Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
DonJuanit0
Master Don Juan
That's it for now...
DonJuanit0
Master Don Juan
mrsnocontact
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Hello All,
I am on day 35 of no contact with my ex girl. It was a silent breakup where little by little she started fading away. It gets easier as time goes by but then there are days when it is just hard and I want to reach out and contact her but I have not. The problem I am having is that I know how I messed up and just wish I had another chance to show her that I have changed. I knew what I wanted and I stop challenging her and made it too easy for her. I begged and pleaded...I am hoping this no contact will make her realize what we had because it was special for 5 years. If not, I have learned to live without her and understand that I want her and not need her. That is the huge different! I did get my life back and been dating but I still know she is the one.
I wish you all the luck in getting your ex's back but for some reason, I feel I will prevail and she will come back to me soon enough but just don't know when. This time, I have a game plan where I know how to keep her. I will keep you all posted!
Man, this sucks! My girl broke up with me because I was being needy. I realized that my trying to stay in her life after I got the LJBF line was just me still being needy. I felt like if I disappeared by going NC, she would forget about me and move on without a second thought...she might even be relieved to be rid of a high maintenance friend. Finally I decided it was better to mysteriously disappear than to be a thorn in her side. She might be mad that I just stopped talking to her, but it is more dignified than begging for a second chance and getting nowhere. If she thought I was too needy, the only course of action is to remove all shreds of needing her in my life.
Last time I talked to her was fine. Even friendly (I wanted to leave it on a friendly note before going NC). Today she sent me a completely platonic text. Why should I respond to someone who has deemed me unworthy of her romantic company? F- that; I'm The Great Catch even if I had a few missteps early on. But its hard not to send back even a one word response! Feels like I'll lose everything if I completely ignore her. I liked her as friend so I didn't want to lose that, but I'll never be satisfied with just that.
Mantra for now: Don't be needy. Contacting her is out of my own neediness for being part of her life. She dumped me for being weak, so just let go. No holding on to something that isn't even there.
I hate that I work with her occasionally, but I'll say hello and treat her like any other co-worker. She'll wonder why I suddenly stopped trying and why I seem fine without her. The key for me is to stay upbeat even if its killing me inside.
I'm tired of the rejection from someone I'm crazy about. I feel like it's playing games, but its something I need to do to get over her. Its really for myself and not a game; if she gets interested in me again, I'll deal with it then. As for now, I'm done trying.
ETA: contact is weak. weak is unattractive. NC is risky, but there's no reward without risk. I realized she stays in contact to ease the guilt she might feel for cutting me off. at least she might respect me for being able to walk away.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Got another text from her today. haha. I know she avoids serious conversations at all costs (weird past), so I'm not expecting any "baby, what's wrong. come back to me" sort of messages. Still, it would seem somebody is at least thinking about me daily. I'm so glad I resisted messaging her back! Maybe she isn't exactly missing me, but the thought is still there.
The funny thing is, my attitude has changed drastically since starting this. My ego had been depleted because I was a sniveling idiot chasing some chick I thought was "the one". With a clear head I see that a guy like me does not need to beg women to be interested. I'm tall, dark, handsome and smart. Women are interested, but I rarely let anyone close. I haven't respected myself very much so it isn't a surprise that others have not been respecting me either. That changes now! I have a lot to offer, and now I know it. I don't have interest or patients for being just friends with her. I will no longer accept less than what I want out of a relationship.
Also, I looked at some pictures and I'm beginning to see her without the love-drunk filter. She's cute, but far from the hottest girl I've ever seen or even been with. In fact, I'd say I am out of her league. Objectively speaking, her exes were ugly and this got me thinking...maybe she's not what my mind has made her out to be.
Do women somehow know the moment you start getting over them?
mrsnocontact
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So today it got a lot harder. I wanted to reach out and text her but I had the will power not to. What is hard is that she had not contacted me at all since my last pleading email. I still know she will be back because what we had was very special. I just need to complete the no contact so she could see I am not needy and desperate anymore. Sometimes I just feel sending her a text and just telling her good bye forever but then I think about the good times which out weight the bad times. I know she is out there dating but that is part of the breakup process. That is who she will realize what she had.
Some weeks are easier than others weeks but no contacting her gets easier.
incognito42
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I felt absolutely miserable, then after a couple months I felt happy and motivated again. Then after 6 months we started talkin again as strictly friends, then a few weeks later we fvcked!
This really works!!! A) I thought it would take a long time to be happy again, B) I thought I had zero chance of having sex with her again.
Iwas completely wrong!
She's interesting and very intelligent but had problems with guys in the past and doesn't open up very easily because of it. Your comment concerns me because the cluster B with zero empathy and drugs/alcohol to run away seems to fit well...PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
Also, I'm concerned that going NC will be seen as a petty or manipulative move on my part?
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
Weird day. Kept my distance at work as best I could. She was suddenly into me like she hasn't been in months. She brought up going out together several times. It seems like this works, but I'm not stopping NC. I'm actually still pissed that she broke it off in the fist place.
PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
LOL. That's a seriously good point. In all the obsessive thinking, that thought never crossed my mind. Red flag list is made, and it isn't so short.
Anyway, NC isn't over. I responded to her politely, but I'm not feeding her ego as an orbiter anymore. I feel like there is a delicate balance between moving on while not looking petty vs. looking like I'm okay with being in the friend zone.
I will continue to distance myself, never initiate contact, and when we do interact I never linger. This woman might be crazy though. Before going NC (or severely reducing contact) she was cold and distant. Now she asked me out 4 times 24 hours, tells me her schedule without my asking, and emailed pictures of herself (nothing scandalous). I am sticking to my non-interested attitude
mrsnocontact
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Tomorrow will be day 40. I been reading a lot of "how to get your ex back" and following the strategies. I feel I can reach out and grab her attention about this time but I also realized that I might not be interested at all anymore. Yes I still care for her but as I date others, it is not that bad getting out there again. I feel I am in control now and in reality I have absolutely nothing to lose now. I am good either way it goes and I will let faith take its course. If it is meant to be...let it be! I can only control my emotions and I prefer to be myself and happy again!!!mrsnocontact said:
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Indeed.dbx said:
No rule in my experience. It really depends on how it ended. If you got bored with each other, then it doesn't take long at all. If it was more of a one sided break up, it can take a while. There is one chick from 10+ years ago that I still think about occasionally.
Out of sight, out of mind is the best remedy in my opinion. Get busy taking care of numero uno!
Edit: ok, I do know what to do, just don't know if I can. I would actually love to have her as a friend, but no it won't work.
dbx said:Day 5 - she just text saying she misses chatting and wants to know of we can be friends and still talk! Don't know what to do!! Fvck!
Edit: ok, I do know what to do, just don't know if I can. I would actually love to have her as a friend, but no it won't work.
You can resist it. Don't be needy- you have plenty of people to talk to already. She's missing you and that's a good thing. Let the anticipation build.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.