The most confident way to ask a woman out via text

[BillyPilgrim]

Classic example of analysis paralysis. All you need to say is "hey, what are you doing this weekend? Do you want to grab a drink?" If she's interested, she will say yes. If she isn't, she will come up with an excuse. It's not rocket science.


Why would you say that? Do you really think that she will be worried if she can't? I can assure you that she won't be.

It's analysis paralysis bc the OP doesn't have very good game. In a case like this where the chick has lukewarm interest you want to value-add with the comms. Make the date pitch funny or interesting, throw a dhv in there if you can, while making the text casual and short. Easier said than done but that's the ideal.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Been very sporadically talking to a chick I met about three months ago through a friend. Super hot, super nice, super great chemistry between us in person. Extremely difficult woman to feel out though overall as far as if she's really into me at all. It's been stressful gaming her the few times I've seen her in person. Finally about a month ago I got her number and texted her about something casually to feel her out. Unfortunately I was met with some flat responses, some of which even included misspellings which I found quite odd, though if nothing else, she did continue to text a few times to finish up the convo even when not asked anything. Still, I was somewhat turned off and decided she wasn't worth asking out. I texted her one more time a week later and again was given a flat/brief response, also with a misspelling. I ended up privately speaking to someone who knows her a bit though who told me she is a "very dry texter". I find that weird considering how normal and chatty she is in person, but I digress.

Don't be too alarmed about the dry texting.

Believe it or not, even in today's age, some folks are better verbal communicators than texters.

Case point, a few weeks ago, a chick I met at the airport (she works there) showed interest in me and I gave her my number.

I went Mode One on her and she passed the test.

Long story short, she ain't a texter..hardly at all.

She is wayyy more social and outgoing in person and even over the phone, but she told me that texting just ain't her thang.

In fact, I have another homegirl that don't like texting because "people who like to text usually have something to hide" (her bullshiit logic, not mines).

I said all that to say, don't trip on the dry texting too much...it just simply ain't a preference for some folks.
.......

In conclusion I've decided though that I have nothing to lose and am going to ask her out anyway just to see what she says. I want to craft up a bit of a strong yet casual text offer, but I'm still brainstorming. Usually never think this hard about asking a chick out, and I know if she's really interested in a romantic way she'll go anyway, but I just feel like there's a little weirdness about this chick so I want to make her as comfortable as I can. Right now I have something that goes like this: "So what would you think about grabbing a drink next week? I know a fun spot. No worries if you can't"

Any thoughts or advice on the matter much appreciated..

I am direct guy, so I can only give direct advice.

First, determine what kind of relationship you want to have with her...and then ask (request) for her to join you in such a relationship.

This can be accomplished before any paid meet & greet dates.

Never take a woman out on a paid date until a woman accepts your "relationship" requests...or unless she is at the very least open to it.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

"Hey I barely know you, I'm looking for a fvck buddy, do you accept?" Nice way to step on your d!ck.

Nice way to misrepresent what I'm saying, junior.

You're assuming that direct means "explicit", but it doesn't.

You can be direct without being explicit..so, instead of saying that bullshiit you said above (however, there is a time and place for that approach, just not in this case), the OP could say, if he is looking for a fuk buddy relationship with her..

"I'm not looking for anything serious at the moment, but I'd like to share your sexual (and/or) intimate companionship next weekend" (or whenever).

See the difference, junior?

No X-rated language is required to get the point across to her, that you wanna SMASH.

Not all women are as dirty as the ones you date dude.

Yeah, because the women you date are so holistically wholesome, and so innocent in their minds, bodies, and spirits.

Foh.

He can be direct but not desperate like you.

When go to a restaurant and order your food, you are direct about what you want to order right?

Are you vague and ambiguous about what you order? No.

Does that mean you are desperate (starving)? No.

So, have that same courage and confidence in your dating life.

Grow some balls, and be a man...for a change.

But this is all high level shiit that most men ain't ready for.

It takes a certain caliber of man to reach those levels of enlightenment.

Doesn't seem like the best fit for you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

She's probably got a guy already, but you would have known that a long time ago if you hadn't been so averse to being direct. You should have just sent her that text (link to spam bullsh1t) asking her out as soon as you got her number.

Great, now we get spam links embedded in our posts, as if I was the one who put it there. This web site sinks a little lower every day.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

"Excuse me miss, I will be home next weekend, but would you care to share your vaggine with me and have companionship"
Hahaha this forum never fails to humor me. Are you Indian?

So basically, what you're saying is..

"I'm not attractive enough for a woman to want to jump my bones shortly after she encounters me."

If you want to laugh at something, laugh at that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"Are you up for grabbing drinks sometime?" Or "Let's grab drinks Friday night".

Realistically it doesn't matter. She already knows if she is going to say yes or not. You trying to figure out the best way to ask her is meaningless.

It won't change the answer.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

She's 100% single. Thanks.

That is a steep leap of faith thing to say with such conviction until you really dig deep in her drawer. Keep one foot grounded in the basics.

Women who want to spend time with you will make themselves available to you. It's really that simple. Maybe this one needs some fine-tuning or maybe she doesn’t. Remember most chicks want to have escapades from the rat race matrix once in while too. Be that spontaneous son of a gun that will leave a mark.

Shoot her a picture of you enjoying a glass of wine somewhere with a cinematic view or even in your own home with a nice background. Just write “Come join me”. Pull a 360 from all the other men that ask her. Women tend to get off on you leading. Most likely she will put up the b!tch shield but you never know until you shoot your shot.

Nothing you do will ever game a girl for you as well or as much as her own imagination.

If you keep getting lazy forced txts with resistance just burn the lead to the ground and move on.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

This thread is a few days old now - did you ever end up asking her out??

And yeah, like other said, you spent too much time texting this chick. Texting KILLS attraction. The only reason women typically give you the number - assuming they're interested - is so you can call or text them for a DATE. Most women are annoyed by men who text them casually just to text. All they're thinking is, "dude, get to the point, I KNOW you want to bang me so just ask me out." And when you don't? Well, he who hesitates... you get the idea.

Simple way to ask any woman out: "Hey ____, was thinking we should meet up to do ______, I'm free (day 1) or (day 2), lmk what works for you." Boom! Done! Super easy!

 

[JST8828]

She just got back from a trip the night before, so I texted her
"So was (trip location) all you had hoped for? Looks like I'm not going to be running into (store name that she works at where I've seen her most lately) anytime soon. What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip? My treat"

She responds by saying "It was amazing! I'm busy this week but maybe next"

I simply wrote "Sounds good, let me know when you're free"

And that was that. Nothing else. No specific day mentioned, no real enthusiasm about my offer. Could have asked her specifically when she's free next week but I didn't want to come off at all desperate. Oh well. Win some you lose some. Next...

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Straight up, brother. You are just the lesser guy on her roster. Not only did she not bother ask on that text anything related to your mere existence, she put you on the rock bottom of her priorities without batting an eye. Avoid sailing into orbiter waters. This chick got her attention somewhere else. Fvck it. Her loss. You nod where other men would sob. You might not see it now, but this is God’s work for your emotional resiliency and to have a bird’s eye view on low interest women.

Like I wrote you up there
Women who want you, will make themselves available to you. If shes dodging you, she doesn't like you. And there is little to nothing you can do to change her mind on that. Screen, don't convert.

 

[Smartone84]

These are the types of chicks that will reach back out trying to flirt once their higher orbiters are lost. Maintain frame though. Don’t ever forget that she originally took a sh-t on your offer to take her out.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

She just got back from a trip the night before, so I texted her
"So was (trip location) all you had hoped for? Looks like I'm not going to be running into (store name that she works at where I've seen her most lately) anytime soon. What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip? My treat"

She responds by saying "It was amazing! I'm busy this week but maybe next"

I simply wrote "Sounds good, let me know when you're free"

And that was that. Nothing else. No specific day mentioned, no real enthusiasm about my offer. Could have asked her specifically when she's free next week but I didn't want to come off at all desperate. Oh well. Win some you lose some. Next...

This text was way too long, and framed in a way that put her in control. No bueno.

Let's break it down:

"So was (trip) all you had hoped for?"

This was not a necessary question. You don't really care about her trip like that, you just want to get with her. At best, you could have said "Hey, welcome back!" Aside from that, though, IF you were going to ask her this question, you should have sent it as a solo text. You basically sent 4 different text to her in ONE text. On a phone, I have found the longer a text reads, the more desperate you look to women. Your text shouldn't be more than 3 to 4 lines long visually.

"Looks like I'm not going to be running into (location) anytime soon."

Why did you feel the need to tell her that? Again, it doesn't matter. Maybe you said it hoping she's read that and think "Man, if I want to see him, I'd better say 'yes' to this date." That's not how this works. Again, it was an unnecessary sentence which is causing you to get to the point of the text much later and only making it longer.

"What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip?"

Sentence-framing is important, and sending a request as a question makes you feel weak to women. I've had more success telling women I want to take them out vs. asking them IF they want to go out. The reason? One feels confident, and one feels like you're begging.

For example, I could use your questions and re-frame it as a sentence:

"Hey, welcome back! We should grab a drink and catch up to chat about your trip; I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, whichever works for you"

This version ASSUMES that her answer is already going to be 'yes' vs. your version which is basically giving the feeling of a man who hopes he isn't going to bother her too much by requesting her time.

"My treat."

If you're asking her out, this is already assumed, and thus isn't necessary.

Now, to be fair, you could have said it the way I just did and she still could have rejected you. But the probability is higher for success when you start coming at women from a position of confidence in everything you do. The more times you present yourself in ways that indicate you're too into her or putting her on a pedestal, the lower and lower your chances get each time you contact her of her wanting to go out with you.

 

[JST8828]

This text was way too long, and framed in a way that put her in control. No bueno.

Let's break it down:

"So was (trip) all you had hoped for?"

This was not a necessary question. You don't really care about her trip like that, you just want to get with her. At best, you could have said "Hey, welcome back!" Aside from that, though, IF you were going to ask her this question, you should have sent it as a solo text. You basically sent 4 different text to her in ONE text. On a phone, I have found the longer a text reads, the more desperate you look to women. Your text shouldn't be more than 3 to 4 lines long visually.

"Looks like I'm not going to be running into (location) anytime soon."

Why did you feel the need to tell her that? Again, it doesn't matter. Maybe you said it hoping she's read that and think "Man, if I want to see him, I'd better say 'yes' to this date." That's not how this works. Again, it was an unnecessary sentence which is causing you to get to the point of the text much later and only making it longer.

"What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip?"

Sentence-framing is important, and sending a request as a question makes you feel weak to women. I've had more success telling women I want to take them out vs. asking them IF they want to go out. The reason? One feels confident, and one feels like you're begging.

For example, I could use your questions and re-frame it as a sentence:

"Hey, welcome back! We should grab a drink and catch up to chat about your trip; I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, whichever works for you"

This version ASSUMES that her answer is already going to be 'yes' vs. your version which is basically giving the feeling of a man who hopes he isn't going to bother her too much by requesting her time.

"My treat."

If you're asking her out, this is already assumed, and thus isn't necessary.

Now, to be fair, you could have said it the way I just did and she still could have rejected you. But the probability is higher for success when you start coming at women from a position of confidence in everything you do. The more times you present yourself in ways that indicate you're too into her or putting her on a pedestal, the lower and lower your chances get each time you contact her of her wanting to go out with you.

I appreciate this breakdown and see where you're coming from. You make some great points, though I do feel its a little ballsy and putting a lot of pressure on which I'm sure women won't be crazy about if they're on the fence about you like this one definitely was. Assuming a woman is just going out with you (I.e. "We should grab drinks on Tues or Thurs. Whichever works for you") you as opposed to something a little less pressurized such as "We should grab a drink to catch up. Let me know what you think".

The only thing is with this woman is that in the grand scheme of things there really was very little rapport. As I mentioned, while we did meet a few months go, we really only interacted a handful of times, briefly, and then when it came to texting there were literally all of two conversations and about 7 total texts. I understand confidence is absolutely huge, but to go at her saying "We should grab a drink....", well I know it sounds a bit wild, but I just didn't feel like I was there with her yet. It just would have felt too forward. Like I also mentioned, this chick was a little weird and a bit socially awkward so it made progressing with her quickly kind of difficult. She also works in a store that I go to quite often and don't want to create any uncomfortable feelings there, so it was a slippery slope and this wasn't your average random chick you meet in a bar one night and then ask her out 48 hours later. Thanks.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Just a FYI.

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. Yore twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Simply checking her schedule first before proposing a plan drastically increases your chances of success.

Good stuff asking her out though even though the odds were really low.

 

[JST8828]

Just a FYI.

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. Yore twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Simply checking her schedule first before proposing a plan drastically increases your chances of success.

Good stuff asking her out though even though the odds were really low.

I kind of agree, but it still would be hard to believe a woman that’s truly interested wouldnt counter in some form. it’s also not like I asked her for one specific day. what would your text have looked like?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She just got back from a trip the night before, so I texted her
"So was (trip location) all you had hoped for? Looks like I'm not going to be running into (store name that she works at where I've seen her most lately) anytime soon. What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip? My treat"

She responds by saying "It was amazing! I'm busy this week but maybe next"

I simply wrote "Sounds good, let me know when you're free"

And that was that. Nothing else. No specific day mentioned, no real enthusiasm about my offer. Could have asked her specifically when she's free next week but I didn't want to come off at all desperate. Oh well. Win some you lose some. Next...

When I said it didn't matter what you say when you ask her, that didn't include being a supplicating beggar...

Yikes.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I kind of agree, but it still would be hard to believe a woman that’s truly interested wouldnt counter in some form. it’s also not like I asked her for one specific day. what would your text have looked like?

I wouldn’t have texted her. She had to invest a little bit before I asked to hang out and I mentioned in the first post. After 2 initiations it would have been hard to get off the hole you digged. Other members may have a different mentality to increase the odds or decrease the time spend on this girl, however, I don’t think there were any words that you could have said for her to agree to a meet up.

Try going after high interest women since they are subtitle to your influence. Again, if she really was interested to see you she would move mountains to see you whatever day you picked (get a babysitter, call in sick, tell the husband to beat it, etc).

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Just a FYI.

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. Yore twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Simply checking her schedule first before proposing a plan drastically increases your chances of success.

Good stuff asking her out though even though the odds were really low.

If this has worked for you, then by all means keep doing it. However, in all my years of dating and being in relationships (including the woman I'm engaged to now), I've gotten far more yeses for dates by NOT asking what their schedule is.

I frame my ask the way I said the OP should do it: I tell them I want to take them out, and I give them the option of 2 days that I'M available. Now, if she can't do either days that's fine and she's free to suggest a day that would work better... but why do I do it this way?

Simple: because I want HER making time for a date based on MY schedule, not hers.

It's a power dynamic play. Of the two of you, you should be the leader, which is what she wants you to be. Therefore, she should be trying to fit her life into YOUR schedule (i.e. follow your lead and when YOU have time for her), not the other way around.

You give them the option of 2 days so it makes them feel like they have power of choice. That also lets them know you're free more than one day, so if those days don't work for her you're possibly open to another day.

This is just one small example of communication dynamics that men don't understand. For women, who are great at picking up passive language and social cues (as a generality), you don't have to spell out everything for them in order to have good communication. In this case, you don't have to use word salad to get them on a date by saying ALL the things like "hey I want to take you out and I want to make sure you're ok with where we go and what we do and oh by the way can you check your schedule to see if you can fit me into it?"

Less words = more power. "Hey, we should get drinks, I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, lmk".

Lastly, the real reason asking her schedule is a waste of time is because WOMEN WILL ALWAYS BREAK THEIR SCHEDULE FOR MEN THEY LIKE. And for men they don't like, they'll bring up a scheduling conflict of their own accord. Either way, it again means you don't have to ask them about it because their answer to you will let you know if they feel you're worth their time.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If this has worked for you, then by all means keep doing it. However, in all my years of dating and being in relationships (including the woman I'm engaged to now), I've gotten far more yeses for dates by NOT asking what their schedule is.

I frame my ask the way I said the OP should do it: I tell them I want to take them out, and I give them the option of 2 days that I'M available. Now, if she can't do either days that's fine and she's free to suggest a day that would work better... but why do I do it this way?

Simple: because I want HER making time for a date based on MY schedule, not hers.

It's a power dynamic play. Of the two of you, you should be the leader, which is what she wants you to be. Therefore, she should be trying to fit her life into YOUR schedule (i.e. follow your lead and when YOU have time for her), not the other way around.

You give them the option of 2 days so it makes them feel like they have power of choice. That also lets them know you're free more than one day, so if those days don't work for her you're possibly open to another day.

This is just one small example of communication dynamics that men don't understand. For women, who are great at picking up passive language and social cues (as a generality), you don't have to spell out everything for them in order to have good communication. In this case, you don't have to use word salad to get them on a date by saying ALL the things like "hey I want to take you out and I want to make sure you're ok with where we go and what we do and oh by the way can you check your schedule to see if you can fit me into it?"

Less words = more power. "Hey, we should get drinks, I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, lmk".

Lastly, the real reason asking her schedule is a waste of time is because WOMEN WILL ALWAYS BREAK THEIR SCHEDULE FOR MEN THEY LIKE. And for men they don't like, they'll bring up a scheduling conflict of their own accord. Either way, it again means you don't have to ask them about it because their answer to you will let you know if they feel you're worth their time.

This is a hypothetical outcome tree of how the texting would be if you asked for her schedule and didn’t?

Scenario 1 (asking for her schedule):
Clockwerk50: How's your schedule looking this weekend?
Her: I don't have anything planned, I might be busy, why?
Clockwerk50: We should get drinks together this weekend.
Her: I can't, my grandma is sick. I have to go see her.

Scenario 2 (asking for her schedule):
Clockwerk50: How's your schedule looking this weekend?
Her: I don't Mr. Clockwerk, how about you?
Clockwerk50: We should get drinks together this weekend.
Her: Yes, for sure! I can't wait

Scenario 3 (giving two options):
Clockwerk50: Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know.
Her: Not sure, my friend might want to schedule something. I'll let you know!

Scenario 4 (giving two options):
Clockwerk50: Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know.
Her: Yes, for sure! Le & know what time.

Scenario 5 (she makes herself accessible):
Her: Hey Clockwerk, I have something to do this weekend but let me know if you can meet so l can cancel it.

Her level of interest dictates the outcome, not the wording. If she likes you, she'll make time - if not, she'll flake or stall. Asking for her schedule doesn't mean you're not leading, you still have to propose a date and plan.

Remember, seduction is the process of drawing people in, making them want to peruse you and possess you. If women are not trying then you are doing something wrong.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Her level of interest dictates the outcome, not the wording. If she likes you, she'll make time - if not, she'll flake or stall. Asking for her schedule doesn't mean you're not leading, you still have to propose a date and plan.

Yeeeeah no. Wording absolutely matters, especially to women. Women don’t make decisions in a vacuum—how you phrase your invite affects how she perceives you.

Your argument assumes her interest is fixed, but attraction is fluid. A confident, well-worded invite can increase her interest, while a weak or passive one can change her impression of you and completely kill her desire. For exmaple:

• Giving the option of two days makes you the decision-maker; asking for her schedule puts you in a passive position, subtly seeking her approval. For most women, that's a turn-off
• “What’s your schedule like?” makes her think too much. “I’m free Tuesday or Friday, let me know” makes it easy—she just picks or counters. Leaving it open to her gives her too many options, which can hinder her from picking anything.
• You literally proved my point in your own example: “Hey, I have something to do this weekend, but let me know if you can meet so I can cancel it.” That’s exactly why giving set options works. If she’s into you, she’ll adjust. If she’s not, she’ll stall or say no—either way, you don’t need to ask her schedule.

If interest was the only factor, guys wouldn’t see better results just by changing how they word their texts. But they do, and that’s proof wording matters.