typical
Master Don Juan
Man all I can say is OMG you guys are crackup.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
The NASTIEST thing that you have done
- Thread starter SELF-MASTERY
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Tomatoes
Master Don Juan
Man...where do i start...
I slept with a girl my best mate really fancied.
I broke into my ex girlfriends house....without reason funnily enough...
I have seen some pretty sick porn.
I have masturbated in public without anyone knowing.
I have done worse....but i cant say as some people here actuallly KNOW me!
I slept with a girl my best mate really fancied.
I broke into my ex girlfriends house....without reason funnily enough...
I have seen some pretty sick porn.
I have masturbated in public without anyone knowing.
I have done worse....but i cant say as some people here actuallly KNOW me!
SELF-MASTERY
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Oh yeah I spit on a friend while playing soccer because he was talking shyt and I wanted to fight......:crazy: :crazy: that was in high school.
Grabbed shyt out of the toilet to keep it from clogging.
Masturbated on the way back from a roadtrip with my parents in the front seat---- they were like "what the fk is that smell???"
Attempted to masturbate in my HS french class by putting my coat over my desk, but this byatch kept looking back at me.
I was caught masturbating by my sister and dad. I was on the floor laying on my back jerking off and they walked in on me...
When I was a kid I use to pee on the floor of my room instead of in the bathroom. My parents were always embarrassed by the smell of my room, and when they needed to sell the house we had to get new carpet.... They thought I had mental problems....
Grabbed shyt out of the toilet to keep it from clogging.
Masturbated on the way back from a roadtrip with my parents in the front seat---- they were like "what the fk is that smell???"
Attempted to masturbate in my HS french class by putting my coat over my desk, but this byatch kept looking back at me.
I was caught masturbating by my sister and dad. I was on the floor laying on my back jerking off and they walked in on me...
When I was a kid I use to pee on the floor of my room instead of in the bathroom. My parents were always embarrassed by the smell of my room, and when they needed to sell the house we had to get new carpet.... They thought I had mental problems....
SELF-MASTERY
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What is 2nd base???Bad_Lil'Pixie said:
sandinista
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I got you all beat!
One time, i was babysitting for my sister, & when the baby was asleep, i got their dog to lick my knob & i jerked off into it's face. I had a hard time explaining the sticky fur around the dogs head.
Another time, at the end of school when i had to hand my text books back, i jerked off over all of them (sometimes over seveal pages) for future students to enjoy.
Also, another time i was babystting (for someone else - this lot didn't have a dog) & i got bored so i experimented by putting a carrot up my bum. When i had finished (by pouring my *** into their shampoo bottles) i put the carrot back into their fridge!!!
I've also sucked a friends **** while they were passed out drunk. They still don't know to this day!!!
One time, i was babysitting for my sister, & when the baby was asleep, i got their dog to lick my knob & i jerked off into it's face. I had a hard time explaining the sticky fur around the dogs head.
Another time, at the end of school when i had to hand my text books back, i jerked off over all of them (sometimes over seveal pages) for future students to enjoy.
Also, another time i was babystting (for someone else - this lot didn't have a dog) & i got bored so i experimented by putting a carrot up my bum. When i had finished (by pouring my *** into their shampoo bottles) i put the carrot back into their fridge!!!
I've also sucked a friends **** while they were passed out drunk. They still don't know to this day!!!
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
SELF-MASTERY
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^^^ Dude that has to be the best piece of fiction on this site..... besides all of these dragonball z fans claiming to be dj's...
typical
Master Don Juan
LOL HAHA :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:SELF-MASTERY said:^^^ Dude that has to be the best piece of fiction on this site..... besides all of these dragonball z fans claiming to be dj's...
qweretyuiopas
Master Don Juan
omgsandinista said:
lmao aww man that made me cry it was so funny :crackup:Bad_Lil'Pixie
Senior Don Juan
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A position if the sport: softball. The base located directly opposite the home plate.SELF-MASTERY said:
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
SELF-MASTERY
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Damn I'm sick of this thread and I created it.........
Heh, i've done some silly things, mainly while drinking of course.
Off the top, I can remember (though just barely) doing a shot of turps, meths then kerosene one after the other. Household solvents to alcohol are like amps to guitars, makes it a whole lot better!
Seriously though, I don't recommend it.
Off the top, I can remember (though just barely) doing a shot of turps, meths then kerosene one after the other. Household solvents to alcohol are like amps to guitars, makes it a whole lot better!
Seriously though, I don't recommend it.
diplomatic_lies
Master Don Juan
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I masturbated during my finals exam at school. See, I thought wanking would improve my mental skills (turns out I was wrong), but I forgot to wank before the exam. So during the exam, I put a jacket over my crotch and started beating it.
The catch is, one girl next to me kept looking at me. After the exam, when we were leaving the classroom, this girl comes up to me and goes "Didn't know maths could be so stimulating".
(Yep, I got caught)
The catch is, one girl next to me kept looking at me. After the exam, when we were leaving the classroom, this girl comes up to me and goes "Didn't know maths could be so stimulating".
(Yep, I got caught)
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
hilarious
My stuff isn't that bad but I guess it could be considered embarassing.
I've masturbated in public restrooms twice. One time was when I was in class and I got horny and rubbed one out in the public bathroom then came back. The other time I was at work and saw a hot chick and got horny, so I ran to the public restroom, rubbed one out, then went back to work.
I've gotten caught by my mom masturbating once.
I was at the beach with a chick and we were walking by the ocean holding hands. Not a big deal but then I popped wood and it was real obvious as I was wearing swimming trunks and the beach was crowded.
I've taken a shower at 24 hour fitness.
At another trip to the gym, I got lost on the way to the shower since I didn't have my glasses and couldn't see anything and the next thing I know, I'm at the pool as##ole naked.
I was drunk and passed out on a couch at a bar a few years back and I threw up all over myself and passed back out, stewing in my own vomit for a while. When my friend went and got me up, my clothes were soaked in my own vomit, then I threw up once again right in front of the car.
Another drunken moment, I was a passenger seat in my own car while my friend was driving. I got sick so I rolled the window down and stuck my head out the window to throw up, but the wind blew the throwup back into the car, staining everything in the car. I had to get it interior detailed the next day.
My stuff isn't that bad but I guess it could be considered embarassing.
I've masturbated in public restrooms twice. One time was when I was in class and I got horny and rubbed one out in the public bathroom then came back. The other time I was at work and saw a hot chick and got horny, so I ran to the public restroom, rubbed one out, then went back to work.
I've gotten caught by my mom masturbating once.
I was at the beach with a chick and we were walking by the ocean holding hands. Not a big deal but then I popped wood and it was real obvious as I was wearing swimming trunks and the beach was crowded.
I've taken a shower at 24 hour fitness.
At another trip to the gym, I got lost on the way to the shower since I didn't have my glasses and couldn't see anything and the next thing I know, I'm at the pool as##ole naked.
I was drunk and passed out on a couch at a bar a few years back and I threw up all over myself and passed back out, stewing in my own vomit for a while. When my friend went and got me up, my clothes were soaked in my own vomit, then I threw up once again right in front of the car.
Another drunken moment, I was a passenger seat in my own car while my friend was driving. I got sick so I rolled the window down and stuck my head out the window to throw up, but the wind blew the throwup back into the car, staining everything in the car. I had to get it interior detailed the next day.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
S1NN3R
Master Don Juan
I shot a man in Reno.....
Just to watch him diiiiieeeeee.
Just to watch him diiiiieeeeee.
SELF-MASTERY
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I use to have that picture the special olympics kid running through the finish line as my wall paper........Exp said:
SELF-MASTERY
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we should have another thread called the meanest thing you have ever done...
mean list---
+ I locked two hoes outside in the rain.... nasty *****es
+ I made a girl give me head for giving her a ride home. She didnt have any money and it was getting dark.. quid pro quo HO
+ I fked my friends two sisters, and dated them at the same time...
+ I called a mentally challenged kid rain man...
+ Renamed my korean friend wutang because he dresses like ny rappers did in the early 90's
+ Lost my friends ring that her mother gave her just before she died..... oops...
+ Fk the GF's of 2 of my former roomies... they were cheating on them and I just returned balance back to their relationships...
+ made out with this girl that my friend met off of the internet----- he shouldn't have left her alone with me......... I told him and he was cool...
+ I told a girl that her father beat her mother because she ruined their once happy marriage. Shyt he didn't start beating her until she was born.......
+ I told a girl that her best friend was more attractive, and to hook me up with her..... This was after I had "dated" her for a few weeks.......
I'm sure I have more stories......
I repent for my sins.......
mean list---
+ I locked two hoes outside in the rain.... nasty *****es
+ I made a girl give me head for giving her a ride home. She didnt have any money and it was getting dark.. quid pro quo HO
+ I fked my friends two sisters, and dated them at the same time...
+ I called a mentally challenged kid rain man...
+ Renamed my korean friend wutang because he dresses like ny rappers did in the early 90's
+ Lost my friends ring that her mother gave her just before she died..... oops...
+ Fk the GF's of 2 of my former roomies... they were cheating on them
and I just returned balance back to their relationships...+ made out with this girl that my friend met off of the internet----- he shouldn't have left her alone with me......... I told him and he was cool...
+ I told a girl that her father beat her mother because she ruined their once happy marriage. Shyt he didn't start beating her until she was born.......
+ I told a girl that her best friend was more attractive, and to hook me up with her..... This was after I had "dated" her for a few weeks.......
I'm sure I have more stories......
I repent for my sins.......
Bad_Lil'Pixie
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We were asked to dog sit for our friends' prize sh*tzu (dog) for a few months while they built their new home.
Every night Mr. Pix would come home and grab a beer or two. He always gave the dog about the last inch in each bottle.
When the dog went back home it was a drunk. They took her to the vet and were told it was trauma from the move making her act that way. LOL
She just wanted a beer!
We never told them. Now, when they come over the dog just LOVES Mr. Pix and follows him like a shadow. LOL
They always say things like "Oh, she's never taken to someone like she does you." So far Mr. Pix and I have kept a straight face.
Every night Mr. Pix would come home and grab a beer or two. He always gave the dog about the last inch in each bottle.
When the dog went back home it was a drunk. They took her to the vet and were told it was trauma from the move making her act that way. LOL
She just wanted a beer!
We never told them. Now, when they come over the dog just LOVES Mr. Pix and follows him like a shadow. LOL
They always say things like "Oh, she's never taken to someone like she does you." So far Mr. Pix and I have kept a straight face.
SELF-MASTERY
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I forgot one----
I use to kick my cousins dog in the stomach.......
I use to kick my cousins dog in the stomach.......
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.