The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[J4m1e]

I know I'm not the only one hurting but it's all subjective I guess.

Today has been really tough. I keep thinking there's some chance of reconciliation but just need to keep telling myself 'accept that it's over', like a mantra.

If we do happen to reconnect, it will be a new relationship.

I'm nearly 40 and never has a girl sent me loopy like this. I'm acting like a fricking child.

 

[Dtsm3]

I know I'm not the only one hurting but it's all subjective I guess.

Today has been really tough. I keep thinking there's some chance of reconciliation but just need to keep telling myself 'accept that it's over', like a mantra.

If we do happen to reconnect, it will be a new relationship.

I'm nearly 40 and never has a girl sent me loopy like this. I'm acting like a fricking child.

Not at all my friend, you are acting like a human being! nothing wrong with that! Trust me we are all hurting.

For the moment, don't expect to ever reconnect, just try and enjoy life. It makes it easier.

 

[tripod23]

j4m1e i know what your going through matey i really do , but trust me when i say this......you must at all costs avoid making contact with her , if you buckle you will look like a chump........i know this is hard but its the only way to regain empowerment in your own mind , i am now around 9 months of nc..........its been so fvckin hard i could not describe it..........but im still here my friend , trying to sort things out with an ex unless its her idea is a big no no......and even then it can go badly wrong trust me , the pain i have suffered the last few months is worse than any thing iv been through , the emotions run riot with your mind.

BUT.....if you can stay away from your ex you will start to realise that its had to happen this way so that you can become a better version of yourself , so that other better quality ladys can enjoy your new frame , because you will become what we all need to become as men...

we need to stand up for ourselves and stop treating these bytches like catwalk stars.....because they are nothing of the sort.

i will never put up with any shyt ever again.....fvck that its just not worth handing over your dignity, pride , self worth , and your balls to any chick once its over...........fvck that right now.

get busy busy busy........and improve your life and become awesome so then you will know in your mind what your worth and how you should be treated........and next time this happens you will have seen it coming and bailed on her ass way before she got the chance to launch your relationship to the kurbside...

stay strong and think positive at all times things will get better....have faith

good luck

 

[finickywake]

It's been a week NC. OKCupid has been a bust thus far. I had more luck a few years back with the site, but it's only been a few days on it, so we'll see how it goes.

Even though I left her, and for intellectually or logically valid reasons, my emotions are wavering between a sort of at-peace moving on to disheartened and sad.

I'd rather not go into details, but this was a very long relationship, and stood trials such as distance at once point (with her flying out to see me) and even me getting sober. She was there through a lot of major transitory periods in my life, and I'm seeing now how much I relied on her for an emotional connection with the world, if that makes sense. So I have a certain sadness or anxiety which is infrequently popping up these days following leaving her. My urge to drink has returned; but I will not succumb.

Rationally I know what to do and what to expect and that I will feel better in time. But this afternoon I can't get her off my mind. I can't help but wonder if I jumped the gun by ending it with her, when I could've put in some semblance of effort to make the relationship work. However, I will not be moving backwards. Onwards and upwards.

At least my deadlift improved this week. I appreciate there existing a forum where I can put these thought's down. Try to make sense of them.

 

[J4m1e]

Thanks for the continued support.

Day 4 of NC and the urge to contact is still very strong. I miss her so much, as a friend and a lover. She was a pivotal part of my life and there is a hole now where she once was. I know she is suffering too but clearly not enough to resolve our issues.

I will stay strong and avoid contact.
I just can't carry on with her in my mind constantly although it something that appears beyond my control.

Every time she comes into my mind I try to replace the thought with a mantra 'accept that it is over' but I seem to have developed the ability to think 2 things at once

 

[Dtsm3]

After days of giving advice, I think it's time to take some and listern to others.

Day 36


I recently learned that the ex is and I quote "very very unhappy, and Doubting herself".

Before the person whom told me this could say any more I cut them off, explaining that I do not want to know what she is up to or how she is.

Truth being, hearing these words has knocked me back big time! You would think I would be happy to hear she isn't doing well. But I feel worse then ever. Why? Cause she still hasn't made any attempt at contacting me, Despite how unhappy she may be, nothing. This means even at her worst, she doesn't miss me or care about me. And now I can't get out my head the desire to contact her, cause this person I cared soo much about is unhappy, and all I ever wanted was to see her happy.


On another note, I have learned a valuable lesson this week. I have been dating someone for about 3 weeks now, truth being told I'm really not that into her. She has messed me around a couple of times, cancelling dates etc. So as a response, I ended it with her, telling her I will not be messed around by her or anyone! She has them sent multiple messages telling me how much she likes me and shes sorry etc. What I shortly realised after doing this is that with the two failed short term relationships I have attempted over the last year (the one the 36 days applies to and the one before), they both failed and it wasnt my fault. Both of these women were messing me around, holding back and not being honest with me, so my response was to become pushy and difficult. THEY then attempted to make me feel bad, like I was needy or something, So was I??? NO! I did nothing wrong, I just wasnt willing to be messed around, It was their faults for messing me around, and not being straight with me. So realising this I feel some consolation.

So what's next for me? Truth being told I don't know. I feel as if I'm coming down off a years worth of adreneline. Over the last year since ending my relationship with my long term ex I have achieved the following, had relationships with two women, Dated and slept with 6 other women, joined dance classes, been kayaking, been rock climbing, gone to more social events then I can count, made loads of new friends, My long term ex has agreed to sign over my house solely to me - so should be back in there soon, finished a degree, joined the gym - Im fitter and healthier then I have been in years! But now I'm becoming comfortable being on my own, I am starting to relax, and as a result its like coming off a major high. The hard part is trying not to feel low again.

 

[J4m1e]

@Dtsm3

36 days in and you're strong!

Are you still harbouring the idea of reconciliation with your ex? If so, then you must resist the temptation to contact her. If she needs you then she will contact you but if not, it doesn't mean she never cared.

This is advice coming from a man who feels weak at every thought.

We all go through cycles of happiness and sadness. Don't punish yourself for feeling a bit down. Be patient with your feelings.

 

[Dtsm3]

@Dtsm3

36 days in and you're strong!

Are you still harbouring the idea of reconciliation with your ex? If so, then you must resist the temptation to contact her. If she needs you then she will contact you but if not, it doesn't mean she never cared.

This is advice coming from a man who feels weak at every thought.

We all go through cycles of happiness and sadness. Don't punish yourself for feeling a bit down. Be patient with your feelings.

Thank you my good friend! Youre a true brother in arms!

No, reconciliation with her would be like hitting the bullseye on a dart board from a mile away, while blindfolded, standing on one leg, while sucking a lemon. In fact I suspect that is far more likely! lol. This is the most stubborn, single minded women in the world.

I guess I just hoped she cared enough, but I know she doesnt. Since loosing her, all I have ever felt is sadness, like I have lost my best friend.

 

[J4m1e]

We feel exactly the same my friend. In fact your ex sounds so much like mine that I'm wondering if it's the same girl

This is toughest period I have experienced in my life.
I am still hoping for some reconciliation with this girl because I know she is still very attracted to me. It's just that I hurt her by leaving her before and being very insensitive second time round. Third time lucky.

You're almost there so don't quit now. There's no reward in it for you.

 

[tripod23]

guys the hard truth is this , we all want to feel wanted in some form or another , but when you break up with someone the last thing you need is another woman trying to make you feel the way you did with your ex , because these situations never work out......or very rarely.

i have had no contact with 2 of my exes for 9 months now , and i have also not chased any new poossy either because i know in my mind i aint ready for any more bullshyt or drama...

what i have done is worked as hard as poss , bought a house and i am now concentrating on fully doing up that property as i know those bricks and cement will be there for a long time ....where as women come and go.........and that is the hard truth i have learned....

my game at the moment seriously is poor....but at least i know this , but truley i dont care because things happen when you least expect them to anyways , chasing skirt isnt much fun when all they want is validation from some dude to make them feel wanted....

what you need is a chick who calls you , and shows high interest , failing that its time to get busy being a man , and go out and build your future ,

i have had some real shytty treatment from 3 women in the last year.......2 exes and 1 women who i do some work for in one of my businesses , and all three had done very similar things , and all iv done is told them straight and walked away , if they want to make things right between us then there are enough communication devices nowadays to get in touch with me...........failing that its nc until i pass away im afraid to say........

never ever be disrespected by anyone in life .....and not even your girlfriend , fwb , or any other female you happen to run into , learn to enjoy your own acheivments in life , and enjoy being single because there is an inner peice that comes with doing the above , always realise you are strong enough to walk away and go ghost forever if that what it takes ...

one last thing i want to say , if your ex misses you enough she will call you , text , or email , or reach out in some way , lots of women have become stubburn because everyone is addicted to posting selfies that they get loads of attention without leaving the house , none of this was possible 15-20 yrs ago , people met in person through singles ads in papers and all that shyt....

so you have to be strong and realise the only movments that need to be made must come from her direction , no amount of crying , begging , flowers , cards , and gifts will have any positive affect in her mind , now on the other hand you not being in her life anymore might possibly get her to sit up and wonder what the fvck happend.........and even thats only a maybe....

good luck fellas

stay strong guys

 

[Dtsm3]

guys the hard truth is this , we all want to feel wanted in some form or another , but when you break up with someone the last thing you need is another woman trying to make you feel the way you did with your ex , because these situations never work out......or very rarely.

i have had no contact with 2 of my exes for 9 months now , and i have also not chased any new poossy either because i know in my mind i aint ready for any more bullshyt or drama...

what i have done is worked as hard as poss , bought a house and i am now concentrating on fully doing up that property as i know those bricks and cement will be there for a long time ....where as women come and go.........and that is the hard truth i have learned....

my game at the moment seriously is poor....but at least i know this , but truley i dont care because things happen when you least expect them to anyways , chasing skirt isnt much fun when all they want is validation from some dude to make them feel wanted....

what you need is a chick who calls you , and shows high interest , failing that its time to get busy being a man , and go out and build your future ,

i have had some real shytty treatment from 3 women in the last year.......2 exes and 1 women who i do some work for in one of my businesses , and all three had done very similar things , and all iv done is told them straight and walked away , if they want to make things right between us then there are enough communication devices nowadays to get in touch with me...........failing that its nc until i pass away im afraid to say........

never ever be disrespected by anyone in life .....and not even your girlfriend , fwb , or any other female you happen to run into , learn to enjoy your own acheivments in life , and enjoy being single because there is an inner peice that comes with doing the above , always realise you are strong enough to walk away and go ghost forever if that what it takes ...

one last thing i want to say , if your ex misses you enough she will call you , text , or email , or reach out in some way , lots of women have become stubburn because everyone is addicted to posting selfies that they get loads of attention without leaving the house , none of this was possible 15-20 yrs ago , people met in person through singles ads in papers and all that shyt....

so you have to be strong and realise the only movments that need to be made must come from her direction , no amount of crying , begging , flowers , cards , and gifts will have any positive affect in her mind , now on the other hand you not being in her life anymore might possibly get her to sit up and wonder what the fvck happend.........and even thats only a maybe....

good luck fellas

stay strong guys

Thank you my brother, Its days like today I need a kick up the ass from someone like you!

 

[Cheeks]

Day 3 of not checking her social media...yeah I lapsed again.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 58

So a friend of mine meets her best female friend. She told him in these exact words:
"She won't stop babbling and talking bull**** (about me), she keeps rationalizing and convincing me and herself that she did the right thing, it's very boring"
Her friend asked about me, my friend told her at first I was depressed but then my friends came and helped (what a lie, they could care less) and now I'm OK.

Soooo...she's miserable! Even her best friend can't stand her and talks **** about her behind her back to a good friend of MINE! Good! She deserves it!

NC is the way to go!!! Good thing I haven't given her the convenience of blaming the breakup on me...Let your hamster spin itself to death girl!

Can't wait 'till she sees me with a hot date.

I know that the fact I still care so much means that I'm not over her. Well, at least I passed the "I miss you" stage and now at the "I hate your guts" stage.

 

[finickywake]

Day 8 I think

Just wanted to say, I was thinking last night how this is perhaps the first real test of my sobriety. My situation is a little different than you guys, however I feel I'm in a similar boat regarding the importance of not contacting her. Every morning I wake up and go to the gym knowing I didn't drink to meet a new chick is a success for me. Also knowing that I'm not changing my schedule or limiting myself due to whatever fleeting emotions I may be experiencing. For once in my life I'm starting to have a certain sense of freedom regarding the future, not feeling attached to some other person & their expectations or desires (however futile or wishful they may be).

I realized the importance of self-reliance last night and find myself laughing at all the nonsense we feel and do for women. I mean this guy on this forum changed his hair and eye color to get more attention. No offense, do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law, but come on man.

After finishing squats this morning I went to the calve raise thing and was sitting there while this super hot girl in yoga pants was using the half-squat machine thing directly across from me. Her ass was just perfect and I couldn't help but admire it. She noticed this but didn't seem too bothered as I made eye contact with her after she caught me checking her out.

I go back to doing my thing and again am distracted by her, as she's now lifting her shirt up a bit and turning side to side in the mirror, sticking her ass out a little and looking at me in the reflection. I smirk and thought to myself for the first time in a while: it's good. Simple as that. Whether or not she consciously was doing so, it was pretty clear to me from the next 10 minutes that she wanted me to acknowledge her fine ass.

On my way out I was saying bye to the receptionist with a little wave, and this other woman thought I was talking to her, so they both simultaneously smiled and said hi and then looked confused (to whom was I giving my attention?) as I walked away. I hadn't even acknowledged them before that. So these are my baby steps. Another day, another day.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Thanks for the continued support.

Day 4 of NC and the urge to contact is still very strong. I miss her so much, as a friend and a lover. She was a pivotal part of my life and there is a hole now where she once was. I know she is suffering too but clearly not enough to resolve our issues.

I will stay strong and avoid contact.
I just can't carry on with her in my mind constantly although it something that appears beyond my control.

Every time she comes into my mind I try to replace the thought with a mantra 'accept that it is over' but I seem to have developed the ability to think 2 things at once

Stay strong brother.

What made you go NC in the first place? I'm curious to know. Maybe I can give you some advice based on your story and help you get through this.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

NC is the way to go!!! Good thing I haven't given her the convenience of blaming the breakup on me...Let your hamster spin itself to death girl!

Can't wait 'till she sees me with a hot date.

I know that the fact I still care so much means that I'm not over her. Well, at least I passed the "I miss you" stage and now at the "I hate your guts" stage.

Good. This is the right mindset. It's good that you see NC is the way to go. It's also good that you feel nothing but hatred for her now. That hatred will soon turn to indifference, and that's when you know you're truly over her, trust me on this. You're making progress.

And I'm proud you didn't give her the convenience of breaking up with her. I didn't either. My lame ex wanted us to break up for a while but she didn't have the guts to do it. She probably hoped I would do it, but I didn't, not officially that is. I just dropped from the face of the earth one day and that was that. Now almost 70 days later I haven't heard a thing of her and you know what? I don't care. I'm over her. I'm banging ho's left and right and enjoying the free life. I've worked hard on improving my game and now I'm picking the fruits of my labor while at the same time I continue working on my game.

Game, spinning plates and keeping yourself busy is the key to making it to day 60.

 

[Dtsm3]

Day 37

Still feeling like **** today.

Truth being I really really can't understand why! I feel like theres something wrong with me! I will explain: -

Prior to this girl I was seeing another women for 5 months, in that time I really didnt get attached to her, never really cared that much, and when it ended despite hating her, I never shed a tear not one!

Prior to her I was with someone for 13 years!!! and When I left her all I felt was relief!, I never shed a single tear for her either.


This girl that is continually on my mind I will describe her, and you will all think Im Mad! She was stubborn, difficult, moody, she was not in any way the best looking girl! In fact when I first met her I was bored and uninterested. I only knew her for just over 2 months!!!!
And yet once I got to know her, and her personality, I was blown away! and we got on amazingly well, with in weeks we were spending all our time together! It was like skipping dating and going straight to being together.

I guess I never expected to like someone, that quickly and to that extent, especially after everything else I had been through.

I must be going nuts!

 

[Shaka]

Maybe this time you are the dumpee ?

Or maybe you went too 'high' too fast so the fall is bigger ?

 

[Dtsm3]

Maybe this time you are the dumpee ?

Or maybe you went too 'high' too fast so the fall is bigger ?

The girl before this one dumped me. And it hurt but I honestly didn't care. I think you are right on the second point. I think we became very close very quickly, so she impacted me in a way I didn't expect.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

DAY 60

Maybe it's a good thing this realization came to me at the final day...She's moved on!!!
SHE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND! Guess who??? (if you've been following)

That's right, that same doctor. I really don't care anymore, if anything, I hate her so much. She's been asking about me, how I'm handling the breakup, she even asked my friend if I'm "pulling a lot of ass"...what the fvck b1tch? Mind your own business?

Fvck, X, I hate you more than everything right now, why won't you just disappear from this world already? Go to your boyfriend and leave me the f**k alone, you're happy we got it, now get the fvck out of my life!

Go! Enjoy your new boyfriend! You've moved on so stop talking about me! I don't want want to be in your sick twisted mind!

F**K SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW.