Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

The lonely life of the player

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,936
Reaction score
12,147
Location
DFW, TX
I see this happen to a lot of guys as well, sh1t im only 26 too. Most of my friends who I used to game with on the weekends ALL got married. It's like once 24-25 set in, they realized "Oh wow, I really need to have a kid and get married or ill die alone." I think it's been accelerated a bit, the "die alone" concept, because social medial romanticizes getting married "young" and chastises the player life.

I'm half and half. I know I don't want to get married, nor do I care about dying alone. I think that's utter bullsh1t. I had to do a geriatrics rotation in med school, and the guy who I had to check up on was a 73 year old bachelor, very rich, and never married. The guy could NOT be happier. He said the one thing you have to do is make sure to always have purpose in life. He still worked a bit, always made time for friends, and never felt lonely. He was very real too. He said it was foolish to get married. Kids and a wife will drain you of your soul and money , as he said. I believe him. I don't even know half my friends anymore because they are legit stitched at the hip to their wives, for no good reason. Hell, one girl almost broke up a friendship him and my buddy have had for 10+ years and she has only been around a few months.
Women can fall in love with you when you lose blue pill programs. And they will fight for you.
 
Last edited:

eli77

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 7, 2013
Messages
2,047
Reaction score
415
Location
Miami fl
The man I have been dating has the same perspective as the OP. The player’s life can be lonely, empty & meaningless. But for men who haven’t reached player status it’s romanticized and sought after to such a degree that men who haven’t been there won’t believe you.

They can’t. They don’t realize how other people will use the player for their own aims, they don’t know that pursuit of sexual pleasure for pleasure’s sake deprives you of meaningful connection with another human being, and they are short sighted.

I’ve known many players over the years personally as friends. I married one & I’m seeing one now almost 2 years in.

Today my BF was telling me about his best friend. The best friend is tall, great looking, successful and a good man. He’s in his early 50s and has no issue attracting women. He’s so over endless rotations of plates. He has no companionship, nobody who knows his “story” as Paul Zanka would put it, no wife, no kids, etc. His friends have families and meaningful relationships in their lives and his friends don’t have meaningful time to spend with him because they have more fulfilled lives with their family.

He is disillusioned. A man I know is in the exact same boat. He’s a retired professional athlete, successful, handsome & great looking...mid 50s as well, and also a lifelong bachelor. Exact same feeling about his life. Like he’s missed the boat chasing pleasure and missed out on meaning. It’s sad. That time is gone for good. But 20 years ago neither one of these men would have thought this is how they would feel in their 50s.

My guy is seeing that same writing on the wall. He worries about growing old alone. Even though women flock to him. He has few real friends. My ex husband struggles with it too. Same thing. Loneliness and few friends & waning desire to endlessly chase women.

Maybe it’s that men hit the wall roughly 10 years later than women...but age comes for us all eventually.

I like what Jordan Peterson has to say on the subject. Seek meaning instead of pleasure...but pleasure is a most seductive pursuit, so it’s tough when the disillusionment sets in.
well said
 

Epicwinguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 20, 2016
Messages
767
Reaction score
358
Age
31
Do you not need many friends to hook up with young women?
 

Hal9000

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 2, 2019
Messages
741
Reaction score
1,095
I tend to agree with the OP. I kind of fell into it for a few years and it was fun for a while but, ultimately, pretty unfulfilling and, unless you were getting called for sex, lonely.
 

Sneaky Pete

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 18, 2017
Messages
73
Reaction score
14
Age
32
Location
Chicago
I tend to agree with the OP. I kind of fell into it for a few years and it was fun for a while but, ultimately, pretty unfulfilling and, unless you were getting called for sex, lonely.
That’s not lonely in my book.
 

PeasantPlayer

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 20, 2013
Messages
3,122
Reaction score
959
Only a few great people can handle being alone. The majority will dive in to mediocrity, if you don't plan on being a legend getting married is sufficient
 

HOOVERMEBABY

Don Juan
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
19
Reaction score
27
Age
52
When men say or use the word "lonely" what they really mean is a life of unfulfillment.Well I am sorry my friend but women will not bring that never find your worth in a woman or anyone for that matter.People are woefully imperfect creatures that is why such things as a unicorn do not exist.Denying yourself and helping others brings fulfillment.I was married for 17 years and a player for 11 years slept with many women,but was most happy when I was alone volunteering and pursuing my religious beliefs it sounds crazy but being "lonely" has nothing to do with women or whether or not you have any friends even.The loneliest men I know are in bad marriages.Being lonely or not is an inside job.
 

zekko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 6, 2009
Messages
15,860
Reaction score
8,563
Fair question. It's all relative. There are some solid, reliable women out there who will have their man's back, even or especially after many years. A lot of that depends on the type of man as much as the woman though.
While we're on this subject, I was watching a documentary on the Donner party last week. The Donner party was a group of settlers traveling west to California in the 1800s, who got caught in the mountains in a severe winter. Some starved and some resorted to cannibalism. Anyway:

I was impressed by the devotion of Tamsen Donner to her husband, George. Especially in light of all the "women will leave their man at the drop of a hat" attitude that you read here. There was a rescue party come to escort survivors out of the mountains, but George was too sick to travel, and was near death (infection from a gangrenous hand). Tamsen refused to leave her husband to die alone, and stayed back with him, sending her children off with the rescuers. That really surprises me, because usually women will choose her children over her husband (and probably rightfully so). But she stayed behind, and her husband died shortly afterward. She supposedly died of hypothermia after trying to leave the mountains on her own.
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
4,614
Reaction score
6,452
Age
55
OK maybe lonely is the wrong word but jumping from bed to bed for nothing but NSA sex does, believe it or not, get boring. At least it did for me.
That’s the essence of what various player/playboy types tell me. After a while it’s another pretty face, and another body. Big deal. No connection and often not even likeable as a person. These guys get disconnected from themselves and their own emotions when they have been so promiscuous that sex is no longer associated with love. It makes it tough for them to bond and it’s too easy to NEXT at the first sign of trouble in any interaction.

Then they become jealous of people around them who do have depth in a relationship because they no longer have any real concept of what intimacy is, if they ever knew in the first place.

It’s a whole different mind set to get to know one person deeply and allow yourself also to be known than jumping from bed to bed to bed.

I’m not shaming or judging here. These are sentiments men who have expressed where they feel like they are missing an important piece of a good life.

The hockey player and my BFs friend are both businessmen with drive and purpose. Both passionate and successful in what they do...yet both are envious of those around them with families and solid relationships/companionship.

Some men are fine spinning plates for life...but many yearn for something deeper than that at the end of the day.

And there do exist great women for those deeper relationships. Rare, but out there.
 

greatsnake

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 19, 2017
Messages
656
Reaction score
315
Age
34
It is the road less traveled on, to be quite honest. It’s normal though to battle that feeling of loneliness.
 

Mike32ct

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 22, 2007
Messages
7,994
Reaction score
4,495
Location
Eastern Time Zone where it's always really late
These guys get disconnected from themselves and their own emotions when they have been so promiscuous that sex is no longer associated with love. It makes it tough for them to bond and it’s too easy to NEXT at the first sign of trouble in any interaction.
Agreed.

But according to standard SS wisdom, only women with multiple partners are unable to bond. Some mega-player guy with 2M partners remains completely unaffected just because he’s a guy.

<sarcasm lol>
 
Last edited:

PeasantPlayer

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 20, 2013
Messages
3,122
Reaction score
959
There are times when jealousy creeps in when friends are in relationships, you wonder if the choice you made is actually right for you. Then reality kicks in and you see the sporadic bickering, the fake love and finally you notice that the majority of these couples cheat on each other
 

PeasantPlayer

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 20, 2013
Messages
3,122
Reaction score
959
Most of my loneliness has to do with unfullfillment, before I thought it was caused by a lack of care and bonding from another person,but when I dug deeper I started to realize it was a nagging unfullfillment in my hero's journey. This lead me to a relationship with patience which I am cultivating
 

Spaz

Banned
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
8,441
Reaction score
6,932
Most of my loneliness has to do with unfullfillment, before I thought it was caused by a lack of care and bonding from another person,but when I dug deeper I started to realize it was a nagging unfullfillment in my hero's journey. This lead me to a relationship with patience which I am cultivating
It's impossible to be lonely in the modern world with all the gadgetry available at the tip of ur fingers.

Boring with daily life? Fly off to some exotic island and go scuba diving. Enjoy the fresh air and the sun.

Boring with women? Take up mountain biking. And then when those dangerous toys get boring, return back to playing women.

Bored of being poor? Be brave and dare to change, every time you fall pick urself up, eventually you'll get there and people will help you towards that end because who can refuse help for a hardworking man trying to make a living.

The only lonely people are those people that's truly lazy.

Even social awkward persons or nerds can have a full social life when they focus on the right settings.

Just don't be lazy.
 

HOOVERMEBABY

Don Juan
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
19
Reaction score
27
Age
52
Anything can get boring if you're unfulfilled
If you really want to get hardcore about not being lonely then pursue inner peace and joy not happiness but joy.When you have inner peace and joy then loneliness cannot exist.The way you can get complete joy is by selling everything you have and giving it to the poor.This is a spiritual thing not a physical one that's why it seems not to make sense.This is what Jesus preached and it works but again very few people do it because it is hardcore the reward God gives you is peace and joy along with other rewards and blessings.When you deny yourself you transcend money,women,possesions and most importantly you transcend yourself...that is the only true worship and the only true peace.
 
Top