The idea that rejection is nothing personal

[SW15]

@GoodMan32

Earlier in this thread, @BeExcellent gave you an assignment to work on your in-person interactions. She gave that assignment on April 21. Have you completed it yet? It's rather basic.

When she said what she said, I called it a "decent assignment".

The idea that rejection is nothing personal

You really cannot because we are all human at the end of the day. Even rejections that builds us up is hard to take in. If you tell me that being rejected does not phase you then I know you are lying to me. No because I do not like being told that I am unattractive/undatable by women that I...

www.sosuave.net

 

[BeExcellent]

Hell its Restaurant Week this week in PHX metro. Lots of places running specials, lots of people out & about.

 

[GoodMan32]

@SW15: When I mention offline askouts, I'm talking about a combination of gals I've known as well as gals I haven't known.

In the instances where we didn't know each other, the hypothesis that I failed to demonstrate enough value in our limited interaction is totally probable.

In the instances where we already knew each other, on the other hand, I had plenty of time to demonstrate any potential value. The problem there was that, even after getting to know me, they still thought I lacked value.

 

[GoodMan32]

@GoodMan32

Earlier in this thread, @BeExcellent gave you an assignment to work on your in-person interactions. She gave that assignment on April 21. Have you completed it yet? It's rather basic.

When she said what she said, I called it a "decent assignment".

The idea that rejection is nothing personal

You really cannot because we are all human at the end of the day. Even rejections that builds us up is hard to take in. If you tell me that being rejected does not phase you then I know you are lying to me. No because I do not like being told that I am unattractive/undatable by women that I...

www.sosuave.net

I haven't done the assignment of going to eat dinner at a bar locally.

I mentioned on an earlier post, however, that I ate dinner at a bar on a trip to Texas (and no one said a word to me at the bar)

 

[Mike32ct]

I haven't done the assignment of going to eat dinner at a bar locally.

I mentioned on an earlier post, however, that I ate dinner at a bar on a trip to Texas (and no one said a word to me at the bar)

Eating alone at a bar should be easy. Can watch the tv screens in between if you’re bored. Just keep your phone use to an absolute minimum.

 

[SW15]

I ate dinner at a bar on a trip to Texas (and no one said a word to me at the bar)

I remember it now that you mention it here.

Anyone would likely feel insignificant doing something like that.

In the instances where we didn't know each other, the hypothesis that I failed to demonstrate enough value in our limited interaction is totally probable.

Approaching strangers is a common thing. More of this thread and more chatter on SoSuave in general is about approaching strangers.

Approaching strangers and arranging dates from doing that is a challenging task. It's going to take a lot of conversations to make that happen. It's inefficient by nature. It's the loose equivalent of cold calling for sales in a job.

In the instances where we already knew each other, on the other hand, I had plenty of time to demonstrate any potential value. The problem there was that, even after getting to know me, they still thought I lacked value.

That doesn't sound like an approach to me. It sounds like some variant of social circle game. You likely did weaker forms of social circle game (not all social circle game is created equal). Some might call this warm approach.

In these scenarios, the women didn't see value. There are beta males that will show enough value on an easier grading scale than a cold approach and end up with girlfriends from this.

 

[GoodMan32]

Eating alone at a bar should be easy. Can watch the tv screens in between if you’re bored. Just keep your phone use to an absolute minimum.

I didn't use my phone at all when I dined at a bar on my Texas trip.

I remember it now that you mention it here.

Anyone would likely feel insignificant doing something like that.



Approaching strangers is a common thing. More of this thread and more chatter on SoSuave in general is about approaching strangers.

Approaching strangers and arranging dates from doing that is a challenging task. It's going to take a lot of conversations to make that happen. It's inefficient by nature. It's the loose equivalent of cold calling for sales in a job.



That doesn't sound like an approach to me. It sounds like some variant of social circle game. You likely did weaker forms of social circle game (not all social circle game is created equal). Some might call this warm approach.

In these scenarios, the women didn't see value. There are beta males that will show enough value on an easier grading scale than a cold approach and end up with girlfriends from this.

With how challenging approaching strangers is (and with everything I have working against me to begin with), I suppose it's pretty impressive I got a cold approach woman to give me her number and come over my place within the next week or so...even if we never had sex, even if she brought a male friend to chaperone, and even if she compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer when she was inside my place.

 

[SW15]

I suppose it's pretty impressive I got a cold approach woman to give me her number and come over my place within the next week or so...even if we never had sex, even if she brought a male friend to chaperone, and even if she compared me to Jeffrey Dahmer when she was inside my place.

That's a bad story. It would benefit you to try to pretend that never happened.

With how challenging approaching strangers is (and with everything I have working against me to begin with)

Approaching strangers is very difficult for most men for many reasons that have been discussed and will continued to be discussed on forum threads.

I didn't use my phone at all when I dined at a bar on my Texas trip.

That's a good idea.

 

[corrector]

The fact I might get laid off soon, or the woman might change jobs soon, isn't a good enough reason to do an askout

If you were 100% getting laid off soon, would that change the dynamic with you? Last week/few days/day on your job...would you ask her out?

 

[BaronOfHair]

In the instances where we already knew each other, on the other hand, I had plenty of time to demonstrate any potential value. The problem there was that, even after getting to know me, they still thought I lacked value.

Possible strategy, GM:

Interview these gals, and ask them what aspects of your behavior, speech, dress, etc etc, led them to conclude: "This guy is a dic-wad". Then either modify all that sh-t, or/and adopt more adaptive behaviors

 

[SW15]

adopt more adaptive behaviors

Getting shredded at the gym is the most adaptive behavior.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Getting shredded at the gym is the most adaptive behavior.

Self-respect is essential, it's true

 

[SW15]

Interview these gals, and ask them what aspects of your behavior, speech, dress, etc etc, led them to conclude: "This guy is a dic-wad".

There's limited value in doing that. What women say they want and what women actually want aren't the same thing.

Old school PUA Ross Jeffries mentioned this on a talk show in 1992. Ross had the perfect attitude in 1992. He didn't care what women wanted. He only cared what women sexually responded to.

Women respond most enthusiastically to a fit/muscular physique. The top tier guy in the USA and most Western cultures is a 6'0"+ man who is fit/muscular. While height can't be fixed (for the most part), a guy can get shredded from lifting weights at the gym and sports participation.

I think a better use of time instead of doing these interviews is to get on a dedicated weight lifting program.

He could get something out of interviews if he did his interviews the right way (also a challenge). I don't see any reality where those interviews would be as good as lifting progressively heavier weights and possibly supplementing with an enjoyable sport.

 

[GoodMan32]

If you were 100% getting laid off soon, would that change the dynamic with you? Last week/few days/day on your job...would you ask her out?

Totally.

If I knew I was about to get laid off, I'd then lose the phobia of having to run into any woman in my work building ever again.

Possible strategy, GM:

Interview these gals, and ask them what aspects of your behavior, speech, dress, etc etc, led them to conclude: "This guy is a dic-wad". Then either modify all that sh-t, or/and adopt more adaptive behaviors

Last time I asked a woman what I did to make her lose interest in me before our planned first date even happened, she threatened to rat me out to the cops if I say even one more word to her.

 

[GoodMan32]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's inherently a bad idea to ask what I'm doing wrong.

All I'm saying is I'm a tad reluctant, seeing as I came close to getting a criminal record last time I did that.

 

[SW15]

I don't think it's inherently a bad idea to ask what I'm doing wrong.

All I'm saying is I'm a tad reluctant, seeing as I came close to getting a criminal record last time I did that.

That happened because you did it improperly and gave off creepster vibes.

I don't even get harsh blowouts on my rejections. My rejections are mainly polite because I have above average looks and moderate-above average charisma. I haven't gotten IHAB'ed since the 2000s. I actually thought the IHAB was dead because it hadn't happened to me in so long but I saw some videos online of approachers getting IHAB'ed in recent years.

The severity of one's rejections on in-person approaches depends on their perceived looks tier and perceived charisma tier. That's a part of the personalization of rejections.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's inherently a bad idea to ask what I'm doing wrong.

All I'm saying is I'm a tad reluctant, seeing as I came close to getting a criminal record last time I did that.

That was then, this is now... I'm fairly certain you've peed yourself slightly when going to john at some point, yet I'm also banking that you didn't then resolve to go through life wetting your pants, just because of these occasional mishaps

 

[GoodMan32]

That happened because you did it improperly and gave off creepster vibes.

I don't even get harsh blowouts on my rejections. My rejections are mainly polite because I have above average looks and moderate-above average charisma. I haven't gotten IHAB'ed since the 2000s. I actually thought the IHAB was dead because it hadn't happened to me in so long but I saw some videos online of approachers getting IHAB'ed in recent years.

The severity of one's rejections on in-person approaches depends on their perceived looks tier and perceived charisma tier. That's a part of the personalization of rejections.

No matter what's been said on this forum about my looks, I remain adamant I'm above-average.

My charisma is what's holding me back moreso than looks.

As for IHAB, I've shared a story on the forum about a college classmate insisting I share an office chair with her in the computer lab, yet ultimately turning me down when I shot my shot. What I don't think I've mentioned on the forum is that her excuse was IHAB.

How strange to insist on sharing a single person seat with a guy who was about to pull up his own chair, yet then giving him IHAB when he shoots his shot.

That was then, this is now... I'm fairly certain you've peed yourself slightly when going to john at some point, yet I'm also banking that you didn't then resolve to go through life wetting your pants, just because of these occasional mishaps

Faulty analogy.

Wetting yourself leads to temporary embarrassment. A criminal record, on the other hand, is for life.

 

[BPH]

I see this thread is still going somehow.

Can someone give me a TL;DR on what's changed/what he's doing different?

Also, I see @New_Journey is banned. When/how did that happen?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Whether it or it isn’t doesn’t matter. The result is the same: the woman rejected the man.

OP wants a magic potion as if that exists in any other area of life.