The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drakeramore]

I accept we both played our part in the break up, both handled things badly and she's not the villain I built her up to be. It feels good to let go of that negativity, but it has left me feeling this emptiness. I've had some high moments since being single, met some hot and fun ladies, but when I think about the amazing connection my ex and I shared, how we were right on so many levels, how in love we were, how much we laughed and how intense and passionate the sex was, I struggle to understand how we can just let go and move on.

I'm still expecting her to contact me and tell me it was all a mistake, that she's reaching this same stage as me and has realised how crazy she was to throw it all away.

I am in the same position, Jariel.

The relationship with my ex started as a long-distance one.

I had known her for quite a long time before but we were merely acquaintances. Suddenly I was amazed at how alike we were and was convinced that we were soulmates. I did not fall in love with her because of her looks.

Being inexperienced I did not want to commit, I thought I would cheat on her if someone prettier came along.

Still, I now realise just how eeriely close and special our connection was. I sabotaged the relationship numerous times as I was scared of how much I like this girl and was afraid that I would marry her very very soon.

She was way more experienced than me and wanted it really much, she was nearing 30 and wanted to settle down - she has been wanting to settle down for a decade now, she is not the promiscuous type of girl. Me, being fairly new to the dating/love scene, I was afraid and wanted to keep my options open for fear that I would make a mistake and enter her frame and would make my life what she wanted to be - ie a couple that was soon to be married.

She wanted to possess me and to have me only for herself, I was not ready to give up on my freedom and needed my space. She moved on. I have not. I guess I was fooling myself when I thought that I do not love her all that much and this is just a fling or smth.

We completed each other's sentences, were operating at the same wavelength. Only our outlook on the immediate future was different.

That is why I wanted to let her go and not get in her way of being happy.

Now that I have and she is (or claims to be with the new guy), I regret it. Still, in the long run, it maybe was the right decision to make. Only time will tell. I think she wants to keep me as an option though.

I need to find a new girl(s) in my life, otherwise I will drag her and my memories with her on with me for a while I am afraid.

I am still very emotionally vulnerable and, at times, overwhelmed by emotions - love, hate, regret, etc.

Still, I am doing better than in the beginning. Now I know that I can survive and am strong enough to deal with this. That does not always help soothe me though, I still have my low moments of despair. Time should help me with those.

 

[joker79]

so my wife showed me an email that my ex (gf) and her exchanged yesterday and today.

my wife’s email from yesterday:

thank you for taking my son to the healing prayer, he is doing better. I apologize sincerely for my emails and calls as I pressured him (me) to get that info (details about my relationship with her) because I was furious. He is an excellent man despite being naughty and perverted. take care bye.

My ex-gf’s response from today:

Glory to God that your son is doing better, you and your family are in my prayers. don’t worry, he (me) is no longer in our lives.


******************************
I'm not sure about this guys, but wouldn't my ex-gf be also the naughty and perverted one, and not just me? her reply sounds almost as if I was the evil doer and she was a fkn saint!!!!

@Cgr: what I struggle to get is:

1) why does your wife keep talking/having contact with this other woman?
2) why does your wife keep showing you her txts and emails?
3) why do you care about this woman's opinion about you?

I'd say that n.3 is the most important question. The tentative to damage your reputation and to get a reaction from you is clear but who cares. She's only butthurt and she's trying to protect her ego rationalising your value (which she has to decrease to reduce the dissonance she feels), who gives a ****?

 

[cgr68311]

@Cgr: what I struggle to get is:

1) why does your wife keep talking/having contact with this other woman?
2) why does your wife keep showing you txt and email from hers?
3) why do you care about this woman's opinion about you?

I'd say that n.3 is the most important question. the tentative to damage your reputation is clear but who cares. She's only butthurt and she's trying to protect her ego rationalising your value (which she has to decrease to reduce the dissonance she feels)

these two cvnts love drama and a while ago competed in taking care of my laundry, feeding me, sex etc. and now they are friendly and talk about me as if I was the greatest asholey lol wtf?????

 

[joker79]

your life should be free from drama. you're getting mad because you allow this. Spend your time improving yourself, if she asks you to read a txt from the other cvnt, tell her "no, sorry, I have no time to waste". Time is the only thing you can't buy, why do you want to waste it? And additionally, reading your wife's behaviour, she doesn't respect you a lot, does she?

 

[jackson37]

The way that I would personally approach the situation is when you see her be polite and smile but be indifferent. If she initiates conversation, keep it short, and simple, and do not delve into any personal matters, for she has lost that privilege. Also, When you do spin plates, which i hope you will be doing, do not worry about her seeing this. As hard as this may be, just realize that she is no longer your gf and you have moved on, so if she gets upset at you spinning plates its really none of her business. If she confronts you about this smile, don't argue and tell her that it is no longer her businesss and not to worry about it. Also i would never really initiate contact myself, if you see her at the bars or parties just opt for ignorance that she is even there, do not go up to her or look at her. The ONLY time you should talk to her is if she literally comes up to you in person and says something which to your response should be smile and say minimal words.

Also do not let her affect your happiness and fun at parties and bars, in fact if you think that she WILL affect your happiness and parties just by being there i would avoid it all together until you are okay with yourself and you have bettered yourself to a point where you no longer need her for ego reassurance, at which point she could not affect you. But yeah. If you MUST go to these parties and bars, personally i would not drink AT ALL because that only spells DISASTER.

Well this is my advice to you:

Become the best you that you can become

work out, spin plates, read, meditate and find happiness within yourself.

Do not grow anger and resentment within you it only leads to a fvcked up existence.


Hope this helps.

much love.

Hey thanks man I'll take that advice. I've already been meditating, working out, and finding happiness only thing missing is spinning plates now which should be more accessible once I get back to school. I've found that holding onto anger towards her helps me get over he in the short term but this resolve has changed now. I accept that I loved her and that she'll always be a part of me but that we can't be together and in finding this acceptance, at least for me, its a bit easier to move forward.

Its going to be hard to avoid the bars so I'll just have to ignore her there unless she approaches me

 

[yellowfever]

Day 14

Ex broke up with 14 days ago and returned back to Vietnam. We lived in China together nearly 8 months. That was mostly an awesome time together but sprinkled with occasional flakiness on her part and to much jealousy and possessiveness from me.

Basically, I feel good about myself and I am getting better and back into a good feeling again. I miss her (every day less and less) but I'd love to have her again if she came back for ME.

In any case, I went completely NC. She sent me a few lame messages from my birthday which I saw but did not want to open and which unfortunately opened so she could see that I saw them. (What a stupid sentence that was).

I went to Vietnam for myself to find some new tail to chase since Vietnam is loaded with girls that are suitable and tasty for me. Best medicine would be to replace my ex with a better model. She was a HOT girl but I am sure I can find a HOTTER girl if I put my mind to it.

I still love my EX and I'd love her for all her life if she came back to me.

She was dependent on my and my cash every month, I'd subsidize her families existence from $300 to $1000 (or more) every month depending on needs. Maybe I was a sucker but I was a sucker who cared.

In any case, I went from ALPHA at the start of our relationship to putting her first and only at the end and being a total AFC. She lost respect for me and as all of us know once that happens, they tend to leave. So she did.

Now I am back here and I let her know I was here by having some mates post tagged photos of me in various clubs in and around her town. This is a new me. She got the message and she knows I am around.

I knew when she left me that someone was going to sponsor her with tons of cash but I think the deal fell through. Now she is trying to contact me and is begging me for help for her family. I am at a loss. I have been ignoring her requests but I'd like to meet her and talk with her although I KNOW I SHOULD NOT. The time is just not right.

I think some of her plans have fallen through and she wants to return to me for help and maybe help only. If she came back for love and to make a relationship it would be different. I think only by talking can I feel her intentions.



On my birthday:
Happy Birthday, I wish you all the best.
me: NO REPLY


Yesterday morning (2 days after birthday)
HER: I don't think you want to talk to me. I need some help for my family. i Beg you.

ME: NO REPLY

In the afternoon of yesterday, her COUSIN called my Vietnam number and I DID NOT PICK UP. So they know I am here.

A few hours ago, 12:18AM Vietnam time.

HER: Thanks for not replying.
ME: NO REPLY


I should point out some things she did on HER FACEBOOK Page for MY VIEWING (but set for public, friends or friends of friends)

1. She posted a nice picture of her with ENGLISH description (99+% of her posts are in vietnamese):
I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know that you're beautiful — feeling pretty.

2. She posted some stupid conversation:
"They say that's kinda torture for the guy but that is love " and then there was a screen shot like this:
HER: I'm hungry!!
GUY: Oh Baby it's already 3AM in the morning.
HER: OK, Night.
HER: Hey why are you not replying?????
GUY: I'm sorry babe. Sorry it took so long but I am in front of your house with some McDonalds. I'm sorry it took so long for my princess.

3. The she posts something with her cousin going to a movie theater in Vietnamese.

4. Final post a few hours ago (in English):
"When one door closes, another opens, but we often stare so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
P/S: What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be."

Photo of her looking up at the sky.

What kind of bull**** is this and what would you do?



I see she is looking on a dating website for maybe a new sponsor.

Her ex bf in Japan who I think was going to send her money a few days ago, must have got cold feet. And possibly won't return to her. She seems desperate for cash to cover the debts she incurred when she returned home 2 weeks ago. She stupidly bought an iPhone on credit expecting her debts to be covered and did not do the things for her home debts that are gonna hurt.

I can help her but she must want me and not just my cash. Otherwise she go fVck herself.

For me, I've made some major life changes. I'm moving here. I got a new business with a great partner and we are going to make major gains here in Vietnam. i will live in this city in style. I can get new ***** if I want AND I WILL change my life for the better. I may take her back if the stars are aligned properly but she must do it for US and not because of money.

I feel my future is only going up. It could not have gotten much lower.

What should I do? Continue NC, or find out how much pain she is really suffering?? Should I let her know about my future or not?

I'm really stuck but I need to either continue to do nothing for her (and do things for ME!) or contact her.

Please help!!!!!! I don't want to lose her but I can't keep her if she does not want me.

 

[joker79]

desire is not negotiable. Period. And even if you reached her out and figured out what's happening, do you think she would come back and "love" you again? and even if this happened, I'd be really careful with the kind of love she's giving you. It wouldn't be the love you want.

Too much drama anyway, NC and next. You can do better.

 

[bateman72]

Ex broke up with 14 days ago and returned back to Vietnam. We lived in China together nearly 8 months. That was mostly an awesome time together but sprinkled with occasional flakiness on her part and to much jealousy and possessiveness from me.

Basically, I feel good about myself and I am getting better and back into a good feeling again. I miss her (every day less and less) but I'd love to have her again if she came back for ME.

In any case, I went completely NC. She sent me a few lame messages from my birthday which I saw but did not want to open and which unfortunately opened so she could see that I saw them. (What a stupid sentence that was).

I went to Vietnam for myself to find some new tail to chase since Vietnam is loaded with girls that are suitable and tasty for me. Best medicine would be to replace my ex with a better model. She was a HOT girl but I am sure I can find a HOTTER girl if I put my mind to it.

I still love my EX and I'd love her for all her life if she came back to me.

She was dependent on my and my cash every month, I'd subsidize her families existence from $300 to $1000 (or more) every month depending on needs. Maybe I was a sucker but I was a sucker who cared.

In any case, I went from ALPHA at the start of our relationship to putting her first and only at the end and being a total AFC. She lost respect for me and as all of us know once that happens, they tend to leave. So she did.

Now I am back here and I let her know I was here by having some mates post tagged photos of me in various clubs in and around her town. This is a new me. She got the message and she knows I am around.

I knew when she left me that someone was going to sponsor her with tons of cash but I think the deal fell through. Now she is trying to contact me and is begging me for help for her family. I am at a loss. I have been ignoring her requests but I'd like to meet her and talk with her although I KNOW I SHOULD NOT. The time is just not right.

I think some of her plans have fallen through and she wants to return to me for help and maybe help only. If she came back for love and to make a relationship it would be different. I think only by talking can I feel her intentions.



On my birthday:
Happy Birthday, I wish you all the best.
me: NO REPLY


Yesterday morning (2 days after birthday)
HER: I don't think you want to talk to me. I need some help for my family. i Beg you.

ME: NO REPLY

In the afternoon of yesterday, her COUSIN called my Vietnam number and I DID NOT PICK UP. So they know I am here.

A few hours ago, 12:18AM Vietnam time.

HER: Thanks for not replying.
ME: NO REPLY


I should point out some things she did on HER FACEBOOK Page for MY VIEWING (but set for public, friends or friends of friends)

1. She posted a nice picture of her with ENGLISH description (99+% of her posts are in vietnamese):
I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know that you're beautiful — feeling pretty.

2. She posted some stupid conversation:
"They say that's kinda torture for the guy but that is love " and then there was a screen shot like this:
HER: I'm hungry!!
GUY: Oh Baby it's already 3AM in the morning.
HER: OK, Night.
HER: Hey why are you not replying?????
GUY: I'm sorry babe. Sorry it took so long but I am in front of your house with some McDonalds. I'm sorry it took so long for my princess.

3. The she posts something with her cousin going to a movie theater in Vietnamese.

4. Final post a few hours ago (in English):
"When one door closes, another opens, but we often stare so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
P/S: What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be."

Photo of her looking up at the sky.

What kind of bull**** is this and what would you do?



I see she is looking on a dating website for maybe a new sponsor.

Her ex bf in Japan who I think was going to send her money a few days ago, must have got cold feet. And possibly won't return to her. She seems desperate for cash to cover the debts she incurred when she returned home 2 weeks ago. She stupidly bought an iPhone on credit expecting her debts to be covered and did not do the things for her home debts that are gonna hurt.

I can help her but she must want me and not just my cash. Otherwise she go fVck herself.

For me, I've made some major life changes. I'm moving here. I got a new business with a great partner and we are going to make major gains here in Vietnam. i will live in this city in style. I can get new ***** if I want AND I WILL change my life for the better. I may take her back if the stars are aligned properly but she must do it for US and not because of money.

I feel my future is only going up. It could not have gotten much lower.

What should I do? Continue NC, or find out how much pain she is really suffering?? Should I let her know about my future or not?

I'm really stuck but I need to either continue to do nothing for her (and do things for ME!) or contact her.

Please help!!!!!! I don't want to lose her but I can't keep her if she does not want me.

What you want and what you deserve is a woman who is actively working everyday to maintain your affection. A woman that wants to have sex with you all the time and who makes personal sacrifices to keep you happy. This is what a woman does when she is in love.

Do not contact her and prepare yourself for more contacts from her. stop looking at her facebook as the next thing she will probably post will be something to make you jealous. You don't need that kind of mindfvck right now.

 

[mkj1990]

As mentioned, my ex broken it off with me three times the last year, wanted me back for the fourth time now but I've had it, and told her in person a couple of days ago. She obviously didn't like it but the tone between us was good, and she gave me a hug as we parted ways. Last night I got a text:

Her: "I'm deleting you from my facebook. Sorry"
Me: "All right. Thought there weren't any issues between us now, since you said you wanted to be friends. But be my guest."
Her: "We can't be friends. And I'm deleting you from Facebook because it's just so hard to see your updates and what you're up to. It just reminds me that I can't have you."
Me: "I understand. Don't know what you want from this, but I'm not going to try to convince you NOT to delete me off f*cking facebook, if that's what you're trying to accomplish. I've got more important stuff going on in my life."

Later the same night I got a text:

Her: "Talked to my friends about this. Not deleting you from facebook."

Meltdown...? She has the attitude of a 13 year old sometimes.

 

[jackson37]

Ex broke up with 14 days ago and returned back to Vietnam. We lived in China together nearly 8 months. That was mostly an awesome time together but sprinkled with occasional flakiness on her part and to much jealousy and possessiveness from me.

Basically, I feel good about myself and I am getting better and back into a good feeling again. I miss her (every day less and less) but I'd love to have her again if she came back for ME.

In any case, I went completely NC. She sent me a few lame messages from my birthday which I saw but did not want to open and which unfortunately opened so she could see that I saw them. (What a stupid sentence that was).

I went to Vietnam for myself to find some new tail to chase since Vietnam is loaded with girls that are suitable and tasty for me. Best medicine would be to replace my ex with a better model. She was a HOT girl but I am sure I can find a HOTTER girl if I put my mind to it.

I still love my EX and I'd love her for all her life if she came back to me.

She was dependent on my and my cash every month, I'd subsidize her families existence from $300 to $1000 (or more) every month depending on needs. Maybe I was a sucker but I was a sucker who cared.

In any case, I went from ALPHA at the start of our relationship to putting her first and only at the end and being a total AFC. She lost respect for me and as all of us know once that happens, they tend to leave. So she did.

Now I am back here and I let her know I was here by having some mates post tagged photos of me in various clubs in and around her town. This is a new me. She got the message and she knows I am around.

I knew when she left me that someone was going to sponsor her with tons of cash but I think the deal fell through. Now she is trying to contact me and is begging me for help for her family. I am at a loss. I have been ignoring her requests but I'd like to meet her and talk with her although I KNOW I SHOULD NOT. The time is just not right.

I think some of her plans have fallen through and she wants to return to me for help and maybe help only. If she came back for love and to make a relationship it would be different. I think only by talking can I feel her intentions.



On my birthday:
Happy Birthday, I wish you all the best.
me: NO REPLY


Yesterday morning (2 days after birthday)
HER: I don't think you want to talk to me. I need some help for my family. i Beg you.

ME: NO REPLY

In the afternoon of yesterday, her COUSIN called my Vietnam number and I DID NOT PICK UP. So they know I am here.

A few hours ago, 12:18AM Vietnam time.

HER: Thanks for not replying.
ME: NO REPLY


I should point out some things she did on HER FACEBOOK Page for MY VIEWING (but set for public, friends or friends of friends)

1. She posted a nice picture of her with ENGLISH description (99+% of her posts are in vietnamese):
I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know that you're beautiful — feeling pretty.

2. She posted some stupid conversation:
"They say that's kinda torture for the guy but that is love " and then there was a screen shot like this:
HER: I'm hungry!!
GUY: Oh Baby it's already 3AM in the morning.
HER: OK, Night.
HER: Hey why are you not replying?????
GUY: I'm sorry babe. Sorry it took so long but I am in front of your house with some McDonalds. I'm sorry it took so long for my princess.

3. The she posts something with her cousin going to a movie theater in Vietnamese.

4. Final post a few hours ago (in English):
"When one door closes, another opens, but we often stare so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.
P/S: What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be."

Photo of her looking up at the sky.

What kind of bull**** is this and what would you do?



I see she is looking on a dating website for maybe a new sponsor.

Her ex bf in Japan who I think was going to send her money a few days ago, must have got cold feet. And possibly won't return to her. She seems desperate for cash to cover the debts she incurred when she returned home 2 weeks ago. She stupidly bought an iPhone on credit expecting her debts to be covered and did not do the things for her home debts that are gonna hurt.

I can help her but she must want me and not just my cash. Otherwise she go fVck herself.

For me, I've made some major life changes. I'm moving here. I got a new business with a great partner and we are going to make major gains here in Vietnam. i will live in this city in style. I can get new ***** if I want AND I WILL change my life for the better. I may take her back if the stars are aligned properly but she must do it for US and not because of money.

I feel my future is only going up. It could not have gotten much lower.

What should I do? Continue NC, or find out how much pain she is really suffering?? Should I let her know about my future or not?

I'm really stuck but I need to either continue to do nothing for her (and do things for ME!) or contact her.

Please help!!!!!! I don't want to lose her but I can't keep her if she does not want me.

I've been following your story and I think its best you continue NC for sure. First of all you shouldnt be looking at her social media such as facebook. It will only serve to make you question things like what she's doing with that guy or if she misses you. Think of it like this: whether you worry about these things or not, she is going to be doing them or not going to do them either way, regardless of what YOUR own mind is thinking. Thinking about it does nothing to the actual outcome except cause unnecessary stress to yourself.

You're doing good ignoring her so keep it up man, day by day you will forget her and it'll be easier to move on.

 

[Jariel]

As mentioned, my ex broken it off with me three times the last year, wanted me back for the fourth time now but I've had it, and told her in person a couple of days ago. She obviously didn't like it but the tone between us was good, and she gave me a hug as we parted ways. Last night I got a text:

Her: "I'm deleting you from my facebook. Sorry"
Me: "All right. Thought there weren't any issues between us now, since you said you wanted to be friends. But be my guest."
Her: "We can't be friends. And I'm deleting you from Facebook because it's just so hard to see your updates and what you're up to. It just reminds me that I can't have you."
Me: "I understand. Don't know what you want from this, but I'm not going to try to convince you NOT to delete me off f*cking facebook, if that's what you're trying to accomplish. I've got more important stuff going on in my life."

Later the same night I got a text:

Her: "Talked to my friends about this. Not deleting you from facebook."

Meltdown...? She has the attitude of a 13 year old sometimes.

Delete HER off Facebook, then go no contact.

This will send her absolutely crazy! It seems to me like she's desperate to get some kind of power over you and the less you play into it the more she comes chasing. If you delete her now, it takes that decision right out of her hands and shows her that you're the boss.

Not only will it wound her ego, but it will make her want you more now you're the one in control.

You're in a great position here if you play it right.

Just out of curiosity, do you know why she dumped you the previous 3 times? Did you feel yourself becoming submissive or too accommodating leading to each break up?

 

[Jariel]

How much of your day does thinking of your ex take up?

This is something I'm very curious about. I'm not talking about those thoughts that jump into your head out of nowhere as we could never really time those, but what I want to know is how much it affects your day to day life and what sort of activities does it lead you onto?

ie. Do you find yourself researching on the net how to get her back or how to get over her?

Do you talk to people about your ex or try to find answers what went wrong?

Do you sit and wallow for long periods and find you don't have the motivation to do anything?

Do you write anything down? Lists, thoughts, things you wish you could say, do you work on letters or potential texts to send?

Do you go out and approach other women? Use dating sites or chat up women online?

Do you have any rebound prospects you talk to?

Have you been dating?

Have you been hanging out with friends or going out?

You get the idea. I'd just like to hear some of the activities people get upto that relate to their ex and compare just how much it eats into our days.

I'll be the first to admit, soon after my break up I did all of the above and it took up my whole fvcking days! I kept telling myself, I'll do something more productive once I get over her. I convinced myself that I needed to dedicate time to getting over her and learning whatever I can. I even took time off work as I was too devastated to face people.

Some of my ex-related activites have been very productive, such as getting back on this forum and re-discovering my long-lost DJ persona. I also created a big list of lessons I learned from my relationship and took time to really analyse how my behaviour had changed, and how I'd lost sight of the man I used to be. These have been very good for me.

I hit the gym hard at first, but then when I sank into depression, I couldn't motivate myself. But then once I started to get back on my feet, I hit the gym full force and it has been the biggest source of motivation since. I also started meditation, which has been a big help.

My early rebound dates didn't help much unfortunately, but going out with friends was very good for me. My buddy would call me up quite a lot and we had a few days out. It didn't help so much when we were going out locally as I feared seeing my ex or was reminded of my ex, but when we took a drive out somewhere and had a complete change of environment it was very good for me and created positive memories that didn't involve my ex.

Listening to self improvement audiobooks has been a big help. From Eckhart Tolle to Napoleon Hill. I played them every chance I got, in the car, in bed, quiet shifts at work. It really helps to drown out those destructive thoughts in your mind.

Anyway, it'll be interesting to hear just how much your break up has affected your day to day life and what activities have helped and what has not.

One of the big mistakes I made was thinking the sooner I move on and find someone else, the sooner I can get over my ex. There was also this urgency of thinking "I must find someone before she does". But none of this helps and can make things worse.

 

[cgr68311]

How much of your day does thinking of your ex take up?

This is something I'm very curious about. I'm not talking about those thoughts that jump into your head out of nowhere as we could never really time those, but what I want to know is how much it affects your day to day life and what sort of activities does it lead you onto?

ie. Do you find yourself researching on the net how to get her back or how to get over her?

Do you talk to people about your ex or try to find answers what went wrong?

Do you sit and wallow for long periods and find you don't have the motivation to do anything?

Do you write anything down? Lists, thoughts, things you wish you could say, do you work on letters or potential texts to send?

Do you go out and approach other women? Use dating sites or chat up women online?

Do you have any rebound prospects you talk to?

Have you been dating?

Have you been hanging out with friends or going out?

You get the idea. I'd just like to hear some of the activities people get upto that relate to their ex and compare just how much it eats into our days.

I'll be the first to admit, soon after my break up I did all of the above and it took up my whole fvcking days! I kept telling myself, I'll do something more productive once I get over her. I convinced myself that I needed to dedicate time to getting over her and learning whatever I can. I even took time off work as I was too devastated to face people.

Some of my ex-related activites have been very productive, such as getting back on this forum and re-discovering my long-lost DJ persona. I also created a big list of lessons I learned from my relationship and took time to really analyse how my behaviour had changed, and how I'd lost sight of the man I used to be. These have been very good for me.

I hit the gym hard at first, but then when I sank into depression, I couldn't motivate myself. But then once I started to get back on my feet, I hit the gym full force and it has been the biggest source of motivation since. I also started meditation, which has been a big help.

My early rebound dates didn't help much unfortunately, but going out with friends was very good for me. My buddy would call me up quite a lot and we had a few days out. It didn't help so much when we were going out locally as I feared seeing my ex or was reminded of my ex, but when we took a drive out somewhere and had a complete change of environment it was very good for me and created positive memories that didn't involve my ex.

Listening to self improvement audiobooks has been a big help. From Eckhart Tolle to Napoleon Hill. I played them every chance I got, in the car, in bed, quiet shifts at work. It really helps to drown out those destructive thoughts in your mind.

Anyway, it'll be interesting to hear just how much your break up has affected your day to day life and what activities have helped and what has not.

One of the big mistakes I made was thinking the sooner I move on and find someone else, the sooner I can get over my ex. There was also this urgency of thinking "I must find someone before she does". But none of this helps and can make things worse.

man Jariel, I love all your posts. They are very thought provoking and thoughtful, you just lay it all there, I mean you stick to the program but do not hide the shiitstorm going through your head, just like it happens to the rest of us.

I also like Mauser96 comments in bold, especially the part that says that SHE HAS TO LIVE WITH HER DECISION*** great job guys

 

[Jariel]

man Jariel, I love all your posts. They are very thought provoking and thoughtful, you just lay it all there, I mean you stick to the program but do not hide the shiitstorm going through your head, just like it happens to the rest of us.

I also like Mauser96 comments in bold, especially the part that says that SHE HAS TO LIVE WITH HER DECISION*** great job guys

Thanks man. That was my intention when I joined this thread as I wanted other people to know there's nothing abnormal about what they're going through and show that many of us can relate.

I also believe people can learn just as much from another person's failures and falls as they can from all the positive advice. I did a few things during my break up that I'm embarrassed by and that blew up in my face, but hopefully when people read my experience they will avoid doing the same sh1t as me.

 

[jackson37]

Just wanted to take a quick minute to say I love you guys, I've learned so much from reading your responses and getting your opinions. I'm on day 11 I think (lol funny I lost track) and feeling MUCH better than day 1 or even when we were "friends". Its all thanks to the advice and reading all of your posts so just wanted to express my gratitude.

I just hope my feelings now carry on to the coming school year as I'll be forced to see her at least a few times and fear the emotions that may come...but I'll be ready.

 

[orbion2013]

i,m going through waves of emotion... some days are good & some are terrible!

been 5 weeks of no contact now... she may have contacted me again, but i don't even check.

firstly i am certain i don't want her back... i was going to dump her anyway!

i think i am mostly full of anger & regret for sticking around that long.

also not even sure what i should feel... sometimes i feel like the dumper, because i went ghost on her...

then i feel like a dumpee, because she emailed saying it was over...

mixed f@cking emotions.... plus my gut tells me, she might have branch swung!

she was a desprate woman, looking for a way out!

single mother, her family had fallen apart, fallen out with her friends, and financialy in a bad place... i would not be surprised if she latched onto some other dude, who she thinks will be his saviour.

i,m not sure if she has... but i rather not find out either.

can't believe she is still on my mind on a daily basis... i,m hitting the gym hard, getting in good shape... but no plates at the moment

maybe i neeed to bang some chicks!

 

[mkj1990]

Delete HER off Facebook, then go no contact.

This will send her absolutely crazy! It seems to me like she's desperate to get some kind of power over you and the less you play into it the more she comes chasing. If you delete her now, it takes that decision right out of her hands and shows her that you're the boss.

Not only will it wound her ego, but it will make her want you more now you're the one in control.

You're in a great position here if you play it right.

Just out of curiosity, do you know why she dumped you the previous 3 times? Did you feel yourself becoming submissive or too accommodating leading to each break up?

You think that's better then to just play it cool and act like I don't give a sh*t at all?

Why she dumped me:
1. time: Came out of the blue. She told me it was because I seemed to not care enough about her + she said she saw me make out with another girl that I have history with (not true. The other girl did try to kiss me when we met at a club, but I literally pushed her away)
2. time: She was planning to move away at this point. Told me she cared to much about me to have a long distance relationship. Jumped right into bed with another guy. So I guess it was only an excuse to see if the "grass was greener on the other side". Came crawling back after two weeks.
3. time: No reason given. Just a text in the middle of the night after several weeks of flaking on me...

... Then came one month of NC from me, before she started begging again.

And yes, to some extent I feel that I was submissive or too accommodating, even when she told me it seemed that I didn't care about her.

 

[cgr68311]

WILL I BREACH NC: If I respond to a friend’s comment on FB?

My ex’s church posted a pic of us cuddled together during a Christmas dinner. We broke up 2 days later. A friend of mine saw the pic and commented two weeks ago:

“wow what a lovely couple, is she your wife?”

My friend then alerted me today that my ex commented back yesterday:

“Thank you , he is only a friend God bless you! "

 

[joker79]

yes. And more importantly, don't you see that she's just trying to provoke you? The best answer is radio silence. And delete her from FB!

 

[cgr68311]

yes. And more importantly, don't you see that she's just trying to provoke you? The best answer is radio silence. And delete her from FB!

I don't have her added, I was not even aware of the pic until today when my friend alerted me.