractive, and I had no desire to try get things going again.

- Neither of us discussed the relationship or the break up, just caught up on news and our plans.

- After about half an hour, we both had to go so we left. As we were walking to my car...I was like "Oh yeah, I have some of your belongings to give you." and she gave some response like "Oh..." as in she was hurt/offended by my abruptness and lack of care. I gave her her **** and was pretty chill and said goodbye.

- Around an hour after leaving she sends me some text message like "It look's like you've got your life together. I'm happy for you. My family and I wish you and your family a lovely Xmas and NYE! Have fun at Church tonight, don't play with your phone too much while you're there! "

- I replied like 3 hours later "Ha yeah, unfortunately some habit's can't change. Merry Xmas to you too."

- I get an instant response "I just wanna know...why did you delete me of Facebook?".

- I reply over an hour later... "Hey, didn't intend to be mean or anything...just thought we could do with a bit of space".

- Instant response from her.... "Well it hurt me"

I didn't bother responding because I honestly do not care. I don't care about her feelings, how she is, or our previous relationship.

I have no desire to be friends, or keep talking to her. I've seen what else is out there and I am a converted man!

Keep up the NC guys, but don't take it to the extreme. You still want them to see what they passed up, at least so you know you still got it

Also, getting a new girl helps big time. I was too busy thinking about this new HOTTER girl who's sending me dirty messages while my ex was blabbing on about her boring life.

Who knows how I will feel when I hear she has another guy...but for the time being I know I can get wayyyy better pussssy than her and that she can't get a better guy than me

Peace!

TLDR - Met up with ex today for coffee. Did not give a fuuuck. Gave her her shiit back. Walked away like a boss. She sends some stupid texts later in the evening. I remain unaffected.

I'd be cautious if I were you, about a week ago you were opposite of this. Realistically, i don't believe you aren't affected, but burying those feelings. While a good tactic, it doesn't lead to full healing.

 

[mikey2012]

I'd be cautious if I were you, about a week ago you were opposite of this. Realistically, i don't believe you aren't affected, but burying those feelings. While a good tactic, it doesn't lead to full healing.

He's a fking troll.

 

[fuko2007]

So it's been a few months since I've posted up on SS. One reason duck season came in and deer season has been in. But I don't know if I should post this in the nc thread or not but here goes. Most guys like Mauser 96 backwards man and other older guys know know my story. I hope y'all see this post . I was seeing an older women for a while and she was crazy turns out. BPD according to my shrink. Anyway I'm going over 90 days nc but tonight " Christmas Eve " is hitting me hard . Part of me hopes she sends me something Christmas and part doesn't . I'm just lost right now. I don't know what to do if she does or doesn't . Haha. But it's been 90 days so why do I care so much still!

 

[Noyou]

So it's been a few months since I've posted up on SS. One reason duck season came in and deer season has been in. But I don't know if I should post this in the nc thread or not but here goes. Most guys like Mauser 96 backwards man and other older guys know know my story. I hope y'all see this post . I was seeing an older women for a while and she was crazy turns out. BPD according to my shrink. Anyway I'm going over 90 days nc but tonight " Christmas Eve " is hitting me hard . Part of me hopes she sends me something Christmas and part doesn't . I'm just lost right now. I don't know what to do if she does or doesn't . Haha. But it's been 90 days so why do I care so much still!

I'll say again, if you've been in a LTR with anyone, wither it be good or bad relationship for over a period of time, you WILL feel something for them. IT'S NORMAL, it's called being HUMAN.

Even if you go cold turkey on them for 3 months, you'll still feel something. You loved them. If you DIDN'T love them, you wouldn't be on this forum questioning or doubting yourself would you?

Accept and embrace this feeling, but know that you have to become stronger as a man/woman, because the way she/he let you go requires more strength on your part to walk away and forget them. Your ex all along had the higher power because she/he was able to walk away. Take your power, respect, integrity and dignity back.

Love will find a way, it always does, if she/he doesn't come back to you guns blazing to come back and MEAN IT, then she/he wasn't worth the worry, thought or trouble.

Truly work on yourself and come out of this on top as a better person, because more than likely, you deserve way better than what your ex offered. I know I deserve better.

 

[Noyou]

Merry Xmas all,

Just to emphasize, stay strong. Don't get caught off guard with silly crap from your ex. Even is she/he texts you, calls you, puts pics up on wherever, anything facebook/Instagram/etc. Be strong, don't get caught up in the past, you live for the future. Don't let them make you into a beta or worse a monster. Live life for you and people will flock to you.

Go out because from what we know right now, you only get one life. Live

 

[narcissist]

Merry Xmas all,

Just to emphasize, stay strong. Don't get caught off guard with silly crap from your ex. Even is she/he texts you, calls you, puts pics up on wherever, anything facebook/Instagram/etc. Be strong, don't get caught up in the past, you live for the future. Don't let them make you into a beta or worse a monster. Live life for you and people will flock to you.

Go out because from what we know right now, you only get one life. Live

Man awesome post!

You have actually become one of my fav posters on here man!

You're right. Cant be letting people from the past interrupt the future and what lies ahead!

Grade A post brother. Repped.

I have since realized how stupid it was for me to talk to my ex.

I must continue to better myself and chase a better future, not dwell in what used to be.

I will not deny that I love her and probably always will BUT that does not mean I should dwell on it or let it guide my actions.

I must accept that the love will never go away and thats fine. Im okay with that, but I need to stop talking to her because it is better for me to MOVE ON and live my life, better myself, become the best fcking me I can.

happy holidays bro!

 

[rhythmic]

Happy Christmas SS! NC for me, I was ****ing this girl from work but she has decided to try work things out with her LTR (poor fool). I got surprisingly attached though, hence the need for NC. Thankfully I don't work in close proximity to her.

She still has things of mine; does it count as breaking NC if I tell her to bring my stuff to work so my buddy can collect it?

 

[Noyou]

Happy Christmas SS! NC for me, I was ****ing this girl from work but she has decided to try work things out with her LTR (poor fool). I got surprisingly attached though, hence the need for NC. Thankfully I don't work in close proximity to her.

She still has things of mine; does it count as breaking NC if I tell her to bring my stuff to work so my buddy can collect it?

If you can let it go, just do that. If it's important or jewelry or whatever, nothing wrong with that, it's business. She might not treat it like that but you absolutely have to.

 

[Noyou]

Man awesome post!

You have actually become one of my fav posters on here man!

You're right. Cant be letting people from the past interrupt the future and what lies ahead!

Grade A post brother. Repped.

I have since realized how stupid it was for me to talk to my ex.

I must continue to better myself and chase a better future, not dwell in what used to be.

I will not deny that I love her and probably always will BUT that does not mean I should dwell on it or let it guide my actions.

I must accept that the love will never go away and thats fine. Im okay with that, but I need to stop talking to her because it is better for me to MOVE ON and live my life, better myself, become the best fcking me I can.

happy holidays bro!

Thank nothing of it. I remember when I was pretty damn beta and begged and pleaded, wanting things to work out etc and it's pretty rough. I just want to help other people who had these same events happen to them and make things a bit easier for them. There is an end to the suffering but usually it continues due to self esteem issues and the lack of getting more attention/sex/love.

What absolutely helped me in my tough times was friends, work and working out. Friends for the fun, work to keep my mind at ease (believe me, I work in an industry where you think 24/7), working out to better my physical appearance and an opening to pick up very attractive women.

What also helped me move on more but I don't recommend, is I saw all the "suitors" that my ex tried to date on Facebook and ultimately one she started to date which is an absolute downgrade/settling material. I picture myself in her shoes and I absolutely get disgusted and ultimately look at her pictures and she is the same as she left me, there has been no progress of positive change.

I reflected on how far I've come from where I was and realized I cannot go back to that weak excuse of guy, straightened up my act and moved forward. The best part of it however is that I never lost who I really was and stayed the genuine good guy

 

[Sardines]

Watched a movie last night that pertains to what most of us have gone through in the past. initial thoughts were oh this is another cheesy cliched 'rom-com' movie but turned out to be quite relevant. "500 Days of Summer"

 

[Hopes4Hope]

Day 30 NC

Reason for NC: To give time for himself to think again of his decision.

This guy i dated for 3mos gave up on me. He said he saw in my eyes that my love for him is growing and his love for me is growing too, he was scared things might not work out in the long run because of his demanding job and because of our big age difference. Im 24 and he is 34. He said is not ready to fall in love.

I tried everything to convince him that i understand his nature of his job and im willing to do everything to work our our relationship but he does not respond to me anymore.
Thus,I went NC.

During NC, I go out with my girlfriends, go meet and hangout with guys to keep him off my mind, to avoid the temptation to contact him. Read blogs and articles online that deals with breakups.

But there are nights i wake up because i dreamed of him. And that it gives me an awful feeling. It is my subconscious mind telling me that i still miss him.

I really want him back.
I dont know how long i can wait for him. Some friends tell me that i will not wait for him to come back.
Im still hoping for him.
I told him that i wont mind waiting for him. days, months,years...i dont mind.
I still have high hopes maybe because i dont hear from him anymore. Unlike my other exes, i can easily move on because i can see them through fb.

 

[Hopes4Hope]

During NC im healing from my pain.
It really helps get me a new perspective.
During my first few weeks, i have struggles every morning i wake up on deciding what should i feel for the day.
Keeping busy myself helps. Acting strong and like im not affected by the breakup helps me too.

Part of my plan to get him back is to break off nc on day 45. it is a few days from his bday. I want to wish him happy bday in advance at the same time act or sound not needy or begging him to be back. I want to know how he is going. However part of me dont want to contact because im afraid he will not respond.

 

[Noyou]

Day 30 NC

Reason for NC: To give time for himself to think again of his decision.

This guy i dated for 3mos gave up on me. That's a clear sign, and feeling from you that he isn't, follow your senses on this He said he saw in my eyes that my love for him is growing and his love for me is growing too, he was scared things might not work out in the long run because of his demanding job and because of our big age difference. Im 24 and he is 34. He said is not ready to fall in love. BS, I had a job that was demanding with my ex and woman after that, that I dated and I work around 50-60 hours a week, and I still made it work. Age is a cop out in this because I've dated someone 10 years my elder and still had a good time and got along.

I tried everything to convince him that i understand his nature of his job and im willing to do everything to work our our relationship but he does not respond to me anymore. Dude is an ass, he's not a nice guy and he prob let you off in a suckass way because you feel bad about it
Thus,I went NC. Good start

During NC, I go out with my girlfriends, go meet and hangout with guys to keep him off my mind, to avoid the temptation to contact him. Read blogs and articles online that deals with breakups. Don't read blogs, those things are meant for WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. Come here, you get the red pill reality here and in the end, you'll become a super woman that any guy wants to date.

But there are nights i wake up because i dreamed of him. And that it gives me an awful feeling. It is my subconscious mind telling me that i still miss him. Of course, you're human, you fell in love with him, be to me he doesn't sound like good dating material

I really want him back. Of course, but for the wrong reasons, you've only known him 3 months.
I dont know how long i can wait for him. Some friends tell me that i will not wait for him to come back.
Im still hoping for him.
I told him that i wont mind waiting for him. days, months,years...i dont mind. Ok, that right there is not ok. That's absolute crazy talk.
I still have high hopes maybe because i dont hear from him anymore. Unlike my other exes, i can easily move on because i can see them through fb.
Hear from him or not, I wouldn't put too much stake into that. Mainly because if I dug a chick and I was starting to like her, I'd absolutely do anything in my power to be around her. Sounds to me he is playing the field.

During NC im healing from my pain.
It really helps get me a new perspective.
During my first few weeks, i have struggles every morning i wake up on deciding what should i feel for the day.
Keeping busy myself helps. Acting strong and like im not affected by the breakup helps me too. It will help but learn to accept these feelings rather than bury them

Part of my plan to get him back is to break off nc on day 45. No, stay NC for as long as you need to heal. It will end badly if you break it. it is a few days from his bday. I want to wish him happy bday in advance at the same time act or sound not needy or begging him to be back. What you said IS needy. I want to know how he is going. However part of me dont want to contact because im afraid he will not respond. More than likely he won't

My thoughts in bold

It sounds to me that this guy is leading you on and he said the right things and hit the right boxes to make you feel this way. You need to stay away from this guy and I will tell you why. You WILL get burned. You feel you want to continue with this guy but he gave you every excuse in the book to keep a distance from you and I bet you he is playing the field.

From a male's perspective, when I see a woman that I want to date and be around, they are my attention. I'm still sociable and whatnot, but if I like this woman, I make sure she feels special.

This guy dated you for 3 months and went "I'm afraid"

Said no man ever.

NC, heal, move on to the next guy.
Better yet, go out new years eve and go have some fun with friends. Talk to guys at the bar or dance club. Let loose. Don't give 2 ****s about this guy because I bet you he isn't doing the same.

I know you don't want to read some of this, but I got the rough reality of things, and now I'm better than I was a year ago near my breakup.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now for something in my neck of the woods
Day 325

Recently one of my friends (who I'm not friends with anymore) showed me a pick of the ex, that was posted on the guys FB page of them with matching jewelry.

I saw this was kinda surprised she likes hairy fat guys. (No offense, don't start that. I used to be heavy and there isn't anything wrong with that, but I'd rather be buff and lean than what I was.) I thought "To each there own"
I pictured it in my head if a woman that size were on me doing things and I shuttered at the thought and the things surrounding that.
So more so I was pissed at myself for even looking at this picture, and more so mad that my so called friend would show me it. I had some very choice words.

Instead of being all beta and mopey, I went to the gym and absolutely killed it, was back and chest day too. I'd usually do 225 for bench, but I was so mad I went to 245, and every time I struggled near the end of the set of reps, I just got even angrier. I did this with my entire routine and it did hurt. Even as I'm typing now, I'm very sore and my whole body feels aflame and tight. Then after my routine, I did 30 mins of running and 30 mins of swimming, came home, ate some chicken with broccoli and some rice, drank a nice smoothie with it too with a superfood blend.

I didn't let my mind wonder because I know how far I've come from last year. I know my struggles, I know my pain and I know the BS I put up with, and I don't let that **** get in my way anymore. This New Year will be an even better year for me, not because I have a feeling it will happen, because I will make it happen.

 

[Hopes4Hope]

Thanks noyou!
I greatly appreciated for taking your time to read.
Yes, i would like to agree with you

 

[Hopes4Hope]

My thoughts in bold

It sounds to me that this guy is leading you on and he said the right things and hit the right boxes to make you feel this way. You need to stay away from this guy and I will tell you why. You WILL get burned. You feel you want to continue with this guy but he gave you every excuse in the book to keep a distance from you and I bet you he is playing the field.

From a male's perspective, when I see a woman that I want to date and be around, they are my attention. I'm still sociable and whatnot, but if I like this woman, I make sure she feels special.

This guy dated you for 3 months and went "I'm afraid"

Said no man ever.

NC, heal, move on to the next guy.
Better yet, go out new years eve and go have some fun with friends. Talk to guys at the bar or dance club. Let loose. Don't give 2 ****s about this guy because I bet you he isn't doing the same.

I know you don't want to read some of this, but I got the rough reality of things, and now I'm better than I was a year ago near my breakup.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now for something in my neck of the woods
Day 325

Recently one of my friends (who I'm not friends with anymore) showed me a pick of the ex, that was posted on the guys FB page of them with matching jewelry.

I saw this was kinda surprised she likes hairy fat guys. (No offense, don't start that. I used to be heavy and there isn't anything wrong with that, but I'd rather be buff and lean than what I was.) I thought "To each there own"
I pictured it in my head if a woman that size were on me doing things and I shuttered at the thought and the things surrounding that.
So more so I was pissed at myself for even looking at this picture, and more so mad that my so called friend would show me it. I had some very choice words.

Instead of being all beta and mopey, I went to the gym and absolutely killed it, was back and chest day too. I'd usually do 225 for bench, but I was so mad I went to 245, and every time I struggled near the end of the set of reps, I just got even angrier. I did this with my entire routine and it did hurt. Even as I'm typing now, I'm very sore and my whole body feels aflame and tight. Then after my routine, I did 30 mins of running and 30 mins of swimming, came home, ate some chicken with broccoli and some rice, drank a nice smoothie with it too with a superfood blend.

I didn't let my mind wonder because I know how far I've come from last year. I know my struggles, I know my pain and I know the BS I put up with, and I don't let that **** get in my way anymore. This New Year will be an even better year for me, not because I have a feeling it will happen, because I will make it happen.

Wow! Thanks a lot!
These are the words i needed to hear from a friend right now.
This gives me tears. thanks a lot!
I just felt like ive been hit on my head to awaken my senses.

 

[Hopes4Hope]

Now, i wanted to text him how i hate him now. But i know you guys will not let me.