The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Gdupm6]

I',m on my 22nd day of NC. I used to work with her back in the day so i would imagine it would have been much harder seeing her every other day or every day at times. I do miss her and do think about her often.

She hasn't emailed, called, or sent me a text, and neither have I. The way it happened was that she had told me that her life is too busy with school etc.. She just made it seem like its impossible for her to do anything.

So one time she sent me a text saying that she thinks she failed an exam, and I asked why she felt that way? I NEVER got a response, and since then i have not responded or sent her a text.

One thing I'm a little torn between is that her birthday is coming on OCT 25, and im debating whether I should text her saying, Happy Birthday or not.

Suggestions?

 

[the_great_gaia]

I want to share some past experiences with No Contact, and why it has made me the best man I could ever be:

I was once with a girl (whom I have numerous posts about which, by reading will make you say "WOW!").

Post #1:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=50093

Post #2:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=67122

Post #3:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=69694



She treated me badly, I suspected her of cheating, she was disrespectful; basically, she owned me. I later ended up marrying her (which was the darkest, worst period of my life). The marriage ended, and the following happened:

She and I both moved on with our lives. I did not contact her at all, none whatsoever. I dated hotter chics, but without a fiber of compassion and concern.

I got a new car, promotions at work, acquired more skills, studied about interesting things; basically, I realized that my life without HER was a damn GOOD life! I felt FREE... I didn't want to be committed in another relationship neither, even to this day. It seemed so bliss, so naturally, I had gotten over her.

I thought about her from time to time, but not in nostalgic ways. I kinda had resentment for her in my heart, and even thoughts of her becoming pregnant were funny to me, even though there would be no way of me knowing anything that was going on in her life, because I did not want anything to do with her.

Fast-forward a couple of years later, she adds me on Facebook; to my surprise, because I didn't know she had a Facebook, nor did I care. Since I was COMPLETELY over her, I figured I'LL ACCEPT. And as soon as I did, guess what happened?

She started writing me lengthy messages, talking about how much she has missed me, that she still loves me, and she regrets us breaking up, to if I still loved her, and would I ever consider being with her again...

Now, reading that kind of stuff isn't for the weak at heart. It put a smirk on my face, I thought to myself "..I won, afterall", but it didn't mean NOTHING to me. I replied back respectfully that I was not interested in being with her, but we could keep contact on Facebook or text.

She had a boyfriend during this time, who also moved in with her. But me and her had become friends; she lives far away (3 hours), so I hadn't seen her since 2007 (to this very day). She tells me that she wants advice from me, and I listen, which I don't mind, and she tries to manipulate the conversation into a reason why me and her should get back together. She says that we have a rich history together, and that she feels like God has destined us to be together because of the fact that we were married once. I constantly remind her to focus on the conversation and issues with the current boyfriend (a blatant sign of dis-interest on my part).

She constantly invites me over to come see her again whenever he's at work, and she bribes me to come spend weekends with her in various hotels. I decline every time. She always mentions the fact that she wants her first child to be from me.. which always makes me laugh, and I counter it every time (which is why I won't ever consider having sex with her; it'd be a pregnancy trap waiting to happen).

She has dumped her boyfriend recently, and still tries to convince me that she'd like to start over with me. I turn her down everytime. She's a HB9, has a good career, no kids.. but she is f'd in the head, and a control-freak... no, a dictator when it comes to relationships. I use to be weak for her (as you can read up on my past posts), and now.. I'm SO over her, that I can be an honest friend of hers, and she'll cringe everytime I turn her down, and everytime something amazing happens in my life. This is the ULTIMATE REVENGE.. and it's genuine.

I wanted to share this with everyone because if you listen to the NO CONTACT methods that are on this forums (the same ones that have transformed ME), your stories may be similar to mine. I went from not being able to mentally FUNCTION without this girl, to just totally not being interested in her but just being an "out-of-the-blue" guy friend that only keeps in touch on Facebook that I would never see in person ever again. Good luck to each and every one of you!

 

[Lil Magic]

Day 2

thought about this chick occassionally today, but the only thing that happened is that I got pissed. I went to the gym and had the hardest workout im weeks, just from a combo of being pissed and NO explode.

 

[jumpstar]

Read this thread from start to finish, registered so i can throw in my 2 cents.

I'm on day 8 of NC. Was seeing a girl for 3 months, but hadn't seen her in a month since she said she was sick and was on holiday (holiday part was true). I knew it was over, but had it in my head that she was "different" Strange how much value you'd put on them just showing any indication of wanting to see you.

Anyway, she does invite me out for a drink - i accept, thinking "yes! she does wanna see me - she genuinely was just sick".

Uh.... turns out she'd being dating someone for the past 3 weeks, and is now calling him boyfriend. I was visibly taken aback.

Now me & her share a same activity/ hobby (which i won't disclose). She says she'd rather we be friends, meet up for drinks and going out as buddies.

If this had being a year ago, I'd have being thankful. Now that I'm wiser, I said "Look, I still have feelings for you, and i'm too honest to pretend to be a friend when I'm wanting something more. We need our space." She said she was shocked and confused by my reaction, but I was budging.

In the end, we hugged and went our separate ways. That was it. No usual goodnight text, or even good luck for the future txt.

I've deleted her number and haven't contacted her. It's very hard sometimes - u get the chance to re-evaluate what we had, and end up kicking yourself & realising u fvcked up multiple times.

Despite it being my fault, I seriously doubt she will contact me again. I believe she was sick, but she wanted to spend time with this other person, rather than me, while I was just wanting to hold etc

So it's onward and upward, 52 days to go. Gym, studies, friends, family, getting a good job's the main priority. I feel empathy for everyone who's posted here!

 

[TYH]

Day 1

Recently broke up with my ex. The break up was somewhat amicable and I do still like her. I tried really hard to push through not being friends, and she concedes, but I realize now that she still thinks we should just be friends.

Some details here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=188935

So with that realization, I'm taking up this challenge. This is Day 1. I'm finding the biggest reminder of her absence is via FB where I'm always seeing her updates consciously or accidentally. Luckily, she's not very active on FB, so yea.

It's a Sunday, so I'm going to do my own thing today and try not to think about her.

 

[f283000]

o with that realization, I'm taking up this challenge. This is Day 1. I'm finding the biggest reminder of her absence is via FB where I'm always seeing her updates consciously or accidentally. Luckily, she's not very active on FB, so yea.

Why is she still on your fb? Or better yet why are you adding your girlfriends on your fb?

Lesson learned for the future. Keep your girlfriend as your lover not your facebook friends.

 

[TYH]

Why is she still on your fb? Or better yet why are you adding your girlfriends on your fb?

We're both students in the same major and most of the events (esp. the social ones) are announced via FB. So most everyone in the major are at least FB friends with each other. We added each other before we had a relationship. I'm not sure if blocking her is a good idea as it might make it seem very obvious that I am bothered by the break up.

 

[TopGun2000]

We're both students in the same major and most of the events (esp. the social ones) are announced via FB. So most everyone in the major are at least FB friends with each other. We added each other before we had a relationship. I'm not sure if blocking her is a good idea as it might make it seem very obvious that I am bothered by the break up.

i think you can tweak the settings to filter her status updates instead of blocking her completely on fb

 

[jumpstar]

day 11

Day 11

Damn, this is hard.

Was majorly sick this w/d, so stayed in. Kept thinking about her a lot, though I know if I stick to NC I'll get through this. She was really good natured and considerate, but I know being friends with her would lead me to more hurt.

Guys, we have to be the ones in control. Being honest with ourselves, we can see times we were being AFC. The girl stood by us first time & may even had complimented us for our "nice guy" behaviour. Truth is, you never get away with it in the long run. If you don't take control, you can't blame her for being unattracted to you. It may not be entirely your fault, but as males as don't have the luxury of having a feminine lack of accountability.

Now I am in this position, I understand she may never initiate contact with me, or may do so but from a friend viewpoint. If it's within 60 days, I won't blank her but will send a txt making it clear we're better off apart. If she ain't begging for loving, I'm leaving it 'til next year at least, when I may have moved on emotionally.

Being reading this thread since day 3 and its great inspiration. I'm gonna try ween myself off reading this though so I think about her less.

Wishing you luck, brothers

 

[jacob]

What will help many of you guys through this hard trial of no contact is a 13th century writing titled "Imitaion of Christ".

If the MAIN ingrediant of being a "Don Juan" is your inner game, your soul and how your soul wars against your flesh, then this book will teach you how to detach yourself for worldly things.

Now I respectfully ask that all of you put away your preconcieved notions of what you were taught about religion, and actually read book one of this ancient writings of the spiritual masters.

And not only will it bring you peace with letting your ex go, but it will help you with every other problem this world brings.

Once you command you're interior self, your inner game, then will you understand what human females find attractive when they say that he's "different" from the other guys. They'll know you possess a knowledge and confidence not many know how to tap into.

Here's a link to Imitation of Christ.

http://www.leaderu.com/cyber/books/imitation/imitation.html#b1

 

[TYH]

Day 4

Went to class today and saw her in class. Surprisingly, I felt nothing. I was kind of high on life though. It's midterm week and I've been kind of taking things easy for myself, and being in a totally positive mindset. There was no urge to go talk to her, or even make her notice me. So I didn't do anything, but get on with my own things.

In any case, I think the hardest part of this is whenever I think that someone else is having all kinds of fun with her that we used to have. I know it's an AFC mindset to be jealous, but it kind of hurts my ego knowing that I messed this up, and someone else is there to snatch it all up. And it's also frustrating to think that she may care about it even less than I do.

But as for the girl, I feel little for her. It's the idea of being in a relationship (and not being so lonely) that I miss more. I need to go out and build other prospects.

As an aside, I need to get my FB behaviors under control. I'm not posting or spending too much time on it, but whenever I see a status update (from either her or other guys) that hints at her going out with others, I feel that AFC ego thing. (Also, I can't just filter out her and others' updates if I want to be social within the major.)

 

[Juan Don]

it has been 28 days for me.

 

[Cheeks]

Been about 5 days now, and I miss her more with every minute that passes. ****ty times.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Been about 5 days now, and I miss her more with every minute that passes. ****ty times.

Stick to the program. It works. It will be HARD. But you must be a man and stay strong. I've been no contact for 8 months and I'm so thankful I did it. I am going to run into her at a house party this weekend and I have no fear. In fact, I don't even see her as an option as I have other women in my life.

Two months ago she was asking a mutual friend about me, but I don't really care. Life is good.

STICK TO THE PROGRAM. You WILL NOT regret it. I speak from experience.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

A key lesson from this story is to live a life of daily improvement--socially, physically, intellectually and physically. Work out and be fit, expand your social circle, expand your mind, etc. Key point: just improve. It will be hard, but do it.

I want to share some past experiences with No Contact, and why it has made me the best man I could ever be:

I was once with a girl (whom I have numerous posts about which, by reading will make you say "WOW!").

Post #1:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=50093

Post #2:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=67122

Post #3:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=69694



She treated me badly, I suspected her of cheating, she was disrespectful; basically, she owned me. I later ended up marrying her (which was the darkest, worst period of my life). The marriage ended, and the following happened:

She and I both moved on with our lives. I did not contact her at all, none whatsoever. I dated hotter chics, but without a fiber of compassion and concern.

I got a new car, promotions at work, acquired more skills, studied about interesting things; basically, I realized that my life without HER was a damn GOOD life! I felt FREE... I didn't want to be committed in another relationship neither, even to this day. It seemed so bliss, so naturally, I had gotten over her.

I thought about her from time to time, but not in nostalgic ways. I kinda had resentment for her in my heart, and even thoughts of her becoming pregnant were funny to me, even though there would be no way of me knowing anything that was going on in her life, because I did not want anything to do with her.

Fast-forward a couple of years later, she adds me on Facebook; to my surprise, because I didn't know she had a Facebook, nor did I care. Since I was COMPLETELY over her, I figured I'LL ACCEPT. And as soon as I did, guess what happened?

She started writing me lengthy messages, talking about how much she has missed me, that she still loves me, and she regrets us breaking up, to if I still loved her, and would I ever consider being with her again...

Now, reading that kind of stuff isn't for the weak at heart. It put a smirk on my face, I thought to myself "..I won, afterall", but it didn't mean NOTHING to me. I replied back respectfully that I was not interested in being with her, but we could keep contact on Facebook or text.

She had a boyfriend during this time, who also moved in with her. But me and her had become friends; she lives far away (3 hours), so I hadn't seen her since 2007 (to this very day). She tells me that she wants advice from me, and I listen, which I don't mind, and she tries to manipulate the conversation into a reason why me and her should get back together. She says that we have a rich history together, and that she feels like God has destined us to be together because of the fact that we were married once. I constantly remind her to focus on the conversation and issues with the current boyfriend (a blatant sign of dis-interest on my part).

She constantly invites me over to come see her again whenever he's at work, and she bribes me to come spend weekends with her in various hotels. I decline every time. She always mentions the fact that she wants her first child to be from me.. which always makes me laugh, and I counter it every time (which is why I won't ever consider having sex with her; it'd be a pregnancy trap waiting to happen).

She has dumped her boyfriend recently, and still tries to convince me that she'd like to start over with me. I turn her down everytime. She's a HB9, has a good career, no kids.. but she is f'd in the head, and a control-freak... no, a dictator when it comes to relationships. I use to be weak for her (as you can read up on my past posts), and now.. I'm SO over her, that I can be an honest friend of hers, and she'll cringe everytime I turn her down, and everytime something amazing happens in my life. This is the ULTIMATE REVENGE.. and it's genuine.

I wanted to share this with everyone because if you listen to the NO CONTACT methods that are on this forums (the same ones that have transformed ME), your stories may be similar to mine. I went from not being able to mentally FUNCTION without this girl, to just totally not being interested in her but just being an "out-of-the-blue" guy friend that only keeps in touch on Facebook that I would never see in person ever again. Good luck to each and every one of you!

 

[jumpstar]

Day 30

Still analysis things but it's morE distant and vague than before. I had a business idea pop up + plan to spend month or 2 in asia next year. So researching, along with the usual studying, work, gym & socialing, takes my mind off things. I'm trying not to be resentful, and may be open to contact the girl sometime - but still there's a lot of emotions going on so I'm sticking to the 60 days.

 

[jumpstar]

Day 32

Well, well, well.... you can see from the post above I didn't think she'd initiate contact. And guess who just sent me a txt this evening asking how i am and its being a long time since we chat.?

Don't worry guys. I remember this situation last year (she contacted after 10 days) and I got overexcited and begged her back.

Not happenin this time. Her text is too friendly for my liking.

Might not reply at all, but if i'm honest i'l probably end up saying "being busy, gonna be busyover decemeber yada yada"

If i do reply, it won't be for 2 days at least.

BUT LEARN, EARLY NC-ERS! IF YOU INITIATE CONTACT OUT OF PANIC, AND SHE DOESN'T RESPOND FAVOURABLY, YOU'LL ALWAYS WONDER WHAT HAPPENED IF YOU HAD WAITED.

I HAVEN'T SENT A TXT, RANG OR SPOKE TO HER SINCE WE HUGGED GOODBYE 5 WEEKS AGO! NO REGRETS!

 

[Cheeks]

Had a really weak moment last night. Got drunk alone and had my finger on the SEND button.

This morning I feel blessed that I found the strength not to do it.

 

[TopGun2000]

Had a really weak moment last night. Got drunk alone and had my finger on the SEND button.

This morning I feel blessed that I found the strength not to do it.

hang in there

 

[tatzoo]

Wow....I'm totally glad I found this site....

I have some questions about the challenge... We were together for 4 months, broke up and she moved out 3 1/2 weeks ago....BUT She came over and spent the night and we slept together multiple times a week ago today (12/8/11) our last contact (it was bitter) via text was on Dec 11.

Today is 12/15/11 - when does or did my challenge start?