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This is how guys should act. The hard part is rewarding yourself internally for pulling the plug on girls who are undateable, rather than thinking if you had some brilliant stratagem things could have gone differently.jophil28 said:...So I ring her bell at the agreed time and she opens the door in a towel, hair in rollers and talking on the phone to "suzie" - her best girl. I know Suzie - unfortunately. She is one of those women who are always "in trouble" with unavailable men. Suzie lives in a world of fantasy about married guys, dropkicks and playas.
SW continues to chat to Suzie up and down the hall as I circle the living room looking at the clock...
A switch flipped to OFF inside me. I slowly walked to her front door, opened it and walked to my Lexus in her drive and backed out. I guess that I drove for about five minutes before my phone rang. I ignored it. Two texts followed . Arrived at Bow Thai and ordered my favorite. Two more texts from SW and one VM. Jungle curry tasted great....
SW started calling again about 1am -this time with the assistance of a bottle of the Barossa Valleys finest Chardonnay. I'm watching the late movie. She was all "sorry that I held you up but Suzie was a mess...why did you walk out ?" She really did not see the serious disrespect in what she did. I just said thank you for the call and hung up.
I expect a call or ten from SW today after she has had time to concoct a defense and somehow shift the blame across to me...
I swear , they do not grow wiser as they grow older.
That is some wisdom .wait_out said:This is a theme at this point. I left my amazing-but-unstable BPD ex in the fall of 2008 and what got me out was finally putting my self-respect above my emotions. Girls pull all sorts of misbehaviour on guys from irritating, to manipulative, to abusive. It is important to assign blame where it is due. The problem is not always low interest levels or the guy not being 'alpha', some girls are egotistical or disrespectful and you are better off learning how to live without them while keeping your ego intact.
Well, you know what they say.Unlike 'normal' women, BPD women run away from impending intimacy with a guy. Then when she feels the distance (that she created) she panics and tries to draw him back into her web. Soon she again feels engulfed by the expectations of being in a couple, so she fakes up some nonsense to create a separation to relieve her feelings of being overwhelmed and trapped.. And the cycle repeats and repeats ...
As simple as this is it sums up the entirety of most AFCs problems. Victory Unlimited is fond of saying "anything you can't say NO to makes you it's slave", but that's only the symptom of the greater problem - why can't you say no?The more I read the more charged up I get and think to myself "Why the f*ck can't I do this too?!"
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Exactly right..Rollo Tomassi said:As simple as this is it sums up the entirety of most AFCs problems. Victory Unlimited is fond of saying "anything you can't say NO to makes you it's slave", but that's only the symptom of the greater problem - why can't you say no?
Guys don't follow through with being resolute (as JOPHIL is reporting here) because of fear. They fear not being able to get "as great a girl" as the one they're with again. They fear having to brave rejection again. They fear experiencing the emotional disconnect from someone they think they didn't deserve to get with in the first place. They fear losing their ONE soulmate.
+1 Fantastic thread!Buddha_Mind said:This thread was enlightening -- countless bits of gold. I can't agree more that 'rationalizing' a situation like this with a woman is a complete uphill battle, and really a self-dug grave. In fact, the deeper the conversation comes about these things, the more damage that is really done to the frame itself.
If Jophil (may we be thankful for his sharing of these experiences and all that he contributed here) had tried to rationalize with this woman through these issues, he would have volunteered over his frame -- and it would have been over anyways.
I entirely agree that relationship counseling and even a great deal of self-help books around the subject can be more destructive than anything else -- the advice promoted more often than not surrenders frame -- and from direct experience, relationship-based counseling has done direct harm to past relationships. It seems to allow for, just as was discussed in this thread, a sort of authority-via-proxy, a "headmaster" for the relationship itself -- and at that point it's fvcked already. Incredibly informative thread.
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