The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[finickywake]

Day 9

I think I may be off the on the days. Anyways, I find myself ruminating about her in the afternoons. I actually feel fine at night, been sleeping alright, still hitting the gym. I'm glad I'm not losing sleep over this. However, in the afternoons it's like a depression sweeps over me.

Did I mention she was a BPD? Diagnosed. Classic case: childhood abuse, abandonment, self-harm, tantrums, etc...I don't even want to go into everything I'd experienced that was negative with her, but I have to remind myself that's who she is, not the idyllic creature I've projected.

What makes this difficult is that the last go-around I had with her, it was as if all her symptoms had ceased to exist - at least the extreme ones. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, really. When I write this down, I seem to enter a logical state, however before my fingers hit the keys I'm feeling emotionally sideswiped.

This feels kind of like withdrawal from opioids. I know it will pass eventually. I'm not sure if I really miss her as much as I miss the ease of having someone.

I deleted the OKCupid account because I decided one week post-breakup is a little early for me to be hitting on every girl I see. Plus, I'd rather hone my interpersonal skills in person first.

I saw her last e-mail which said she wanted to talk about things like adults and discuss why things happened like they did, but that she wouldn't contact me again until I wanted to talk, and that she'd be there if I ever did. Don't really feel anything either way about it, despite part of me wishing she were reeling with emotions like she used to, begging for me back or something. But I was kind of a piece of **** to her towards the end as she revisited older behavioral patterns which I wouldn't put up with.

People on here probably think I've got issues being the one who ended it yet still coming onto this forum, but whatever I can't really think of a better place to get this out. Plus from what I've seen on others who have been with BPD's it can be ****ty getting out of the relationships.

To everyone else, congrats on staying NC - those of you who have.

 

[Noyou]

DAY 60

Maybe it's a good thing this realization came to me at the final day...She's moved on!!!
SHE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND! Guess who??? (if you've been following)

That's right, that same doctor. I really don't care anymore, if anything, I hate her so much. She's been asking about me, how I'm handling the breakup, she even asked my friend if I'm "pulling a lot of ass"...what the fvck b1tch? Mind your own business?

Fvck, X, I hate you more than everything right now, why won't you just disappear from this world already? Go to your boyfriend and leave me the f**k alone, you're happy we got it, now get the fvck out of my life!

Go! Enjoy your new boyfriend! You've moved on so stop talking about me! I don't want want to be in your sick twisted mind!

F**K SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.

She's not over you man.
I'd say if she doesn't ask about you and shes with someone else, THEN she would be more likely to be over you.

But this sounds the opposite.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Man, I don't wanna know about it. I want to be over her.

She is not worthy of me, my attention or the thought process in my mind!

She was pulling off stuns for waaaay too long:
"I don't even like him"
"I will be long before I start dating again and it definitely won't be him"
She told me this **** on the night of the breakup when she was telling me her current BF was really nice to her and I told her to go to him.

Man, I really want to bang her just to split them up and mess with her brain as well as let the other guy suffer the **** I went through
I have this fantasy that in the future when I'm much much more successful, she'll be begging for my cawk, I'll **** her brains out and never call her again.

This is bad, I care too much man. I wish there was something I could do except for the obvious workout and plate spinning which barely work.

Alcohol doesn't work either, if anything it made me feel even worse and didn't numb anything (I got drunk last night, not on purpose).

 

[logicallefty]

I have been on SS sense 2006 and was inactive for several years until earlier this year. I just looked at this thread for the first time. WOW. I love the positivity and support going on in here. I wish I had came and found this thread back in 2012 when my life hit rock bottom after marrying a bigamist, and I really needed a hard dose of NC. This is awesome. :rockon:

 

[YeeZus]

Hi Guys,

My situation here is I am working with my EX in the same office. I've dated this girl twice and in total we had a 4 years of relation. The first time we broke up I was the one who begged and cried and did anything to get her back well she did come back and then it lasted for a year or so and then she broke up again.

After breaking up with me twice she dated few guys and also went into a new relation. Its been 5 months that We both were on NC after the 2nd break up. I have now got a new job and she is working with the same firm. She even sits nearby my desk. She initiated contact when she first saw me in office and since then we've been in contact and have been spending a lot of time together. She always brings up we are just friends and nothing more than that and we cannot get married (I wanted to marry her). We both are from India so there are rituals like arraigned marriage and she is going to get married as per her parents.

I have developed strong feelings for her again and she just hangs around with me a lot. I'm stuck and do not know what to do. Is she playing game.

How do I deal with this situation I can't say no to her when she ask me to hang out during our break. I'm loosing my mind. She is having fun meeting new guys and making friends.

 

[mkj1990]

So last night my ex contacted me after over a month of NC. She said she had met a "mutual acquaintance", that had told her some **** that I allegedly had told him/her. (something about my ex crawling back to me, and me not wanting to take her back). Even though it is the truth, I can't remember putting it like that when telling anyone about my situation. I guess I told this person about me and my ex, and then just made up their own version of how my wording was.

Anyway, she told me that it was not a nice thing to do, told me to go to hell, and made a clear point that she was completely over me.

It ended in october, but she still keeps coming back into my life after a few months of NC - again and again. Just creating drama, anger and frustration. F*cking hard.

 

[finickywake]

So last night my ex contacted me after over a month of NC. She said she had met a "mutual acquaintance", that had told her some **** that I allegedly had told him/her. (something about my ex crawling back to me, and me not wanting to take her back). Even though it is the truth, I can't remember putting it like that when telling anyone about my situation. I guess I told this person about me and my ex, and then just made up their own version of how my wording was.

Anyway, she told me that it was not a nice thing to do, told me to go to hell, and made a clear point that she was completely over me.

It ended in october, but she still keeps coming back into my life after a few months of NC - again and again. Just creating drama, anger and frustration. F*cking hard.

Yeah, that's ****ty man.

Next time she calls? Don't answer. I have one ex in particular that certainly didn't like the no-contact. I had an apartment with her for a few years when I was 19/20 and left her shortly before turning 21. For the next 5 years she would, like clockwork, call around the same time every year. When I had a facebook she would always comment and like my posts. It would frustrate any girl I was seeing, particularly my last ex, when they found out she was a LTR ex. I thought it was funny. Chick's crazy. Would say things like "I love you still and always will but we can never get back together," and I not once hinted to her nor implied I ever wanted to get back together. Didn't matter, I realized every time I talked to the girl (who was my "first love") I felt ****ty. So eventually I just ignored her if she called or texted. Facebook didn't bother me for whatever reason. It was then that I was over her. And funny thing is, once I was completely over her, by chance we met up and I ****ed her brains out. It felt like I was getting vengeance or something weird. I have hardly talked to her since. She's a slutty mess!

No contact is the ONLY way in my opinion to get over this. That means no answering of the phone, even months down the line. It'll suck you back in, if only for a moment.

 

[finickywake]

Day 10 or something:

No contact still.

I've decided that every weekend I'm going to do one thing to get out of my comfort zone and be around people. The day after the break up it was a young people's AA meeting. A week after the breakup (so last night) I decided: I'm sober, I'm single, I can do whatever I want now really, how about a club?

I'd never been to a "club" before. So, I browsed the internet for reviews of the club scene where I live and found a place that seemed like the most ridiculous (was having a goth/darkwave/80's etc night). I put on black fitted slacks, some nice dark brown high top boot things, and a black v-neck. Put some Dunhill cologne on. Made sure my hair was suitable for the club, nearly a 50's pompadour.

My intentions were as follows: enjoy the music, observe the array of people, talk to a girl I find attractive, and leave early enough to not impede on the following mornings routine, and order only cokes.

First, I've never been to a bar sober, let alone a club at all. I've never been to a 'goth' club. I've never been to this part of town. I never wear ALL black.

I thought ordering coke by itself was going to be an issue. It wasn't. No one cares nor paid any attention. I thought showing up alone would be an issue, it wasn't, no one cares nor paid much attention. As the club started to pick up, more attractive and more scantily clad women were showing up.

I had a smoke and looked at the time. Went back in. It was now time to fulfill my obligatory goal of simply talking to an attractive girl. So I pick the hottest one who was seemingly alone. Just stepped outside of my head, stopped observing, and started acting. Walked straight over. She is sitting on top of a table wearing go-go dancer clothes. I ask if that's really a seat, and sit down. We talk. She was smiling, laughing at whatever dumb **** I was saying, it began to feel natural - I was conversing with a stranger! Success. So I said it was good to meet her, [insert name] and left. She seemed kinda taken aback that I was going, and mainly that I didn't try to get anything out of her. It felt good to know my intentions were nil and made conversing that much easier with such an attractive chick. Turns out she actually is a dancer for the club, she gave me her contact info via a card.

Anyways, next weekend I'm going to a yoga class. I'm starting to put myself out there. Do whatever sounds interesting, really. Last night opened an entire new world up for me: I can go out, alone, and NOT drink. I don't need to drink, even in a bar or club, to talk to people. ****ing awesome.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 63

Hanging in there.

 

[Mrperferct]

Hi Guys, it's amazing all the support I see over here. I'm new,so this is my story.
I started dating with the 'perfect' girl, so I became the perfect boyfriend, always there giving my 100%, but I was the only one, she has mood swings and sometimes was b**ing on me and I allowed it... after 5 month of back and forwards bc her mood swings, she broke up with me (5 days ago) by EMAIL (she never expressed herself in person), saying I'm perfect and I don't deserve the way she was treating me, that I shouldn't look up for her and she wont do it either, and if she does I should ignore her...
I never contacted her back or begged, 2 days ago she wrote me to know if I was at my house bc she wanted to drop off my stuff at my place and it would be awkward to see me, so I didn't reply back after few hrs later, saying "I'm not in my house" but she already left all my stuff in my front door. Next day I went to her place to talk to her (I miss her) but she wasn't there so I just drop off her stuff and leave... she still have my apartment keys... but I don't want to text her at all.
The only way that I want her back is if she open her heart and start working in the relationship.
I know if I look up for her, it doesn't make sense, bc I'll the weak and desperate and she wont value me, so I keep my proud in front of her, NC until she contact me back or I forget her... and for now I just stay at home listing music, drinking and smoking (I can't go to the gym right now I injured my hand), when I feel REALLY bad I just start reading stories like mine, or text a good friend of mine.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

 

[Mrperferct]

Thank for your wise advices... I have one last question... should I relax, stay at home feel the pain for a few days? or just start doing stuff to forget my feelings?

 

[Colette]

gosh all of you "big" boys whining like lil pvssies over your ex gfs. you all might as well go and hang yourselves if you can't get over a simple relationship. compare with what happening in this world your problems are so insignificant.

 

[logicallefty]

gosh all of you "big" boys whining like lil pvssies over your ex gfs. you all might as well go and hang yourselves if you can't get over a simple relationship. compare with what happening in this world your problems are so insignificant.

I smell fish

 

[Dtsm3]

gosh all of you "big" boys whining like lil pvssies over your ex gfs. you all might as well go and hang yourselves if you can't get over a simple relationship. compare with what happening in this world your problems are so insignificant.

Typical women, Heartless and Souless!

 

[tripod23]

gosh all of you "big" boys whining like lil pvssies over your ex gfs. you all might as well go and hang yourselves if you can't get over a simple relationship. compare with what happening in this world your problems are so insignificant.

ha ha ha ha..........must be a ladyboy on a male support forum............fvcking great just what we need...........

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 64

Starting to enjoy the simple life.

 

[rawson-1992]

Did sort of no contact for a few days - only replied when she messaged me as I knew she'd know I was purpoesly ignoring her and I thought I'd look childish especially as I work with her anyway got a lot of emails from her at work this is an example:

Arghhh don’t!

Honestly can’t tell you how much I would right now........haha ohhh gad!

When was the last time you errr... ya’know...

....

That's her basically saying she wants to fuc'k me and the bottom message is her asking if Ive been with anyone else yet which she asked me a further few times.


What would the best course of action for me at this stage??

She was also saying how sexually attracted to me she was when I was in the same room with her at work.

 

[tripod23]

i think she is trying to fvck with your head like they all do when they realise you are about to walk away from the shiytty situation ..........if she wants to fvck.....then do it if you want to .......all depending how badly you broke up tho i supose.....

me personally once they dump on me there really isnt an easy way back in my mind , if they have been with another dude as well......or several dudes who knows.......its curtains for me , i regard them as *****ssssss , and never want anything to do with them again.......but thats just me.

do not let them manipulate you , otherwise your finished and will look weak , if she says we can only be friends , just say well fwb works for me , if she is like well i dont know.....walk away politly and say call me when you change your mind........then you dissapear ,

try not to let your anger show , this is something i struggle with if im honest , because i hate people trying to take the pyss out of me ......jokes i have no problem with i love that side of things , but trying make me look like a chump or trying to .....makes me tell people to go take a hike....no matter how pretty they think they are..........disrespect is a big no no.....otherwise it will just continue and you will be friendzoned while she fvcks other dudes , at least have the pleasure of telling them straight not to fvck you around , it has worked for me on more than one occasion.........good luck

 

[Rave18]

Status

Grasping the fact, that my ex doesn't give a 5hit about me and I am an AFC

 

[finickywake]

2 Weeks NC:

Cool stuff. Moving forward. Can't wait for a year or month or few weeks from now when she's a distant & fading memory I can objectively observe.