"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
DonJuanit0
Master Don Juan
That's it for now...
DonJuanit0
Master Don Juan
mrsnocontact
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Hello All,
I am on day 35 of no contact with my ex girl. It was a silent breakup where little by little she started fading away. It gets easier as time goes by but then there are days when it is just hard and I want to reach out and contact her but I have not. The problem I am having is that I know how I messed up and just wish I had another chance to show her that I have changed. I knew what I wanted and I stop challenging her and made it too easy for her. I begged and pleaded...I am hoping this no contact will make her realize what we had because it was special for 5 years. If not, I have learned to live without her and understand that I want her and not need her. That is the huge different! I did get my life back and been dating but I still know she is the one.
I wish you all the luck in getting your ex's back but for some reason, I feel I will prevail and she will come back to me soon enough but just don't know when. This time, I have a game plan where I know how to keep her. I will keep you all posted!
Man, this sucks! My girl broke up with me because I was being needy. I realized that my trying to stay in her life after I got the LJBF line was just me still being needy. I felt like if I disappeared by going NC, she would forget about me and move on without a second thought...she might even be relieved to be rid of a high maintenance friend. Finally I decided it was better to mysteriously disappear than to be a thorn in her side. She might be mad that I just stopped talking to her, but it is more dignified than begging for a second chance and getting nowhere. If she thought I was too needy, the only course of action is to remove all shreds of needing her in my life.
Last time I talked to her was fine. Even friendly (I wanted to leave it on a friendly note before going NC). Today she sent me a completely platonic text. Why should I respond to someone who has deemed me unworthy of her romantic company? F- that; I'm The Great Catch even if I had a few missteps early on. But its hard not to send back even a one word response! Feels like I'll lose everything if I completely ignore her. I liked her as friend so I didn't want to lose that, but I'll never be satisfied with just that.
Mantra for now: Don't be needy. Contacting her is out of my own neediness for being part of her life. She dumped me for being weak, so just let go. No holding on to something that isn't even there.
I hate that I work with her occasionally, but I'll say hello and treat her like any other co-worker. She'll wonder why I suddenly stopped trying and why I seem fine without her. The key for me is to stay upbeat even if its killing me inside.
I'm tired of the rejection from someone I'm crazy about. I feel like it's playing games, but its something I need to do to get over her. Its really for myself and not a game; if she gets interested in me again, I'll deal with it then. As for now, I'm done trying.
ETA: contact is weak. weak is unattractive. NC is risky, but there's no reward without risk. I realized she stays in contact to ease the guilt she might feel for cutting me off. at least she might respect me for being able to walk away.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Got another text from her today. haha. I know she avoids serious conversations at all costs (weird past), so I'm not expecting any "baby, what's wrong. come back to me" sort of messages. Still, it would seem somebody is at least thinking about me daily. I'm so glad I resisted messaging her back! Maybe she isn't exactly missing me, but the thought is still there.
The funny thing is, my attitude has changed drastically since starting this. My ego had been depleted because I was a sniveling idiot chasing some chick I thought was "the one". With a clear head I see that a guy like me does not need to beg women to be interested. I'm tall, dark, handsome and smart. Women are interested, but I rarely let anyone close. I haven't respected myself very much so it isn't a surprise that others have not been respecting me either. That changes now! I have a lot to offer, and now I know it. I don't have interest or patients for being just friends with her. I will no longer accept less than what I want out of a relationship.
Also, I looked at some pictures and I'm beginning to see her without the love-drunk filter. She's cute, but far from the hottest girl I've ever seen or even been with. In fact, I'd say I am out of her league. Objectively speaking, her exes were ugly and this got me thinking...maybe she's not what my mind has made her out to be.
Do women somehow know the moment you start getting over them?
mrsnocontact
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So today it got a lot harder. I wanted to reach out and text her but I had the will power not to. What is hard is that she had not contacted me at all since my last pleading email. I still know she will be back because what we had was very special. I just need to complete the no contact so she could see I am not needy and desperate anymore. Sometimes I just feel sending her a text and just telling her good bye forever but then I think about the good times which out weight the bad times. I know she is out there dating but that is part of the breakup process. That is who she will realize what she had.
Some weeks are easier than others weeks but no contacting her gets easier.
incognito42
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I felt absolutely miserable, then after a couple months I felt happy and motivated again. Then after 6 months we started talkin again as strictly friends, then a few weeks later we fvcked!
This really works!!! A) I thought it would take a long time to be happy again, B) I thought I had zero chance of having sex with her again.
Iwas completely wrong!
She's interesting and very intelligent but had problems with guys in the past and doesn't open up very easily because of it. Your comment concerns me because the cluster B with zero empathy and drugs/alcohol to run away seems to fit well...PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
Also, I'm concerned that going NC will be seen as a petty or manipulative move on my part?
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Weird day. Kept my distance at work as best I could. She was suddenly into me like she hasn't been in months. She brought up going out together several times. It seems like this works, but I'm not stopping NC. I'm actually still pissed that she broke it off in the fist place.
PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
LOL. That's a seriously good point. In all the obsessive thinking, that thought never crossed my mind. Red flag list is made, and it isn't so short.
Anyway, NC isn't over. I responded to her politely, but I'm not feeding her ego as an orbiter anymore. I feel like there is a delicate balance between moving on while not looking petty vs. looking like I'm okay with being in the friend zone.
I will continue to distance myself, never initiate contact, and when we do interact I never linger. This woman might be crazy though. Before going NC (or severely reducing contact) she was cold and distant. Now she asked me out 4 times 24 hours, tells me her schedule without my asking, and emailed pictures of herself (nothing scandalous). I am sticking to my non-interested attitude
mrsnocontact
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Tomorrow will be day 40. I been reading a lot of "how to get your ex back" and following the strategies. I feel I can reach out and grab her attention about this time but I also realized that I might not be interested at all anymore. Yes I still care for her but as I date others, it is not that bad getting out there again. I feel I am in control now and in reality I have absolutely nothing to lose now. I am good either way it goes and I will let faith take its course. If it is meant to be...let it be! I can only control my emotions and I prefer to be myself and happy again!!!mrsnocontact said:
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Indeed.dbx said:
No rule in my experience. It really depends on how it ended. If you got bored with each other, then it doesn't take long at all. If it was more of a one sided break up, it can take a while. There is one chick from 10+ years ago that I still think about occasionally.
Out of sight, out of mind is the best remedy in my opinion. Get busy taking care of numero uno!
Edit: ok, I do know what to do, just don't know if I can. I would actually love to have her as a friend, but no it won't work.
dbx said:Day 5 - she just text saying she misses chatting and wants to know of we can be friends and still talk! Don't know what to do!! Fvck!
Edit: ok, I do know what to do, just don't know if I can. I would actually love to have her as a friend, but no it won't work.
You can resist it. Don't be needy- you have plenty of people to talk to already. She's missing you and that's a good thing. Let the anticipation build.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.