The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Cerwin Vega]

Bro at least you are totally NC. I have to deal with her everyday. We both work together and man its not easy. How are you suppose to heal when you have your ex just nearby your desk. Its heart breaking to see someone else beside during lunch. Anyways if there is anything I could do to.move on please please help me with your suggestion or advise. I don't wanna be this way man. No food, no sleep life is miserable.

I feel you, man.

I went through a similar process:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=218259


As much as it hurts, just assume the worst. At some point you get so numb, that you stop caring.

 

[YeeZus]

Ok. I will help you. Private message me your number and I'll give you a call

I'm from India bro that would be far more expensive for you to call. Lets stick to private message bro. If that is OK with you. Anyways just got to know she just deleted all my friends from her Facebook profile. Man I am feeling so restless.

 

[Justme40]

Day 18

We'll I'm on day 18, time is starting to go by a little faster not talking to her. I think about her a couple times aday but I'm so busy with work so it help. Iv excepted that we will never be together again which has really help. I just keep thinking about the day I hear she has another bf . That's going to suck bad but life goes on. I think it helps knowing god has someone better out there for me, but the no contact works each day passes and you feel just a little better .

 

[YeeZus]

Young men take heed. Reason 103 not to date a co-worker

I was not working with her before. I recently joined the same company and that fuc#ked me up pretty much.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 60+ NC / Day 160+ post BU

Great day. 3rd girl I had sex with. Everything's going swimmingly.

 

[YeeZus]

Day 8: Feeling devastated my friend told me she just uploaded her engagement pics online. And I just noticed she changed her desk too not sure whats that all about. She also deleted few of my close friends who I be in touch with regularly. Whats going on over here?

Just so someone can advise this is what happened.

1) She broke up with me this January.
2) Begged and pleaded for about 2 months
3) Went for no contact straight 3 months.
4) Got a new job in the same company where she works.
5) She got in contact when she knew I was joining the company but I din't bother to reply. And she repeatedly tried to contact me.
6) Joined the new company after 2 days saw her in cafeteria. She came and had small talks with me which I showed no interest.
7) She found out my desk was just nearby she started visiting regularly.
8) Started hanging out with her and also other things followed (hugs, kiss, sex) but no relation
9) Her parents found a guy for her and just for her parents sake she is getting married to him (that's what she told me compromising for parents)
10) I went on NC after that its been 8 days now.

I need some good advice/suggestion how to move forward. A mentor who can help me out please PM me.

 

[fuko2007]

Day14.

Well the weekend is over. I survived with booze and sex pretty much. I still feel like crap though. Not nearly as bad as it was Friday by any means. This might sound sort of shallow but i went out to eat by myself Saturday and had a few beers. I started feeling depressed about my life so i went to Walmart and looked at the people in there.It made me feel a little better. But y'all don't get mad at me for this. That girl called me Friday night. I don't know why. But i did pick up because i was drunk. She was talking about work and how her people on her team she is in charge of gave her a bad review and her boss did also. They said she was immature hard to approach and sarcastic. I couldn't help it but i laughed really hard. She got mad and asked why it was funny. I told her that's what ive been telling you and now other people are telling you the same thing. So there must some truth somewhere in it. But she turned it back around to make it seem like she is the victim and everyone is out to get her. But it helped me a lot and i don't regret taking the call because i know now that her little house of cards is starting to crumble. In a way it made me feel good. Im not proud of it but im glad she is catching some crap now. But she didn't get any validation from me on that call so i bet her world is upside down now.

 

[SoSuave666]

Day14.

Well the weekend is over. I survived with booze and sex pretty much. I still feel like crap though. Not nearly as bad as it was Friday by any means. This might sound sort of shallow but i went out to eat by myself Saturday and had a few beers. I started feeling depressed about my life so i went to Walmart and looked at the people in there.It made me feel a little better. But y'all don't get mad at me for this. That girl called me Friday night. I don't know why. But i did pick up because i was drunk. She was talking about work and how her people on her team she is in charge of gave her a bad review and her boss did also. They said she was immature hard to approach and sarcastic. I couldn't help it but i laughed really hard. She got mad and asked why it was funny. I told her that's what ive been telling you and now other people are telling you the same thing. So there must some truth somewhere in it. But she turned it back around to make it seem like she is the victim and everyone is out to get her. But it helped me a lot and i don't regret taking the call because i know now that her little house of cards is starting to crumble. In a way it made me feel good. Im not proud of it but im glad she is catching some crap now. But she didn't get any validation from me on that call so i bet her world is upside down now.

Nah, man. She doesn't care. YOUR world is about to be upside down in about 2-3 days when you realize you DID give her validation simply by speaking to her. She got what she needed, and knows that you will always be there to answer her calls. You need to go NC. This is the NC thread, not the limited contact thread, or the try to get your girl back thread.

You have to stop talking to this woman. Period. You are 15 years younger and can get with younger, hotter chicks while not pining after a 40 year old BPD. Really, it's just mind boggling to me how you can't see that. Stick with NC, you'll be better. You only feel temporarily better right now because you got your drug fix over the weekend.

 

[fuko2007]

Nah, man. She doesn't care. YOUR world is about to be upside down in about 2-3 days when you realize you DID give her validation simply by speaking to her. She got what she needed, and knows that you will always be there to answer her calls. You need to go NC. This is the NC thread, not the limited contact thread, or the try to get your girl back thread.

You have to stop talking to this woman. Period. You are 15 years younger and can get with younger, hotter chicks while not pining after a 40 year old BPD. Really, it's just mind boggling to me how you can't see that. Stick with NC, you'll be better. You only feel temporarily better right now because you got your drug fix over the weekend.

I know what you mean about the fix and you might be right about that. But i had this ideal in my head that her whole life was going perfect. She got a new car, getting her house remodeled, and a good job that's going well. I know how important her job is to her and it made me feel better to find out one thing is not going her way. And in a way now that i know that it makes things easier for me . I wont be freaking out if i don't talk to her i could really care less now. I mean i still care but its not like day1 when she threw me to the wolves . When she told me that it made her more human in a way and got her off the pedestal i had her on.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I know what you mean about the fix and you might be right about that. But i had this ideal in my head that her whole life was going perfect. She got a new car, getting her house remodeled, and a good job that's going well. I know how important her job is to her and it made me feel better to find out one thing is not going her way. And in a way now that i know that it makes things easier for me . I wont be freaking out if i don't talk to her i could really care less now. I mean i still care but its not like day1 when she threw me to the wolves . When she told me that it made her more human in a way and got her off the pedestal i had her on.

Dude, you need to do everything in your power to put the focus on YOUR LIFE. Read again to yourself that sentence that you wrote:

"I had this ideal in my head that her whole life was going perfect."

Who cares if her life is "perfect", she got promoted to CFO, decided to pack up and leave for Paris to become a street performer, or decided to undergo transgender sex change surgery? What about the ideals for YOUR LIFE? Shouldn't you be fantasizing about that instead? I'm not trying to be unsympathetic here, I know it's not easy, I'm not completely out of the forest myself, but you have to understand that ANY attention you give her equals validation. Don't buy into a frame like "yeah, but if I respond to her text with this thing or the other, or if I talk to her for just a minute or two and then abruptly hang up on her, I'll stick it to her by showing that I don't give a F". No, you need to view every second of your waking life as sacred, and she doesn't get a single second devoted to her anymore - not in the form of a reply of any sort, and eventually, not even through any airtime in your thoughts.

By the way, the benefits of gaming many girls cannot be understated. I felt like I made some serious headway this past weekend by doing just that. Get lost in the adventure of chatting up countless girls if you can, exposing yourself to as many different types as possible. You don't have to necessarily push for the close, but talk to as many girls as you can, if only to hammer it in there that your ex CAN and WILL be replaced by someone far better.

 

[Noyou]

Dude, you need to do everything in your power to put the focus on YOUR LIFE. Read again to yourself that sentence that you wrote:

"I had this ideal in my head that her whole life was going perfect."

Who cares if her life is "perfect", she got promoted to CFO, decided to pack up and leave for Paris to become a street performer, or decided to undergo transgender sex change surgery? What about the ideals for YOUR LIFE? Shouldn't you be fantasizing about that instead? I'm not trying to be unsympathetic here, I know it's not easy, I'm not completely out of the forest myself, but you have to understand that ANY attention you give her equals validation. Don't buy into a frame like "yeah, but if I respond to her text with this thing or the other, or if I talk to her for just a minute or two and then abruptly hang up on her, I'll stick it to her by showing that I don't give a F". No, you need to view every second of your waking life as sacred, and she doesn't get a single second devoted to her anymore - not in the form of a reply of any sort, and eventually, not even through any airtime in your thoughts.

By the way, the benefits of gaming many girls cannot be understated. I felt like I made some serious headway this past weekend by doing just that. Get lost in the adventure of chatting up countless girls if you can, exposing yourself to as many different types as possible. You don't have to necessarily push for the close, but talk to as many girls as you can, if only to hammer it in there that your ex CAN and WILL be replaced by someone far better.

Lines is correct, talk to other women and get to know them. I've already found lots of women that are way better than my ex in every form. I know it hurts mate, we all have been there that are giving advice. You need to focus on you, don't care about what's going on in her life. Screw her, she screwed you over by leaving you probably to get some other **** in her that will be a "new guy" and it will be "exciting" but it won't work out in the end. Go no contact and get your life back. More than likely she will come back, but I promise you, you will not want her. After 9 months of nc, I feel great, sure I miss the ex, the good part of her, but it's very minimal. I've found other women that want relationships/want to fool around/etc.

I promise you, you start working out and taking care of yourself, women will notice you. The other day I was lifting and doing some cardio, and a random woman just came by, got on the cycle next to me and started talking to me out of the blue. Woman is a 9/10. Weirded out at first because I'm not used it yet, but I talked to her like I knew her forever. She gave me her number and we've been talking about going out to get some drinks and having some fun.

The first time I had sex with another woman after my ex, she was better in every form and it blew my mind that there was someone who wanted to do the things I wanted to do, and not have me settle.

I promise you, work on you, forget the ex, things will fall into place.

Cheers

 

[YeeZus]

I've been feeling lonely lately. It's day 9th. Its her her birthday on 10th Oct should I be sending message/gifts? We broke up on Jan 2014 but she did sent me a birthday message in May. Not sure what to do.

This 9-9 job is killing me just to add on.

 

[fuko2007]

Thanks Noyou and Betwenthelines.

You guys are right. I do see myself thinking about her and her life a lot and it DOES prevent me at times from focusing on mine. And Noyou your right. She did this so she can go get some new d or she brought back down an old orbiter. I need to quit comparing where she is in life to where i am. In some ways she is farther ahead because she is 15 years older than me and in some ways i am much older than she is and farther ahead.

But i do seem to remember the good times more so now than the bad times thats when i start to miss her. But i do have a few weddings this weekend to go to out of town but the one stipulation to that is the last time i was there it was with her. And we had a grand time so i hope i dont find myself reminiscing more about that than i am trying to have a good time. How often did you guys think about your ex? and how long did it take until you noticed an improvement?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Thanks Noyou and Betwenthelines.

You guys are right. I do see myself thinking about her and her life a lot and it DOES prevent me at times from focusing on mine. And Noyou your right. She did this so she can go get some new d or she brought back down an old orbiter. I need to quit comparing where she is in life to where i am. In some ways she is farther ahead because she is 15 years older than me and in some ways i am much older than she is and farther ahead.

But i do seem to remember the good times more so now than the bad times thats when i start to miss her. But i do have a few weddings this weekend to go to out of town but the one stipulation to that is the last time i was there it was with her. And we had a grand time so i hope i dont find myself reminiscing more about that than i am trying to have a good time. How often did you guys think about your ex? and how long did it take until you noticed an improvement?

I still think about her way, way more than I ought to, but the intensity of the thoughts are slowly fading, and it's now that I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and although I realize that yes, time will get me there eventually, I now also see a clear correlation between arriving at this point of liberation and how strong my resolve is in getting there (I'm a week shy of two months post break up).
If you want to deal a serious blow to her stranglehold on your thoughts and day to day existence, become fanatically obsessed with building up your life in a borderline megalomaniac fashion. Fuse this together with talking to as many other girls as you possibly can, and you will be emancipated from this psychological waterboarding much faster.

In cases such as ours where we are left reeling, anxious, lost and searching for answers, we have to reframe it by discontinuing to look at it as a matter of simply "getting back on our feet" and instead view it as a grand opportunity to re-engineer our identities. You don't want to prop the "old you" back up . In fact, you want to kill it off. The old you obsesses over minutia, thinks about what could have been, analyzes some random night midway through the relationship and how she behaved like such a b1tch that night and what you should have told her, becomes devastated following a break up, that sort of thing. You want to be done with looking at the world that way, you want to introduce and forge a new way of life. The new you has "you" at the front and center of things, the new you (eventually) comes to accept transience as an inevitable part of life, the new you is confident enough to believe that any woman can eventually be replaced with a better one.

Give some serious thought to putting together a brand new identity - that's both your ticket out of the toxic wasteland of constant rumination you find yourself in and into a better life overall.

 

[cfdagola]

Day 1 not contact.

My chick left me 10 days ago to go back to her fiance. (she cheated on him with me, ended their engagement and wanted to be with me for a time) and while i did go no contact and she did come back i let her back in to soon. and before i knew it was reaching out to her every few days.

Called her on the phone. and she at least gave me some closure. said that she wishes i would have shown this affection for her sooner, but she's working things out with her fiance. i asked her if she was going to put he ring back on. conversation got tense. she didn't want to answer. probably because she didn't know for sure.

she wanted to stay friends. told her why that's not possible. hung up the phone she sent me more text asking why. told her again. Cried almost the entire night. Deactivated Facebook, deleted my Instagram and deactivated my Pinterest account. I don't want to be tempted anymore to look at her life through the veiled glass of social media. and now here I am.

I watched some day game videos and honestly for some reason that got me energized. Because I feel that's all i need to do is just let this ish go and get back out there. I haven't thought about her all day. I'll update on day 15.

 

[christoff522]

Day 1 not contact.

My chick left me 10 days ago to go back to her fiance. (she cheated on him with me, ended their engagement and wanted to be with me for a time) and while i did go no contact and she did come back i let her back in to soon. and before i knew it was reaching out to her every few days.

She probably cheated because she was unsure. Chances are she had been thinking about this a very long time, deciding between you and him.

Called her on the phone. and she at least gave me some closure. said that she wishes i would have shown this affection for her sooner, but she's working things out with her fiance. i asked her if she was going to put he ring back on. conversation got tense. she didn't want to answer. probably because she didn't know for sure.

So it's all your fault. I don't think so. That doesn't seem to me to be closure, its more like blaming you for her own failings. Let her work things out with her fiance, chances are she'll cheat on him again.

she wanted to stay friends. told her why that's not possible. hung up the phone she sent me more text asking why. told her again.

Imagine being friends with someone like that, she'd have all the control. Well done for saying no

Cried almost the entire night. Deactivated Facebook, deleted my Instagram and deactivated my Pinterest account. I don't want to be tempted anymore to look at her life through the veiled glass of social media. and now here I am.

Social media is a highlight reel of someones life.You don't need that stress, time to concentrate on your life.

I watched some day game videos and honestly for some reason that got me energized. Because I feel that's all i need to do is just let this ish go and get back out there. I haven't thought about her all day. I'll update on day 15.

Keep it up. See you on day 15

 

[cfdagola]

Well i just found out my worst fear is confirmed. She is out of town with another guy. Doing the things that we used to do not to long ago. I mean as i sit here typing this she is out with someone. Im so down now i cant even begin to express how i feel. I broke down before i found out and said happy birthday and no response yet. So i guess i know why. Day 1 i guess again. But i want to just say **** you and i know thats my ego wanting a response but im not going to cave in.

Guys im hurting like hell right now. I dont cry hardly ever but im fighting to hold my tears back right now. It keeps flashing through my head all the times we went somewhere and had a good time then i see her with someone else . God help me. I hate small towns and her . I dont even want to see the FWB tonight now. i just want to go crawl into a hole and die.

damn fuko2007 you're really taking this hard. SO i want to tell you my story. Because sometimes hearing others talk about their issues helps. Sorta like alcoholics anonymous lmao.

and believe me i'm taking it hard to. just imagine a girl who was about to give up her old life for you. saying words you never heard a woman say before even ones you've dated seriously.

like you make my heart race. and i sweep her off her feet. to all i do all day is think about you. and even I like you so much is scares me.

She emotionally cheated on her fiance with me for almost a year. In October 2013 we started to get closer and we shared our first kiss. She literally bursted into tears over it. By the end of November 2013 she was over the tears thing and we started banging. not often but when she could get away. and broke it off February 12th 2014 with him. She came at me hard and fast. she put so many expectations on me but she hadn't even taken the ring off yet!!

there were some dates we went on it was still on her finger because she was engaged for 7 months. it was a muscle reflex. But in her defense she did start "falling" for me before she got engaged in fact the night before her engagement she admitted she had feelings for me that she was worried she would act on. That was in July 2013.

by the end of April i noticed her change in attitude she was more flaky but still came out but I had to really ask.

Now 6 months later its October and she left me 10 days ago so September 25th. I hadn't opened my heart to another female in 12 years man. TWELVE YEARS. can you imagine how heartbroken I am right now for the first time in the last 12 years i'm crying over a female.

but at the same time these tears i have make me happy in a screwed up sense because there are women out there that can make me feel this way. to feel loved and to love. that gives me so much hope for the future.

Just relax man and what will be. will be. There's nothing you can do about this and beating yourself up like this isn't the way to go. Have a good cry by yourself. there were some nights where I would cry, drink to stop crying pass out wake up in the middle of the night and cry and drink again just to get back to sleep.

but that was the price i paid in spades for breaking no contact. she had me again and then devastated me with the news she was going to try and work it out with the fiance. said she wished i showed her this affection sooner. I asked her why no second chance. the only thing she could say was its a safer bet with him they have history. She literally said that to. that's not me interpreting anything.

Like i'm just some chump. and maybe that's all i was to her. just a chump. But I'm feeling energized now i'm on a onehundredpushups.com plan. looking forward to tracking some progress. and I want to try some day game as well around the college campus i go to. Its all going to work out. I know it.

But the reason i wrote those dates down was because I want you to see how much things can change over a VERY SHORT period of time. its mind boggling and sometimes we can't do anything about it. you just gotta accept it.

 

[YeeZus]

Its her birthday tomorrow. Should I message her? She did message me on my birthday when I was NC last year. Any advise?

 

[Shaka]

Its her birthday tomorrow. Should I message her? She did message me on my birthday when I was NC last year. Any advise?

No don't message her
I guarantee that you will feel worse

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Its her birthday tomorrow. Should I message her? She did message me on my birthday when I was NC last year. Any advise?

Once the relationship is over, you don't owe each other anything.

Given what you've written on here, it sounds like you're still holding onto (at the very least) a glimmer of hope, and that's why you're asking this question to begin with, so Shaka is right, you will feel like sh1t if you send that message.

You need better questions floating through your mind, questions like "what are the limits of what I can do with my life?" "what kind of girl can I get if I continue to sharpen my game?" "why don't I finally ask out that cute girl that I always run into at the coffee shop?"