The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Purefilth]

Hi everyone,
Day 8

Pain comes and goes. But his is getting easier. My rational self is returning.

welcome - read the DJ bible

may help to share your whole story.

 

[fuko2007]

day 1. just got out of a bad relationship with a woman much older than me. found out she had been seing somebody else because i went through her phone. when i confronted her she didnt know what to say then she got mad. i can uderstand the mad part about the phone but dont try and make me feel guilty. i really liked her and am so down and out right now i dont know what to do. we share some of the same friends and go to the same places alot of times so i know im going to hear something about her or see her. She is to mad right now to talk but why do i even care? she laid there at night holding my hand and what not like nothing was wrong then this stuff happend. I could tell something was going on for a while as she became more distant and detached. That night we got into a fight when i went through her phone i left a few things there. i dont really want them back but she still has not said anything about coming to get them either. Ive been talking to two girls who really like me alot and went on a date lastnight but still feel ****ty and lost and alone. anyone else got any advice on feeling better? could really use some right now

 

[Purefilth]

sorry bro, time is what it will take. time and plenty of distractions.

 

[fuko2007]

day 1 and she texted me we were not fighting and she has nothing to say. didnt want to reply back but i did. now she says we are good friends and there was a problem between us she should have stoped along time ago. its like she is totally ignoring the fact i went through her phone and saw the texts. a friend told me she was put lastnight all smiles talking to some guy wich she has lots of guy friends. we may talk later she said dependg on what time she gets back from a dinner with coworkers. advice guys? should i talk to her and ask her what was going on or just tell her not to talk to me anymore? i would like for her to say if she really was seeing somebody or not.

 

[lamobatsman]

day 1 and she texted me we were not fighting and she has nothing to say. didnt want to reply back but i did. now she says we are good friends and there was a problem between us she should have stoped along time ago. its like she is totally ignoring the fact i went through her phone and saw the texts. a friend told me she was put lastnight all smiles talking to some guy wich she has lots of guy friends. we may talk later she said dependg on what time she gets back from a dinner with coworkers. advice guys? should i talk to her and ask her what was going on or just tell her not to talk to me anymore? i would like for her to say if she really was seeing somebody or not.

You wont ever get the answer you want. Look at her- she aint losing sleep shes moved on and having fun and not thinking about you once. Never speak tio her again and move on please!
Dont ask why she will make you feel guilty! and that its not her fault but urs. if she really cared and wanted you she would apaologise etc. she doesnt care even if she cheated. fortget it bro and move on

 

[fuko2007]

day 3. Wish i had read that reply before we talked. didnt bring up what happend that night. but have not talked to her since. ive been going on lots of dates and getting sex. doesnt make me feel any better though. i think im going to go to the bar that we are or now only her not me were always at with a diffrent girl not to try and get her back but to say hey, im not letting you keep me down and im going to go out and have fun. but the talking to her that night didnt help and she started to text me things like please promise me you will go home and get some rest and things like that ...i tried not to respond and if i did it was short and a conversation ender. but still feel like ****. thinking about withdrawing from the world changeing my number and taking time to myself.

 

[Dali_tx_o]

Right Gentleman, - day... uhh, 20 or something,

As you may know, I came here because I managed to get a oneitis for some girl; I went No-contact, just as advised, and I may have slipped there or here (i.e., inviting her to a date, where she flaked at last minute), but overall I got her out of my mind and just concentrated on other things/girls;

Sure sure, I still can't say I don't care at all about her, or that random thoughts about her don't enter my head, but I'd say I'm managing it all quite well; Most of us had oneitis, so you know what I mean.

I would have probably gone well, but of course, awkwardly hilarious moment had to ensue, and now I feel somewhat ****ish, and which caused me to break the no-contact. For the short story, skip to the end, otherwise, read on:

I went to another town to meet some friends, went out, chatted up a hb7 or so and ended up waking up at her place, without any idea where I am. Somehow everything worked out into a two day bender with another mate, with finalle in this lovely student club/pub (my type of place - dancefloor with indie/rock music, three floors with tables and a general cosy atmosphere).
Met some people I recognized, and ended up in a circle of 5 girls (range of HB6-8) that were pretty much fighting each other for my attention. I was just having fun, chatting about sex and threesomes, dancing and generally feeling myself.

Enter oneitis (HB9,5) - she came out of nowhere while I was in a middle of a conversation with some girl I have met a long time ago and just met in the club out of nowhere (small world, huh); HB9,5 came in for a hug and tried to have a small chat with me, while I was cordial, said Hi and continued talking with the other girl.
Later on she initiated some kino on me (Grabbing and tickling my stomach as I walked past), which I ignored, and I just spent the rest of the evening with mostly with the 5 girl group and my mate (where at any given time 2 or 3 girls would be talking to me at the same time);

Basically, an awesome night, and I even forgot that my oneitis was there, sitting next to our table with a group of her friends (...which were mostly male, I think - I only noticed her again when I stood up for a cigarette and met her face - she had a rather weird expression (think pale face, with a mix between anger and confusion, and avoiding eye contact)

Either way, I ended up inviting this HB7,5 to come to a gig with me later this week, since we share the same taste in music; We also went to some party at one of the girls friends once the club closed, which died out by the morning, and I just left to crash at my mates since I was tired and had a date next morning (another girl, arranged awhile ago).



TLR: Spinning plates or whatever, plenty of dates arranged, and some one-night stands, awesome night without caring too much about my oneitis. ...until, it turns out the HB7,5 I invited to come along with me and my oneitis are best friends or something.

Which brings me to a dillema - what the hell do I do when I'm taking the girl to the gig? It's a 4 hour event (potentially, a couple of other girls I know form work are coming with me as well) and I'm driving; I don't really fancy this 7,5, and from my perspective, I don't ever have sex with a girl if I had sex (or, well, in this case, oneitis) with a friend of hers (just too messy);

On the other hand, this is starting to feel like I am just trying to make HB9,5 jealous (she loves the band we are going to see) by taking her best friend, even though that is not my intention.

And I also don't want to hurt feelings of either girl, since that's just d!ckish in my book.

Is this a lose-lose, or am I just being pessimistic? Or can I somehow magically turn this around into a win-win?

Either way, feels... nice to be able to lash this all out on here; And yeah, I may have checked on HB9,5 facebook (well, to check out if them two are really friends. Yeah).

 

[L_T_D313]

And she called on feb 5th. Saying that I pushed her away and that she learned to live without me. My advice to all here follow this guideline with caution because it can backfire on you.

 

[fuko2007]

thanks man. good story, nice to know there are others out there going through the same thing. And i got the gist of it. You control yourself and not let her control you.

 

[j0504s]

Over 2 months now dont remmber any more and im doing well thank you all for your awsomeness thought id drop in and give my gratitude!

 

[L_T_D313]

I am curious how you felt this backfired on you?

What was YOUR alternative, in your situation?

Well now that I've had time to think about it it never really backfired. The point of NC is to move on not get the ex back and that's where I went wrong. As for my alternative I never had thought of one. But you know something clicked in me last night I blocked her number in an app I checked it and seen she contacted me. And I realized I won and that I can move on I'm 19 years old there are and will be plenty of opportunities in my lifetime. No point in dwelling on this dame I need to focus on college and hitting the gym. These females come and go. I'll admit I was pretty fuccccked emotionally. I loved her still do but I have to stay focused on attaining my goals not what she is doing halfway across the planet.

 

[fuko2007]

Officially day one. Told her we don't need to see each other anymore . She cried some but I'm sure she has been seeing some body but anyways she just texted me night . Not going to respond no matter how bad I want to. I have a date tomorrow to see a band at a small venue she is going to be at. Don't know if she's going to flip but I hope not. What do y'all think.

 

[chocococonut]

went NC on my first GF 2 months ago. she texts me after the 2 months and we have a pretty deep conversation.

went NC on my second GF not too long ago. we start hooking up again and she still wants to be with me. i get to keep her on the side.

magic.

 

[Hiker]

Day 16 NC

Overall, things are getting better but the last couple of days have been hard. She's been in my dreams, so right when I wake in the morning is the hardest time. On a good note, I've been getting up bright and early!

My grief is changing. I no longer want her back. Now I’m starting to feel anger towards her (and myself).
I'm angry at myself because I knew throughout the relationship that it was a bad match and I was in denial. In the end, there were signs that she had lost interest in me and I didn’t act on them.
I'm mad at her for all the drama she’s caused, for lying right to my face, for some messed up things she did, and because she keeps calling/texting to say how hard this is and how much she loves me. Also, I bought her a sweet birthday present shortly before she dumped me.

I should have dumped her a long time ago! We were and are different people, a logical mismatch. She raised so many red flags that I ignored over the last 7 years!
In an effort to heal I’ll go over some of the ways we were different and what the red flags were.

Ways we were different:

1) religion
2) politics
3) how we were raised (she's from money, I grew up poor)
4) sense of humor (she had none, I like dirty/crude humor)
5) intellect (I'm a man of science/reason/logic, she was always into fate/symbols and knew next to nothing about science)
6) she wanted a big magical fantasy wedding, I want a small private wedding or not to marry at all
7) no similar hobbies
8) I love nature/the woods, she likes the city

And some red flags...........

1) always causing drama with someone
2) attention *****
3) third time we hang out tells me that her brother sexually molested her when she was younger
4) keeps getting into debt
5) drug and alcohol problems
6) low self esteem
7) weight issues (got fat shortly into the relationship)
8) couldn't keep friends and would burn bridges
9) always thought I was cheating on her

I think that I’ve laid out some solid reasons why the breakup is a good thing for me (and her) but my emotions are clouding things. I’m still hurting. 7 years is a long time to be with someone. She became my best friend and companion and I have so many memories with her.
But if we stayed together I know that things would only get worse. The relationship would have ended in divorce.

I suppose that sometimes, in order to dodge a bullet you have to hit the deck. The deck will be hard and hitting it will hurt. But it beats getting shot.

 

[popsickle]

Alright so this will probably be my last post in this thread. I came here for support after I went NC with my ex about 3 months ago. Looking back, I can definitely tell you this is the best thing to do. Life is good now, and the chicks are dropping all over the place. Good luck everyone, just keep your chin up!

 

[obloquy]

Hello everyone, glad I found this!!

After a one year relationship, she left me without any compassion.
I’m in day 3 of NC... sometimes the desire to be with her is so strong that I have to stop what imp doing and focus all my strength to counter the wave of the pain.

So tired of doing facepalms... So tired of continually fighting myself for even the tiniest details. I find myself longing for her at all times, such a deep longing that it even surprises me. Like I never wanted to marry this girl or anything, but now I feel that I want her to be the mother of my future children, bizarre...That now after the BU I care for her so deeply, given that when i was with her I could not stand her, is truly bothering me.
And the FEAR...this is constant, I went to a bar last night, and just the thought of her coming there with her new "friend" froze me a few times...I know what I would do, be polite and find an excuse to leave, but still...the thought of them having sex, laughing, dancing and making funny jokes in bed is a frightening thing.

I feel as if I did something wrong, or that there is something wrong with me…it comes and goes, oh god…I do still manage to exercise and do some work, but at most times im only at 50% capacity. Shes probably having a blast right now and I can only look forward to no contact. I just cant have fun anymore, my days are grey. Lost all interest in hobbies. No contact is all that I can think about when the **** hits the fan, the only thing that is keeping me going, my only constant, but is sooo hard…****ING BI*CH…at least no contact will keep me from wallowing at her feet begging for mercy lol...

What is this strange pain im feeling...

 

[Purefilth]

Hello everyone, glad I found this!!

After a one year relationship, she left me without any compassion.
I’m in day 3 of NC... sometimes the desire to be with her is so strong that I have to stop what imp doing and focus all my strength to counter the wave of the pain.

So tired of doing facepalms... So tired of continually fighting myself for even the tiniest details. I find myself longing for her at all times, such a deep longing that it even surprises me. Like I never wanted to marry this girl or anything, but now I feel that I want her to be the mother of my future children, bizarre...That now after the BU I care for her so deeply, given that when i was with her I could not stand her, is truly bothering me.
And the FEAR...this is constant, I went to a bar last night, and just the thought of her coming there with her new "friend" froze me a few times...I know what I would do, be polite and find an excuse to leave, but still...the thought of them having sex, laughing, dancing and making funny jokes in bed is a frightening thing.

I feel as if I did something wrong, or that there is something wrong with me…it comes and goes, oh god…I do still manage to exercise and do some work, but at most times im only at 50% capacity. Shes probably having a blast right now and I can only look forward to no contact. I just cant have fun anymore, my days are grey. Lost all interest in hobbies. No contact is all that I can think about when the **** hits the fan, the only thing that is keeping me going, my only constant, but is sooo hard…****ING BI*CH…at least no contact will keep me from wallowing at her feet begging for mercy lol...

What is this strange pain im feeling...

Heartbreak, loss, grief. They come in waves but they wash away with time.

Welcome - Lets get you started.
Read these.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=38886

http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/book_of_pook.pdf

http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

@Hiker too

 

[obloquy]

Thanks Purefilth!

 

[corrector]

Tomorrow will be the third month of no contact.

On Valentines day I had gone over my diaries about her and studied relationships online. (i.e. honeymoon phase, eye-opener phase, etc...). I've noticed certain trends in my diary that would conform to this model. It seems that during the eye-opener phase of the relationship, certain intra-psycic conflicts based on her behaviour arose which gave rise to suspicion, which led to evidence finding and eventually the break-up. (i.e. her past with her ex-husband and God's will -- she left a pastor, refused to reconcile with him despite making a vow to support his ministry, etc...., etc...)

This girl fit close into my life. She was a migit (i.e. less than 5 feet, had turner's syndrome and could not have children and on anti-depressants - but I loved her anyway and would have MARRIED her - had I not found out she is guilty as far as this divorce is concerned rather than a victim as I believed she was) and was like a little sister I never had, or the girlfriend I never had when I was in elementary school, or in high school. It's like she brought something back to life when we were together.

After this much time I'd think I'd be moving on, but it seems like I'm longing for her, but am devoid of any rational or acceptable premise to contact her since it is clearly against God's will and I want her to move on with her life too. It's at a point I want her to be happy and hope she reconciles with her ex-husband, or finds herself in some other way.

The places we've been to have been embedded into my mind and memory and it's like a fantasy come to life. Hopefully, I'll move on from seeking women to fulfill a historical void on either elementary/high-school level and grow up after this experience since I got allot of mileage with this girl.

 

[obloquy]

Day 4

Wow...this is indeed some very powerful stuff. Woke up at 5 am for no apparent reason other than to suffer. Had to call in sick for work, first time in two years. Laid there, without moving, untill about 10am, when whatever was going on in my head finally subsided (barely). Was able to get up and go about. This is horrible, What the ****?? This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever experienced, cannot even begin to comprehend the absurdity of it all. I can now feel that the whole week is going to get progressively worse, how is this ****ing possible?? Then I look at people with real problems in their life and I feel even ****tier. At times I feel this pain and suffering is self inflicted, because I cant get what I want, making me feel capricious. But at other times the pain gets unbearable and I realize that there has to be more than just a desire. I need some insight on this process so I can at least get a hold of it. Does anyone knows how many days this initial phase will last until it peaks?