The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[dreww]

The Story

Ok so my girlfriend just went to college and I have already been in college for a whole year. She became overwhelmed by the freedom, classes, club soccer, and meeting new people. It seems as if she is just too stressed to have a boyfriend right now and doesn't want that pressure when meeting new people. She doesn't want have to tell anyone anything and basically told me she was selfish and wants to do whatever she wants without me worrying about her. We were dating for almost 2 years and this came as such a shock to me and everyone else. A week ago,she was telling me how happy she was with our relationship. We each had our own friends and were busy, but still made time to see each other, and now this!?!?!?! She also told me that she lost romantic feelings for me and feels like I am just a friend. I am trying to do the no contact, but I have already seen her twice on campus, even though my university is HUGE. The first time, we completely ignored each other even though we were in a small room together (this is even when we ended the relationship on good terms: I told her we had a great time together and that I learned a lot from her and she went on to say how amazing I was and that she'll always love me and I'm going far in life). Its just crazy how we were dating 2 years, ended on good terms, and now we are invisible to each other! So I see her later on in the day walking to class and tell her that instead of acting like we don't exist, we should at least say hey or something, I mean we were together for 2 years!!! After I did that, I regretted it because she was so cold and unresponsive, just said that she thought that might make it harder.
So what do you guys think? Do you think I should text her now and say that I'm starting no contact with her and for her to only contact me if she's serious about getting back together, not as friends, but romantically?

 

[dreww]

She's a very beautiful girl (a swimsuit model). she's smart, athletic, motivated and outgoing. I felt so lucky to have her and I treated her so well. I obviously still have feelings for her after 1 day but I know that NC is the best option right now. I feel like she is going to get in a relationship and eventually realize that she had it so great with me and I'll have the sweet satisfaction of moving on

 

[henrea4]

She is. I am over it. All of this heartbreak nonsense has turned out to simply be one huge power/ego trip. Heartbreak is rooted in rejection which goes back to my childhood. I don't want to get all psychoanalytical on you but, it’s encoded in my brain. WTF Brain!?

Let’s say you are in the jungle. To your right is a lion. To your left is a rose garden. You’re going to pay A LOT of attention to the lion. Else you will die. For 200,000 years, your brain has evolved to HEAVILY NOTICE the Lion and ignore the roses.

Rejection is that lion, gentlemen. Heartbreak is that lion. Our brains haven’t yet adapted. The brain still wants to protect us from the lion. Thank you brain. I’m going to get you a trophy. “Best Brain!” Just kidding. You suck, brain.

Does it sound like I am blaming evolution and DNA for my previous cry baby behavior? It certainly feels like it. How old am I? I am old enough to wise up to the fact that misery loves company and I will no longer think with a scarcity, lack mindset. It's abundance from here on...and for me, this includes making this my last post in this forum/thread.

Thanks to all of you & Good luck.

$10 says he'll wind up going back to his ex. Any takers?

 

[Machtwo]

$10 says he'll wind up going back to his ex. Any takers?

$10 says he'll be back on here too!! :crackup:

 

[dreww]

Thank you Mauser96 for all your input and I agree with you for most of your points. I would however enjoy to hear if anyone had a situation where the girl was overwhelmed by college and simply made a mistake by dumping you. Is there any chance after what she feels about me. She loves me and wants to be with me but she can't because of what's going on right now in her life. Is there anyway to rekindle what was once there? I know that this is about getting over your ex but when the wound is still so fresh all I can do is think about getting her back. I fall asleep at night only because I stay so busy during the day, but I sleep terrible (maybe 3-4 hours). I am going to do this challenge and by the end I may realize I don't even want her anymore, but for now are there any threads on here where you can learn how to win an ex back who you know still has feelings for you?

 

[nroug7]

Thank you Mauser96 for all your input and I agree with you for most of your points. I would however enjoy to hear if anyone had a situation where the girl was overwhelmed by college and simply made a mistake by dumping you. Is there any chance after what she feels about me. She loves me and wants to be with me but she can't because of what's going on right now in her life. Is there anyway to rekindle what was once there? I know that this is about getting over your ex but when the wound is still so fresh all I can do is think about getting her back. I fall asleep at night only because I stay so busy during the day, but I sleep terrible (maybe 3-4 hours). I am going to do this challenge and by the end I may realize I don't even want her anymore, but for now are there any threads on here where you can learn how to win an ex back who you know still has feelings for you?

EEK, EASE ONTO THE BRAKES.
Let her miss you, do no contact, meet other girls and expand your horizon. She will either come back to you or won't. If she doesn't, its not your loss as you've already met new girls. Pursuing her will only chase her away.

 

[clair]

It's been almost 2 weeks about 12days to be exact since I started no contact and 2 and a half months since we broke up ...I said a lot of cruel things to him because I was furious at the time; he had cheated on me once again and l had had enough....any ways it is still extremely difficult emotionally some days I want to break down and text him with more hurtful words but I know I would just be fueling his ego he would perceive it has me not getting over him and it would give him something to talk about with his women so I keep holding on....reading other text give me the strength to move on each day ...I keep reminding my self he is not worth my time of day and one day he will be a distant pass

 

[Machtwo]

dreww

do not do it to yourself, take it from somebody who is 5 months down the line from being dumped, that your efforts will probably be in vain & you will feel worse for trying. Keep busy, try to forget - I know how hard this is - take Mauser96 advice, date other girls, be happy if you see your ex, avoid her at all costs.

If she has genuinely made a mistake, she will make it clear to you, wait for that moment, but don't expect it - live your life.

If you chase the shadow, the shadow will run away, turn back and walk away it follows you.

 

[European-DJ]

I don't know what's happening today, but I am obsessing over her, want to contact her so badly; I keep pushing these negative thoughts upon myself, her sucking his **** and stuff..

I fell like a psycho right now, just want to fvcking brake something! ...

Had to get my aggression a out within this post, man was the girl good to me while in the relationship, helping me with my company and everything, but still, I know it would be wrong to forgive her for cheating and choosing another guy over me...

Fvck man, my head is a huge mess today, perhaps it is because I am at work, because I am forced to stay in the office - I fell trapped within my own head, caught in between my feelings of anger and hate towards her, and the same time love, regret and me missing her...

How could she ignore my last message after fvcking two years ... **** man!



Rage-Quit..

 

[dreww]

day 1

Ok so I miss my girlfriend and want her back, but this is very normal just flatter the breakup? She says that I just feel like a friend and she really tried to get those romantic feelings back, but it just didn't happen. I know that this I the no contact challenge and is about getting over your ex and healing yourself, but I know that this can work. We were each others first love and took each others virginity. Her parents were high school sweethearts and so were her godparents so I know that she wants the same. She would always talk about being with only one person because she was brought up that way. I know that people change, but I feel like she'll come back to me and want me back it's just a matter of when.

A little background info:
We had been dating for about 2 years and everything seemed to be going good. About 5 months into our relationship she told me the same thing; "I feel like you're just a friend". Well I was obviously upset and after a couple hours of fighting I finally said that if she wanted a break then that's what she would get. And I just walked away. Well about 3 hours later she calls me, hysterically crying saying that she can't eat and has been throwing up since we left each other. I took her back almost immediately and she said that she loved me and wanted to marry me and yada yada yada. And now she's feeling the same way almost 1.5 years later . This time IF and I'm not counting on it, but IF she wants me back ill be sure I'm careful and may not even want her back.



Any suggestions, comments, etc.

 

[itdude]

day whatever....

been doing NC for awhile now and it is amazing how great it works. BUT today in hard. it is my dogs 1st bday (she got 2 of our dogs) today and she posted a picture of him on FB. tagged me in the picture. I am sure it is just to get my attention as I have been ignoring all contact.

when I saw it I wanted to immediately reply. but then realized I am an idiot as I didn't want to wish my dog happy bday but rather please her need. It has been 12 hours since she posted the post and I am still pondering if I should reply. what is wrong with me.... been reading this thread the last 2 hours so that I can stay strong.

but I need someone to please talk me out of this!!

 

[dreww]

Itdude: please don't contact her about anything, it just gives her the satisfaction of you being in her life, even if in the remotest of ways. Could you give me some details on your situation and I would be glad to help. Also please check out my teeny posts and see if you can help me

 

[itdude]

my story is like most people on here. came to this thread as I was searching the internet and HOW TO GET YOUR EX BACK.

my fiancé dumped me around May this year. she was just like your ex. a beautiful girl, also a model.

she asked me for some space. - I became clingy and jealous
she moved out. - I started NC to get her back. and it worked.
she moved back in - nothing changed. all our problems were still there
she decided the only way to leave me was to move 1400 km away.
she moved out - we kept contact and eventually was now back in a relationship but long distance.
on a hangover I gave her **** because of something and she said we must not have contact again.

she initiates no contact - I start doing no contact for real. for me. and it WORKED.

she still contacted me and this made it better for me. to ignore her.
I am no were near over her. But I am doing much much better.

the only advice I can give you is this:

She is asking you for space as she is beginning a new life in college. Give that to her. don't do what I did and start getting desperate and clingy.. you WILL REGRET it. and if you want her back them give her even more space.

 

[dreww]

itdude:
I know how you feel except your situation has been going on much longer than mine. I also got very clingy and I think she started getting the feeling that she had to hangout with me sometimes even when she wouldn't want to. Thanks for sharing your story and I hope that I can learn from what you did so I dont have the same pain and suffering. how long did it take for her to come back the first time after you initiated no contact?

After reading everything on this thread I have learned that most girls will begin to contact you after you implement no contact, but what I have learned is that if you don't give it enough time or you rush back into it without discussing the problem and getting honest feedback from both partners, then it will all just happen again.


But for your situation STAY STRONG. Ive been great at keeping myself busy during the day, but nights are what get me. I've had urges to text, call, facebook, etc. All the time.

 

[itdude]

it didn't take long for her to come back each time. less than a week sometimes. and we did talk and even went to therapy to try and sort out the issues. we tried. but once the cracks are there in a relationship you can patch it back together as much as you like but the cracks will always be there.

I'm wondering why you think your relationship will be better the third time around?

 

[dreww]

I guess to me there's gonna be hope until I eventually get sick of the emotional battle, like you did. How long were you dating? An i dont really consider this the third time around. The first time, she realized her mistake within 3 hours and the real problem is I took her back immediately. That won't happen IF she comes back after the NC this time. What were some of the problems you guys had that were unable to be fixed?

 

[dreww]

Anyone? I want her back so bad right now and its so hard not to contact her. I know that I shouldn't, and I won't. How do I get her back? Not right now obviously, but sometime down the road?

 

[LongLostFriend]

Anyone? I want her back so bad right now and its so hard not to contact her. I know that I shouldn't, and I won't. How do I get her back? Not right now obviously, but sometime down the road?

Are you pursuing other women? No contact due to oneitis is not merely resisting the urge to call her. It is getting back into the mindset that you have options, and maximizing them.

 

[dreww]

No I definitely won't just sit around waiting for her to come back. I just don't want to rush into anything and don't want to have sex with other women right now. Neither my ex or I drink or smoke (life choice for me due to family history, and neither of her parents drink). Its so hard to meet people on a college campus without going out drinking, at least I think so. I am at a very vulnerable time right now to begin drinking or using other drugs to help with the pain, but I will continue to be myself and stand up for what I believe in. I also do not just want to have some rebound chick that I just screw over because Im just out of a relationship. I am really trying to keep a level head through all of this and let time run its course. Once I am healed I will begin seeing women in a romantic way, but until then ill just be friends with them

 

[henrea4]

....So I'm a weak @$$ punk.

I broke NC today. I looked at her Facebook page and e-mailed her. She informed me that nothing has changed. I don't feel as beaten down and low as I would have 2 months ago...in fact, I feel rather relieved. At least I now know exactly what's on her mind. Plus, looking at her pics, I think the fact that I was so in love with her made me see her as much more attractive than she actually was. Not saying I don't still love her, but I know I can do better. A lot better.

September 4 would have been 60 days. I almost made it. I have no regrets, though. I did have a moment of extreme weakness today, but I have definitely made progress during my NC period. I'm not gonna sit up here and lie and say I'll never contact her again, but the fate of the world doesn't seem to rest upon getting her back anymore. Can I finally be slipping into the acceptance phase?