The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Noyou]

Was on a date last night and had a really fun time. This morning it finally hit me.

1. Only YOU control how you feel.

2. Being single is fun, a time to accomplish personal goals, answer to no-one, get healthy, be a better man.

3. You will have lapses no matter how long the relationship (2 years or 2 months), you are after all human and you have feelings, but try to minimize them and get on with your life.

4. There are other fun women out there.

5. Plate spinning is fun, and overall makes you relaxed when you deal with women, because your psyche just projects that you have options.

6. Have a personal (achievable) goal that you want to reach asap. For me, I will be running my first 5K in a month. So i train everyday so i can finish well.

7. Try not to bring your hangups into dates, you're a man! act like one!

In the words of Trent "You're money baby, you just don't know it."

I find initially that 1 is the most important, but that shifts later to 2 and 6 being the most important. When I started my career after college, I found out that a lot of women dig a guy who is charismatic, built and secure. You start working to your goals, women will find you, and maybe even your ex as well and the rest comes naturally.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Broke the NoFap challenge.
Got drunk like hell yesterday.
I created a FB account in order to get updates from the university I'm going to.
Lost to the temptation to visit her FB. Seems like she munches hard on those carbs as she gained weight and doesn't seem happy at all at her pictures, I would've been embarrassed to be seen "In a relationship" with her.
She also started wearing this red string around her arm:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_string_(Kabbalah)
LOL no amount of red strings can save her after what she's done. Stupid wh0re.

In a way it made me feel bad, not a-month-ago-intestines-ripping-from-the-inside bad but rather "you'll be sorry" bad; On the other hand, it gave me a huge motivation boost.

Whatever, I blocked her so I won't be able to view her profile, and her tiny-****ed Ars (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ars_(slang)) looking boyfriend.

FVCK. I sound like a ****ing wimp.

Gotta get my **** together, do something productive.

I'm joining the Salsa club in my city!

 

[Noyou]

Broke the NoFap challenge.
Got drunk like hell yesterday.
I created a FB account in order to get updates from the university I'm going to.
Lost to the temptation to visit her FB. Seems like she munches hard on those carbs as she gained weight and doesn't seem happy at all at her pictures, I would've been embarrassed to be seen "In a relationship" with her.
She also started wearing this red string around her arm:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Red_string_(Kabbalah)
LOL no amount of red strings can save her after what she's done. Stupid wh0re.

In a way it made me feel bad, not a-month-ago-intestines-ripping-from-the-inside bad but rather "you'll be sorry" bad; On the other hand, it gave me a huge motivation boost.

Whatever, I blocked her so I won't be able to view her profile, and her tiny-****ed Ars (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ars_(slang)) looking boyfriend.

FVCK. I sound like a ****ing wimp.

Gotta get my **** together, do something productive.

I'm joining the Salsa club in my city!

The problem is that she's is your entire thought process. Mad, sad, heartbroken, etc you still think on her. I would be more productive, BUT it needs to be something that will better you, like college or a career. You need a boost because you sound a lot like me.

You were too invested in this girl and you made her your world. When she broke it off with you, you lost a piece of yourself and it seems to you that she never really though of you at all, then she proceeded to play games.

The best thing to do is attempt to stop thinking about her. Her mentality will only get her so much and she will continue to play other guys, because she's a gamer. Think about it, most of your women, if they want sex from someone, they can get it effortlessly. However to get something meaningful, they have to put an effort in to be with someone to make the relationship work.

To me from what you've said in here, she sounds like a little girl, who wants to be single and you wanted an adult relationship, cramped her "style" and she wants to screw around to see what's out there and have her "freedom" because you "jailed" her with the relationship. She's a ho, forget about her.

Sure you can hate her for what she did, but you can also thank her as well for setting you free because in the end, you will prosper, and she will just be another ho that many men to stick it to and will be more toxic, figuratively and physically. YOU DODGED A HUGE BULLET

Your new life has already started, the ending of that life depends on you.

Me personally? I was mad like you, stalked her Facebook, read too much into things.
But then I started seeing things for what they really are, started seeing the me that I visioned. Made myself productive, got raises in my career with nice experience, lifted out, etc. I have no problem with getting a woman now, and now I'm having fun whereas before, when with the ex, I had to worry about certain things and so many issues she had and be a total mess.

Now women want to ask ME out in dates. Hell, tonight after my job, I'm going on one. Then on Saturday, one woman who has been talking to me on the phone, wants me to come over her place and spend the night.

Gals and guys. DO NOT WORRY OR THINK ABOUT THESE TOXIC PEOPLE WHO ARE YOUR EXS. If they are meant for you, it will eventually happen again. Until that point, they are dead. Treat them as such, and move on.

Soon enough, things will fall into place as they should. Life and karma tend to handle things over time.

"Give them nothing, but take from them, everything"

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Great post as always, Noyou, just what I expected and needed.

Don't let my recent post fool you. I am doing a lot of progress in my life. (not to mention the Salsa club)

For the past three months I was researching EVERY piece of information regarding medical schools.
Well, this is it. Two days ago I registered and paid for the exams to one of the most expensive and challenging medical schools in Eastern Europe (I talked to over 100 doctors and students and they all said it's one of the best med schools in Europe), which is a HUGE step forward.
Now I must study, because there's a huge competition in the entrance exam.

Regarding my ex, you are correct. 2-3 weeks ago it was much better, but now as it seems, I'm deep in her sh!t. It smells terrible but I can't seem to stop sniffing.

Fvck this sh!t man. Sometimes I wish she would've gone through at least 10% of what I'm going through, let her know what it feels like.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 29 NC

Noyou, that was awesome! Got a lot out of that post myself.

After a tough day yesterday, I found peace while going for a run after work today. She broke up with me 3 months ago, she's attempted to contact me twice within these past 3 months. She really must be happier and think life is better without me in it. She really doesn't love me. It's just all making more sense now. Granted it's not what I wanted but it's the reality. She chose to spend the entire summer away from me. Yeah, it's been hard but since she's left me I got a brand new car, dropped over 40 lbs., went back to school, expanded my social circle, and am growing stronger through all this pain.

I didn't ask for this sh*t but when I look at the decisions I've made since it all happened, I'm effing proud of myself!!!

I still have days where I get sad and I hope they decrease as time goes on but I'm setting goals and accomplishing them! I'm making things happen without her in my life! She chose to leave me and that's what she wanted. I don't need her validation. My value doesn't come from her opinion of me.

Am I a better man today than I was 3 months ago?
YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!

 

[christoff522]

I told my BPD ex today (kind of ex - you never know with BPDs) not to message me anymore. She messaged me the day after my birthday after coming into work. She 'seemed' to be all coy and sweet suddenly like she was interested in resolving the insanity of our 3 month entanglement. But I've been disinterested. Anyway it turns out she went to Blackpool (Britains Las Vegas) with her new 'partner' for a few days and has been messaging me from there.

Obviously I've tried to figure out who this guy is, but I can't see anyone it could be on her facebook. It seems she's gone away with some random lad and his family. Anyway I said to her today "If you're with someone, don't message me anymore I'm not interested".

Apparently she has NO IDEA why I'm being like this, I mean..it's normal for a girl to secretly message her exes when shes in a new relationship (triangulation), and of course I fully support this! She says theres no 'harm' in being friends (i.e. her lapdog, to fulfill her every whim whilst being held at an even further distance than before), but she respects my deshion (her spelling)

So this is kind of day 1 no contact.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

^You shouldn't have given her the satisfaction of knowing why you stopped talking to her, you should've just went NC without any notice, f**k with her twisted brain.

4 months plus few days. I don't know what's going on, from one side I don't really miss her and the majority of me doesn't want to get back with her but from the other side:
That picture from yersterday of the sad, bloated face of hers kind of woke up the sensitive, human part of me.
I can honestly say I feel sorry for her. It seems like she worked on that picture for a while yet it came out really bad, not to mention there was a small picture of me and her in the background. It might've been only a coincidence and maybe any of you reading this would say I'm f**king delusional but I honestly don't know. At first she seemed all happy and now she posts this depressed, horrible picture of hers. Maybe she's sending out SOS signals.

Well, too bad b!tch. She should've thought of it before she hooked up with the fag she ruined our relationship with.

I'm not saying I'm perfect. Hell, I cheated on her more times than I can remember, but I never ran off with any of the girls and never kept contact with them afterwards. There wasn't any penetration either.
Plus, up until today she doesn't know about anything so she's not hurt. Win/win aye?

I don't know why I'm writing these stuff guys, I just need to vent. I'm well aware that the girl who I was dating 2-3 years ago (when everything was perfect) is dead; I went through old photos and the only thing I could feel is grief. Even if she is the same person, it's like talking to someone else entirely.

I was never good with loss. Every person I meet and connect with on a deep level throughout the years I end up losing in some way. I'm so sick of it. I know that losing friends and relationship is a normal thing but I fvcking hate it. I hate this feeling of abandonment.

I want be able to talk to my best friends from years ago, before they became ****ing *******s. I want to be able to talk to my ex, 2 years ago, before she changed. I'm bad with changes.

FVCK.

I'm going for a run, let things cool off.

 

[Noyou]

So random deep thought before I pass out

"I was a costco today and I was replenishing my workout protein stuff when I came across the C4 pre workout with the creative nitrate in it. I thought to myself, "I could get ripped so damn quick.."

But then I really thought about it. To me (no offense to anyone who uses it) it's a crutch, and not only that, you must make it a lifetime commitment in order to take this stuff. Once you stop taking it, you get less swole and you might shrink and lose the mental capabilities of pushing yourself because you need that crutch to get gains. A year ago I might have wanted to take the easy way, but getting something easy, isn't worth the effort.

I came this far, lost 50 or so odd pounds, gained some weight back to hitting it hard at the gym and cycling like a monster, and I used no means to gain anything quickly.

My pain and determination are all my own and I have built from the bottom up after my world was pulled from under me, and taking something like that would demean all what I have worked for and that mindset will trend down into my other decisions in life. That is something I cannot accept."

Stay strong folks

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I'm not familiar with C4 pre-workout, but I myself take 5 grams of Creatine daily and it boosted up my performance by quite a bit. I suppose you are talking about Nitric Oxide, from my experience, the cheaper stuff do nothing since it's an incomplete isotope.
The more expensive stuff such as Niteworks give you a better bloodflow, not to mention a healthier heart.

 

[Lion1985]

Pre Workout stuff is waste of money.
All you need is good Proteine and Creatine, thats it.
I also take Testosterone Enanthate, feeling awesome.

 

[sickwithu]

hello all. doing NC for the second time by now. new "ex". we were together around month and a half, not much but enough to stress my brain. She wanted to stay friends, broke an NC few times, no friendship works for me.

DAY 1.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 31 NC

End of an entire month with NC! Puts me a little over the 1/2 way mark!! Wish I felt better though...

Can't shake the down feeling I get from her absence in my life and knowing that she is with someone else and happy I guess. If she wasn't happy with me then of course I wouldn't want her to stick around but it all ended so abruptly without any warning. Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure that my relationship failed. I loved that girl. I miss her so much!!! My heart aches and bleeds constantly.

I guess it's pointless to dwell on such emotions because there isn't too much she could say or do to make me wanna take her back. I want the impossible.. For things to go back before the break up and work out whatever issues she had with me but she didn't even try to do that.

I think she cheated on me, felt extremely guilty, and dumped me b/c she knew if she told me the truth that I would dump her.

It's just so weird living life without her in it and her not even giving a d@#n...

I really don't want to feel like this anymore.. I wish after 3 months I was over her and could move on like she has done. I feel like if I could meet someone I liked then I would forget all about her. Then another part of me feels that it would be better to get over her on my own without relying on another female to get me over it.

Anyways, not trying to come on here and cry but just had to be real. I want to stop thinking about her constantly and I want to stop hurting. It's hard to even fathom ever being happy again. I know that's a lie but having a hard time ever seeing happy days again. Ugh...

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Day 31 NC

End of an entire month with NC! Puts me a little over the 1/2 way mark!! Wish I felt better though...

Can't shake the down feeling I get from her absence in my life and knowing that she is with someone else and happy I guess. If she wasn't happy with me then of course I wouldn't want her to stick around but it all ended so abruptly without any warning. Sometimes it makes me feel like a failure that my relationship failed. I loved that girl. I miss her so much!!! My heart aches and bleeds constantly.

I guess it's pointless to dwell on such emotions because there isn't too much she could say or do to make me wanna take her back. I want the impossible.. For things to go back before the break up and work out whatever issues she had with me but she didn't even try to do that.

I think she cheated on me, felt extremely guilty, and dumped me b/c she knew if she told me the truth that I would dump her.

It's just so weird living life without her in it and her not even giving a d@#n...

I really don't want to feel like this anymore.. I wish after 3 months I was over her and could move on like she has done. I feel like if I could meet someone I liked then I would forget all about her. Then another part of me feels that it would be better to get over her on my own without relying on another female to get me over it.

Anyways, not trying to come on here and cry but just had to be real. I want to stop thinking about her constantly and I want to stop hurting. It's hard to even fathom ever being happy again. I know that's a lie but having a hard time ever seeing happy days again. Ugh...

Stuff,

NC is one method to be employed along with others.

Your post is primarily focussed on 'her'. This means you are still primarily focussed on 'her', rather than 'you'. The first step is to flip this script on its head.... No contact employed alone will not solve anything, because all you are doing is not contacting 'her'.

'You' need to employ other strategies in addition to NC, in order for 'you' to get over 'her'. Those strategies can include, but are not limited to:

-Self-improvement (physical and mental)
-Taking up new or old pass times (which may have been neglected, as results of being with 'her')
-Catching up with friends and family (who may have been neglected, as results of being with 'her')
-Going out and meeting new people and seeing/experiencing new things (which you may not have, as results of being with 'her')

'You' need to focus on 'you' and 'you alone'; that's not 'you without her', just the 'you'.

By all accounts, the post above describes a place that many have been in before, myself included. The vast majority make it through, it's not easy, but it is really quite possible. You have said yourself, you are over half way there, that's taken some doing, but your task is no longer about No Contact; it's now about moving on to bigger and better life.

There are many other far better options out there for you; know that for sure. Being with 'her' hasn't worked out, and it is unlikely to work out again. It sounds harsh, but that's what SoSuave brothers do - tell it exactly how it is, without the rose tinting, for 'your' own good.

Keep it up geezer. You are getting there.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Its like a flu man it always gets worse at night.

Try to think of what you did that immediately precipitated this dark feeling...I wouldnt doubt that your dark mood has very little to do with her in practice.

If You were rolling in 300k a year would you be worried about her? Doubtful.

Yeah, man.. I think was actually just up too late and over thinking things... It's really not the end of the world lol.

1 month down, 1 more to go! I can do this! Thanks.

 

[StuffofLegends]

Stuff,

NC is one method to be employed along with others.

Your post is primarily focussed on 'her'. This means you are still primarily focussed on 'her', rather than 'you'. The first step is to flip this script on its head.... No contact employed alone will not solve anything, because all you are doing is not contacting 'her'.

'You' need to employ other strategies in addition to NC, in order for 'you' to get over 'her'. Those strategies can include, but are not limited to:

-Self-improvement (physical and mental)
-Taking up new or old pass times (which may have been neglected, as results of being with 'her')
-Catching up with friends and family (who may have been neglected, as results of being with 'her')
-Going out and meeting new people and seeing/experiencing new things (which you may not have, as results of being with 'her')

'You' need to focus on 'you' and 'you alone'; that's not 'you without her', just the 'you'.

By all accounts, the post above describes a place that many have been in before, myself included. The vast majority make it through, it's not easy, but it is really quite possible. You have said yourself, you are over half way there, that's taken some doing, but your task is no longer about No Contact; it's now about moving on to bigger and better life.

There are many other far better options out there for you; know that for sure. Being with 'her' hasn't worked out, and it is unlikely to work out again. It sounds harsh, but that's what SoSuave brothers do - tell it exactly how it is, without the rose tinting, for 'your' own good.

Keep it up geezer. You are getting there.

Thanks, man. I've been doing all the things you suggested along with no contact but I've got to get more diligent in getting out and meeting new people. I have some but not to the degree necessary to get over her and move on. It's hard to find the desire to even care or try but I know it would help get me out of my funk...

I appreciate all the guys here and thankful for the tough love!

 

[sickwithu]

Day 2 for me, i almost see her every day because she goes to the same bar i like, she was actually sitting near me. i reacted normally, said few words with a smile cos i had to, don't want to look angry or sad cos it would boost her ego, reserved as always. she doesn't look too happy although she is seeing a new guy and i started dating some girl. interesting thing that she tries to communicate with me now in person (now when she wants me as a friend) but was very reserved and kept a relationship top secret in front of others. i was ok with that because i like privacy, now it's just strange

 

[Nabil Nada]

DAY 15 NC

A little back story. She and I were together for two years and three months. Our relationship started as friends but soon we engaged in sex, but we grew to each other and over the course of time we unconditionally loved each other. We had our ups and downs, but that doesn't go without saying thats how most real relationships are.


I had a friend who I was close with, I trusted him and followed his advice as best as I could. But you will known his true colors soon.

When going through the beginning stages of the breakup I could not hold myself at times and tried to be self-less. I kissed her one time, she kissed me on another day, and I kissed her one last time another day. I didn't know what to tell her at the time when we were together, so what I did at least for the most part when I was controlling with my emotions I would talk with her normally. You all can imagine how I felt not being able to say "Te Amo", "I Love You", or do what we normally did when we were together.

It had only been a month, but I was trying to be friends (which I know now what I did was wrong on my end, because I was only hurting myself).

During the process of the breakup trying to fix what caused the breakup in the first place was always said to me ," it was ALL my fault". This was coming from the mouth of my so called "Friend"

Because I didn't put too much value onto the relationship, that I "raped" her by not wearing a Condom and forcing my kissing I mentioned above as rape. This was all shocking to me because I never saw it that way. I understand that she and I could have made better choices but we both as a couple decided to have intimate sex together that way.

One day, on my journey to better myself and to put her before me, and view her as a human being. My "friend" confronted me, telling me what had happen between them both. They both kissed, and they had done it for a couple of days before I knew about it. I was so confused when he told me. He was crying, apologizing, and also told me how now why I was with this person in the first place because who they were. He said he was going to bury his feelings for her for me because it wasn't worth losing a friendship over. I forgave him then.

Still trying to go back with my ex, over time I had to let it out and I told my friend because I needed to vent. He told another friend and it spread like wild fire and our group of friends were his friends too. It got back to me from that "friend' who was upset with me because I started spreading rumors according to him. I tried to clear everything up with everyone else to realize that he was only trying to soften the blow for his own actions.

I confronted him a few days later, but he wanted the last word, he always tried to turn it against me that it was my fault that my ex broke up with me, and made her kiss him.

The thing is this friend is very anti-social, he has depression, and tried to kill himself a few times before all because of a woman he gave his heart to. He hated women, he always judged people, he just didn't want to be like everyone else. I get that the world is bad but he was so negative that it affected me. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, I listened to him, I gave what ever was best for him to hear. Bottom line I was being a friend and accepted him for who he was.

During the confrontation I made to him, along the lines of arguments. I could not forget what he said, "I still having feelings for her, so what!" I knew I couldn't force his feelings to change but I felt I was betrayed by a friend I trusted so much. He knowing I still wanted to be with my ex.

My ex doesn't have too many friends and well she went with my friend. He comfort her, manipulated her to think I was a bad person. I state this because when I spoke with her, I wasn't hearing her, I was hearing my friend. All I mentioned about rape, she now was telling me that. I knew something was wrong with her, but I couldn't find it in my heart to say anymore. I didn't want to push her away any further, but in the end I asked if she was dating him. The answer: "Yes, we are dating and we haven't had sex. He makes me happy and I learned new things from him. I'm seeking companionship and happiness."

I told her: "I can not be associated with any of them." I even said: "You don't deserve each other" saying that when I was heartbroken, and betrayed. I was angry and said "you both did a lot more harm to me than I did to you."

I haven't made any contact to her, but the memories consume me even more than before. I spoke with her mother and brother hoping to find some hope there. But I was wrong there, I felt there would a connection somewhere through them, but I was wrong. I keep going to see her pictures on Facebook, I see our pictures still there which leave me confused and give me hope or false hope.



What I've done with myself so far is being more social with my family and friends. Meet new people when I can, and applying for jobs that are for my degree. I use to go workout but its been so long that I'm starting soon again. I'm taking it slow because I'm only human.

 

[Cheeks]

Day 100

Never once tried to reach out to me. I guess I'm over her but life is still pretty sh1t. Had one girl since the break up, then she went flaky. Otherwise it's been a lonely time.

so I guess NC "worked" but it didn't at the same time

 

[Nabil Nada]

Day 100

Never once tried to reach out to me. I guess I'm over her but life is still pretty sh1t. Had one girl since the break up, then she went flaky. Otherwise it's been a lonely time.

so I guess NC "worked" but it didn't at the same time

Wow. You still have hope don't you?

 

[Cheeks]

Wow. You still have hope don't you?

lol

the last thing I have is hope my friend, and I don't just mean my ex