The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MattTheW]

Been going one a week now off no contact. Heard nothing from her and exuded to remove her from Facebook a couple day as ago. Ended up sniping on her yesterday for first time and see she added back her ex before. He's already in a relationship with someone else but she told me she disliked him, he cheating on her and treated her like crap.

Ok, why did you even bother looking at her facebook?
What were you hoping to gain from it? That you'd find some post about how much she misses you or "I'm miserable now that part of my heart is mssing" blah blah blah......

Did you get what you wanted from looking at her page?
Are you now in a better place?

If you can learn from your mistake, then some good will come from this, if you cant, then I pity you.

I remember one day when me and her were meeting up before we started dating her ex turned up really drunk. She told me she dismissed him and told him it was over for good.

Told or you saw?
Actions and words buddy......

I kind of feel like my relationship was a rebound but it lasted 1.5 years? I was playing my cards right in the beginning always making her want more and trying to get me to move in her flat. After I told her I wasn't ready it pretty much went down from there.

Did the ex live with her when they were together?
That could be a reason she wanted you to move in, to fill the void of having a person in the house with her........

It may well have been a rebound initially
Does it really matter now though?
A year and a half on you're still in the same position - don't bother trying to work this sh1t out in your head mate, it really isn't worth it

Couple months later I talked to her about getting a house and she couldn't understand why I wanted to do it now and not back then? I thought it was simply to early in the relationship.

To her, nothing had changed, it's the logic difference between men and women. Don't question it, just accept it
Don't waste time trying to analyse

Kind of gutted I haven't heard anything back, would have been nice knowing she is thinking of me and it's hard not seeing each other anymore. I never begged her to stay I only try to fix I problem and want a second chance and she declined. Told her friends isn't an option and don't text me either.

Why are you gutted?
By being gutted you are just saying to us that you are still clinging on,
all that says to me is that you are missing her and you're gutted that she doesn't feel the same way......

I realise you are only a week in, and as such its hard to get these things in check, but you gotta try and move on

Feeling like chit today bro's, feeling like I am back at day 1!!

You get this every now and again, but you will come out the other side stronger.
You're still trying to analyse all the sh1t that went on - you gotta try and let it go
Don't dwell on it - keep active and try and clear your head of these unproductive thought.

 

[The North Dragon]

I know I shouldn't have but think I was either looking is she had someone else on the go then I could simply say fukc it and move on her hat she misses me but I couldn't see either.

I just wanted to know where it went wrong so I can improve for future relationships. I would t say I was to emotionally attached but seeing that isn't has reached out to me has annoyed me and feel I meant very little to her.

We did get on really well and she told me she was different that others girls which I believe. M

My last ex dumped me and within a week she has another bf so I knew I had to move on. Hey only lasted a couple days though.

 

[Shaka]

I know I shouldn't have but think I was either looking is she had someone else on the go then I could simply say fukc it and move on her hat she misses me but I couldn't see either.

I just wanted to know where it went wrong so I can improve for future relationships. I would t say I was to emotionally attached but seeing that isn't has reached out to me has annoyed me and feel I meant very little to her.

We did get on really well and she told me she was different that others girls which I believe. M

My last ex dumped me and within a week she has another bf so I knew I had to move on. Hey only lasted a couple days though.

Ok let me tell you the truth.
SHE IS NO DIFFERENT
Every girls want to feel special. The truth is, they're not and you have to realise it.

Right now, you are "believing" it. You know why ? It's because she is on a pedestal in your head. You're idealizing her.
So try to see her for what she really is. Take a deep breath, and think of all the little things that annoyed you (and i'm sure there are). Just take a step back and an objective look at this
Focus on those details, all the negative things about her. You'll probably tell yourself they were not a big deal or something and that you could get along.
Keep focusing on it. Soon you'll realize, **** her, how could you put up with this ****s, she's no different and there are better girls out there.

Stop clinging to the image of her you MADE YOURSELF.

 

[MattTheW]

Haha, all of my muscles are sore from past workouts. I do a lot of walking and running these days, as well as working out, it's really good. I'm at a low point because I can't get laid.

Ok - think of getting laid like trying to bench 200

Can you do that now? - no

So what do you do, you train, and you work your muscles so that eventually you'll reach your goal

Do exactly the same with getting laid. "train" - hit up girls, lots of girls, work on your approaches etc - just keep training and eventually you'll hit your goal

Your problem at the moment is that you want to bench 200 now without putting in the training and get p1ssed off when you don't get the results that you want

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Your particular example is problematic since I bench around 300
I get what you're saying, but a low-reward-high-learning-curve is really mentally exhausting and let's not forget that there are tons of afcs walking around with good looking girls right on front of your face, let alone knowing that my ex is laying somewhere getting her ***** stuffed by that AFC who bought her dinners and flowers.
I mean, I just want at least some type of success, a tiny little validation to show me "YOU'RE IN THE RIGHT PATH MAN!"
It's not the looks, it's not the way I dress, I can only say its something that I do that repulsive to women.

 

[Genos]

A lot of the time I spent with the girl that brought me here was very late at night; we'd often stay up pretty late in the dorm, almost 'till morning when the housekeepers would come in to clean. Naturally, a couple of the custodians got to know us personally after a while, and picked up on our relationship.

Back at college, today I ran into one of the housekeepers who knew us. She asked me if I've been talking to the girl i was with...I kind of meekly said she had gone back to her country, and that we hadn't spoken in a while, things were pretty much done...The memories of those days came flooding back...

7 weeks of NC

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Another blowout, lol.
Hb7 sitting alone, on my way back home on the train. She seemed troubled so I asked her is she's OK. We started talking, apparently she works under the same organization as my ex (something like the red cross), and I told her I used to date x. (preselection) she told me she knows her and we changed the topic.
She had to leave so I asker for her phone number. She seemed hesitant and told me to add her in fb. I said I don't use fb, she still wouldn't give me her number.

 

[Ruleit]

Another blowout, lol.
Hb7 sitting alone, on my way back home on the train. She seemed troubled so I asked her is she's OK. We started talking, apparently she works under the same organization as my ex (something like the red cross), and I told her I used to date x. (preselection) she told me she knows her and we changed the topic.
She had to leave so I asker for her phone number. She seemed hesitant and told me to add her in fb. I said I don't use fb, she still wouldn't give me her number.

Why the FVCK did you talk about your ex?!!!!

It reeks of estrogen. I don't blame the chick from blowing you off. If I was a chick I'd have done the same thing. NO ONE wants to be the one to get interested in someone else's leftovers.

Bro, I've seen you moping from A to Z for 4 months about your Ex.

I don't give a sh!t if you've got the body of Hercules and can bench 500. Your mentality sucks. Hating this chick is doing you more damage than good. You've been trying to hate her for 4 months and it's not working out for you. Try something different.

Accept the fact that you love her but can't be with her.
Accept the fact that she wanted to be with someone else.
Wish her well. Be happy she moved on. Be glad it happened now while you're still young.

Be ecstatic that you're still free at this age and not tied down to "the one." This is what your youth is for. To go out and explore the world. Conquer new frontiers.

Start accepting yourself and start appreciating you have a long life ahead of you. Look forward and create a plan for your life, one that will be based on achievements and accomplishments that are not female driven.

Life is good -- only if you allow it to be.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I only mentioned the ex to show preselection. I said "oh I dated a girl for a while" and not "she left me and now i'm all alone". I honestly said it only because that's one of Style's lines (you're a doctor? oh cool, i used to date a doctor), only now it fitted really well and i only mentioned it and changed the topic.
Not trying to excuse myself here, just showing my trails of thought.

 

[MattTheW]

Gotta be careful using mentioning an EX, I would mention a "friend" rather than an EX

She may have known your ex, or that you were together, that sh1t can always filter back......

Those phrases work better when you don't reference a person that you dated who works for exactly the same company as the girl you're talking to......

 

[StuffofLegends]

Day 28 NC

Today marks exactly 3 months since the break up.

She doesn't care anything about me.. I wish I could say the same about her...

 

[Adz--]

4/5 months NC

It's been about 4/5 months since the last NC. Everything was going strong till last few days ago. I keep on having scenarios or thoughts of the EX constantly over the last few days. It's always on my mind..

Adz--

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Gotta be careful using mentioning an EX, I would mention a "friend" rather than an EX

She may have known your ex, or that you were together, that sh1t can always filter back......

Those phrases work better when you don't reference a person that you dated who works for exactly the same company as the girl you're talking to......

Buy how does a person date multiple women from the same company then?

 

[MattTheW]

Buy how does a person date multiple women from the same company then?

You keep it vague

If she is a "insert job here" at the same company as another "insert job here" that you are already dating then just say I've dated a "whatever the job is" in the past

Don't mention that they were in the same company - just the same line of work

 

[Cerwin Vega]

OK, I gotcha. I guess I was indeed out of line mentioning my ex.

 

[MattTheW]

Day 28 NC

Today marks exactly 3 months since the break up.

She doesn't care anything about me.. I wish I could say the same about her...

4 weeks - keep strong

When you get to 4 months you'll look back at this and laugh at yourself

Why would you care about someone that doesn't give a sh1t about you?

 

[MattTheW]

4/5 months NC

It's been about 4/5 months since the last NC. Everything was going strong till last few days ago. I keep on having scenarios or thoughts of the EX constantly over the last few days. It's always on my mind..

Adz--

It's just a small relapse, as long as you don't do something stupid it's all good

remember, what you remember isn't the real her - it's the "perfect" her
She will never live up to these memories.....

Try not to dwell on it - keep busy

 

[StuffofLegends]

4 weeks - keep strong

When you get to 4 months you'll look back at this and laugh at yourself

Why would you care about someone that doesn't give a sh1t about you?

Woo.. I sure hope so! I know it's the truth!! Thanks.

 

[Adz--]

It's just a small relapse, as long as you don't do something stupid it's all good

remember, what you remember isn't the real her - it's the "perfect" her
She will never live up to these memories.....

Try not to dwell on it - keep busy

Thanks man, I hope it's a small relapse too. I will do, thank you again.

Adz--

 

[Sardines]

Was on a date last night and had a really fun time. This morning it finally hit me.

1. Only YOU control how you feel.

2. Being single is fun, a time to accomplish personal goals, answer to no-one, get healthy, be a better man.

3. You will have lapses no matter how long the relationship (2 years or 2 months), you are after all human and you have feelings, but try to minimize them and get on with your life.

4. There are other fun women out there.

5. Plate spinning is fun, and overall makes you relaxed when you deal with women, because your psyche just projects that you have options.

6. Have a personal (achievable) goal that you want to reach asap. For me, I will be running my first 5K in a month. So i train everyday so i can finish well.

7. Try not to bring your hangups into dates, you're a man! act like one!

In the words of Trent "You're money baby, you just don't know it."