The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

vato

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Weldone man.

Truth is, once it's broken it's broken.

Wether she dumped you, or you dumped her because of her behaviour, going back will 99% of the time fail.

I especially would never got back with an ex who has been piped down by only god knows how many other men.
She's the one who dumped me after all the BS that happened. I'd rather drag my balls through broken glass than go back to her. Going out tonight and tomorrow to keep this momentum going.
 

colouredpainting761

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Day 37

Had a LDR for around 9 months and we did not officially end it but she was taking longer and longer to respond to my messages for around 2 weeks, blaming it on “family”. She started playing up so i just said ok cool and goodnight. That was it. My intuition has turned out to be right, but it sucks. Was just going to message to see how she was but I know I’ll just get some cold ass response like “why are you messaging me” or just no response at all, so **** her. Women tend to get over break ups MUCH faster than men.
 

Barrister

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Day 37

Had a LDR for around 9 months and we did not officially end it but she was taking longer and longer to respond to my messages for around 2 weeks, blaming it on “family”. She started playing up so i just said ok cool and goodnight. That was it. My intuition has turned out to be right, but it sucks. Was just going to message to see how she was but I know I’ll just get some cold ass response like “why are you messaging me” or just no response at all, so **** her. Women tend to get over break ups MUCH faster than men.
Women get over breakups much easier than men because women begin the detachment process during the relationship. Generally, they begin "breaking up" with you in their minds months before the actual breakup occurrs. Men aren't wired like this. Men see the break-up conversation as the "end" and they are then recovering for the next number of months after that point. Women, however, would have gone through that process months before. It is why they can seem so cold in how easily they get over you. You are pouring out your heart to her while she has already moved on and begun fantasizing about her co-worker (or began banging them even).

Keep this in mind for your future LTRs. It will save you a load of grief if you can recognize this dynamic at play during the relationship and know it is time to begin protecting yourself so you aren't caught with your pants down.
 

jamesfromhouston

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Women get over breakups much easier than men because women begin the detachment process during the relationship. Generally, they begin "breaking up" with you in their minds months before the actual breakup occurrs. Men aren't wired like this. Men see the break-up conversation as the "end" and they are then recovering for the next number of months after that point. Women, however, would have gone through that process months before. It is why they can seem so cold in how easily they get over you. You are pouring out your heart to her while she has already moved on and begun fantasizing about her co-worker (or began banging them even).

Keep this in mind for your future LTRs. It will save you a load of grief if you can recognize this dynamic at play during the relationship and know it is time to begin protecting yourself so you aren't caught with your pants down.
@Barrister do you think believe or agree with the whole dumpers timeline concept? The idea that the girls only experience the pain, dumped men experience way, months later when the repercussions of their actions hit them. Or no? (Inversely, dumped men experience pain upfront but are better months later).
 

Barrister

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@Barrister do you think believe or agree with the whole dumpers timeline concept? The idea that the girls only experience the pain, dumped men experience way, months later when the repercussions of their actions hit them. Or no? (Inversely, dumped men experience pain upfront but are better months later).
No - I don't buy that. I do think women will sometimes have "seller's remorse" if you will if the man is doing extremely well after the breakup and begin to put out feelers to him to see if he still cares about her. Maybe a bit more than just bread-crumbing. But the same pain the man feels? Not even close. Their female brain has almost fully detached at that juncture.
 

jamesfromhouston

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Keep this in mind for your future LTRs. It will save you a load of grief if you can recognize this dynamic at play during the relationship and know it is time to begin protecting yourself so you aren't caught with your pants down.
I think there is a lot of truth in what you say based on my own personal experiences in LTR. Reflecting back on some of my break ups over the recent years. In hindsight, some of my exes started to look for exit signs and were slowly detaching themselves but I was oblivious to it at the time. For example, one ex I dated was constantly looking for signs that I was not good enough for her. Increasingly, she started to keep score only to use them as reasons to break up ignoring all the good. Another ex, began reading into personality disorders 1 month before dumping me and trying to fit me into one because I was a more confident person. Whatever amalgamations they made, when it was happening and underway I wrote it off, downplayed it or ignored it. But in hindsight, it was so clear, the detachment had begun and they were looking for the impetus to exit. Your words are gold.
 

Barrister

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I think there is a lot of truth in what you say based on my own personal experiences in LTR. Reflecting back on some of my break ups over the recent years. In hindsight, some of my exes started to look for exit signs and were slowly detaching themselves but I was oblivious to it at the time. For example, one ex I dated was constantly looking for signs that I was not good enough for her. Increasingly, she started to keep score only to use them as reasons to break up ignoring all the good. Another ex, began reading into personality disorders 1 month before dumping me and trying to fit me into one because I was a more confident person. Whatever amalgamations they made, when it was happening and underway I wrote it off, downplayed it or ignored it. But in hindsight, it was so clear, the detachment had begun and they were looking for the impetus to exit. Your words are gold.
Women will look for anything to justify their actions so they can "save face" with the outside world. They are also masters of bending the truth (or outright lying sometimes) to make you sound like a huge a$$ to anyone who will listen. "I had to break up with jamesfromhouston. He was a borderline narcissist with mommy issues and never let me do anything I wanted. He didn't let me be ME."

Good riddance.
 

NSX-R

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Women will look for anything to justify their actions so they can "save face" with the outside world. They are also masters of bending the truth (or outright lying sometimes) to make you sound like a huge a$$ to anyone who will listen. "I had to break up with jamesfromhouston. He was a borderline narcissist with mommy issues and never let me do anything I wanted. He didn't let me be ME."

Good riddance.
Came from a break up recently and i did make a post about it where i keep it updated but many of the details that you guys mentioned are spot on . My ex started pulling the plug 2-3 months before we really break up but she was weak to let me go cause i was always indifferent. The first and only time i was angy when we break up , was when things finished forever and gave her a concrete reason to go . That being said though, i don’t believe it’s a woman’s fault but it’s because of our weakness as men and that once we enter into a relationship we stop being competitive and we become complacent.
Women are wired to follow and men to lead . That’s human evolution. If the man stops being a leader then the woman has to take the leading role, and they are not made for this , so don’t scratch your head too much wondering what went wrong .
The buyers remorse thing as you guys explained, that women get when they see you getting better after breakup , it’s not because you are a different person ( that’s impossible cause people almost never change) but because the women see the person that they fell in love with , the person that used to put his best foot in front when they started dating. If the woman doesn’t have any mental illness, it’s almost always man’s fault that relationships fail and everybody knows how weak today’s men are in comparison to many years ago .
 

Divorced w 3

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Ah, you can see this one has a fair amount of skill in the dark arts. You aren't dealing with a rookie here.

Please, for the love of god, do not fall for this bait. Do not respond, and move on with your life.
‘Dark arts’… lol what a term. Maybe she was covering something up but the imagery of it being dark arts, lol
 

manfrombelow

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Hey Dude. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Take it from an old-timer. This same thing has happened to me several times and they always came back. Only thing is... I was over them and didn't care enough to take them back (Including my ex-wife a few years ago) I HAD MOVED ON. and remember what the Great Yogi Berra said "IT ANINT OVER TILL IT'S OVER".

I was doing No Contact back in the 80's
How old are you, grandpa?
 

vato

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Update:

She broke no contact.

I've been doing a lot better lately. (She still comes to mind, just in case someone comments: "u sTiLL cAre aBouT heR!!!!").

Went out with friends this Saturday to my usual spot. It's a bar she never wanted me to go to during our relationship because it's always packed with stunners. Anyways, I was having fun, laughing, dancing and socializing with random people.

The day before, I had approached an Albanian hottie and texted her to come this place.

In my drunk state I saw my ex's face in the crowd and saw her eyeballing me across the bar. I turned my back, went to my friends, grabbed a drink and just chilled until the Albanian chick showed up.

When Albanian showed up I sat with her, talked, bought drinks and homerun. Closed the deal.

3 am I get this text from my ex:

"I hate you, I hate you more than words can explain. The only time I go out, you're there right in front of me. I hate you, I wish I never met you, I regret every single thing I did for you. You don't even deserve this text. You knew this would break me. You knew it, that's why you did it in front of me. You don't deserve and have never deserved someone like me. So ****ing disrespectful. I've thought about you every day, I've missed you every day, I've wanted to text you, call you EVERY DAMN DAY. But you??? No, you're the wh*re I knew you were but didn't want to believe you were. But thanks for this. This was EXACTLY what I needed to actually get over you."

I didn't reply to this text. And on Sunday she sent me another text:

"I would never do this to you. You were standing in front of me, messing around with that girl??? Do I deserve no respect at all? I would NEVER do this to you. N E V E R. I've tried to get over you but I can't, but you? You're out every weekend and yesterday you behaved like that. I've been sitting at home every weekend, everyone's been out but I've been at home, I've been depressed. WHY AREN'T YOU HURTING? WHY WAS THIS SO EASY FOR YOU? WHY? WHY ARE YOU FEELING GOOD? WHY ARE YOU HAPPY? YOU SAT THERE AND HELD HER IN YOUR ARMS RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES. WHY DID YOU LEAVE WITH YOUR ARMS AROUND HER? I HATE YOU!!!!"

I replied with "my intention wasn't to hurt you" and this is a fact.

She kept texting, saying things like "you were the one I was supposed to marry", "you were the one I was supposed to have my children with".

Then she blocked me.
 
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Zontyy

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Update:

It's been 8 months since I broke up with the ***** for cheating and I've been months into a child custody case that is finally just starting. I've gained some weight neglected myself. My baby mama despite having multiple indicated cases of child neglect and abuse from CPS the judge awarded her temporary custody until our custody case could be played out. Before our custody case could be played out she got in trouble with CPS again and the judge decided to put my custody case "on hold" to see what happens with the neglect charges. That alone took 6 months and finally she was found guilty of neglect. On the negative side of things the judge pushed her sentencing out 5 months. On another note she also being charged with disorderly conduct and trespassing along with criminal defiant trespassing, she has a until middle of may to accept a plea deal of 1 year probation along with supervisor of her kids for 1 whole year. These charges should hit her right when we start our custody battle. She still sends me pictures and videos I can only assume to entice me to get back together with her but she is a cheating ***** so it means nothing.

Between the charges in a different state and the neglect guilty verdict, I stand a good chance of getting custody over my 3 year old boy. Knowing all this has been like a burden that is finally being lifted from me. Last week I finally had time to analyze myself well being I just couldn't focus on anything else then trying to save my boy. I rejoined the gym and started a good exercise routine and have been watching what I eat. My finances are pretty much on hold as the majority of my expendable income is going into my lawyer, she is the best trial lawyer in the area. She was their to school the county/CPS lawyers when they were convicting my EX and boy was I glad she was there. I'm not bothered by the loss of money because I can always make more money.

One of my exes a muslim girl that I know reached out to me she living in the NYC now and told me that she is done with men and relationships as a whole. Then told me if I am visiting the city or catching a flight to stop by her place for some FWB. Apparently her husband turned out gay and she got divorced and I was the second guy she has ever been with and then the 3rd after me was bad at making love to the point where she just stopped dating altogether thought that maybe she was a lesbian. She told me she does get horny though and thinks of me often and told I am the only person that has ever got her to orgasm.

I'm usually in the camp that an Ex is an Ex and should forever stay one. However being the distance between me and the Muslim girl it would never be a relationship and purely an FWB situation. I'm guess it would be x2 weekends a year we would have s3x and maybe a vacation together? She is still smoking hot if not more fit then the last time I saw her and I believe it would be a good ego boost to myself. Not to mention it would get my mindset back into I can get pu$$y on the side whenever I want it type of thought process.
 
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jamesfromhouston

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Thought I would drop in with a brief update of my NC.

It's been months (maybe 7?? 8??) since my most recent break up and immediate NC.

Personally I've been doing fine. I don't really hurt as much as I used to at the beginning. Though there are periods where I feel mellow especially when I reminisce over the good times we had. Oddly, I still think about my ex regularly which goes to show the importance I've attributed her with in my life. But definitely it has not been as debilitating as it was previously. I don't get bogged down by it. I do yearn for the day when I am fully detached from this but from all the big break ups I've had over my life, I've learnt you never truly forget people; they just feel different over time.

There has not been any overt breadcrumbing from my ex. Although I discovered that she has been consistently keeping tabs on me. (Her best friend has been telling me this). I made a mistake of reading into her behavior and tried to contact her months earlier but she never responded. Which I think just brought to the finality of everything. Surprisingly, it was what I needed to really accept the situation back then and focus on moving forward.

Since the break up, I've met many plates and had a lot of sex with many women. Some of the sex sessions had been intense and unforgettable. For example, once I had sex with 2 different girls back to back. Literally within less than 1 hour of each other. Yet most of the sex sessions have been truly enjoyable. They feel like going to a Marvel movie, enjoyable only in the moment but something you forget about after. So although I have had the sexual liberty that I did not have when I was with my ex. (I was largely loyal to her.) But all this has come to help me realize that sex alone isn't going to fill my void. It has also come to make me realize that finding the right person to have sex with is more important to me than just sex alone. But finding that right person is not easy, so until then, lower expectations and don't project onto others. Leave room to be surprised.

I've spent a lot of time working on my professional goals and career over the months. This has felt more satisfying to me than anything else. The sense of achievement and the fulfilment that comes from doing great work feels amazing compared to women. And I have been making this my focus and reminding myself that excellence is the only thing we should all chase as men. But at the same time, self-excellence is also the hardest thing to chase, it is an ongoing journey. Besides my work, I've been improving my fitness which has brought me wonders in my life.

This NC has been much more reflective for me because I've been through 2 major NC's back to back (including this one), I've seen patterns and things I did not see previously. I plan to do a very reflective and lessons-learnt post once I get out of the woods and truly recover, until then I hope all my fellow DJs are doing well.
 
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Captain Rizz

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Just chiming in to emphasize how important no-contact is. It can really create intrigue and can "reset" a bad taste in her mouth from unattractive or overeager behavior.

Most men don't get it until their neediness has screwed them over multiple times, and even then many still won't catch on.

You need to project independence to women at all time, including outcome independence.
 

TheGambino

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Been a week since we officialy stopped banging fwb. And like a month since we called quits trying the relationship in her eyes. Deleted her digits. Some days were better but today I feel a bit down since she added her old gwn back on Instagram. He followed her but she didn’t follow him but today she did. I don’t follow her though but I know.

going on a trip tommorow for 14 days. Going strong on nc never going to text her.

i hope that she reaches out though so i can have the final blow by not responding. 7 days in, let’s go.
 
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i hope that she reaches out though so i can have the final blow by not responding. 7 days in, let’s go.
My guess is she won't be as thirsty as you are for validation of relevancy.
 

TheGambino

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My guess is she won't be as thirsty as you are for validation of relevancy.
probably otherwise she would’ve texted already. You’re probably right. Even though I know she will be hurt sometimes late at night and miss me even if she’s fvcking already someone else. All good though. NC forever @AmsterdamAssassin
 
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probably otherwise she would’ve texted already. You’re probably right. Even though I know she will be hurt sometimes late at night and miss me even if she’s fvcking already someone else. All good though. NC forever @AmsterdamAssassin
As long as you keep thinking about her (positive or negative) you will sustain an emotional connection. Put her out of mind. Been there, done that. And move on, find someone else to give your feelings to.
 
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