Well, I wasn't going to say anything about this, but I figured you guys have been so open and honest about your behaviors/feelings, and I feel as if I can share anything with you.
After I broke NC, I went...excuse the expression....full r#tard. I reverted back to everything that wasn't working. She told me she needed to sleep because she was working the overnight shift at her job and I kept messaging her all day. I don't know what the hell got into me. I guess I had all that stuff I wanted to say to her over these past two months and figured I might as well get it out. She texts me back, "Please stop. You keep waking me up." Immediately following that, she changes her phone number. No lie.
Well, not content with that, I start sending messages to her Facebook page. She then asks me to please leave her alone. Like...forever. I try to guilt her into reconsidering...she's having none of it. She says she's "let it all go". That made me feel absolutely terrible. I told her that I probably wouldn't be strong enough to never text her again and that if she really wished for me to leave her alone forever then she needed to block me. A few hours later, she does just that. Now I am completely cut off from my ex, and I feel even worse than I did the day she first told me she didn't love me anymore. In a way, it's good that the door is completely closed, as I now have no means to continue contacting her. I'm forced to get over this now. No choice. Yes, I'm pathetic and weak....complete beta, etc. I know this. At least now there isn't anything else to wonder about. I know for certain that she is never coming back. 6 months is a long time for nothing to have changed in her mind. These past few days have been excruciating for me, but I brought it on myself. I keep asking God why this had to happen to me? How can she just turn her back on someone she spent almost a decade with? Forget love, she doesn't even like me anymore.
Just venting. I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself. I feel completely lost and alone. I'm not a particularly good-looking guy and going to the gym doesn't seem to be doing anything (I've been going almost two months now but I am not seeing any kind of noticeable results) It took me 25 years to meet my ex wife and I'm deathly afraid I'll never meet anyone else. I go onto Plenty of Fish and it's laughable. I've messaged about 100 women at least and heard back from maybe 10 of them. And then when I do hear back, the conversations don't last long. Nobody wants me. I'll likely die alone with a broken heart.